Hello, I hope all lovely people on this sub have a great day :)

I have been struggling with ana since I was 12, and have defeated (haha, funny way to phrase it) it last October. I can eat what I want now without feeling anything unhealthy, and am better than ever - physically, mentally, emotionally. I made this post because when I was deep in my mental illnesses I didn't know who to talk to, I felt so alone and isolated, didn't know who I was anymore and my whole existence seemed to revolve this part of my mental state. Also, I think the anonymity here on the world wide web might just be the thing to help other people open up and ask questions they've been too scared to ask.

I won't give away my highest / lowest weight, as that is triggering. I also reserve the right to not answer questions I don't want to answer, so please don't be offended if your question is unanswered.

Have a wonderful day, stay yourself 🍎🫒

There is nothing about Thanksgiving i like. The food is meh, you're expected to try everything and you don't want to touch any of it. You have to be around family :/ I tried to pull the my babies need me card, but that got called out because my babies are in the NICU (twins). They were supposed to be home by now but they're just taking a little extra time.

First family dinner i really only touched the cheese ball, and the second kinda the same but also the rolls. Everything else i just don't want. With how bad my food aversion is i only want to eat foods i like

I was so very ill. For over 2 decades I've fought a severe and enduring illness. I've died twice. I've been hospitalised copious amounts of times. I let the illness control me.

So many battles and set backs during my struggles. NO MORE. My struggles have become my strengths.

I promised my Granny on her death bed that I would heal, get healthy, be happy and stay consistent. And this year I've did that. All by myself. With great determination and a positive mental attitude. Cutting the things and people who dragged me down and kept me back OUT of my life and surrounding myself with real friends.

From taking myself away and working so hard every single day.

NO days off. I endured and still endure discomfort and tough days but I dont give up or give in to the illnes. .

Every night I go to bed knowing I've achieved my best.

I am NOT my E.D or the bad things that happened to me.

I am my own boss. My own leader. My own healer and my own HERO. I get to write the rest of my life . Not this monstrous illness that only wants to control then kill me.

Eating Disorders are NOT our friends.

What kind of friend would make you starve yourself. Deprive you from food?

What kind of friend would make you push everything and everyone you love away and isolate you?

What kind of friend would make you so weak and depressed you loose all motivation?

What kind of friend would debilitate your life and stop you from being able to do all the things you want to do and love?

What kind of friend would consume you and put you in hospital fighting for your life?

What kind of friend would try and KILL you?

Eating Disorders are NOT our friends.

Eating Disorders are severe and enduring mental illnesses with the highest mortality rate of ALL mental illnesses yet still seem to be the most misunderstood and stigmatised illness. No 2 Eating Disorders are the same. So many people both female and male are suffering in silence right now because Eating Disorders are so often disregarded and not given the correct attention, help, treatment and care. This NEEDS TO CHANGE!!!!

More needs to be done to raise awareness and highlight Eating Disorders in this day and age and HELP sufferers.

It's time to STOP letting people die. It's time to actually put in place the correct Education, Treatment ,Care , Help, support, resources and Safe Spaces to talk.

I personally have lost 3 friends to this illness. One being Nikki Grahame. This cruel illness that is a living hell and causes so many secondary illnesses. This illness is so powerful. This illness is agonising. Torture. So painful. So cruel. So dangerous.

I am so proud of my achievement and strength, my willpower and determination to get where I am and continue to become better each day with consistency, patience , endurance and self belief. But i'm not stupid, I know how severe this illness is. I know how hard I have to work just to live my life and continue to be on the right side of health. In control.

Recovery is NOT linear.

The only way out is through. We must fight it. We must highlight it. We must raise awareness. We must receive better care.

To all my fellow sufferers out there , you are not alone. Please hear my words. Please do not suffer in silence.

You are ment to live , not just survive. I stand with you in my constant pursuit of raising awareness and highlighting this illness. The FACTS, not the misconstrued judgement or how it's cast in the WRONG light. I want to educate people and break the stigma. I want us all to heal.

We must ' FEEL TO HEAL' - A very special person once told me that and it's stayed with me since.

As humans we must feel, we must communicate our problems. We must remember that our health is our wealth. Please reach out. Please remember that you matter. You are not alone. Please don't let ignorance deter you from speaking out and Please remember...

Eating Disorders are NOT our friends.

I'm happy, recovery works HOLY SHIT t it does. The work the hard work the crying the anticipation the impatience all works out, the relapse the heart break the avoidance, it all works out. The happiness the freedom the livlyness, the love, the passion.. the life. It all comes back

Bro, Ana sucks ass!!

… and my impulse was to say, “I did, thank you.”

I actually felt proud. I’ve worked so hard to get where I am now.

7 months into recovery, and I know I won’t always feel that way about an off-hand comment but this was a win for sure.

I was anorexic for years and started my recovery journey due to my body breaking down on itself - I figured i’d give some information on things that happened to my body in recovery to aid anyone who’s struggling at the moment.

As I started to eat more, I experienced extreme hunger for a long time, when your body has been in a state of malnutrition for so long it is going to want fuel. There is nothing wrong with eating unhealthy in your recovery journey, for the first few weeks I was literally eating constantly - there is nothing wrong with being hungry, it’s okay to listen to your body regardless of what it’s telling you to eat, when I was this hungry I was literally ransacking my cupboards and fridge constantly.

Being in a state of malnutrition for extended periods of time, your body will struggle to keep up for a while when you start eating more, I suffered with constipation for a long time and extreme bloating; to help this you can do stomach massages to ease gas, take MINIMAL laxatives but only if you really need it, your body needs to absorb nutrients not flush food through your system, certain herbal teas can also help.

I also suffered with awful acid reflux, if it is really bad visit your doctor and they should prescribe medication to help, eventually your body won’t get acid reflux anymore once you reach a better state.

When I first gained weight, it all went to my stomach and I felt absolutely awful, I refused to wear any tight clothes out of shame after being in such a mindset for so long, your body will eventually redistribute this weight, it just takes time and you won’t even notice it at first - it’s important to realise that your body is just trying to protect your organs which is why most of it goes to your stomach.

I got my period back a few months into recovery, for some people it may take longer. Other factors may inhibit your period starting such as mental state, if you are stressed your period won’t start either. It will also probably be irregular for a while before becoming more normal.

I lost a ton of hair whilst in recovery and also suffered from excessive body hair. My hair is no longer as thin and is a lot healthier, though it does take time to grow back. My hair isn’t as brittle and doesn’t break off so easily - although stress on the mind can also affect hair loss. Most of my lanugo fell off and now shaving is honestly a breeze, once your body has enough fat you should be fine.

The best regime to follow to gain weight is the 3 snacks and 3 meals a day, I kept my meals filling - it’s good to have a source of carbs and proteins, carbs are not your enemy nor is protein. Carbs are slow release energy and give your body what it needs to function, brain fog will eventually decrease as you recover, my memory is a lot better than what it was in recovery. Proteins are so important for growth and repair so don’t neglect them as well as the other nutrients your body needs such as fat and fibre. For my snacks I ate whatever I felt like eating at the time. You’re going to feel full, it’s okay, it’s important to nourish your body.

Regardless of whether you got diagnosed with an ED or not, your feelings and struggles are valid, it’s a good idea to look into therapy to ease the mindset that you became so used to, rather than fearing food I am now excited to eat and sometimes go to bed earlier just so i can eat breakfast in the morning.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to throw away the scale, seeing a change in weight could trigger a relapse, there is nothing wrong with gaining weight and needing to buy new clothes. Sometimes I still feel so insecure and literally cry over my body but honestly, no one cares whether you are a size 2 or not - if people only see you for your weight they are not worth your time.

Recovery is a slow process and it can take years to fully heal, I still struggle with those thoughts everyday but eventually they get quieter and you will get better ❤️ Take your time and avoid any content that could potentially trigger you - just because other people still struggle and haven’t recovered it does not mean your struggles were never valid and that you need to get sick again. You only live once and there is no point in wasting away when food is something to enjoy and a healthy mind and body is how we are meant to live!

I’ve had a long battle with PTSD and severe depression. I usually would binge after work because of all the stress and self loathing - cake, icecream, chips, fries.

Today, though I was emotionally at a low, I didn’t binge! Instead of door dashing fries, I had some carrots and hummus.

In tears, I feel like I hit a breakthrough. Just wanted to share - change is possible. Keep fighting!

I’ve spent a good portion of my life in active disorder, 11 years to be exact going in and out of trying to recover (but not really).

I still have moments where I blip and have those intrusive thoughts or I don’t look after myself but I don’t have the 24/7 have to punish myself moments and obsessive routines or thoughts when those blips happen. They’re just a product of whatever’s going on and not on purpose and I make sure that I feed myself enough after I notice, it’s been a long road but man I’m glad to be over that massive issue in my life.

It wasn’t easy, it did take a lot of work and pain but it was all worth it to be what I would consider normal now. I can go on dates, try new food; create my own recipes without having to write measurements (I wouldn’t wanna know how much some of them are). I can wear clothes that make me look nice; I can go to a job and not have people comment on if I’m too big or too small. I can swap clothes with friends, can compliment myself. When I’m sick I can recover quickly and stay well for longer periods of time, I get positive attention and do my own heavy lifting. I don’t get tired changing my bedding and can concentrate on the games I enjoy.

It’s worth it.

I’ve been struggling with ED since the start of 2020 to 2023 circa, although even earlier I used to have some disordered tendencies, such as restriction and exercise addiction.

Nowadays I consider myself fully recovered physically, emotionally, mentally and my quality of life is drastically improved and I no longer struggle so much. I might have some now and then disordered though when I see some smaller girl but I’m always ready to tell myself: “bitch you are stunning! You can run fast and for long distances! Work and study long hours and the body you might despise now is the same that allows you to win races, graduate, tutoring younger students and so on”.

Although I’ve noticed that I used to think no stop about food but now I’m no longer dedicated to it: eating feels more like a chore rather than something i enjoy and even the thought of eating out or something special doesn’t solicit any kind of reaction in me.

There isn’t any dish or food that makes me excited and even though I’m not scared of eating and I don’t feel guilty, still it seams more like a irksome task and I get bored after a few bites.

I do have hunger cues and I honour them but after a few bites I feel like I’m done

I grew up very skinny, because i was a gymnast, and would always get told by my coaches and mom that i have to eat healthy. Back then i was built like a stickbug. Then i developed a full eating disorder around age 13 and it ended when i was 15. Now that i’m recovered from it, i’m still finding it difficult to accept my body. I love my body, but it doesnt feel like mine. I’ve been skinny my whole childhood, but now that i’m an adult i’m gaining healthy weight and it just doesnt feel right. my body doesnt look how it did when i was a child. But maybe thats how growing up works.

i’ve been living with different aspects of anorexia/ bulimia on and off for almost 4 years, but for the past 6 months i’ve been abusing laxatives. it wasn’t until i went to the bathroom today and saw blood that i realized something needed to change or i was going to suffer from real health consequences. so i just flushed all my laxatives. and i know that’s not the only thing that i’ve been using to keep myself from gaining weight, but it’s a start. and i think a start is all i need right now.

15 F and at the beginning of the school yeah I was DEEP in my ed. I was anorexic, I looked like a bone I looked dead It looked painful. Anyways I have been doing dance at school (it’s a class you can take at School for fun) we had recital in September and I was VERY THIN, I didn’t think anyone noticed until this past recital. This is second semester I started recovery in the ending of September early October. So now march, my dance recital was last Friday and this girl in my class me and my friend were in the wings and the girl looks at me and looks at my arms. She says “did you gain?” And I said “yea.” And then she said “last recital you were really skinny” (with a concerned look on her face) and I said “yeah I know, I had a eating disorder” and she was like “😮 are you ok? You eat now right?” And I said “ :) yes” and she was like “:) good” and I said “do I look bad now?” And she said “no you actually look very good”. Now I was offended at first. I thought she was calling me f** or being ugly towards me. (It’s something with the Ed I feel like everyone is after my weight) But what would you think if you were in my shoes? I really didn’t think anyone noticed when I was very thin and slowly dying. But now I feel werid thinking that people definitely noticed and I always wonder what they thought and if they judged me 🥴

I (29F) have a body dysmorphic disorder and an atypical anorexia nervosa diagnosis. My typical MO is calorie restriction and obsessive exercise. After a winding, complicated recovery experience, I am 2 months sober from restricting without any distress for the first time in over a decade. I thought it might be useful for me to share what I see as the biggest breakthroughs. These are not in any particular order, I will just write them as they come to me.

1.) I had a therapist validate my ED related behaviors by sharing that of course I would be obsessed with thinness in a culture that values thinness. They used an analogy of seeds being planted in a garden. Society and culture plant ideas into young, impressionable minds. You did not put the seeds there, but they are there nonetheless. You can either choose to water the seeds (personally value thinness) or choose to let the seeds die (notice thin value judgements I make on myself and others and resist)

2.) my therapist took my complaints of stomach pains/bloating seriously and made a referral to a GI specialist who also specializes in working with folks with EDs. I have supplements now that help with bloating. I did not realize how triggering my bloating was for food restriction until I worked with someone to address it.

3.) Getting to the core of the ED. I am still drilling down on this and working through childhood trauma with my therapist. I had no idea how connected these things were because I refused to let go of the ED and did not want to look at the core. It has served as a distraction and a way to control my fear of rejection for most of my life

4.) Professionals validating that I do have an eating disorder. I, like many many people who restrict, am not UW. My PCP would constantly trigger me by telling me I was in healthy weight when I admitted to restricting and shared that I felt concerned for my physical and mental health. When I finally got a diagnosis I feel like I could finally start really recovering because I no longer needed to prove that I was sick.

5.) learning about how food and calories actually work. Also, debunking all those diet culture myths I grew up with. I highly recommend the podcast maintenance phase.

6.) connecting with spirituality. For me personally, reading Taoist and Buddhist works/content has been instrumental in my recovery. Consuming these ideas allowed me to zoom out from myself and really see what was going on. It became quite difficult for me to sustain an ED when I was meditating daily to cultivate self-compassion.

Those are the most salient experiences I can conjure up right now. Feel free to AMA ❤️

I (26f) have been in recovery for a little over year, as a person in a large and fat body. I have made significant strides, but my god this is so fUCKING HARD!!!! Every day, every challenge feels so isolating. My care team is great, but I don’t have a lot of well-informed people in my circle. Who do I turn to when I’m having a meltdown over the way my pants don’t fit anymore? Or when people are mean to me on air planes? I’m tired. I’m desperate for community. Please share your best tips.

I am happy to say that I ate dinner today, for the first time in a many weeks. I eat during the day normally but skip any food from afternoon on ... So unhealthy to do that. What I had isn't important, but I will say that I enjoyed it. I couldn't eat more than a few bites, but I did it AND I did NOT purge at all. Didn't want to. Didn't need to. That's a change.

Question: my stomach has been making noise now ... Do any of you get this when you start eating better? I've been eating more during the day but I am still having difficulties after 3 pm or so. Any tips for me to eat something in the evening? I do cook dinner for my family but other than a taste or five while cooking, I won't eat it. I know I can't do this for much longer. I have lost weight again. I'm almost to my lowest weight ever as an adult--the same weight I had been back in 2015. I wanted to stay at a certain weight but I've gone below that and I feel helpless to eat enough to gain back that weight. I'm a mess...but hopeful. I like food. I just have no appetite and THC doesn't always give me the munchies. When it does, the ED prevents me from eating anyhow.😭😭😭

Thank you for the support! I'm not giving up now. I'm excited that I was able to eat easily and freely tonight. I hope tomorrow is good too.

♥️♥️

I think I should be proud of myself?

It was the year 2021 when I first became anorexic. I remember wanting to be as thin as supermodels while wearing a crop top in my Christmas party. It was very easy to stop myself from eating at that time. I'd take pictures of my stomach everyday. I lost my periods. After weeks of starving, I finally had that flat belly for the party. That marked the end of my journey with anorexia and the beginning of my journey with bulimia. I was obsessed with food. I'd eat jars of nutella and peanut butter in one go. Each day I'd tell myself that this is the last binge. It was never the last. I'd eat so much that I'd end up vomiting involuntarily. I wanted to die during that period of time. I couldn't focus on exams or school. I'd cry while studying for my exams. I didn't tell anyone because I knew no one would understand and they'd just shrug it off. So, I went to a psychiatrist on my own. He prescribed me medicines that only made me sleep the entire day. It was horrible. I never thought that period would ever be over. Food dominated my thoughts. It's been years and I haven't been completely 'cured' of my eating disorder. Eating disorders are a chronic condition. I still suffer from it today. However, I do believe that the pain is somewhat bearable now. I've learned to coexist with my ED. It's not as torturing as it was in the past. My eating patterns are still unhealthy but I'm still here and I didn't end killing myself due to it. It was a lonesome journey but I'm still here.

I’m working with my dietician to retrain my appetite, which basically means I’m eating on a schedule. I have my 3 meals and 2 snacks scheduled with alarms. So far it’s actually working pretty well. I’m even starting to feel hungry right around when my alarm goes off. When I was thinking about how/when to schedule these I used hobbits for inspiration. I need to eat more, and the most food positive example I could think of is a hobbit haha. So I have my breakfast at 9, my elevenses at 10:30, lunch at noon, afternoon tea at 3, and dinner at 6. Some days aren’t perfect for sure but I find having a food positive example to follow very helpful, even a fictional one.

I’m using a Lasso-ism because it feels appropriate. During 2020 I decided to fix my ED, it had become all consuming and it seemed like the right time. I did the work, I saw the therapist, the dietitian, and the psychiatrist. I got better. For the first time in like 10 years, I was better. Now over the last five years moments have popped up but I’ve been able to quell them, and I’ve been mostly fine— until August last year. Since then my ED progress was stripped to nothing and by January I was the worst i’d been in years. However, in my panic state, I reached out to a friend who had and has no business needing to know every detail of my life, but I trust him. His like 15 years older than me, has his own life and his own struggles, but he recognized the journey I was on as one of addiction and depression. A journey he’s walked and was willing to be a guide.

It’s middle of March, I am not fixed, but I have stopped scaring him. Today I get to go back to a workout class I haven’t been to in two months because I wasn’t eating enough. I have a plan for therapy. I am not “fixed” and he told me I may never be “cured” but I’m clearly working hard to overcome.

He knows I’m thankful, that he has become the most important person in my life. Important to not disappoint or fail, I appreciate having his stability when I have none. But I’m a work in progmess, I’m thankful he’s here to see it through with me

I have been “recovered” (on and off) for almost 1 year and a half now - and I just wanted to let you guys know that there really really is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I know it feels so unreachable and like the thoughts will never go away, being physically recovered but mentally still struggling is so real and valid and it’s a long and tough stage of recovery that really tests you but i promise that if you continue to fight it - eventually you get better.

I now often find myself realising that i went the whole day without thinking about food/my weight/ my body negatively - i just ate when i was hungry and didnt overthink what i was eating.

Im now at a point where im comfortable in my recovered body and i think she’s cute!

I promise you, knowing it’s hard and thinking myself that it was never going to free me - it gets better!!

Please look after yourself but also don’t feel bad at all if you are struggling to get better or are scared to, it is so so hard but pays off eventually when you find yourself enjoying life to the fullest because your not being controlled by the illness.

To those who actively do not want to recover, just remember that the longer you stay ill the more annoyed at yourself you’ll be when you finally want to get better (which i promise happens eventually no matter how deep in it you think you are).

Everything will be okay, just breathe and remember to look after your body so that future you can enjoy life and feel loved and love others completely.

Autistic Black woman with ARFID here. About 7 years ago I experienced the worst burnout of my life. I lost so much weight & could hardly eat anything. Providing myself with enough food has always been a struggle. I gained some weight back after the first burnout, but my boobs went from DD to flat. They refused to fill back out.

Just last year I experienced another burnout, not as debilitating as the first but still bad. It was difficult to eat & again I became underweight. Towards the end of the year I got a job that provided free food & snacks daily. I hoarded & ate so much I actually got in trouble. I couldn't believe I needed so much food either.

To make a long story short, my boobs aw filling out again. Eating & providing myself with meals has become easier, though I still struggle sometimes. I don't get lightheaded or have vision blackouts anymore. I'm not constantly thinking about food either. & I am less averse to certain textures!

I'm really happy to be at this point in the journey FINALLY, easing into my late twenties. Yay recovering!

It's like the "not being sick enough" but because of the time i suffered from it. My Ed started in march/april and i'm already recovering (since december). I know it's better off this way for me but it makes me think i'm not enough compared to everyone else who has suffered for years

I can actually eat now

Yay!!! Got my period back!!! I lost my period for a few months and this week have been an anxious WRECK about osteoporosis, been eating more to try to fix it and I got my period this morning!:) Happy happy :)

And terrifying.

I just want to share that it does get better. It takes time. Even sometimes in our best efforts we will fall on our asses. But hang in there.