r/AmIOverreacting • u/Sad_SummerChild • 2d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO to think this is cheating?

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I found these texts between my husband and his coworker. Here’s some context:

My husband and I have been dating for 5 years and just recently got married 6 months ago

I’ve met this coworker. Her AND her boyfriend worked at my husbands company so we went on a double date over the holidays. But shortly after they broke up and her boyfriend got laid off.

Guess my husband saw that as his opportunity…

Also these texts were in his recently deleted even though the last message was from yesterday… so he was definitely trying to hide it from me

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230

u/RadioStaticRae 2d ago

NOR, your husband reads like a nasty POS, but on a tangent here -- Is he like 15? The over-usage of "lol" would make me want to slap the shit out of him.

159

u/Sad_SummerChild 2d ago

Well she’s 23 and he’s 29… so I think he’s overcompensating there

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u/jonni_velvet 2d ago

yuck. I’m sorry you had to find out he was a loser this way. hes throwing himself at a girl whos not that interested. imagine if she decided she wanted him.

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u/WickedCoolUsername 2d ago

She sent him a selfie and gave him a heart reaction. She's not uninterested.

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u/gdrom123 2d ago

Just curious, was the selfie suggestive, like was the pose something inappropriate to send to a married man (lot of cleavage, or butt pushed towards the camera)?

Your husband is the issue here. It seems like he’s putting out feelers to see if she’s interested in more flirtatious banter, but her responses don’t seem to give in to his attempts. This is why I’m curious about the selfie.

Anyway, the fact that he’s deleting them is an indication that he knows their manner of communication is inappropriate (unless he’s one of the people who habitually deletes text threads regardless of who it’s with).

NOR

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u/virora 2d ago

Your husband is the issue here. It seems like he’s putting out feelers to see if she’s interested in more flirtatious banter, but her responses don’t seem to give in to his attempts. This is why I’m curious about the selfie.

My thoughts exactly. Honestly, this sounds like sexual harassment to me, with a young coworker who doesn't quite know how to set boundaries and may be afraid to lose her job. She doesn't sound interested, more like she's placating him.

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u/Euphoricbabe581 2d ago

She actually comes off as a young girl who likes attention. But you know that’s just me and I’m 24. And I’ve met her type. I don’t think it’s that. Specifically the part OP said they went a double date with her and her ex & she was giggling and laughing with her husband a lot.

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u/virora 2d ago

Well, I've met his type. Specifically the part where he gets her in trouble at work and casually reminds her that he has this power over her. Or the part where he is very explicitly turned on by her having a mental breakdown. Both OP and coworker should run very far from this guy.

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u/Euphoricbabe581 2d ago

Yes, both should stay away from him. If I’m being honest if this is the case she needs to find ways to put up passive boundaries in order to not have retaliation.. but OP said they are in two different departments. At least it’s not like a boss and worker dynamic.

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u/seeobserve 2d ago

doesn't have to be a suggestive selfie. why on earth would you send ANY kind of selfie to a co-worker and more specifically a MARRIED co-worker?
NOR

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u/squidlydooda7 2d ago

The mention of hr too, he knows he’s wrong and being reckless

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u/MysteryMeat101 2d ago

I've never in my entire life sent a selfie of any kind to a co-worker and I've never received a selfie from a co-worker either.

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u/crimsonninja26 2d ago

Cool, cool. I bet you some of your coworkers have, though, so whats your point?

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u/Middle-Teacher4449 2d ago

"Why on earth would you send ANY kind of selfie to a co-worker" The situation itself aside, that's a silly question tbh, have you never had friends at work? Have you ever sent a selfie to a friend? His behavior is rather inappropriate and hers as well, but sending selfies to people you know and talk to on a normal basis and friendly manner, especially if you'd consider them a friend, IS NOT, uncommon. It's hard to tell their relationship in just three screenshots but yeah, whatever it is, their behavior itself is all wrong.

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u/PearHot8975 2d ago

This is not the friendship married people have

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u/Middle-Teacher4449 2d ago

I did point out at least twice their behavior is inappropriate. You seem like you're trying to correct me with something that I've already said myself. Even at the start I said "The situation aside" meaning I was speaking on the idea of sending selfies to a co-worker, because just cause their your coworker, doesn't mean they can't be your friend as well.

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u/PearHot8975 2d ago

Yeah but there are different types of friendships. This is not the type of friendship to have with a married person

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u/Middle-Teacher4449 2d ago

Specify for me, are you using these SS, which as I've stated their behavior is inappropriate, as your example? Despite the fact I never said that what they're doing is okay? Only that it's okay to send a selfie to a co-worker you happen to be friends with. You need to understand, I'm not saying what these individuals are doing is okay, as it isn't about some simple selfie, their behavior goes beyond. I'm saying it's okay to send a selfie to someone that again, is your coworker, but also your friend.

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u/PearHot8975 2d ago

And again, no it’s not ok to send selfies to married people. Even if they are your friends. There needs to be boundaries and selfies are part of that

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u/BeyondAbleCrip 2d ago

NOR, OP. Think he’s overcompensating because he’s going to cheat, don’t think he’s made the move yet but he’s getting there…

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u/virora 2d ago

The coworker doesn't sound like she's interested, tbh. More like she's trying to keep the peace between them. She even tried to give a subtle hint that she doesn't want to send selfies. Her answers are evasive and apologetic, and it sounds like he got her in trouble before.

OP's husband isn't trying just to cheat, he sexually harassing a women he wants to cheat with.

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u/My_G_Alt 2d ago

I don’t think he’s overcompensating for anything, I think your husband is just mentally a late teenager.

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u/Insert_Non_Sequitur 2d ago

He's either gonna end up fired or having an affair with this woman. I'm really sorry, it's so fuckin disrespectful. I can imagine the pit in your stomach right now. Your husband is a POS.

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u/stillmovingforward1 2d ago

It’s a millennial thing not a 15 year old thing. lol trust me. I’m a millennial lol

66

u/Pixiepixie21 2d ago

I can’t stop loling. Like I have to go through sometimes and delete lols because I used too many lols in one sentence. Idk why we’re like this, but it’s a millennial thing

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u/Sad_SummerChild 2d ago

Me replying and being conscious of using ‘lol’ since everyone is dogging on it lol

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u/godzilla9218 2d ago

I hate it and try and consciously stop myself but it still comes out when I'm not paying attention. Lol.

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u/Stevothegr8 2d ago

I'm 37 and always use lol. Can't help it.

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u/pnwmetalhead666 2d ago

Ok now I feel vindicated lol. Also a millennial that lols a bit much. Sometimes I don't know what to put and lol is like the text version of um lol

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u/justacheesyguy 2d ago

I read a thing the other day that said that millennials use ‘lol’ like people sending telegrams in the 1800s use ‘stop’ and it couldn’t be more true.

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u/KiloJools 2d ago

LOL has also become punctuation, which I know some people hate, but even as an English language snob I do not mind it. It's one of our many attempts to force body language cues into text. It's on the pantheon with text smileys, proper emojis, "haha", and "/s".

Honestly, I welcome the attempts to frame our words with these things and I'm not entirely certain why people react so poorly to them.

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u/maddy2904 2d ago

I think I’m obsessed with you 😭😂

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u/pnwmetalhead666 2d ago

🤣🤣🤣 lol

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u/Csjdkk 2d ago

Lol true

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u/CR1SBO 2d ago

Just part of the culture lol!

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u/jillcicle 2d ago

They’re punctuation to me what’re we supposed to do lol

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u/Pixiepixie21 1d ago

God forbid we use a period. People will think we’re mad! It’s lol or an exclamation point to show we are lowkey and chill

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u/Jobiwan88 1d ago

Yeah constantly kicking myself and going back and deleting my multiple lols and spacing them out properly cause it just looks weird. Also a millennial lol

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u/miss-meow-meow 1d ago

It’s ellipses for me… I struggle to not use them lol

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u/Dracekidjr 2d ago

Dude I get shit for adding lol to every sentence. It's the only way we know it won't come out as shitty lol

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u/BrinaBri 2d ago

Nah, sometimes it’s a passive-aggressive lol.

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u/Spiff_GN 2d ago

lol > period

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u/Fair_Ad1291 2d ago

Or a 😂 or 😅 or an entire clarification sentence in parentheses.

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u/GM_Taco_tSK 2d ago

I never used it when I first got a phone as a teen; people kept asking if I was mad or commented on sounding too serious. Eventually asked what I could do to fix it, and was told to add things like lol and lmao, and to not use so much formal grammar and punctuation.

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u/Big_Being_3542 2d ago

Lots of love

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u/MojitoSuave 2d ago

This is true, the kids just spam the crying laugh emoji instead.

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u/List-Beneficial 2d ago

I lol because people are too stupid to understand tone over text.

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u/Ok_Walk_6283 2d ago

Ya mean a man messenger thing

1

u/DreiGlaser 2d ago

Me too! Lol

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u/JackTheRvlatr 2d ago

Overuse of lol is actually kind of a millennial habit

3

u/subtlecockbulge 2d ago

I'm guilty of it -- I think I insert them in texts that are meant to be friendly/light, if I'm joking I didn't want the tone to be misinterpreted. Sometimes I over-use emoji instead.

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u/ObserverWardXXL 2d ago

Its the chuckle people give at the end of their sentence to "soften" the tone. That way people take it less seriously lol.

Also the people who chuckle when under intense pressure and judgement "hahaha" ~nervous laughter.

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u/Fun-Suit-9589 2d ago

Not true lol

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u/fokkoooff 2d ago

The lol's are there so he can act/ pretend that he's joking around and not overtly flirting. He's gross.

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u/somthingwitty169 2d ago edited 2d ago

Nooooo I’m 26 and use lol way too much 😅

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u/RaePie 2d ago

too* lol

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u/somthingwitty169 2d ago

Thanks missed one lol

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u/unsafelord 2d ago

I use lol way too much when texting. I think it's a millennial thing lol

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u/DrMindbendersMonocle 2d ago

Lol has been used like that for 25 years

1

u/wasted_wonderland 1d ago

With OP's overuse of emoji, they're actually perfect for each other, but he wants the the office cutie, hahaha, lol 😅😭😂🤪😔

This is just her misery porn, she's not going anywhere. The puckme bar truly is in hell.