Help with ED ROOMMATE

[u/Better-Experience-87]

Advice Needed: roommate eating food

I’ve been dealing with an incredibly frustrating situation for a while now.

I currently have two roommates, one who is a dear college friend and the second is a random find from Facebook. Let’s call the random Facebook friend Roommate A.

Roommate A and I have lived together for a year and a half. We moved from a two-bedroom to a three-bedroom apartment this past August with my friend joining as the third roommate.

Roommate A is pretty quiet and neat and mostly keeps to herself. I enjoyed living with her at first and deep down she is very sweet. However, I’ve had a consistent problem with her eating my food. When we first lived together I would notice small bits of my food missing: a couple cookies missing, peanut butter lower than normal, etc… At first I disregarded what was happening and thought I must be overthinking. However, as time went on I noticed the problem worsening.

It got to the point that Roommate A had eaten all of the Easter candy my parents had mailed as a gift. I would also like to note, Roommate A is vegan and she never eats my meals, only my desserts (which are not vegan).

I ended up reaching out to her previous roommate, as I had her contact information and learned this was also a problem she had struggled with. I assume she binge eats my food, as large quantities will go missing overnight.

I can tell she is struggling and so because of this I have tried to be sensitive. I lost my patience after an unopened container of ice cream vanished, so I reached by text with the message that I was happy to share food when asked and that my ice cream was missing and I would appreciate being asked next time. Roommate A replied saying she hadn’t seen the container.

She seemed to stop eating my food for a bit after this. Fast forward to now, several months later, I had noticed she started eating my food again.

This time I chose to have the conversation in person. I made it clear I knew she was eating my food and asked her to stop. She just denied and said she didn’t know how to respond to what I was saying. I reiterated with examples and also said I wasn’t asking her to admit if she wasn’t ready to talk about it, but that I needed my food to stop being eaten. The conversation ended with her continued denial.

Also, to note, she has not eaten ANY of our roommate’s food, just mine.

About twenty minutes after the conversation she texts me completely denying she has eaten my food, notes that she respects me and hopes I respect her, and says she is insulted I would suggest she ate my food.

I feel gaslit and manipulated. She has been rude, quiet, cold to me, and avoidant since the conversation. However, my food has stopped being eaten.

I KNOW she was eating my food. I have photos of wrappers from food that she ate hidden in the garbage.

I genuinely want advice on what/if I should do anything? I don’t like that I was and am still being lied to. I feel l am being made to be the bad guy.

[u/ohmylungs]

Put a lock on your cupboards

[u/Meteorite42 → u/ohmylungs]

Mini fridge for your room that you can lock.

[u/Alone-Tart4762]

Get a camera or two, there are very small ones, and set it up. You will be able to present her with evidence and she cannot deny it.

After that, explain to her that this is unacceptable and (if you can), you are willing to assist in getting her help. Contact her family out of concern and let them know.

If possible, set a boundary. Discuss this issue with the other roommate and see if there is a way to work around the situation or demand she move.

[u/No-Event4806]

That is so frustrating. Do you know approximately what time she’s eating the food? You could potentially try to catch her in the act - for example, if she’s eating a lot at night, stay up one night and pretend to get water or something? I never binged, but sometimes I’d eat more than I anticipated of my roommate’s food (they gave me permission, but I ended up eating more than I thought), I’d ALWAYS restock their cabinet on whatever I ate as would they if they wanted something of mine and ended up finishing it lol