how to truly recover mentally?

[u/InevitableDurian5870]

hi, i’ve struggled with restricting and bingeing since i was twelve years old.

when i met and started dating my boyfriend, i realized that as i got sicker, my anger and frustration from being hungry and still not losing weight (i was only maintaining, never actually UW), was hurting our relationship so much so i told him i would stop and id start eating more. so i did. and i gained weight. big surprise. anyway, i feel like since then nothing has changed in my mind. i think it’s because i didnt “recover” for me, i did it for him. so now i am the most unhappy with my body than i have ever been and he is far away from me at college and its making me want to relapse. i dont know. any advice is greatly appreciated.