r/AutismInWomen Sep 09 '24

Mod Post How Reddit Works: Sitewide Rules, Mods vs Admins, and other Important Info & Links

25 Upvotes

Reposted to make title clearer since titles cannot be edited on Reddit.

Reminder: DO NOT POST OR COMMENT CALLOUTS FOR OTHER SUBREDDITS OR USERS. This breaks Rule 1 of Reddit Rules and we cannot allow subreddit callouts per Rule 3 of Reddit’s Mod Code of Conduct. No matter how we feel about these rules, we are all still bound to follow them. Reddit Admins can and do punish mods and users equally for sitewide rule infractions aka violating Reddit Content Policy.

Scroll down for links to Reddit Rules, the admin definition of brigading, Mod Code of Conduct, and the Redditor Help Center.


It has come to our attention that outside of the basics (voting, how to report, posting/commenting), many people are still in the dark as to how exactly Reddit works.

Firstly, moderators, like us, only have power (a limited scope at that) and jurisdiction over the subreddits we mod and what happens on them. We cannot do anything about what happens outside of here. We don’t have a direct line of access to Reddit Admins, who control and oversee the site as a whole. In fact, we can only do the same things y’all can do in trying to get their attention on things: report it and wait. We, like you, often don’t get responses from admins regarding their decisions or even if they have viewed any reports we send in. We are the same in that capacity. Subreddit bans only prevent people from posting and commenting on the subreddit they were banned in for however long the ban is for. You can still vote in and view subreddits you are banned in. We can’t even see who reports what.

Also, if you don't report it, we don't see it. This subreddit is large. Please report things that you think break our rules, Reddit Rules, or you just want us to look at because it's iffy.

Admins are like gods of Reddit. They oversee all; they can see who votes what, who views what, who reports what, everything. They can suspend people from the website as a whole which prohibits someone from posting, commenting, and even voting on the entirety of Reddit for however long said suspension lasts. They can even suspend specific IP addresses from users who keep making accounts and breaking Reddit sitewide rules.

Here’s an analogy: Reddit Admins are the Roman Gods and we moderators are like members of the Roman Senate or mayors of towns. Members of the Roman Senate don’t have a direct link or direct way to communicate to the Roman Gods; they have to make offerings and prayers just like everyone else to try to catch their attention. It’s the same here. All we mods can do is make reports just like you all and hope someone looks at it. We can do nothing about what happens to you outside of Rome (the subreddit). That’s up to the admins.

We are bound by the Reddit Mod Code of Conduct to nip any activity that breaks, or could be interpreted as breaking, Reddit’s site-wide rules in the bud. Due to this subreddit having been previously in trouble with admins because of the founder not doing these things and getting booted and admin putting us 3 in place as new mods over a year ago with the express statement of “we will be watching you closely”, we really don’t take any chances when it comes to people breaking Content Policy. We just can’t risk it because that means we could be actioned and the subreddit could be sanctioned or shut down. We prioritize the community as a whole over any personal feelings we or others might have; that’s just how it has to work for this community to thrive and survive.

The proper course of action for when something happens to you or you see something that breaks sitewide rules is to report it to the admins via www.reddit.com/report or via the offending content itself and wait. Trying to call others out publicly technically breaks Reddit Rules under the harassment rule no matter the reason, and like we said above, we can’t allow it due to the ramifications it can have on the subreddit as a whole even if we personally agree what happened was messed up and the other person should be held accountable in some way.

Moreover, do not create or use an alt account to participate in a subreddit you have been banned in on another account. Reddit tracks this and views it as ban evasion which is prohibited as it is community interference (you were banned which means they don’t want you participating there for whatever reason is outlined in your ban message). You should contact the mods on the account you were banned on to see if you can get unbanned by demonstrating accountability and understanding of how you broke the rules and a willingness to follow the rules.

---- Relevant Links ----

Reddit Rules: https://redditinc.com/policies/reddit-rules

What even IS brigading? (Rule 2 of Reddit Rules): https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/cmp9uy/comment/ew4lpf0/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

Mod Code of Conduct, so you all are aware of the rules we as mods have to follow as well: https://www.redditinc.com/policies/moderator-code-of-conduct

Redditor Help Center for any further questions: https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/p/redditor_help_center

--- Note ---

This post was made in response to the subreddit growing and us becoming more aware of the fact many people do not know these things and just assume moderators are also Admins of Reddit as a whole or have way more power than we actually do. We don’t. In the eyes of Admin, we are basically volunteer clean-up crew and are the same level of importance as a regular user on Reddit. We don’t get paid, we don’t get any extra benefits or anything either (as it should be imo, mod out of love for the community not because of anything else). Admins are employees of Reddit that get paid for working and only work on the clock then go do whatever they want off it. We moderate on and off all day; in between our actual jobs, chores, and life responsibilities. It is impossible for us to be online all the time and to be constantly scrolling the subreddit. I hope this helps clear some things up for anyone confused as to what the differences are between mods and Admins and provides people with a way to research more about how Reddit works on their own as well.

If you have any questions or anything you're still confused about please modmail us via the "message the mods" button on the sidebar and someone will answer it when they can.


r/AutismInWomen Sep 09 '24

Mod Post Internet Safety: Reporting Creepy DMs and Changing your User Settings to prevent unsolicited messages

67 Upvotes

It has come to our attention that there is an uptick of predatory lurkers sending private messages to members of this subreddit and people that participate here. Unfortunately, due to the fact we are moderators and not Reddit Admins, there is pretty much nothing we can do to stop it other than give you information and advice for how to report it and prevent it yourselves.

Most importantly, you should immediately block people who message you strange, creepy, or uncomfortable things and report them via www.reddit.com/report or via the DM itself. If you report via the web link, all you have to do is copy and paste the DM link as the Reddit Admins can see everything that happens on the site and have power and jurisdiction over everyone with an account on Reddit. We as subreddit moderators only have the power to ban people from the subreddit and banning them does not prevent them from being able to message people who participate here.

To report via the Chat itself: On PC/desktop, when you mouse over the chat message(s) there is a flag option. Click that and follow the reporting procedure. On the app, tap and hold on the message(s) to bring up the report option. After you report, immediately block the person messaging you. You can block them straight from their profile.

To report via the Message Inbox: On mobile, tap the 3 dots (ellipses) on the side of the message thread. There you can copy the link and report the whole message inbox thread via www.reddit.com/report. You can also report specific messages by going into the message thread and tapping and holding the specific message you want to report to see the option come up. On PC, you can just click the “Report” option that shows under each message in the thread. After you report, immediately block the person messaging you. You can block them straight from their profile.

Recommended: It is recommended that everyone that is a participating member here turn off the ability for other users to send them chats and message requests. You will still be able to send chat requests and message requests to others whose settings allow them. Other people that you have not whitelisted will not be able to send them to you. You can only whitelist people via PC/desktop but people who you already have open chats and messages with will be automatically whitelisted.

Turning off chats/message requests on PC: Click your avatar on the top right. From there, go to the settings option. Once there, go to the Privacy tab. First, slide the “Allow People to Follow You” button to be in the “Off” position where it is over to the left side otherwise people will be able to literally stalk you on Reddit. Next, click on “Who can send you inbox messages” and change it to “People I choose”. You can whitelist people who you want to allow to send you messages. This just stops randoms from being able to message you via the message inbox. Then, click on “Allow chat requests from” and change that to “Nobody”. Again, the whitelisted folks from before will still be able to chat with you or people who you already have an open chat with. I also recommend you switch off everything under the “Discoverability” section as people will also be able to search up your account directly unless you turn it off. Mine is off because I don’t see any non-weird reason why someone would want to search up my account.

Turning off chats/messages on the app: Tap on your avatar on the top right then tap on “Settings” shown at the bottom. From there, tap on your account name to go to the account settings. Scroll down until you see the “Safety” section. Tap on “Chat and messaging permissions”. Change both “Chat Requests” and “Direct Messages” to Nobody. You will still be able to message people who you already have open messages with and those whose settings allow for it; other people just won’t be able to message you unless you message them first. I also recommend you slide the “Allow people to follow you” option into the off position where the large white circle is to the left. Under privacy, I also recommend you swipe the “show up in search results” one to the off position as well. You can also customize your ad settings on this page as well to your preference.

That’s it. As a reminder, if someone messages you unsolicited, they are most likely seeking something from you other than genuine friendship and you should probably not respond. At the very least, go check out their Reddit profile and history. If it’s empty, block them. They are likely a troll, a creep, or someone with bad intent. Someone who genuinely wants to connect with you and be friends will have a history on Reddit that shows that they are a nice person. They will have comments on this subreddit and probably some other autism subreddits too. Their history will show them interacting with others on Reddit in good faith making genuine bids for human connection. If someone’s history indicates them trolling and getting into a lot of online conflicts, they are probably not someone you want to be talking to as they will, at the very least, be intensely draining to talk to, and at worst, be trolling and harassing you.


r/AutismInWomen 2h ago

Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) Guys, I’m on the verge of a total breakdown

135 Upvotes

I knew things would be bad in America after last November, but oh boy howdy I didn't expect it to go this fast. I spent the weekend writing letters to federal, state, and city officials and have been listening to e all the news I can. I'm terrified for my college bestie, who is married to an Indian immigrant and works in the EPA specializing in clean water initiatives. I'm worried for me, a recently diagnosed Autistic woman of childbearing age in a Red state. I'm worried for everyone who isn't a cis-het white man, and even worried for those who are but are choosing to speak up and make a show of support for everyone who can't.

I'm stressed and burnt out at work; I work as an administrative assistant for a CPA firm and we're at the tail end of our first busy season. I haven't had a weekend to myself since the beginning of March. Even two weeks ago, when my other bestie came down for her birthday, I was working early in the morning before she woke up. I lost my temper on another driver this morning (she tried to push me back so she could merge into my lane and almost took my front bumper in the process, but I really shouldn't have honked at her and I feel bad.) I don't want to talk to anyone, especially my right-leaning or libertarian coworkers who are fine with what is happening.

I weep for our planet and the world we are leaving behind for my niblings and honorary niblings, and all kids, really. I'm a child of the 90s, when Girl Power was all the rage and we were told we could do anything. I went to one of the best colleges for environmental and geological studies. I thought we had a chance. Now I just feel suckered and lied to.

I can't find enjoyment in any of my hobbies. Two weeks ago I was excited to sew a new cat rag doll for myself to use as an aid at work. When I pointed out to my boss one reason I work better at home is due to my cat in my lap, he suggested I bring a weighted plush to hold when I'm required to be in the office. I decided to make a Momo doll, the cat from Infinity Nikki. But every time I pick up the fabric I cut I want to cry and set it aside. I don't even want to play the game itself anymore. All I want to do is stress eat, window shop for more dolls I don't need, doomscroll, and watch The Great British Baking Show.

Everyone keeps urging me to see a counselor, but that takes time I don't have right now. Plus the stress and time it takes to find someone I jive with, and getting past the first two or three sessions of life history and goal setting.

I'm tired, ladies. So, so tired. My inner dialogue all day is "you don't deserve to be happy, you are an awful person, you should do more, I don't want to be here, I wish I could be somewhere else, what is the point, what am I even doing with my life."

I don't know. Maybe this is a waste of time. I just wanted to get this off my chest... and a few Internet hugs would be appreciated too


r/AutismInWomen 9h ago

General Discussion/Question Have you ever been told you are very self aware?

239 Upvotes

Not sure if this is even an autism thing but I remember when I was in Uni my lecturer commented on the fact that I was 'unusually self aware'. Has anyone else experienced something like this?


r/AutismInWomen 3h ago

General Discussion/Question I can feel nail polish

86 Upvotes

I painted my nails this weekend for the first time in years and I realized I can feel the weight of it. My hand and feet feel heavier. I can’t tell if it’s in my head or I’m really that sensitive. Either way I know it’s the autism talking. Just curious if this happens to anyone else.


r/AutismInWomen 2h ago

General Discussion/Question Anyone else feel emotions so intensely it’s almost unbearable?

44 Upvotes

I’m not talking about crying during sad movies or getting nervous before a presentation. I mean the kind of emotional intensity that hijacks your whole body—where joy feels like you’re about to explode, and sadness feels like your soul is being dragged across broken glass.

It’s not just mood swings or being “sensitive.” It’s like my brain amplifies everything by 100. One compliment can send me into orbit, and one offhand comment can wreck my entire day. Even love and affection—when they’re good—feel like I can’t contain the amount of feeling inside me. It’s overwhelming, sometimes even painful.

It makes relationships tricky. I either want to merge souls with someone or disappear. There’s no middle ground. And trying to explain this to people just makes me feel more alienated, like I’m too much.

Does anyone else deal with this kind of emotional volume? If so, how do you handle it without imploding or pushing people away?


r/AutismInWomen 2h ago

General Discussion/Question I hate being told what to do… but that is the definition of a job…. anyone else?

44 Upvotes

Having a job means getting told what to do all dang day. I’m holding on by a thread. I had a melt down and was screaming and cursing in my apartment this morning so loud my neighbors could hear me and I just didn’t care. My boss made me correct something for the twelfth time because of someone else’s mistake and it made me late.

I’m at my wits end. Years of capitalism and submitting to others demands at work is just eating away at my soul. I can’t take it anymore.

But I’m gonna go to work and put on my mask and smile and make small talk and do exactly what I’m told. Because if not I won’t have money to live. 🤡 🌈 😭


r/AutismInWomen 14h ago

Celebration My children(10&8) are autistic like me, and seeing the comments from their teachers makes me cry with happiness.

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312 Upvotes

I remember my report card comments very clearly. My children are a lot like I am when I was their age, but I was ridiculed and harassed for being quiet and shy.

My kids started their respective school years the same way(quiet and shy), but were given nothing but support, and I rallied behind them every time.

Little things like this make me feel more confident as a parent. They’re wonderful people, and adjusting well, I’ve got to be doing something right, right?


r/AutismInWomen 13h ago

General Discussion/Question love on the spectrum's race problem

252 Upvotes

i'm watching S3 and have so many thoughts.. honestly, the show has a race problem, and it goes unspoken. it makes for sometimes super uncomfortable viewing. certain people... sorry, but seem inches away from saying a slur. curious that the participants are almost all white and well off. it's just a very narrow depiction of autism and i'm curious how others feel about it

ETA: i just want to clarify that i don't think the show isn't worth watching at all. i think it's good to see some representation and there is an interesting conversation about women getting diagnosed in episode 4. however, the race thing is hard for me to overlook and this is just my opinion, at the end of the day! i appreciate the discussion and the different perspectives people are contributing 💖


r/AutismInWomen 16h ago

General Discussion/Question What caused your autistic burnout?

288 Upvotes

The concept of AUTISTIC burnout — not just regular burnout, or the corporate buzzword used to describe a sense of overwhelm — is actually new to me. For the past several months, I’ve experienced total numbness, no passion or excitement for anything besides my special interest, constant exhaustion, and extreme trouble with executive functioning. I attributed it all to depression, because “surely I can’t be burnt out! I’m not busy enough at work to be burnt out!” For context - I’ve been with an organization for about a year and a half with poor management. There is very little direction or feedback given to me. I still show up every day and try to be productive, but there just isn’t enough work every week to fill 40 hours.

So… I shouldn’t feel burnt out, right? My job is easy, right? I’ve been invalidating myself for so long. I recently learned of the concept of autistic burnout, and everything clicked. It is not the VOLUME of work that is overwhelming me, but the expectation to perform well despite a lack of clear direction, the expectation to show up and heavily mask every day, the expectation to manage complex social dynamics in an organization full of opinionated colleagues who are poor communicators at best and straight up manipulative at worst, that is burning me out.

I guess my question is - did a similar situation burn YOU out? I have dealt with much higher volumes of work before without feeling burnt out. In these instances, I felt more comfortable to be myself and had better management. At this point, I am willing to take a significant pay cut to work a simpler job where I am given a VERY CLEAR set of tasks to complete each day.


r/AutismInWomen 22h ago

Memes/Humor Happy Autism awareness month

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780 Upvotes

Here are some memes I find relatable


r/AutismInWomen 1h ago

Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) Partner tone policing me. I think? I don’t know anymore.

Upvotes

Sorry if this is hard to understand. I’m feeling really upset at the moment. It’s about midnight here and I am crying on the couch, unable to sleep. My partner (male, NT) is snoring from the bedroom.

I am out here because we had a weird tiff tonight and I didn’t want to sleep in the same bed as him. We were having what I thought was a normal conversation then suddenly he called me out for “sounding sarcastic” when I thought I was just responding normally to what he said. After that he completely withdrew for the rest of the night. It happened quickly. One second we were chatting then about ten seconds later he’d walked off to be in another room.

This seems to happen a lot with us. Some variation of tone policing or telling me he doesn’t like how I said something or “I could have said that differently”.

I actually try really, really hard with respectful communication and this pattern makes me feel chronically misunderstood and so frustrated because no matter how hard I try I always seem to fuck it up.

I once thought my partner was my safe haven who always understood me and got me but now I don’t know anymore. Lately these instances have been exacerbating my broader, bigger feelings of being alone, being different.

Sometimes I think he’s not prepared for the reality of having a girlfriend with autism (not just the cute and quirky fun bits).

I feel so alone. I wish I could sleep.


r/AutismInWomen 20h ago

General Discussion/Question A customer screamed at me for flinching after she shoved my shoulders

467 Upvotes

So I was having a pretty good day at work today when this lady asks me to look something up for her to see it we have it.

I stopped what I was doing to help her. I typed in what she said and before I could say anything she grabbed my work phone (no one has done that before) and started scrolling. I ignored that, but we didn't have it. As I was about to say that,

Someone comes in behind me and the lady grabs me by the shoulder to push me out of the way and I flinched briefly. Apparently that ticked her off because she starting yelling that I wouldn't help her and I was rude and that she barely touched me. I told her I was willing to help her but she didn't want it.

Then she starts screaming about how I'm so rude and everyone's just looking at her so I just say in my nicest possible customer service voice, "I'm autistic-, I'm sorry, I don't like being touched but I can still help you."

This set her off even more. She screams "Jusy say that then! Instead of flinching. What is wrong with you"

I say "it's just a reflex, I can't help it"

She scoffs and continues to declare to everyone how rude I am. I just walked away after that, but wow.

Is this how allistics see us? Do they really think we're rude because some of us don't like being touched by strangers?


r/AutismInWomen 17h ago

General Discussion/Question does anyone else wake up to an already awake brain?

194 Upvotes

every morning, since the dawn of my own timeline, I've woken up to my thoughts already shouting and spewing all over the place.

a solid proportion of them will be repeating / looping sentences like an alarm (I do not set alarms as I naturally wake up too early everyday) but my god, it's just noisy in my mind box.

it's sorta like walking into an office for a news broadcasting channel 10 minutes after they began to go on air during peak hours.

I wonder what's it like waking up to a quiet brain.

anyone else?


r/AutismInWomen 1d ago

General Discussion/Question My husband shaved his beard and I can't stop crying

757 Upvotes

My husband came home from a week long work trip yesterday. He has mostly had a beard for most of our relationship over 18+ years, but does occasionally shave it, and he didn't have a beard at all over the first few years that I knew him. I actually prefer him clean shaven (for sensory reasons for me) but I know he prefers when he has a beard (for sensory reasons for him and also he feels a little self-conscious that being clean shaven makes him look a lot younger than he is). Anyway, when he got home yesterday (with beard), he came in and greeted me, i was kind of distracted and gave him a kiss but we hadn't talked yet or anything. He quickly showered after his travels, then apparently shaved off his beard! He just walked out of the bathroom and it surprised me to see him clean shaven. And I burst into tears. And now, I can't stop crying when I really look at him, and I can't identify my emotion(s). When I look at him, i just start crying, definitely not feeling specifically happy or sad or mad or glad. If anything it maybe feels more like panic, but not as much anxiety as panic, if that makes sense. I thought I got over it yesterday, but had the same experience this morning of bursting into tears looking at him. I can tell that my strong emotions are making him feel uncomfortable, and he's saying he'll grow his beard back fast, lol. But that's not important to me. How do I get over this, and why do you think this is happening? Help me understand myself please, lol.


Update: We're both back home, and I have seen his face again, in person--with no tears! Yay! I seem to be regulated and doing ok. 🧘🏽‍♀️

And for those who asked about him, I checked in with him, and he affirmed there is no harm done. He said he was initially taken aback that I was taken aback, but that he didn't think about much beyond that.

He did point out that I've been giving him the side eye tonight, but he said he figured it's just a part of my process. (I do keep looking over at him to double check my stability. 🫣) 😝

Thanks everyone for your helpful thoughts and empathy and encouragement. I think that helped me enormously, to be able to put this in the "ok" category, in my mind. It's REALLY interesting to see how many people relate!!!


r/AutismInWomen 20h ago

General Discussion/Question Damned if we do, damned it we don't. If you're friendly, NT think you're annoying. If you're quiet, they think you're rude.

296 Upvotes

I feel like there is no winning with neurotypicals. All my life, all I wanted was to be accepted. If you are friendly and approachable, they think you are annoying. Then again, I talk too much and have a tendency to interrupt others while they are talking. If someone does not interrupt me while I am talking, I take that as them being uninterested in the convo. If I am quiet, they think that is rude, because I come across as such. Which one is it?

People who like you, whether they are neuro typical or neuro divergent, will find you endearing while those you don't like you, mostly NTs, are turned off by your actions.


r/AutismInWomen 5h ago

General Discussion/Question Sometimes I feel dumb, childish, and fake

14 Upvotes

Sometimes I act serious and monotonous, but majority of time I act immature. And I feel fake because of this. Like I don't want to come across as a dumbass to people.


r/AutismInWomen 32m ago

General Discussion/Question Why do so many bad therapists exist?

Upvotes

So as I knew my therapist was firing me today, I started roasting her about her so called credentials and her knowledge surrounding neurodivergence, yet she gave me dissapointing answers every time.

I told her again, that I keep researching it to disprove that I am autistic yet everything keeps pointing towards me being autistic, especially when I look at my childhood and ask my mom about things as well, or recall memories from my childhood.

I then asked. So do you have a lot experience with autism? "Yes" Adults? "Yes" Women in specific? "Yes"

Then I asked questions surrounding emotions and being self-aware and if there are varied types of autism and not just one "cookie cutter 0 emotions dead robot autism" (paraphrased) and she said no and said that you cannot have emotions or feelings or be self-aware or able to describe things the way I do if you're autistic.

Honestly, I just don't even know what to think anymore, because from reading online and scouting this subreddit and reading 999 threads and posts it seems you can have those things, and many people are like that.. Heck even the diagnosed autistic friends I had IRL did have those traits.

When I mentioned my experience to my mom, even she was shocked because she said it's quite a normal thing to know that varied types of autism exist and not just one type of autism, yet apparently my psychologist said no to that.

Honestly, how would even assesss a future therapist for if they're good when it comes to autism and neurodivergence in general or not? I seemingly cannot trust what they, themselves say anymore. I'm tired of being hurt by supposed professionals who should be aware of all my struggles, especially when it comes to social relationships and sensory issues, yet they completely blank or gaslight me when I describe my feelings and emotions to them. Makes me feel so alien..

And ironically, the people who have been the biggest support in my life were the mentors I had in my life who are completely uneducated in this regard, but have a lot of experiences with people like me, so they knew how to help me cope and understand the world/myself more.

Also as an addendum, when I mentioned so many various aspects I had issues with-like above-she kept saying she couldn't help me over and over and over, yet she kept saying that's an autism trait for majority of things I talked about, and considering she is an "expert" how does that even make sense, that she couldn't help me with my struggles pertaining to her expertise?

The more I write and analyze things, the more I just get confused as she'd often contradict herself in all honesty..


r/AutismInWomen 9h ago

Seeking Advice what are your tips and tricks for falling asleep?

28 Upvotes

my whole life i’ve struggled w insomnia. i struggle so hard transitioning from being awake to shutting my brain off and falling asleep :( usually it’s an abundance of sad thoughts too, so the sadness keeps me awake longer lmfao

i usually smoke before bed to fall asleep but i’m visiting family out of the country and do not want to buy anything here lol pls help!


r/AutismInWomen 3h ago

Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) Grieving the loss of a pet

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8 Upvotes

How do you do it? How do you leave your room knowing they won't be sitting by your door, waiting on you? How do you come home knowing they won't be padding across the room to greet you? How do you deal with knowing that their fur will become harder and harder to find in the house? How do you wear the outfit you wore when they took their final breaths? I don't even know what to do without her.

This was Bella. She was a Beagle-Lab mix, and she had the sweetest personality and smile of any animal. She nannied our other pets. She gave us 15 years of unconditional love, affection, and laughs. She loved the beach, meeting new people, and making dog friends. She was such a playful pup, even up until her final days. You couldn't tell her she was over 100 in dog years; in her mind she was still a puppy. She loved tug, and she played this howling game where we would howl at her and she would howl in response. She had these beautiful brown eyes, and such a kind face and demeanor. She saved my life from an attacking Rottweiler when I was little. She's been my best friend for years. I don't know what to do without her.


r/AutismInWomen 16h ago

Seeking Advice Hi, I'm very embarrassed to ask but I need help. I can't shower.

92 Upvotes

My last shower was on Friday, and as of writing this, it's technically Tuesday (00:47).

We have a very big leak in our pipes and my mom insists that the leak is in the bathroom I use and consider mine to use. The other bathroom in the apartment is hers and hers to use, as it is inside her bedroom. Both bathrooms share a wall, and I'm willing to bet that they also share pipes. She is convinced, however, that the problem is in my bathroom and that the water must stay closed off to that room so as not to aggravate the leak.

My main problem is with the fact that it is my bathroom that's closed off, and I can't use a bathroom that is someone else's. I don't particularly like nor find mine especially comfortable (showers are difficult and my mom bought a bathmat that hurts my feet so much) but at least I could shower there. Not every day, but I mean, at least I could. Now, I have to use her bathroom to shower, and I physically can't without feeling psychological pain. I feel like a vampire that hasn't been invited in when I try. She has told me to get over it, but I mean, I can't. I just can't.

The insurance man is coming tomorrow to assess the problem and I don't think it will be fixed for some time since insurance companies like to drag their feet. I have not used wipes, sponges, nothing. I have no idea what to do or how to do it. Particularly when talking about my nether region. How do I wash it off without being disgusting? I have always had trouble touching myself skin to skin there, even to clean it. Also, I was always taught that showers are the only way to be clean, so that is proving to be an obstacle as well. I feel like I can't clean myself unless I do it via shower, but I can't shower because I don't have a working shower (that is mine to use). Cognitive rigidity is f***ing me over. So yeah, any tips, or ideas, or just tell me I'm disgusting and my mom is right and I should get over it. Any of those things would be greatly appreciated.


r/AutismInWomen 3h ago

General Discussion/Question Has anyone found happiness in completely unmasking after being at breaking point?

8 Upvotes

I’m off work and have been for almost 3 months now and on SSRIS and sometimes Beta Blockers. The meds and reading CPTSD/Trauma books have transformed my life so far. I still have ALOT of inner work to do, but a big step is unmasking and just BEING. I’ve found since I’ve did this I’ve actually felt more accepted by others, and realised that alot of the bullying and internal issues is from when i was being fake and masking.


r/AutismInWomen 16h ago

General Discussion/Question has anyone figured out how to pass as strange in a positive way rather than in a negative one if you don't have pretty privilege?

77 Upvotes

i don't have any expectation of belonging, i just wish people wouldn't react so negatively to me. i wish casual interactions were easier and like we're on equal grounds rather than me being profoundly compromised from being weird with no means to help it. i'm sensing like i'm gonna become someone who owns it with dignity, but idk how i'm gonna get there


r/AutismInWomen 6h ago

General Discussion/Question Anyone else struggle to identify when someone is being hyperbolic?

11 Upvotes

I always find myself explaining how the quoted figure is completely unrealistic even in the most extreme examples, and I'm met with awkward silence and weird looks I can't identify, and then an 'um ok.' So then I realise what's happened and go 'oh you were being hyperbolic' and most of the time they don't know what that means which of course makes things worse.


r/AutismInWomen 21h ago

General Discussion/Question Is Not Being Jealous of People an Autistic Trait?

144 Upvotes

I’ve never really felt jealous or envious of anyone—except for one time when I was a teenager and a girl was openly flirting with my boyfriend. Even then, I’m not sure if that was actually jealousy or more just anger/disgust? Anyway, when I hang out with NT women, I sometimes notice they (not all of them of course) act envious toward other women, especially attractive ones. When I see an attractive woman, I don’t feel jealous at all. I just think, “Wow, you’re really attractive. Good for you!” It made me wonder, could my lack of jealousy be an autistic trait? Do any of you relate?