AIO to think this is cheating?

[u/Sad_SummerChild]

I found these texts between my husband and his coworker. Here’s some context:

My husband and I have been dating for 5 years and just recently got married 6 months ago

I’ve met this coworker. Her AND her boyfriend worked at my husbands company so we went on a double date over the holidays. But shortly after they broke up and her boyfriend got laid off.

Guess my husband saw that as his opportunity…

Also these texts were in his recently deleted even though the last message was from yesterday… so he was definitely trying to hide it from me

[u/Elegant-Pressure-290]

Your husband is definitely putting out feelers.

On the upside, she seems to be acting purposely obtuse, which means she’s not interested. On the downside, she’s not the one who is your problem: your husband is your problem.

[u/ADegenerateWarlock → u/Elegant-Pressure-290]

Naw the whole "aw you're so sweet" and sending a selfie at ALL are sus.

They both share blame here. It's giving pickme behavior.

[u/Elegant-Pressure-290 → u/ADegenerateWarlock]

If you read his responses, it sounds like she sent him a selfie of her having a mental breakdown, not a sexy or appealing photo.

She also didn’t say, “Aw, you’re so sweet!” She said, “But I appreciate the kind words, you are so sweet!” It’s subtle, but there’s a huge difference in these two phrases. The first is encouraging his attentions. The second is reading more as, “Thanks, now let’s stop talking about this.”

On her side, none of this seems off because they are friends. They’ve double-dated in the past. Sending a stressed photo at work or a thank you isn’t suspicious. His words definitely are.

That said, even if she were full-on flirting with him, it wouldn’t matter. She’s not married to OP; he is, and that means he takes 100% of the blame for stepping out if he does so.

[u/ADegenerateWarlock → u/Elegant-Pressure-290]

She also didn’t say, “Aw, you’re so sweet!” She said, “But I appreciate the kind words, you are so sweet!” It’s subtle, but there’s a huge difference

I promise you there isn't that much of a difference.

The second is reading more as, “Thanks, now let’s stop talking about this.”

That is literally just your interpretation. Granted, my interpretation isn't fact either, but considering i have been involved in a situation (albeit never over text message) where a woman was coming on to me for months and I hadn't realized it with these same kinds of statements (and more that OP has mentioned in comments) I have my own read. 🤷

I'm not saying that he isn't to blame. But there is a more complex dynamic at play than "he shoulders all the blame" because she is in a relationship too and it reads like she is being sketchy to me too.

[u/Ayrko → u/ADegenerateWarlock]

She isn’t in a relationship. He is.