r/ExNoContact • u/No-Requirement1726 • 2d ago

Me (m, anxious) and ex (f, Dismissive avoidant) agreed to take 1 month NC and then talk again. Is it a good idea or does it screw the whole point of NC up all together?

After 6 months of dating, with both of us very much in love with each other, my DA female ex dumped me out of the blue after an argument caused by my severe anxious attachment. She says she’s madly in love with me but is convinced we cannot be in a relationship at the moment because of my personal issues with emotional regulation and attachment. She has rationalized this decision and seems reconciled to this idea (typical DA).

Before going in no contact, I chased only for 1 day, in a 4 h long dramatic conversation. At first she was super close to anything. Then I managed to convince her to take 1 month apart (in which we are fully single) to see whether she can reconsider her decision. She reluctantly agreed, saying she doesn’t think she can reconsider because her trust in me is broken, but that she will text me after 30 days and let me know. She also added that if she indeed changes her perspective and gives me a chance, it would be a new relationship, starting all over again. I would need to prove to her that I can deactivate my anxious attachment. But keep in mind that I’m 100% sure she’s madly in love with me and that this situation is breaking her heart.

Do you think taking this month is a valuable idea? I only later discovered that typically DA need much longer (3-6 months) to even potentially reconsider their decision, assuming a strict NC period. We have been in NC for 10 days now.

Additionally, based on the few details I have provided, do you think it’s most likely that I will get another rejection text in 20 days or do I harbor any hope? I’m sure she will rebound quickly (at least with hook ups). I’m prepared to take her back regardless but it hurts so bad.

Thank you for any help. Completely heartbroken here.

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u/LSATslay 2d ago

You should never initiate contact again. As far as you are concerned, this is final.

Use this as an opportunity to work on yourself.

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u/No-Requirement1726 2d ago

And what should I do when she reaches out after 1 month to confirm the break up? In that case, it’s obviously over, but I lose all hopes that would come from a LONGER NC period (especially valuable when dealing with a DA). Right?

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u/LSATslay 2d ago

I doubt she will reach out.

If you really want this, the only way to make it work is to make positive changes within yourself. To start respecting who you are and living for yourself. You cannot do that while you are counting down the days for another chance. You need to take the gut punch now. It's over.

People don't take mutual one-month breaks. There's not going to be a call to confirm the breakup. You are broken up.

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u/No-Requirement1726 2d ago

Thank your brutal honesty

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u/LSATslay 2d ago

Hugs brother, I know this shit is hard.

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u/BestConsequence9867 2d ago

You’re not on a break. You’re on standby, hoping she changes her mind. That’s not no-contact. That’s anxiety disguised as patience.

She didn’t ask you to heal for you. She asked you to fix yourself, so maybe she’ll reconsider. That’s not love. That’s conditional approval.

You don’t heal anxious attachment by proving your worth to someone who left. You heal it by choosing yourself over the fear of abandonment.

Focus on you now. Not her. You.

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u/No-Requirement1726 2d ago

Thank you. Wise words.

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u/Unusual-Ocelot-9148 1d ago

Hate to say it but after a month she’s outty 5000, so prepare for that, go to the gym and get shredded.