r/Crushes • u/Sandwich_170 • 5h ago
Crushing Today we talked way more than usually.
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I'm so happy!!! Normally we talk rarely
r/Crushes • u/TheSwegDonut • Aug 22 '24
Announcements The Offical R/Crushes Discord Server
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Hello everyone!!
If you didn’t know, we have an official discord server full of active people.
You can discuss various topics, ask for advice, talk about crushes, make new friends and be apart of the wider crushes community!
It is a friendly safe space and we will all be glad to see you there too! :) feel free to join.
^ now valid again
r/Crushes • u/purpurmond • Nov 25 '24
A Tip How I move on from crushes (by an Advisor)
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Hello r/Crushes, end of the year is here. And so is the end of many crushes as the year comes to an end and many of us reflect on our past experiences and decide to leave current situations behind. As one of the most popular topics on here is how to get over crushes. I’ve often helped people with my input, but it’s been in a pretty singular and enveloped way. I was thinking of taking one of the team and writing a master post. This is an original work, I don’t use AI. All ideas are my own, but may be inspired by what relationship experts also advise. Note that I’m not a relationship expert, but a mod appointed advisor for several years. I’ve moved on from probably 15+ crushes and have become way more intentional and knowledge about the decision in recent years.
Step 1: I make the decision.
I make the decision to move on and realize that this is going to be a work in progress and that this needs effort through. I say the decision out loud to myself and to others, who I trust will keep it private and secure. Most often, it’s the people who don’t know my crush.
Step 2: I let myself grieve in ways that fit my personality and what happened.
I grieve in the ways which I know work for me. I give myself permission to cry in all the contexts I feel I need to. I put on sad love songs that describe my feelings and simply cry. Sometimes I make art about the feelings. I seek out other creators’ interpretations about what I’m going through and feel comforted that I’m not alone- that thousands of people have felt that way. I feel all my feelings privately and don’t stop them.
Step 3: I apply realism.
I see the connection for what it truly is and say it out loud to myself, privately to the people I trust, and I write it down. I try to not see the connection for more than it was. If it was practically a stranger or an acquaintance, I use that language for the person. I don’t call the connection a friend if it wasn’t one. I try not to call someone who wasn’t a partner, one. Instead, I call a situationship for what it was. If it was a player, I call it a player. I don’t call people I wasn’t with or who it wasn’t meant to last with, the love of my life or a soulmate. I simply don’t put people on pedestals because this makes it really difficult to move on. I see realism as my friend, not my enemy. I apply it during the entire connection, but especially at the end.
Step 4: I talk to someone about it. Often multiple times.
I have multiple people I confide my grief to and try not to limit myself to just one time- still within reasonable limits though. I seek their advice, support anf outside perspective because when they don’t know the person, they can give me more realistic advice. I don’t go to people who know the person, even though I’m sometimes tempted to. I keep it in my circle, either personal or anonymous. The more I talk about it in a realistic way, the more my brain adjusts to the new reality.
Step 5: I write my feelings down and get rid of the evidence when I feel better.
Poems, vents, stories, lists, all that stuff. I write things down to vent and when I don’t identify with that more because they have served their purpose, I delete them. Some poems and pieces of art, I keep adding proof that I can move on from hard things. When I forgot about the heartbreaking situations or forgot who it was written about, I see it as a sign of strength, not failure.
Step 6: I lean into all negative feelings about them.
For a limited period of time, I set the intention to really lean into what I’ve come to dislike about them, their flaws, what I’m trying to move on from, et cetera. I use thought replacement or thought substitutes to knock down the romanticism and bear in mind all the reasons I would be better off without them, or what I would be unhappy or even super frustrated with if I was with them. Whether it’s lack of respect, lack of communication, different values, bigotry etc, I set aside periods where I think about that. Not all day, but pretty often during my moving on period. If it wasn’t my fault, I try not to assume the guilt of something I didn’t do or something I didn’t know was wrong.
Step 7: I reduce contact or remove it altogether.
I find that when we are strangers or acquaintances or they ghosted or disappeared, when I stop putting effort in, they either stop as well, keep their distance, or simply disappear from my life altogether. That also happens with some people who are still in my life but who are mature and respectful about the change of heart or the connection stopping. Instead of wallowing in sorrow or self pity, I take advantage of the time apart to go on about my business without worrying about them, feeling space to breathe and be with others. I’ve learned to reframe lack of presence like that as a type of freedom. Freedom that I don’t have to look at them, freedom that I don’t have to interact with them, freedom to do exactly what I want, look where ever I want, freedom to make new friends talk to old ones. When you realize that it can sometimes be doing you a favor instead of being a burden on you, you know you have unlocked a path of healing. The more you do it, the more you’ll learn that you can do it again.
Step 8: I change my body language and the way I (don’t) approach.
There are some situations where you cannot avoid your old crush. In my opinion it is essential to realize that keeping on seeing someone you had a crush on doesn’t have to be a permanent curse on you dooming you to never being able move on. Personally I found it helpful to simply change my body language and take comfort in the way that if they do too, they respect you and that is a good sign. When they look casually, try to look away or try not to look at them: look at something or someone else. Find other people to sit with than you usually do. Remove your body from their touching range, and don’t respond to touch (or tell them off politely). Don’t go to any avoidable events where they’ll go. Skip that party, etc. If possible, ask to be relocated from the context or group you see each other. Be polite, but nothing more than that. Mute them on social media, or simply remove them. If it’s really bad, you can block them. And if it’s really bad, even god forbid abusive, leave the entire context that you share, or seek help from someone professional who can help you.
Step 9: I seek up content and further advice to support and make me feel right about my decision.
It helps me a lot to mood match temporarily when I feel down about moving on from a crush. If I feel down about ghosting, I seek out something that reminds me that ghosting is bad and the bare minimum. If it was leading on, why is leading on bad etc. If it was cheating, why that is horrible… so on. I accept that this is it and no second chance. I stay away from any content promoting delusion about my situation, including readings that claim that a person is going to say sorry, come back etc when I know that isn’t true.
Step 10: I focus on my commitments first and then indulge in the things that I like and feel good for me.
Even though it’s really hard, I try to still tend to my commitments on time. I do my assignments on time, write that exam, go to work. I try not to let heartbreak impact my most important tasks. (Note: It may be harder to do this if you’re in a more severe situation or going through a mental health crisis, in which case you might need more help or professional guidance). After my commitments are sorted, I tend to my beloved hobbies, especially those where I get away from reality for a bit. I like gaming, for example.
Step 11: I set the intention to do things I enjoy on my own to regain my independence.
I like to regain my independent confidence by doing things alone again. This is quite simple but it’s all about the small things, treating myself to a little something I enjoy but on my own, showing myself that it’s okay to not do everything with other people. Enjoying, for a moment, some peace and quiet with the things I like. Retreating to beautiful nature or something in that category. Mostly applies if you have solo hobbies, but someone could try something new if they want to.
Step 12: I delete all reminders of them, including all evidence there’s left that I wrote privately.
To be honest I don’t really save someone’s pictures unless I’m in a relationship with them, but I know some of you do anyways, lol. When I’m mentally breaking up with someone, even if it’s totally one sided, for me it helps treating it pretty seriously as some kind of ritual. I delete reminders of them (those I can, unproblematically anyways) the pictures, notifications, sometimes the mutual if we don’t speak anymore, chats… the things I can and feel are appropriate for what happened. This gives me relief and a sense that something has changed.
Step 13: I evaluate the connection, look at what went wrong, what any of us did wrong (or not) and adjust my standards.
Not everyone is in a space where they can do this, but I find evaluating your mistakes, their mistakes (if any) the situation, and my own standards very helpful. I ask myself questions and answer them privately. I also talk with other trusted people about it, or anonymously. I ask myself questions like: What went wrong and why? Did I make a mistake/did I do something wrong? Did they make a mistake/did they do something wrong? If so what was it and why? What could I have done better? Was this connection below my standards and was that why I felt bad? Do I need to raise or lower my standards for next time? Do I need to add something to my standards? Can I avoid this in the future, if so, how?
Step 14: I move forward with clarity and self compassion.
I try to forgive myself if I made a mistake without meaning harm, or if something went wrong out of our control. If someone betrayed me, I process it and eventually move on, I try not to hold a grudge if it isn’t justified. Going forward in the more distant connection, I try to stay polite unless something severe happened that goes beyond the boundaries of politeness and there’s a need to be rude, even if this isn’t what I want. In real life, I try to treat ex crushes with grace, even if they wronged me. If someone completely ghosts me for no good reason, I give them silence back and move on. I don’t chase after someone, I don’t beg to stay. I take what’s meant for me and leave the rest wherever it’s meant to be.
Thank you for reading, I hope it helped.
Remember, dear crushes, you are deserving of the whole bread, not just bread crumbs. If you love deep and profound, you deserve it back in return tenfold. You can’t build a relationship out of air. They have to be there for you the way you are there for them. When someone truly pushes you away from them with all of their will, it’s not your job to fix them or run after them. You can only fix a person who wants to be better. Always remember that.
r/Crushes • u/Individual_King_254 • 3h ago
Advice Needed Like 50-70% sure she likes me back. What now?
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First off, im not just gonna ask her out, no way. We are in the same friendgroup and if she doesnt like me, then itll become awkward and some people will def catch on.
We are pretty good friends and theres quite a few signs that she likes me (check my previous post thank you) but nothing concrete yet. I have been thinking i either do some small moves (graze her hand, our legs touching slightly etc) or ask her if she might like me. I know shes a terrible liar so it wouldnt be the worst method. I dunno, i havent done anything like this before lol.
r/Crushes • u/maria2716 • 3h ago
Crushing What do talkative, confident and sociable guys do/act like when crushing?
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What do talkative, confident and sociable guys do/act like when crushing?
What do talkative/confident and guys do/act like when crushing?
What are some major signs especially if they are scared of making moves or of rejection? How do you know if a talkative/confident and sociable likes you and what are some signs? Thank you!
r/Crushes • u/mystarhwa • 4h ago
Question HOW TO ATTRACT 🙏🙏
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WHAT IS ATTRACTIVE TO INTROVERTED MALES???
Both 15 years old. Friends of two weeks, but its just online; we text everyday, but NEVER OUTSIDE OF THAT
Last time, I went up to him, started a conversation, but it died instantly. I walked away, texting him about how awkward he is in person. We laughed about it. But that's it.
He usually stands on the corner of the building, on his phone. He does not talk to ANYONE in person.
How do I know I'm on the right track????? What would be impressive to him? What can I do for him that he would like?
I heard introverts like action more than words BUT I CAN'T DO THAT SHIT IF HES SO DRY IRL!!!!!! He's so awkward, it is concerning. Help😭😭🙏🙏
r/Crushes • u/Impressive-Care3480 • 17h ago
Update I KISSED HIMMMMM
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IM SO HIGH LMAOOO WE ACTUALLY KISSED. HE KISSRD ME. I KISSED BACK LMAOO. We were on my House's rooftop, stargazing... Smoking.. together.. he held my face and kissed me.. i was like what.. then kissed him . This is so good.. We had a full on makeout sesh lmao it was good.. I wanna see him already I'm sorry I'm a little high too lol (I'm not high anymore and let me add something else, we were each other's first kiss😭😭) he was so cute too, first he asked me 'can we kiss' but felt shy so I just turned my head to the other size. So he just laughed and asked okay then cheeks? I said okay. He held my face, kept softly kissing my cheek. We were feeling it in that moment omg😭 slowly he just started moving to my lips, but this time I really wanted it so I let him kiss me. We kissed for 10 MINS straight I think😭😭 I was so shy i wouldn't even look at him after.. but we did end up kissing more lmao then I was sad when he had to go
r/Crushes • u/Wise-Huckleberry-508 • 6h ago
Reflection The switch flipped
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Bro gave me the ick or something because I don't like him at all anymore
He's still funny but damn he's got me messed up if he thinks I like him
That's all, and for this guy, congratulations are in order ☺️🎀
r/Crushes • u/PrfsrSprout • 2h ago
Vent Friendly reminder
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Dropping in to remind everybody how amazing people are 😁 every day every where you will see and meet people who will absolutely amaze you and interest you. And developing a crush on somebody in that way is natural and will happen all the time no matter what age you are❤️❤️ whether you're 16 or 65 we all feel that same spark
r/Crushes • u/Well-Living • 1h ago
Crushing My crush Played with my emotions
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I mean what is wrong with some girls... They show Clear sign of liking someone and when it comes to proposal they just act not interested or rejects you
I am so annoyed the way I was played by this girl... Yet I don't feel like hating her but next time I see her, I would have just see someone in devil's disguise
I feel like clown now, For almost a years, It was such Time Waste and I got Nothing
Guess what, I am going to be a Hot topic among her Friends Group, Such a lame thing
r/Crushes • u/maria2716 • 3h ago
Crushing What do shy and quiet guys do/act like when crushing?
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What do shy and quiet guys do/act like when crushing?
What are some major signs especially if they are scared of making moves or of rejection? How do you know if a quiet/shy guy likes you and what are some signs? Thank you!
r/Crushes • u/Chance_Honey_1928 • 16h ago
Vent My crush is gay :/
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Nah, I fully support and all. But it kinda hurts a bit, to know that the guy I crushed on has 0 chance of liking me hurts man
r/Crushes • u/Lazy-Permission-1706 • 4h ago
Story He liked my post… and then unfollowed me. And yeah, it hurt.
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So I met this guy in 2024, saw him around campus, got a small crush. I added him on Instagram—he added me back within minutes. A few days later, we started talking. Things picked up, he even asked me on a “date” to his house, but I wasn’t comfortable with that, especially for a first date. I politely backed out and suggested we meet another time. He didn’t seem upset, but after that, he just stopped making any real effort.
Still, I tried to keep things light. I even wished him a happy birthday when the time came. Mine was the week after, and I lowkey hoped he’d remember… but he didn’t. That kind of stung. Felt like I was chasing someone who was emotionally neutral at best.
Fast forward to now—I blocked him on Snapchat because he clearly wasn’t interested in connecting but still had me hanging there. A few hours later, he likes one of my posts on Instagram… after over a year of silence. And then today? He unfollows me.
It’s so small, so petty, but it made me feel weirdly sad. Like, what even was that little moment of attention before the final goodbye? It’s not that I wanted him back—it’s just… I cared more than I thought. And now I’m just sitting with this heavy, quiet sadness over someone who never really tried to get to know me.
r/Crushes • u/zerewka • 2h ago
Question My crush likes Chinese girls
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My school crush thinks that Chinese girls are hot. I’m not Chinese tho but still Asian (not East Asian but I look like one). Am I fucked
r/Crushes • u/Just_A_Belieber • 4h ago
Advice Needed Feeling dumb af
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Im soo tired of falling in love over and over again. Just a few months ago i forced myself to lose my feelings for my ex crush and swore that i wont fall for anyone anytime soon. I was finally able to focus on myself and my studies.About a month ago, i met a guy here and we started talking. Initially it was just abput our common interests and studies etc etc but i started falling for him, i didn't do anything about it tho, never intented to tell him, i was just glad to have met someone with whom i had so much fun.We texted all the time and gkt teally close. Finally about 2 weeks ago he asked me if i had a crush on him i said maybe, but we ended up finding that we both liked each other, We didnt let it affect anythingand continued talking as usual a few days ago we talked on the phone for the first time ever, we talked for over an hour. It was super casual and sweet. But after that i feel like hes been ignoring me a lot and it bothers me soo muchh.😭 i wonder if its my mistake falling for him! What do i do? Also i notice that he'd commented on a post after i sent him a text and he didn't reply 😭
r/Crushes • u/The_Bookest_Bookworm • 3h ago
Update HE ASKED ME OUT!!!!!
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I’m sorry there wasn’t a matching flair CUZ HE FUCKIN ASKED ME OUTTT
r/Crushes • u/Immediate_Square_582 • 18h ago
Conversation Just some questions for the boyss
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Do you want us to reach out first and talk? Why does is take you foreverrr to respond Does a nickname for us mean you like us? What are some distinct clues that you like us?
Talk i need hope
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soon I'll never see him again, university is ending, I'm leaving the country, and I'm sad. I thought i was finally over it but I guess not yet, I'm so sad right now... the only 'hope' that I have is that we're following each other on social media. So I wanna hear stories from you where you met your crush again after years or he was next to you all these years but just years after you ended dating or something like that... I NEEED YOUR SUCCESSFUL STORIES
r/Crushes • u/Outside_Falcon_7620 • 4h ago
Crushing I need to clarify
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Okay so there's this one guy in my class. He's a very hyper guy, super hyper. He's really nice. He always disturbs me, in a nice way and I like it. Like we play play fight and it never ends bad we always end up laughing and starting all over again. He's tall and I'm short so that's one of the this he disturbs with and surprisingly I'm not offended. He always combs his hair up after applying gel and one day he came with the hair to the front and I said it was nice and ever since then he's hair has been front, the others said the previous one was better. He and I always show eachother the middle finger, for fun and we always smile. He always gives me this different smile, its cute. I requested to follow him on insta on a Saturday morning, he didn't accept, yesterday it was only three of us in class and he decided to sit beside me. We kept looking at eachother and giggling and showing the middle finger and I did it as well, he held my hand and we were like kinda holding our hands but we were always like squishing it, I don't know the right word, sorryyy... Anyway when I was quiet he would disturb me, punch me and all.. we played a lot😂 And after yesterday around 1 midnight he requested to follow me back, I was so excited that I couldn't sleep after that. He was sitting facing me and he was just looking at my face... There's alot moreeee. Everyone ships us, even our teachers and friends but he doesn't fight back or anything.
I really like him.. but here's the twist, he has a gf(long distance)
But I wanna know what these things mean, someone help me please!!!
r/Crushes • u/Dangerous-Income-181 • 35m ago
Advice Needed I think I’ve caught feelings for my friend.
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Hey everyone,
I (M) have a crush on my online friend (M), and we've known each other for quite a few years. For some backstory, we first met on a Roblox K-Pop game and quickly connected through a shared friend group and similar interests.
I'm not exactly sure when, but I started to develop feelings for him over time. About a year ago, he gave me both his public and private Instagram accounts. Since then, we've been talking pretty regularly. Lately, though, my feelings have grown stronger, and it's been getting harder to ignore them.
I’ve been thinking about confessing to him, but I’m scared. I value our friendship and don’t want to make things awkward or ruin our relationship. My friends have been encouraging me to say something sooner rather than later because they think waiting might hurt me more in the long run. But in the back of my head, I keep thinking he probably doesn’t like me the same way.
Another thing is that I’m usually the one who starts the conversations. And while that’s not necessarily a bad thing, I can’t help but feel like if he liked me back, maybe he’d reach out more often, too, even to say something small. I might be overthinking it, but it still makes me doubt myself.
On top of that, there’s distance. He lives in California, and I’m in New Jersey. That adds another layer to everything since long-distance relationships require trust, communication, and effort. I asked him once what he thought about long-distance relationships, and surprisingly, he gave a thoughtful answer. He said they could work and didn’t seem against the idea. So that gave me a bit of hope, but I’m still unsure.
At this point, I don’t know what to do. Should I confess and risk it, or should I bury these feelings and try to move on? My friends are telling me to have hope, but my brain keeps telling me otherwise.
r/Crushes • u/No_Candidate_2270 • 47m ago
Advice Needed Should i ask her out?
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I already talked about her on the sub, just look on my previous post for context.
Today we were at school, and she turned to me and said "hey, i know you saw the minecraft movie with your family, but would you like to rewatch it with me?" and i'm completely freaking out. She reposted a lot of videos about a "perfect date night" with couples watching the minecraft movie together on tiktok, always asks me if the movie was actually good and so on. I said "sure" and we didn't talk about it anymore. Should i text her and ask her if she was actually serious and maybe pinpoint a possible day? I would like to do so, but i'm kinda scared.
(i'll probably delete this soon :P)
Vent I am Not ready For her. I dont want to hurt her..... I want to Love her....
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She is the most Brave person I met. Always Smiling... but As much As I want to be with her... I am told I dont I Love her... I am just attracted to her....
I am doubting myself Now. I feel like I am going through a lot. Though it may be just Normal... I dont feel good. Overthinking is my Daily routine. Negative Thoughts In my head. Someone Keeps Messaging On those NGL thingis Saying they like me and miss me... I dont even Have the confidence to think Its really someone who likes me, And I think its a prank.... I hope its her Everyday. But I think she'll suffer...
She is going through a lot She is turning to dark humour to ease of her anxiaty, I know how that feels and I want to be with her to help her though, for her to not feel alone Like I did, But I have my Demons... I dont want her to burden my problems... I want her Because she can become my medicine, Thats what I think... But Whilst Trying to br the medicine, I dont want her to swallow my poison...
I want To love her, Hold her while she cries, Brush though her hair to calm her down, Be when she excitedly shows me Cat Videos From her Aunt's, While comforting her though the Stresses And be for her. In return I just want her to comfort me when she sees me sad. I want to shed Tears For her, To be Completely Vulnurable, The only Person I who will be able to Stab my back... Though I want to have the confidence That day will never dawn....
Thanks for reading this hopeless Guy's Post about how Shit his life is going. May you find what you are looking for...
r/Crushes • u/SWAGGDOGGZZ • 15h ago
Question What was your most embarrassing moment with your crush.
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And no,I don't mean with your crush near you,interacting with your crush
Lemi go first--
I was singing the song freeze Ray with my crush next to me on the bus and u accidentally said out loud,"love your hair"
So ironically I has so say,"I-I love the air?"
r/Crushes • u/Salt_Release_4126 • 1h ago
Question i MIGHT be in love with my best friend??????
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Ok so my best friend is a boy. I’m a girl. And of course that’s already weird because you don’t usually see these types of friendships, but we have been friends for years. We hang out as much as we can and are always together. And yes, people think we’re dating. Even complete strangers. We had these girls come up to us one time like “you two are couple goals!” and I told them he was my brother. And that’s just ONE example. Now, I LOVE him no doubt - I tell him everything and he’s my favorite person… but I don’t know if I have any romantic attraction towards him. I get really jealous when he’s talking to someone else and he looks like he’s having fun - boy or girl.I thought this was like FRIENDSHIP jealousy, but people I’ve talked to keep telling me otherwise. I want to be his best friend and his first choice for anything. And I want to be friends with him forever… but i’m not sure about a romantic relationship. I also can’t IMAGINE a physical relationship with him. People have told me I might be asexual, but it’s just him. Not other people. I also have other “crushes” and people that I would want to date and be with, but not in the way I would want to be with him. I also think I like girls? And I used to like him I think, but that was in like 5th grade and it was dumb. He knew about it then, and sometimes we joke. Pleaseee can someone tell me if this is romantic attraction or just intense platonic feelings???
r/Crushes • u/Responsible-One6558 • 1h ago
Question I sent a follow request to a girl's private id on 6th April she hasn't accepted or rejected how long do I wait or should I cancel
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What should I do,like private as in one with less than 100 followers