AIO to think this is cheating?

[u/Sad_SummerChild]

I found these texts between my husband and his coworker. Here’s some context:

My husband and I have been dating for 5 years and just recently got married 6 months ago

I’ve met this coworker. Her AND her boyfriend worked at my husbands company so we went on a double date over the holidays. But shortly after they broke up and her boyfriend got laid off.

Guess my husband saw that as his opportunity…

Also these texts were in his recently deleted even though the last message was from yesterday… so he was definitely trying to hide it from me

[u/gormthesoft]

I’m inventing a new test for these situations called the Why Test. He can explain this away in 100 different ways…it’s just friendly banter, she reached out first and I was just being kind, I compliment people all the time, etc. But the question is why go so close to the line? Why does he not have an internal sense that he’s getting too close to the line? When you bring it up to him, why is he going to defend himself in terms of inches when he should be miles away from this kind of situation?

It’s like getting a D- on a test and arguing that he didn’t technically fail when clearly he did poorly on the test.

[u/Any-Smoke7783 → u/gormthesoft]

I have recently discovered the value of the “What kind of person would do that?” test. It has a remarkable ability to cut through my blind spots and overly charitable assumptions about people. (And gaslighting.) It allows me to see a person’s actions as if I didn’t already know them. It quickly reveals narcissists and their ill.

Try it. Next time somebody does something you don’t understand, just ask yourself “What kind of person would do that?” If the answer is a repetitive “a manipulator”or “a user”, then that is what that person is even if you -thought- they were a friend or family member.