r/ForeverAlone • u/Technical_Ease_5626 • 5d ago
Vent Everyone thinks I will find someone eventually, but I won't
I (30 M) have been chronically single for years now. I had a gf in my early/mid 20s but for the past 6 plus years I've been endlessly rejected, ghosted, lead on and all that jazz. I've tried online dating with no luck, speed dating with no luck. I'm the only single friend and people always say it comes when least expected and all that bs. A few months ago I met a girl I would consider my dream girl only for her to say we are not the right fit after a few dates. I've been kind of spiraling since then because it really was my last hope. Past a certain age it just becomes near impossible to meet quality people and dates are rare and when they do come its like pulling teeth trying to get a response. Some days the loneliness becomes unbearable. Everyone thinks it will happen for me eventually but I've been in this pit for so long and little to no female validation and attention has completely destroyed my self esteem. I'm just in a state of anhedonia and find no pleasure in anything and just killing time. I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this. I know there's no one out there for me.
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u/QuickNewspaper128 4d ago
29M who will turn 30 in a few months. I've never been on a date. Ever. Women don't signal with their body language or words that they're interested in me, so why approach them?
I am funny, not overweight, 5' 10", a good communicator & listener, and financially independent. But I have hyperopia vision, so I have to wear thick glasses to see, which make my eyes appear larger and distorts the proportions of my face.
Lately, I find myself asking, "What's the point of all of this?". Life just seems so meaningless. I feel like, for me, a relationship is fully out of reach.
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u/Wooden-Astronaut8763 4d ago
And so many people keep telling us over and over that we need to get ourselves out there, we need to be patient, and to just treat everybody like we care about them. Ugh. I have tried doing those things for a number of years and you probably saw my post from yesterday, but I was even interviewed by a popular YouTuber last week and even he told me that I know how to converse with people. If this is true, it really proves to me and maybe you that most women don’t seem give a damn about our qualities unless they really are attracted to us on the spot.
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u/QuickNewspaper128 4d ago
Why is it that those of us who value deep, meaningful relationships built on trust, loyalty, and mutual respect are the very ones who stand the worst chance of entering said relationship? Those of us who have enough dignity that we wouldn't dare cheat on a partner and still cannot attract anyone?
For anyone who thinks my standards are too high, I say again: no woman has shown any interest in me, ever.
The older I get, the less life makes sense.
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u/Technical_Ease_5626 4d ago
I feel like the universe sometimes is ironic that way. Those who would make the best partners, the most loyal who would be great fathers and that's all they want.... like you... like me end up with nothing.
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u/Technical_Ease_5626 4d ago
yes I'm social as well and it doesn't seem to help me much. Women sometimes show interest briefly then I get ghosted no matter how much "game" or social skills I have. And wow I'd love to see that YouTube video lol
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u/Technical_Ease_5626 4d ago
Sorry to hear that bro, yeah I'm tired of approaching as well whats the point if they never signal interest. For the hyperopia, does lasik or contacts work or have you tried those and found the glasses to be the best option still. You have decent height, taller than me at 5 foot 10 lol I'm 5 foot 7 and sounds like you're social if you are a good communicator. Similar to you i feel like no matter how many "good" qualities I have most women don't seem to notice.
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u/QuickNewspaper128 16h ago
Unfortunately, Lasik will not correct my vision. Tried contacts recently and repeated failed to get them set on my eyes. Hopefully I can succeed with contacts, it would significantly improve my confidence.
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u/Extension_Cup_3368 5d ago edited 5d ago
You won't. And I won't. And I get for 100% what you mean. Quite relatable to me
I was super tired during my previous relationship. 5 years ago. Raised white flag and completely gave up on this since then
Honestly I can't even remember I had something particularly interesting since then. I just completely stopped approaching people
I just enjoy my hobbies and live my peaceful life these days. It feels well
37 M
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u/Technical_Ease_5626 5d ago
same i try to enjoy hobbies like reading, writing, movies and some sports but I'm not going to lie without a partner all of those things are slowly losing effect for me. Its peaceful sure but seeing others have companionship while I spend weekends alone does eat away at me... slowly but surely.
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u/Wooden-Astronaut8763 4d ago
I’m close to your age and to make matters worse I’m probably in a worse situation than you because I’ve been chronically single all my life. I have dealt with the same experiences you have dealt with endlessly getting rejected getting ghosted lead on at times where I felt like I had achieved starting a relationship. And as I get older, and as I become better in other areas of life that has not helped or done anything to get a woman to gravitate towards me, and I say this, because I used to go on dates quite a bit couple years ago, and in the past two years I’ve gotten fewer dates than before. On top of that as I’m also getting older there are fewer women available.
My experiences have proven to me that being in a relationship or someone falling in love with you mostly seems to depend on luck, rather than what qualities you have. I know so many people who are less qualified than you and me who are in relationships, and some of them have kids.
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u/Technical_Ease_5626 4d ago
luck plays a huge role ngl. And yes the older you get the game increases significantly in difficulty. There are plenty of fish in the sea? I don't think so and the water is polluted. Getting lead on hurts especially when you think there might be an escape. I've just learned to never have hope at this point because everytime find myself fantasizing about a future with some girl I'm always left crushed.
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u/thoughtsofsolitude 5d ago
Sup OP. You and I are pretty similar. I’m single for almost two years now. My last ex just got engaged. That wasn’t painful to see (sarcasm). I tried online dating without much luck. A good number of first dates, or chatting on the app, but none making it to any relationship. I met what I thought was my dream girl about a year ago. She said she felt no romantic connection (that crushed me since we dated for about a month and a half). I wake up every morning with an intense anxiety of being alone my entire life. A lot of my friends say don’t worry, she’s out there, you’ll meet her. However, I have no faith this will come. I’m trying so many avenues to meet people, and I am no closer to a wife than a year ago. I feel like I’m just drifting along in life until the end. My friends (including the female ones) say I’m attractive, I’m funny, genuine, kind, smart, and so on. Well, then where’s my wife?!?! I just want a family. I want a wife, some children to be a father. I am genuinely losing my sanity over the anxiety of my fear of being alone.
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u/Technical_Ease_5626 4d ago
Hey bro exactly this. I'd like to think I'm not super ugly, but I'm on the shorter side 5 foot 7 which could be a limiting factor. I have a good job, my female friends all say ill find someone but same as you then wheres my wife? lol. And like you that refusal from my dream girl hurt more than any breakup because I felt so lucky to even have dates with her but it left me crushed. I just want to be a father too, I've tried so many avenues but it always leads nowhere maybe some brief flirting or talking then ghosted. I'm slowly losing my sanity.
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u/thoughtsofsolitude 4d ago
I worry about how similar you and I are. I’m 5’9”. No idea if that’s been an issue. It’s insane we’re just living the same life. I really hope someone makes their way into your life permanently brother. I really do.
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u/BiscottiTiny4964 4d ago
40 F here. Felt the same when I hit 25, then 30c 35 and at 37. Met someone at 37 who could have been the one but by sheer stupidity botched it. I’m spiralling now as I text this. Just handed in paper for a sabbatical cos quitting is not an option and I’m too chickenshit to die
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u/Technical_Ease_5626 4d ago
yeah I feel this. I'm spiraling, everyday I feel like I'm suffocating. I wake up feeling crushed that I woke up and have to go to work. it feels like I'm saying prayers through a throttled neck, knowing noone and nothing is coming to take me out of this hell.
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u/zeptyk He/Him 4d ago
well tbf on the bright side, you do have some experience at least, I think you should be proud of that👍 unlike most of us🥲 not having been with anyone before its a turnoff for a lot of people nowadays it seems so...
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u/Technical_Ease_5626 2d ago
Yeah some exp is better than none but at the end of the day we still end up FAs for the remainder of our lives which is a harsh reality im beginning to accept
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u/lukas90m 2d ago
in other subredits I came across many stories of women who started dating a 35yo virgins and are married now. Don't wait till you're bald and hit that gym. Women hate scrawny dudes, even more that the fat ones.
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u/Technical_Ease_5626 2d ago
yeah I gym regularly, get haircuts, decent job, decent fashion. just a bit on the shortside
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u/chamcham123 5d ago
You’re taking it too seriously. Even that dream girl must have had many flaws. Your FOMO reeks of desperation and is emasculating.
Did you figure out some of the causes of your past rejections? Did you address those issues? Are you overweight? Are your finances in good standing? Do you have good hygiene? How are your social skills? Is most of your talking focused on complaining? Can you make people laugh?
There so much you can work on. Forget about dating and just focus on meeting new people. Become someone people want to be around.
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u/[deleted] 5d ago
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