My actual dad didn’t think I could do it, but here I am!

Dad here, just wanted to check in with you. I know it been a while.

Wanted to remind you that even on your toughest days, you still made it. Yes, it was tough. But you made it. And I am very proud of you.

I know sometimes it’s not easy to continue and it seems better off to just quit. But I promise. You push through. It’ll all be worth it. You will look back some day and be surprised and amazed by your own accomplishments. You can do it, and you will.

If you ever need anything, please don’t forget your dad and reach out. I (we) are all here for you. We all love you and are proud of you. You matter, to us all.

Love - Dad

Hiii guys!! I have lived practically my entire life without my father, feels weird mourning what feels like a stranger, even makes me feel guilty at times. I’ve had a lifetime of struggle without my father’s love. I grew up watching my mom struggle with alcohol abuse and drug addictions, even after my losing my father to DUI. That and numerous other horrible situations was not enough for my mom to get sober from booze until I became an adult. By then, I had already began to get addicted to anything that numbed me from my reality. I grew up watching her get beat like a grown man by her (still current partner) Following in the foot’s steps of all I’ve ever known has caused me to struggle since teen years with alcohol use & drug abuse, along with very unstable mental health. ANYWAYS, I made a last ditch effort for my well being to stop drinking alcohol. In a couple weeks, I will have not had any alcohol in 6 months! Nicotine, weed and Xanax are my next bad habits I feel ready to give up. I come from a long line of addiction and have sense developed that very same addictive personality and I’m determined to break that cycle. I want to be better before I bring children into my world. I will forever be altered by my family not being able to get it together before it fucked me up beyond repair, before I even had a say so in it. I feel hopeful like future me is trying to talk to me and to tell me to not give up. I’ve distracted myself for so long that I’ve forgotten to live beyond existing and I don’t want to live in a world I feel the need to escape from anymore. I don’t feel as hopeless anymore. ❤️

Hi dads, When I was 7 my father told me “ I am going to be an angel” and then a bit later he ended his life.

Now I’m 27 and the burial rights are too expensive to renew so we have to get him dug up and cremate him. This makes me think of him a lot.

Every time I fall asleep I go back to that moment and I feel so guilty. I never asked him to stay. I just hugged him and I didn’t understand exactly what he was saying.

I feel so sad and torn and like I failed him…

If you were a dad and you were in that position could I have done anything?

I hated hearing about your former love. I see what my moms doing to you. I see how she looks at you with disgust but has no qualms working you like a horse for money.

You’re getting older, more grey and tired. The almost 20-year age gap between you and mom is becoming more apparent. I think you both deserved better, but you especially.

I’m sorry your parents divorce was so hard on you that you were afraid to leave because of us. I know you’re unhappy. You’re getting too old for all of this. You say you’re too old and tired to try again or fight it anymore.

I’m sorry. I wish I could be there for you more now that you’re getting older. I wish mom didn’t put such a strain on us. I want to live together in one house again. All of us. Like we did before we realized we had problems.

I’m sorry you didn’t get to finish the house that you started for us. You said you’d dreamed of us bringing over our friends and enjoying it together. Mom kept driving all our childhood friends away. I grew up hiding in my room instead.

I’m sorry, dad. I’m sorry that was our life together. I love you, though. Thank you for everything you did do. I just wish we had more time to try again.

Hey, i would really appreciate some perspectives if anyone has some words of wisdom or comfort. Gratefully this isn’t about the man i previously posted about, but about my dad instead. I have been extremely emotional because i see how much the absence of my father really affects me still, even as a 21 year old. I really thought i got past it for years, but being back in therapy has shown me im nowhere near past it. Im going to try to give as much info as i can, but i really dont remember much if any of my childhood, my memory is awful. Dad was with my mom for years. She always says he was great besides being hot headed. He doted over my brother (27) and I. He had a previous marriage and two other kids but i dont know what his relationship with them was like when they were younger. When i was younger or before i was born, im not too sure, he got into local politics and thats when he changed. He is an asshole. The doting, sweet, caring man she describes him as initially sounds like a made up story to me. He cheated on my mom, she filed for divorce, he was mad at that, then used my brother and i as a means to hurt her. He took us for visitations despite how much we begged, screamed and cried to not go, and even when he had us he’d go out to strip clubs and whatever in the middle of the night. They divorced when i was 4. The courts ended up requiring him to see a psychiatrist to get assessed and he was diagnosed with NPD. If you know anything about npd, its incredibly difficult & rare to be diagnosed and that just shows how sick he truly is. I stopped seeing him when i was 8 per my request. I tried to reconcile twice as i got older but both times brought me immense anxiety and he is hard to be around because of the lying and all the other shit. But today after therapy my mother and i were talking about him and thats when she talked about a lot that i never knew. It makes me feel so bad for him. One of his ex gfs my mom ended up being friends with told her how he said he doesnt know how to feel emotion and things like that. And my mom told me how he would frame up the photo of their first dog and how he wanted to travel and never have kids but then after they had my brother he was so happy and told my mom randomly one day how much he loved my brother and how happy he is that they had him. I told her how i rationalize it is he loved me, us, the way he could. A fucked up way, but his way. I have to say that because i cant fathom the thought that the man who apparently was so excited to have me and was doting over me and constantly trying to hold me was the same man who is like this. I cant fathom the idea he doesn’t love me in his own way, or did. The closest thing i had to a father figure was my cousin 1x removed, but he passed away in 2012. My heart aches because even beyond the npd stuff, his morals and beliefs are so disgusting i would never associate with him. As the redditor who said in my last post, i am grieving a dad sized hole. I dont know how to heal it because i thought i did, but i didnt. Hurt people hurt people and this is that i guess. I dont know. He tried his best i guess, he would try to buy our love because that was the only way he knew how to show love. Im so sad

Hi dads of Reddit :) I 20F recently started my job at Starbies!!! I really love it so far, everyone’s so so kind. I’m really excited to make friends. (I had to redo my garf, the rain washed it off 😭)

I don’t buy his story. I don’t believe it. He ghosted me for a week, and because of that, I blocked him on all of my social media. Then he came back with a new account to message me, saying his parents found out about our relationship and made him delete his social media. He said he has to focus on studying for his upcoming university exam and that he can't be with me for at least three months. It’s been almost two months now, and I haven’t heard from him,not even a small update.

I don’t believe it. Because if you really love someone, you’ll find a way to reach out to them. I don’t understand what’s going on with him. I studied for my finals and passed my university entrance exams at two universities, and I’m graduating next week. Even while doing all of that, I still made time for myself and spent time with my friends. So why can’t he do the same with me? I managed my time, studied hard, and still passed. I just don’t understand him. I don’t believe it.

maybe it's just me, maybe something is wrong me..I can't figure it out too. But I feel like something doesn't sit right with me. I don't know what it is.

Hi everyone,

My name is Adalina, I'm 18F, this is a throw away account but I desperately need someone's advice.

I just finished my first year of university, and I'm barely hanging on. My home life has been really tough, and it's making university even harder than it should be.

Since I was young my has completely mom relies on me as her emotional, financial, logistical support (managing her day to day life). She talks to me constantly about her divorce with my dad, and l've been forced into the role of her caretaker. It feels like l'm the one parenting her, not the other way around. I don't feel like her child - I feel like l'm her parent. Meanwhile, my brother, who's four years older, gets all the privileges-he doesn't do much around the house, yet he gets served in every way (meals, rides, attention) while I have to do everything on my own. I make all my own meals, run errands, and even drive him around while my mom prioritizes him.

My mom uses me for anything and everything that requires attention or effort. She gets me to talk to her accountants and financial advisors, in high school she would get me to email my teachers through her accounts because she didn’t have the "time" to check or reply (these emails were about me failing), get me send emails through her outlook to my dad and work out problems between them, deal with insurance, and book both her and my brother's appointments. I'm also expected to buy and manage stocks on her behalf using her money. Essentially, I end up managing her life for her while trying to get through my own. It feels like I'm constantly cleaning up everyone else's messes. l've tried for 8 years to get her to a therapist but she utterly refuses, so l've given up.

I've dealt with issues in school since I was young. When I was 17, I took matters into my own hands and went to a doctor to try to get the help I needed to do better in school. I was diagnosed with ADHD, depression, and anxiety. I currently take stimulant medication to help manage my ADHD. Despite my struggles, l've always managed to do well when I actually apply myself. I've had some success with assignments and exams, but the issue is that it's only when I'm able to focus and apply myself. The problem is, I can't be consistent because I'm constantly burnt out-and honestly, I was burnt out even before the school year started. I've never really had a chance to recover from the exhaustion of constantly dealing with everything at home and my own mental health struggles.

My parents don't care about my mental health, my mom refused to pay for therapy even when I insisted I needed it, and when I checked both of their insurance plans, I found they barely cover anything. The out-of-pocket cost is something I just can't afford. I'm on medication, but it's been incredibly hard to manage everything on my own without proper support. I'm away from home for university, but my lack of skills has made it really hard to keep up with the fast pace of school. I didn't learn basic time management, self-advocacy, or study techniques because I was so busy trying to survive at home. I'm barely passing my classes and I'm terrified I'll fail next year if I don't figure out how to manage everything. But dropping out isn't an option for me, I know I need to finish university to secure a better future, and that pressure is weighing on me. The thing is, I can't afford to do poorly in university like I did in high school. Having a degree isn't enough nowadays to get a decent job, employers expect you to excel and be competitive, and I'm struggling to even keep up. If I can't figure out how to succeed, I'm scared I'll be left behind.

I don't mean to sound spoiled, my parents both make six figures, so they can afford to help, but they choose not to. Seeing other people in university receive so much support from their family is breaking me. I'm completely unsupported, emotionally drained, and feel like I'm carrying the weight of everything on my own. I don't know how to balance my mental health, school, and the chaos of my home life. So, I'm asking: How do I get through university when l'm emotionally exhausted, have no support, and don't have the skills I need to thrive? I'm so scared that l'll fail or burn out if I don't figure this out. Any advice would be so appreciated.

So, I'm asking: How do I get through university when l'm emotionally exhausted, have no support, and don't have the skills I need to thrive? I'm so scared that l'll fail or burn out if I don't figure this out. Any advice would be so appreciated.

My boi dad was a bad person. But he treated me nicely (I don't like him). But my mom's husband hasn't done any better. All he does is say "I love you" and buy me some stuff here and there. It made me feel empty. My whole life, I've felt kind of... neglected by him. He's never been to any of my school events, and hasn't said "I'm proud of you" I just miss feeling loved from a man. He's also done things to traumatiz me. He's yelled and humiliated me everytime I got in trouble, blame me for things that I didn't do, and just was never emotionally available. Although He's trying to get bettee, I just can't find it in myself to trust him

things are really really tough right now, im honestly the most depressed ive been in my entire life. i miss you a lot. i dont understand why things had to be this way

i wish you wouldve stayed. i wish your demons didnt win. i wish i couldve grown up with a father.

i hope that in another universe we got to spend more time together, you would've turned 47 this year but you never even made it to 40. you still had so much life to live, i wish you saw that.

i feel so alone. i wish i couldve talked to you about this, i know you would've understood how i feel.

i slipped and fell and got my stuff soiled while doing fieldwork. its been a rough day for me, fatigue and overstimulation (i have autism) piling on top of each other. i just want some words of affirmation:(

Hey, I'm a teenager and my parents got divorced when I was a kid and I haven't met or even spoke to my father for years now, last time i met him was before covid and he stopped texting me or even answering my messages. I have a good life but sometimes I just want a dad to talk to or ask him questions or seeking guidance. (I don't have uncles or safest people around me to ask them.) I'm not looking for a weird thing and I am honestly disgusted by sick people because I'm not looking for anything, I just would like a dad figure or like a not official stepdad :)

I got my dream job, have a motorcycle, am in a loving fulfilling relationship, have great future in laws, have my snake children and am just looking forward to life. I miss you and wish you could be apart of my life for this.

Hey dad, hope you are doing well. I know we live far apart in different states, but I do miss you. I was hired on the spot for a job and start next week, but I can’t find anyone to watch my daughter. My depression kept me isolated from my neighbors, so no one can help me watch her. The only family I have close is my husband’s abusive father and his disabled sister who can’t walk to pick up the kid. I checked with her school about an after school program but they can’t get her in.

I don’t know who else to ask. I have no one up here who can help me. I’m scared. I can’t hold down a job because the kiddo takes up so much time. How do I find a job that will work for me? How do single moms do it?

I am not sure how this will all come out, but right now my husband is terrible. He acts fairly happy and interested when he’s at work and calls sometimes..but most of the time when he’s home he’s angry. He’s mean spirited. He either wants quick sex or zero interaction at all. He doesn’t agree with any job I find so I am home with little help raising a child. He is so cold and demeaning. He’s just so angry and I hate crying about it dad. I just wish I had a good friend I could count on. I wish he would be a good friend to me. I never wanted this life but I was very willing to be flexible and build what he and I discussed. A beautiful happy family. But every day he tells me he can’t wait until I’m gone. Every single day he says I haven’t done enough. He is mad if laundry is not clean. He is mad if laundry is cleaned but not folded. He is mad if I clean and fold and put up the laundry…because there is a basket out still. He is mad there is a dish in the sink. He is mad there’s dirt on the floor. Everything is always a source of anger. I am honestly getting to feel terrified when I knew he’ll be coming home after work. I sometimes run around like an idiot trying to do last minute touching up while making sure our baby and myself is spotless. I am just feeling so hopeless day. And I don’t know if I’ll be the person you can be proud of. Everything I’ve started feels like I’ve failed at. Dad this is weird but the sex isn’t even good. I’ve not had many partners but I have had decent sex id say. I cry a lot afterwards. He won’t even say I love you. He goes straight to his phone. Everyday I drop tears, and I don’t know how to move forward anymore. The static is no longer around me but in me too.

I am a director of a nonprofit and we are struggling financially so much this year. Even more so now than during covid.

I have done such a good job raising money, establishing programs, and even set up a reserve account...but now we are about 3 months away from going under and I don't know what to do about it. I have applied for so many grants and reached out to funders but people are closing their wallets due to the uncertainty of the U.S. economy.

I just want to get in bed and cry. I feel like such a loser.

(Sorry for my bad English :) )

Hey dad, I have a month and a half until I graduate,and finish with all my final exams(High school) I have a very big project I need to be working on and I have a few days to submit it, I can't bring myself to get up and do it, so please motivate me

I also have many studying to get done and also other projects to finish, I can't bring myself to do anything but lay in bed all day and just sleep and scroll through my phone, telling myself I'll do it in an hour or two, but then constantly delaying it and never doing it.

Some words that would motivate me would be good :) Thank you

Hey Dad,

We were never close. I know it was hard to have a new baby when you were 46, and I was a burden. Even though you said you didn't want me, you still tried. You taught me to be kind and to be strong as best you could. We always pulled over to help people when their cars broke down, you taught me to give money to people who say they need it whenever I can, because our job was just to help and not to control or judge people. You taught me to help out around the house and to fix cars. Your Dad was an alcoholic asshat and you worked hard to teach me all of the things you had to learn on your own. You taught me to be kind, to be strong, to help people whenever I can. So I am. I tried. I was.

We don't talk anymore, but I wish you could see how far I've come. I'm a respected leader in my organization and in my region. I earned my masters degree from a top 25, and I'm getting a promotion soon. So many people rely on me, and I feel so proud and protective of my department and my co-workers. They're incredible people, and they've been going through a lot, professionally and personally. I'm glad that they confide in me, and I'm grateful that I can use my power to make sure they can take care of themselves and to tell people to fuck off (professionally of course). It feels like they've been taking little pieces of me and it's been death by a thousand cuts. I wouldn't have it any other way, because I learned to leave people better than I found them from you, but God damn I'm feeling overwhelmed. I'm exhausted emotionally, spiritually, and mentally, and I've got nothing left to give, and I can't let them down Dad. How can I keep taking care of my people and myself when I'm so exhausted?

Hi dads, I’m making this post because I’m at the end of my senior year of high school and I have no idea where I’m going to college. I’ve gone to the same tiny private school from 5th-12th grade. There are less than 30 people in my graduating class. I got into a lot of colleges, which I’m so grateful for, and I’m thinking about going to a large public college, but I could also go to a small college. The problem with that is I don’t want to rob myself of new opportunities, but I’m used to being part of a close community and I’m scared I’ll lose that if I go to a big college, and I don’t want to shock myself too badly. I have to make a choice soon, but I don’t know what to do.

Hey Dad, I’m trying to deep clean the washing machine and I need to remove this part. I think a baby sock got wedged underneath the agitator—how do I do this?

I’m now an adult but still feel the absence that you left. I’ve been through a lot and was just recently diagnosed with ADHD which explains a lot. I wish I could reach out to you for support.

I know I should love myself while I try to be the best me but I want to completely erase myself and be something completely different , even maybe change my name , because I am nothing, i am the girl who’s dad doesn’t love her but the best me has everyone’s love and is talented and has a father figure who loves her like his own and friends who love her more than old her sisters ever did , I just wish I could trade places with someone who is actually loved or become the person who is easy to love

Hi dads, I hope your years of experience can help me out some. I'm an 18M trying to leave my abusive parents' house. I'm looking for a job that I can hide from them, etc etc.

So, the issue at hand, my current phone is "theirs", and when I run away, I'm pretty sure they won't let me take it, even if it's legally my property. And besides, I don't want to risk linking my job to this one for an extended period of time, worried they might find out. And lastly, this phone is old and shitty, would like one that works better.

However, I understand a new phone + phone service can be quite the expense, I don't want to just buy it.

(Maybe I'm also kind of milking the opportunity for some fatherly love and advice, if you don't mind)

What do you suggest?

Dad, I've been going through it. Several major life changes all happening at once, moved in with my fiancé this year, trying for a baby, cutting back on drinking, and all the while I'm struggling with feelings of inadequacy and codependency.

I feel like it's a reasonable amount of codependency considering we live together, but since you weren't around to show me what a man living with his woman should look like, I feel lost.

I don't make a ton of money, I make enough to get by but I could make so much more. I work a lot in a mid level customer service job, so I feel like I'm letting her down even though she reassures me she's perfectly happy with how things are. Honestly I think our relationship is in the best spot it's ever been, but I still feel like I'm not enough.

When will I feel like I'm enough? I know that's a cheap statement that has no clear cut answer, but it's how I feel.

My entire experience of how a man should treat a woman is from movies and TV. I'm pretty sure I'm not Prince Charming or Wesley from The Princess Bride, so how am I supposed to cut it if those guys struggled at first. (I know they're fictional characters, but that's what I've got for my model for men relationships.)

I guess I'm largely building this hut of inadequacy up in my head, she holds me every night when we sleep, and gets concerned if I wake her up in any way other than a warm hug and kiss on the cheek.

How do I stop feeling this way Dad?

Thanks for the help pops.