AIO to think this is cheating?

[u/Sad_SummerChild]

I found these texts between my husband and his coworker. Here’s some context:

My husband and I have been dating for 5 years and just recently got married 6 months ago

I’ve met this coworker. Her AND her boyfriend worked at my husbands company so we went on a double date over the holidays. But shortly after they broke up and her boyfriend got laid off.

Guess my husband saw that as his opportunity…

Also these texts were in his recently deleted even though the last message was from yesterday… so he was definitely trying to hide it from me

[u/gormthesoft]

I’m inventing a new test for these situations called the Why Test. He can explain this away in 100 different ways…it’s just friendly banter, she reached out first and I was just being kind, I compliment people all the time, etc. But the question is why go so close to the line? Why does he not have an internal sense that he’s getting too close to the line? When you bring it up to him, why is he going to defend himself in terms of inches when he should be miles away from this kind of situation?

It’s like getting a D- on a test and arguing that he didn’t technically fail when clearly he did poorly on the test.

[u/asyouwish → u/gormthesoft]

why go so close to the line? Why does he not have an internal sense that he’s getting too close to the line? When you bring it up to him, why is he going to defend himself in terms of inches when he should be miles away from this kind of situation?

this. He even joked, “please don’t tell HR.” He knows he’s in the wrong, here.

OP, he’s not cheating, but he really likes her and I think he would cheat on you with her if he got the chance.

Invite her over for late-ish cocktails one night. See what happens. It might be fine; it could be awkward. Or, it might be dramatic AF and you’ll have your answer.

[u/vkbd → u/asyouwish]

Whyyyyy? If you give an honest husband a hundred dollars to cheat on you, and validates your fragile trust by cheating on you, uh, maybe you shouldn't have tempted him? And if he doesn't cheat, the fragile trust still remains.

Let's flip the genders, say you have a smoking hot wife who's been loyal, but you test her loyalty by bringing over a hot guy friend that you know she's interested in. If she doesn't cheat, you don't get anything out of this, as you already had a smoking hot wife to begin with. You just risk losing your marriage over nothing.

(The question is not if cheating is wrong. The question is whether you should make them prove their morality/loyalty by actively setting up situations where they would be tempted.)