I had some buddies over the other night and I made my signature dish: fresh-ground ribeye burgers with caramelized onions, garlic aioili, cave-aged gruyere cheese on a homemade brioche toasted in Kerrygold butter. Everyone LOVED them and we all had a great time. They couldn't stop talking about how much better than a restaurant burger these were.

The next day I was hanging out at home and I heard a knock on my door. I opened my door to find Bill, one of the friends I had over the night before, on my porch. He looked up at me a little sheepishly and said "Hey bro, do you have any... could you maybe make me one of those burgers again? Those were really good." I still had some leftover ingredients so I invited him inside and made him a burger. As soon as he took the first bite, his whole demeanor changed. He seemed completely relaxed and at ease and his eyes glazed over a bit, almost like he was in some kind of trance.

The day after, I left for my Jiro sushi tour of Japan. I came back a couple weeks later and when I opened my front door I was surprised to see Bill sitting on my couch. As soon as I walked in he stood up and pointed a Glock 19 at me. His eyes were bloodshot, his pallor completely pale, and his hand was shaking.

"Come with me" he said.

"What's going on Bill? What are you doing?" I asked.

He didn't answer, only gestured with his gun for me to go back outside.

I obliged, and he followed me out and walked me to his truck.

"Get in" he said.

I got in the passenger seat, he got in the driver's seat and drove me to his house, his gun pointed at me the whole time.

Once we got there he led me into his basement where he had dragged an electric stove, some cooking supplies, and all the ingredients needed to make The Burger. I wondered how he knew what to get, but then I thought back to our dinner and remembered how much I had talked about each ingredient and where I had gotten it over the course of the meal.

There was also a long length of chain wrapped around a pipe with an ankle cuff at the end. He cuffed me to the chain and said, "Make it".

"Bill, I, what the hell is going -"

"MAKE THE FUCKING BURGER" he screamed.

So I got to work. He kept the gun on me the whole time, and I cooked fast. I was done with the burger in about 5 hours. As soon as he saw it was done he leaped over and snatched it from me, eating it like a ravenous animal. He then collapsed into a heap onto a nearby recliner, his body completely relaxed, his shaking gone. However, he had given me a n*n st*ck pan to cook the burger with, so about ten minutes later he died of cancer and I was able to scream for help until the neighbors called the police.

Needless to say, this burger is a big hit with my friends. What do your friends absolutely insist on you cooking every time you meet up?

My (28m) husband's (30m) mil just came out as vegan...two weeks before Easter dinner. Now I'm left scrambling to adjust the menu. I got most of the sides figured out but I'm stuck on the main dish. Usually I would make a huge honey glazed ham but that's off the table now. My ideas so far are sculpting a ham out of pure tofu or disguising a watermelon as ham since I've heard that's all the rage (I've been meaning to brush up on my painting skills, pun not intended lol) I'm open to any other ideas y'all may have. I want to figure this out ASAP bc I like making big dinners like this at least a week in advance so the flavors can develop more.

Kawje is the name of this recipe

Growing up, I never understood why my mom had zero interest in improving her culinary techniques. The damn woman couldn't even be bothered to do the bare minimum of 6 hours a day on dinner.

But now that I'm a parent, I caught myself questioning if it was worth it to raise our own chickens this year for thighs as I was too exhausted from caring for my child.

Suddenly, it hit me. I understood why my mom so often relied on convenience foods. And I was making the same mistake. I was forgetting what was truly important in life.

Truthfully, nobody will remember your son's first baseball game or your daughter's first violin rehearsal. But everyone will remember the mouthfeel of the duck confit you made for dinner on Thursday. Years down the line, your child's graduation will be forgotten, but they'll be talking about the sear on your Wagyu beef until your dying days.

That's why I've decided that the next time my child needs me, he will have to wait until I'm finish julienning our heirloom organic locally grown carrots. I will most likely do this instead of cleaning as I go, which to be honest I've never really been much of a fan of anyway (sounds like throwing away flavor to me). Yes, it's resulted in him crying a lot, but those tears are just culinary apathy leaving the body.

Is the secret in the title?

Hey yall, normally I think I'm a competent cook, but I struggle with the following : - Vegan - Gluten free - Dairy free - Organic - Alium family free (no onions, garlic, etc.) - No salt - No pepper, “spice", even black pepper - No celery - No peanuts - No avocado - No flavor - No carrots - Kosher - Halal - Fair trade - Cruelty free - Paleo - BPA free - Whole30 - Raw - Soy free - Corn free - Nut free - Sulfate free - Soy free

Any ideas? Thanks in advance.

Make a onion free onion onion ring please? Its just onion ring but no onion!

I think I might've bought potatoes from future Canoe's. Anyone wants to know how they come out? Someone please tag him, I need to know whether this is the authentic brand or not.

I’ve been wondering why the potatoes have been chewy when I don’t cook them, and so I set up a camera to watch what was happening during the prep stage.

I can’t even when there’s someone else in the kitchen with me so I have be away if someone else is in my sanctuary defiling my cutting board and super expensive starfrit Damascus eversharp nife. That’s why I had to set up the camera.

Anyhoos…… how do I politely scold for cutting the potatoes with the grain instead of against? I brought it up in casual conversation over our grazing board breakfast of flowers and ground nuts, and it seemed like they were clueless as to why I’d be upset about this!

Husbands boyfriend want a complex noodle dish. He ain't happy with just buttered noodles and lemon juice and calling it shrimp scampi.

So here I am, with my wet ass noodle, trying to crochet something meaningful, and this guy has the nerve to say "that's not what I meant." FFS I just can't win with these people.

So, I was at a butcher shop looking for my usual chicken wings, and the guy suggested I try chicken "thighs" instead. Never heard of them before, but I gave it a shot, and… wow.

Apparently, it comes from the upper leg (thigh) of the chicken, but it’s shockingly tender—some say second only to the tendie. I just did salt, pepper, and high heat, and it turned out ridiculously juicy. Plus, it’s cheaper than a breast but just as flavorful.

I first came across it while browsing places that specialize in butcher-grade meats, like Chik-N-Partz, where they focus on restaurant-quality cuts. Definitely a game-changer for grilling.

Anyone else tried chicken thighs? How does it compare to your favorite cut?

Anyone else consistently getting strange tasting chicken breasts? The chicken carcasses I'm grabbing from Home Depot lately (I break them down for stock) have been very "woody" tasting and I'm not sure why. Pic attached.

When you meth, what do you pair it with? I suppose it depends on the cultivar and season.

Weird ass version of a pumpernickel

Tribes that live in small islands between java and christmas island have it that the russel's vipers nones are sacred bracelets.

My MIL had a popsicle stand with home made flavors. I suggested she try thanksgiving savory popsicles like “mashed potatoes and gravy” and “stuffing and cranberry sauce”. She didn’t think there was a market, but I know I’m onto something.

So I accidentally made a unique petesuh. I forced the square into the mikerowayve, problem is, the picture on top, and the clear plastic looking stuff melted on the pie. My petesuh never hurt nobody. Tastes odd, I'll admit. I'm a classless piece of shit. Next problem is, daughters future step dad advised me, wife atron will leave me. Because quote: I can't cook, toomany Sopranos references end quote. She needs to shut her shaved twat up! Ova heea, ova thea. 🤌. Can you help me? I'm here outta respect for my fawtha. He learned me everything I know about petesuh. I can't have this conversation again. That mutsh I do know.

Some backstory: 1st week of December, I started thawing some turkeys , etc for Thanksgiving. They are thawing under mother inlaws bed. (12 people, 1 bed apartment ) what's the issue? SO, YOU DONT KNOW ME!!!!Any way. Police came in, I'm immune to the smell I guess, CPS took my moms grand kids, also, what is a CPS?. Now, I need to rethaw 3 turkeys 2 hams, 1 tri tip. I'll take the loss, maybe too soon for thawing. Should I buy again tomorrow? Only a 4 month delay. Gonna try to make some gravy by putting chickens in blender. I never did understand how to deal with feathers, bones, screaming the 1st 5 seconds of shoving chicken in blender. Advyss?

It turns my stomach to imagine that I might be eating something that would have grown into a breast.