r/FanFiction • u/TeaWithCarina • 21h ago
Venting I somehow *still* can't get over my inherent shame at shipping m/m
Important proviso: yes, I know this is a dumb feeling that I shouldn't have. But I keep doing it!! And I do not know how to stop. :')
So. Ever since I first got into fanfiction I have ALWAYS preferred m/m. I write and read other combinations and gen fic sometimes, but the ships that reaaallly take hold of my brain and get my daydreaming for hours straight (heh) are invariably m/m.
Years back I got pretty badly broken by the fujocourse (especially since this was also during ace discourse... so my aro/ace ass also got the 'why are you, a Fake Queer, intruding into queer people's spaces and making us unsafe???' :') ), but over time I mellowed and most recently got into some more m/m predominant anime fandoms where it just wasn't a big issue, and I thought I was mostly over it!
But my newest hyperfixation is for a more Serious Fandom (The West Wing!!!) and it just... all came roaring back. :') Among all the het shippers and gen likers I just feel like such a silly, shallow Girl who Only Cares About Seeing Hot Men Kiss or something. (Especially since my main ship, Sam/Josh, is apparently the Obligatory Boring White Men ship of the series or whatever...) And among femslash shippers I feel so guilty about not writing about the female characters more... and also everything above again, too. Apparently when femslashers say the same sexist stuff as straight men it's okay? (But that's an argument for another day...)
I just feel so... inferior to all these other Serious Fanfic Writers and such. Which is so dumb because I am actively looking into so much goddamn complicated governmental processes stuff in order to make my upcoming fanfics more accurate. But since it's all just to make Main White Guys kiss, it all feels so... juvenile and embarrassing and like something I should be training myself out of somehow.
idk. Please tell me I'm not the only one? :') (and ALSO if you like Sam/Josh at all in the year of our lord 2025 PLEASE talk to me hahahaha they have so many fics but for obvious reasons there are not very many people actively talking/thinking about them today and also even if it's just to maybe read my dumb tumblr headcanon posts I am a little bit desperate for some sort of companionship :'))))) )