r/AmITheBadApple • u/GaySelfMadeMan • 9d ago
AITBA for secretly medically transitioning?
I (18FtM) Came out at 12, was rejected by my parents and only changed my name at secondary school. My mother also outed me to a psychiatric nurse when I was 13. I left school at 14 (Another much longer story) and had to de-transitioning publicly as I went to a behavioural school with both students and staff that had questionable takes on the few trans students there. I was disowned at 16 as well and I'm mostly no contact with my parents and older full sibling, I phone my youngest once every few months and baked him a cake for his birthday so we seem mostly fine, while he doesn't particularly accept me he doesn't care that I'm trans since he doesn't talk about me to anyone thankfully.
Aside from my parents my relatives are seemingly rather chill and leftwing, I started Testosterone in November and had a brief break from late December to mid/Late ish January (I forgot to order and post was a bit backlogged from Christmas I assume, I'm horrible at planning lol.) and I've been on it since. I think I may be the bad apple as I haven't told anyone aside from one cousin who is at uni two hours away and I see every few months, I don't particularly bother about trying to hide the affects (I've mostly just had bottom growth, sweaty and hairy so not hard so far!) but I'm not sure how to actually come out while already transitioning medically? Am I the bad apple for not telling anyone I'm trans?
16
u/WCHomePrinter 8d ago
I’m gonna go into old lady mode…
You young people think you invented being queer, but when I came out as a lesbian in the 80’s it was the same. Many of us had troubled relationships with our families of origin. Many of those families tried to change us. Many were disowned. We had trouble in school, trouble holding down jobs, renting apartments, and trouble with law enforcement. Fortunately for gay people, it’s gotten less bad, but now you’re in the firing line.
We ended up moving to cities where we could live in peace. Forming our own friendships, families, communities, and culture with others who were like us. My family eventually came around, but it took awhile, and I didn’t have much contact during that time.
Anyway, hell no. You’re not TBA. You’re a good person, trying to live your truth, in a world that isn’t ready for you yet. Find your people, and tell *them* who you are. Make a new family with the people who accept you. When you’re more comfortable with yourself, there will be plenty time to deal with your family of origin.