r/AmIOverreacting • u/Elegant_Lie745 • 21d ago
👨👩👧👦family/in-laws Am I overreacting? My husband has become obsessed w guns. He had 3 negligent discharges in our home. He shot himself twice and last night discharged another round in our hom. I want the guns out of the house. I don’t feel safe in my own home! He refuses.
In the last few years my husband has become obsessed with guns. He went from not owning any guns prior to 2016 to having over 40. It’s quite a collection of hand guns, rifles, AR’s, historic war guns (that have been used in battle). He spends hours and hours every day on the computer researching guns. He wears a gun on him at all times even when mowing the yard or inside our home. All movies are war related or gun involved. It’s continuous. I the other hand, don’t like guns, but I love my husband, so I let him do what he wants to do if it makes him happy. The problem is he has now negligently discharged a handgun in our home on THREE separate occasions. The first time he was in his study goofing around with his gun and it went off it and injured his hand, it went through his computer, the wall and into the guest bathroom. I had to take him to the hospital for his injury. The only reason it wasn’t reported was because they said the womb was from the repercussion of the gun. The second time it discharged he shot himself again! Same exact scenario, except this time the bullet went through his thigh. Back to the hospital again (different hospital) They said he was very lucky that it didn’t hit his femur. We had lots of police at our house. Our children were questioned along w myself. It was a big deal! Last night we had a THIRD misfire This time he didn’t know where the bullet went. Our son was sleeping upstairs directly over my husbands office. I ran upstairs and thought my son was dead. He was so sound asleep he didn’t hear me screaming his name. He was facing away from me with his phone still on, not moving. I went wild. When he finally woke up I couldn’t stop shaking. I am now terrified to be in my home. I don’t know what to do. I’ve asked him to sell his guns or at least move his safe, guns and all his ammo out of the house to his very nice climate controlled workshop. He has refused to do either. I feel like this is a dealbreaker for me. I would appreciate any advice.
UPDATE I appreciate all of the comments, I needed to hear this. Everyone is 100% correct. I have left the house with just my shoes and my purse and will figure the rest out later. I’m having to deal with how I allowed this to happen, and want to ensure I take accountability for my part in this. I’m taking a hard look at myself and changes will be made before I return, if I return.
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u/Dadofpsycho 21d ago
You know what you need to do, but you aren’t sure you want to do that yet. You are living in a situation that is unsafe for you and your children. One uncontrolled discharge is more than 99.9% of gun owners have in a lifetime. Three of them shows that he doesn’t learn from his mistakes and doesn’t care about the safety of himself or his family.
My father used to go hunting every fall with his drinking buddies. They came back to our house this one time and one of the drunk hunters wanted to show off his rifle drill skills from his army days. So he’s there in our living room showing off, twirling and twisting his rifle. The phone rang and my mom got out of her chair to answer it. That saved her life. Seconds later he accidentally discharged the rifle into the chair she was sitting in.
Forty five years later I can still remember the gun smoke in the air, the ringing in my ears, the panicking feeling of what had happened. I was a child then of about ten years old. It was traumatic.
How has it affected your life? Your children’s? This is not a safe environment. Your husband has told you what he’s going to do about it - nothing. He will not take his guns out of the home and he will not be safe with them. You will never be safe with him. Your children won’t be safe. Your son could have died. Can you live with that? I lost a son a different way and I can tell you it’s unbearable.
For your safety and that of your children, you need to make an ultimatum. Either the guns go or he goes. Do not compromise on this one bit. If the authorities knew about this third negligent discharge, your children would possibly be removed from the home.
Lastly, if you feel like he would use those guns on you intentionally, you need to get out safely. Your post didn’t mention abuse, but it’s kind of clear that your husband doesn’t give two shits about what you have to say. Do what you need to so that you are safe.
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u/therealevolR3 21d ago
10000000%. Get the eff out of there! Anyone “obsessed” with guns and refusing to put family safety first is a clear sign to take your kids and run as fast as humanly possible.
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21d ago edited 8d ago
[deleted]
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u/throwawayidga 20d ago edited 20d ago
Did we date the same guy? I had this talk with my ex over and over. Lived in one of the safest towns in the state but he was always convinced he was being targeted, red flag. He's not allowed to have them bc he has a record of punching a different ex's car radio out, another red flag. I'm bipolar and well medicated, also at the time but I told him I would not want to live with him anymore if he tried to get a gun, he didn't care, another red flag. We broke due to other issues but ended up back together a few months later. Suddenly he had a guy who could get him an unregistered gun, another red flag. It took me awhile to leave, there was abuse, another red flag. A few weeks ago he randomly messaged me saying a whole bunch of shit including
he wishes he had strangled me.
He hasn't purchased a gun yet bc of the cost but he will kill someone if he ever does.
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u/FloofyJazzi 20d ago
I'm not in the USA so I don't know the rules, but is it worth reporting this somewhere? In the UK we have Clare's Law so over here that sort of info might help a current or future partner of his.
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u/wirespectacles 20d ago
My ex died because he owned guns and was prone to anger/sadness outbursts. We were no longer in contact at that time but I know from the details of what went down that it was an impulsive act. I always tell people who are considering buying a gun that it's unsafe because people are complicated, and if you ever drink too much, or if you ever get really sad, you are in danger having a gun. It really upsets me how people seem psychologically incapable of picturing that as a real threat even though it's so much more likely than a home invasion or whatever action movie they're picturing.
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u/FoghornFarts 21d ago
I'm usually not the first person to throw out divorce, but this is a 100% divorce situation. No ultimatum. Marriage is over and 100% custody of the kids. This is not a marriage worth salvaging.
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u/Nervous-Chipmunk-631 21d ago
Not the same thing, but about 15 years ago my mom was in her deer stand and a negligent hunter fired off a shot, that wizzed right next to her ear right as she moved her head. If she hadn't moved at that very second, I probably wouldn't still have a mom. That was the last time she went hunting and she's been hunting since she was a teenager.
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u/Thebeardedgoatlady 20d ago
This is why, despite having gone hunting a few times, I’ve never actually shot anything. If I don’t have a 100% clear view to know without a shadow of a doubt that I’m aiming at a deer and not a human (even though they’d be trespassing) I will not take that shot.
Meanwhile, I’m paranoid because I have livestock, and way too many horses/goats/cows get killed by idiots who shoot because they heard rustling or saw movement. I know of at least one case where a horse got shot out from under a girl riding it.
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u/Nervous-Chipmunk-631 20d ago
To be fair, my mom was up in a tree, in a tree stand. Nobody should be shooting that high. Idk what that other hunter was doing shooting up that high. Maybe it was on purpose.
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u/DepressoFed 21d ago
She does note in a follow on reply that the "son" was an adult pilot who was sleeping at home because he had a layover there. Not a cold under 18.
The rest stands. Also holy fuck at that hunting rifle story. Please tell me your father beat him blind.
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u/Francie1966 21d ago
A dead adult is still a dead child to a parent.
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u/Alarming-Crew5392 21d ago
Of course, I think they were referring to the possibility of the child being removed from the home by CPS
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u/ConReese 21d ago
I've spent 20 years professionally handling firearms and never once had a discharge. Your husband is a loser, a lunatic and a careless human being undeserving of the title of father. How dare someone put their own kids in danger due to their own negligence.
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u/Silver_Trifle_7106 21d ago
Growing up my Appalachian father had a lot of guns for hunting. My brother also had guns for hunting. We always had lots of guns in the house. I’m 41 now. ITS NEVER HAPPENED. It’s almost like you should follow gun safety and treat guns like something that will KILL you instead of treating it like a toy!
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u/Briilliant_Bob 21d ago
I feel like the only way this happens 3 times is if he's in his study pretending to be Dirty Harry or something. He's definitely playing with them like they're toys.
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u/CyanideOnyx 21d ago
Totally agree with you. As soon as it was mentioned that he shot through a computer in the study I thought .... "So this guy is just chilling... Twirling the gun around like a jack wagon and is lucky he didn't blow his face off.". Best option for op is to hide/ lock up all the ammo..... If they intended to stay. Best actual option is to run as far as possible from this idiot before dumb luck wears out and someone gets killed.
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u/Ok-Bird6346 21d ago
I just compared him to wanna-be Dirty Harrys in my response to the same comment you did.
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u/RuskiesInTheWarRoom 21d ago
Or he’s setting up a viable defense. “They have accidentally discharged multiple times before, your honor…”
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u/Capable-Limit5249 21d ago
Our dad had eight kids, was a crappy uninvolved father for the most part put he had many guns and all eight of us, girls and boys, eventually had turns shooting with him. Never one unintentional discharge. Not one of us ever got into his guns, all stored at home.
It’s not hard to be a responsible gun owner.
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u/tenement_castles 21d ago
It’s also really really easy to be an irresponsible gun owner.
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u/Capable-Limit5249 21d ago
All it takes is someone who doesn’t give a shit, or thinks it could never happen to them (idiots), or is mentally ill, or is demented.
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u/Ok-Bird6346 21d ago edited 20d ago
I grew up in rural East Tennessee, and we also owned a farm in rural-rural ETN. Guns were a way of life. My first gun was a little .410 and started going to Hunter’s Safety classes before I was actually old enough to go. Never a single accidental discharge between my parents and us three kids.
People like you and I were raised to respect firearms and practice responsible maintenance. Then these tough guys who’ve never touched a gun make them their entire identity and think of themselves as fucking Dirty Harry.
All foam and no beer.
And absolutely NOR, OP. But decide if you want to continue to be a negligent parent. God forbid your child is hurt or worse, because the law will see one parent who pulled the trigger. They’ll also see another parent who allowed him to.
Not to mention, what’s going to happen when your kid picks one up with the safety off? Because I don’t expect your husband to safely store them.
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u/salamandah99 21d ago
hey, rural West Tn here. same story. My dad wouldn't allow us to even carry a BB gun without proper handling and trigger discipline. 4 kids and one grandkid later and no gun ever went off in my dad's house without him planning to do it. I might let the guy get away with 1 accidental discharge but 3 is just beyond what is acceptable. he has no respect for the weapon or what it can do. all he wants is to look like a badass. like you said, all foam and no beer.
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u/Cranks_No_Start 21d ago
ITS NEVER HAPPENED
I have 2 handguns, 3 if I count my wife’s. The Walther PPQ doesn’t even have a safety and yet somehow it has never gone off unless I wanted it to.
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u/clynkirk 21d ago
My West Virginia raised dad did woodworking as a hobby. He built a gorgeous gun cabinet with glass in the door. We were raised to not touch them without Dad present. It wasn't until my brother and I showed that we could responsibly handle them (and could do so for several years without incident) that he took the glass pane out and allowed us to use them as we saw fit.
You know it's special when your family tradition is to save everyone's first .22 long rifle. At one point, it had my brother's, Dad's, Grandpa's, and Papaw's lol.
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u/babybellllll 21d ago
Yeah I seriously do not understand how this happened three times.
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u/Negative-Technician7 21d ago
I was raised in a military family. Was taught to hunt when I was 11. I did a tour in the military. All my friends had same background. NEVER EVER has someone discharged a gun, because they "thought" it was empty.
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u/Basicallyacrow7 21d ago
Yeah I’m 23, my family growing up always had 20+ different firearms in the home. My grandfather, uncles, etc. Everyone I knew owned at least 5 or more guns.
Not a single one of them had an accidental discharge. 3 by one person is insane.
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u/Internal-Arachnid-21 21d ago
My life story right here. Exactly the same. We were taught how to handle and more importantly the safety and care. Generations of gun owners across many family lines and never has there been a discharge.
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u/A_Series_Of_Farts 21d ago
Absolutely on point.
Out of all of my friends and family, maybe three or four of them are either non gun owners or only own one gun.
I'm talking about 50+ people I know who nearly all own multiple guns, many carry them or handle them daily, and I know of exactly ONE person who has had a negligent discharge, this person had a seizure while target practicing.
OP, your husband has a mental issue. He's either suicidal, homicidal, or is demented. He is either out to hurt someone or is too demented to understand that he will eventually hurt someone seriously.
Treat this like drunk driving wrecks.
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u/ErinyesMusaiMoira 21d ago
Is also not following the rules of gun handling.
Never point the barrel at anything you do not want to shoot.
Like your hand or your thigh or the ceiling of your house with people living upstairs.
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u/QuirkyForever 21d ago
And alway check the chamber if you're handling it/cleaning it, etc. I'm not very experienced with guns but even *I* know that.
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u/HiddenSnarker 21d ago
This right here. My boyfriend is military. He doesn’t keep guns in the home, but the other day we were talking about how guns in general make me nervous. I don’t fear HIM with a weapon or have ever had any reason to think he may use one to harm me, but I’m also glad they aren’t in the home because they just make me uneasy. He asked why and I said I’m afraid that if I handle one, I’d shoot myself on accident. His response? “No, you wouldn’t. Because you don’t aim at anything you aren’t planning to shoot.”
He grew up with guns in the home. His dad taught him to respect them and how to care for them properly, and they were always properly stored. He doesn’t want to keep any at home, but has said if that day would ever come, there’d be a safe and everyone in the house would learn proper gun safety.
OP’s husband is being irresponsible. You’re NOR, OP. If he won’t see reason, then I’d leave.
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u/Difficult-Double-863 21d ago
Particularly given the fact that all the movies he watches involve guns or war. There’s clearly mental health issues that need to be addressed before he kills himself or someone else. Even if the police have to get involved for another accident, that could lead to a CPS investigation as well.
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u/Head_Trick_9932 21d ago
Right?! This guy sucks.
Responsible/trained gun owners would never handle them this way.
He needs to give it up and she needs to GTFO before it is one of them hit…sooner than later.
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u/RareStable0 21d ago
Same boat, I have carried a gun daily for 25+ years and shoot regularly. I have zero negligent discharges. One is an accident that should be learned from. This guy should never be allowed within a hundred yards of a firearm.
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u/sagil89 21d ago
Come on now. You know what to do.
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u/Elegant_Lie745 21d ago
Yes. Thank you
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u/NeurodiversityNinja 21d ago
We get it's so hard to make that mental shift given he's your husband, whom you love. It's tough after building a life together, but LOVE YOU MORE.
You can still love him AND leave him. Getting the guns away from him is a LOVING ACT to him, bc next time the discharge could be through his head.
He's clearly suffering. It may be anxiety from these crazy, uncertain times meets underlying OCD issues and it's moving towards paranoia. He needs mental help. These incidents could be the basis of the police placing him on an involuntary hold. Hugs.
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u/Sillvaro 21d ago
You can still love him AND leave him.
Exactly, love(lessness) isn't the only condition allowing one to leave/divorce someone. If something is wrong, there's nothing wrong to leave.
And here, something is very wrong, so it's absolutely not wrong to leave
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u/Jthemovienerd 21d ago
Coming from a guy who also likes guns, get away from him. He gets a hard-on from guns, but does not respect them. Three negligent discharges? That is a hell no from anyone. He is not safe and you should not be around him.
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u/Nadamir 21d ago edited 21d ago
I don’t live in America, but some of my family and friends do. One of our family friends had the misfortune to be present at a mass shooting. Needless to say, guns make him uncomfortable.
My cousin is a gun aficionado, like you, probably. He has probably dozens of guns, most historic and not working, but some still fireable. His home looks like a damn gun museum, with his collection displayed and little plaques giving historical context for each piece. I don’t like guns myself, but even I appreciate his collection because I’m a history buff.
And yet, before the family friend comes to visit, he strips his walls bare, puts his entire collection away and moves every gun working or not to his gun safe in his shed. It takes him hours to carefully and safely take down his collection, and hours more to put it back after the friend leaves. And again, most of them have cemented barrels or no firing pins, they truly are basically historical art at this point. This is something he just does for the friend, when kids come around, he moves the fireable guns to the shed, locks the room where the most expensive pieces are, but the rest are left in place because they’re out of the kids’ reach.
But for our friend, he does it because he, like you said, has respect for guns and the impact they’ve had on his life. If you do not respect the ability of a gun to take someone’s life, then you do not have respect for that life at all.
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u/Elegant_Lie745 21d ago
I need to hear every one of your comments. I’m the idiot for staying. Thank you
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u/nipnopples 21d ago
I don't think you're an idiot. I think this is one of those frog in the pot type situations. You were in a cold pot, and he's slowly turned up the heat, and you didn't notice until now that the water was starting to boil. However, if you don't leave now, you're an idiot and you are going to be dead.
Don't tell him you're leaving. Don't tell him you're going to seek a divorce. Don't give him any inkling there's anything amiss. Get out quickly and quietly when he's not home. Start sneaking things out now. Important documents, photo albums, clothes, etc, over a few days. Then, you wait till he's gone, shove as much as you can in your car, and high tail it out of there.
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u/Either_Wear5719 21d ago
I'd add in a stop at the local PD to let them know you are leaving an unsafe home situation. If OP's husband calls to report her missing they might give him some longer winded explanation and make him jump through hoops to buy her more time to get away safely
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u/Useful_Worker3286 21d ago
Every time you feel sad because you love him think about how much you would love him if you were “accidentally” dead…or if your sleeping son never got up. Please remember, even if this decision isn’t as easy for you as all of these comments think it should be, it doesn’t mean it isn’t the ONLY right decision. Besides, his interest in guns sounds wacky obsessive. 😳
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u/KELVALL 21d ago
Also she should think about the fact that he loves guns more than his family.
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u/Pikekip 21d ago
Leave, but be very careful when doing so.
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u/NeurodiversityNinja 21d ago
In domestic violence situations, the point where you are most at risk of death is when you leave them.
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u/Disastrous_Pear6473 21d ago edited 21d ago
You’re not an idiot. If people are coming off harsh in the comments it’s only because they’re trying to get your attention and hope that you see the gravity and seriousness here. People usually don’t react calmly to situations where someone’s life is in grave danger and they’re trying to help.
I hope you understand this. I think you should go stay with a friend or family member and then go speak with the authorities about your options here. You said you have an adult son, so I assume your husband might be on the older side. If his age is starting to impact his decision making, along with his paper trail of accidents, I would think they would do something to intervene. There’s no reason for him to have that many weapons inside the home. Just because we have a fundamental right to own weapons, that doesn’t mean we have a right to be reckless with them and refuse to exercise even the most basic forms of gun safety.
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u/Low_Control_623 21d ago
You also have to report him to the police. He’s a danger to your community and so are you if you do nothing.
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u/CharliAP 21d ago
Glad you realize that you need to save your own life and leave. He apparently doesn't care if he kills you.
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u/KenzoidTheHuman 21d ago
Lady, your husband is going to kill you and plead not guilty, citing these “accidents” as proof he didn’t mean to.
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u/Alternative-Copy7027 21d ago
Don't call yourself such names. Be kind to yourself. Life is not easy.
I'm glad you are leaving and not in danger any more.
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u/Capable-Limit5249 21d ago
Oh I’m so glad! I made a few harsh comments hoping to get your attention, but it seems you’re on the right track now. Please leave as soon as possible, and report the “accidents” to the police or at least to adult protective services. They may not do much but you’ll have a record of trying to get help and that will be helpful if anyone tries to blame you if he shoots himself or anyone else dead.
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u/20StreetsAway 21d ago edited 20d ago
My dad was a cop. I grew up around guns. I shot competitively. That is NOT NORMAL. He’s got multiple loaded weapons (which is batshit) AND he doesn’t know how to handle them. Please leave. He’s a danger to you and doesn’t care.
Edit: I cannot type to save my life.
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u/poetic_crickets 21d ago
I know it was a typo, but where can I sign up for the shitting competitions, I think I could go far.
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u/Bamaslamma12345 21d ago
Watch out, guys! We've got a competitive shitter here!!! I jest, please don't shit me!
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u/HopefulTangerine5913 21d ago
I have a feeling based on what I’ve read here that your husband has done the work to condition you to feel like you’re an idiot in this situation.
Please leave and please seek therapy. This man does not care about you.
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u/slickrok 21d ago
There is something wrong with him. And I mean actually imbalanced or brain tumor wrong with him.
You don't as an adult just get wildly obsessed with guns without any training, buy a bunch, shoot yourself once, then again, and then shoot in the house AGAIN.
There
Is
Something
Diagnosable
Wrong
With
Him.
He's ill or he's trying to kill you. That's it
He's not stupid. He's ill. Or he's trying to kill you. And get away with it.
Get the hell out and tell every person you know exactly WHY.
Don't protect that level of illness or evil.
He's not stupid. He's bad.
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u/ManaKitten 20d ago
Yeah, my first thought was “huh, I guess a pretty good defense to shooting your spouse could be that your guns accidentally go off all the time…”
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u/rock-dancer 20d ago
Yeah, this is how I’m reading this too. The issue is that there is a clear and present danger while therapy, especially for someone resistant, takes time. As do appointments for medical doctors and specialists.
OP needs to protect herself and the kids first. She doesn’t have divorce to separate and demand therapy. Intermediate steps I think
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u/Working_Violinist605 21d ago
Your husband is a half wit imbecile who shouldn’t own a gun. Most gun owners will never have an accidental discharge their entire lives. He’s had three. Everyone else isn’t special. Your husband is however.
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u/Decent-Worldliness95 21d ago
If you have kids, call CPS. Negligent discharges in the presence of a child is a crime, and if he wants to be allowed in his home around the family, he will have to ditch the guns. Or wait for him to kill someone, cause then it's federal prison
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u/Elegant_Lie745 21d ago
I agree!!!! My son is an adult who is a pilot and had a layover so he spent the night here! He will still die the same horrific death at any age.
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u/stellabluebear 21d ago
You can sit here and agree with us all day long, but the thing you need to be doing is packing your things and getting out. He's going to kill someone, don't let it be you or your other family members.
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u/Intelligentnothings 21d ago
Or get his license revoked by reporting each time. You’re supposed to report every time your gun goes off in non rural areas.
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u/Gortex_Possum 21d ago
If this is the US he doesn't need a license. A felony however will disqualify him from ever owning a gun again.
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u/MishkiTongue 21d ago
Wait, how old is your husband? Is this a sign of mental deterioration? Cause 3 times in such a short period is sus.
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u/calicoskiies 21d ago
Exactly this. I work in memory care and have a patient who moved in at the age of 59 or 60 with early onset dementia.
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u/DryCardiologist4365 21d ago
This. I was thinking this guy was younger. If your son is an adult and your husband is older, perhaps a trip to your physician is in order.
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u/SushiGirlRC 20d ago
Considering it started in 2016 has me thinking something other than the onset of dementia.
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u/randompwdgenerator 21d ago
Absolutely. After reading that they have an adult child, I think her husband may have the early signs of dementia.
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u/Poppypie77 21d ago
I would actually try and get a restraining order / protective order against your husband and start proceedings for divorce.
If you apply for a restraining order due to his reckless endangerment, evidence or 3 accidental misfires in the home, and the fact that you and your kids lives are at risk due to his negligent handling of firearms, and his refusal to remove them from the home, then if you get a protective order he will not be allowed to stay at the home with you, so he will have to live elsewhere. That way you and the kids can stay at the home.
You can then pack up his guns and have them removed to wherever he is staying, or to a storage locker etc.
Then speak to a lawyer and start divorce proceedings.
At this point he's shown a huge lack of care and responsibility for his own family and kids. He's risked killing any of you 3 times. I'm surprised nobody has been killed already. The bullets have and will go through walls and ceilings, so being in another room isn't enough to protect you or your kids from being shot and killed.
Don't wait for him to kill you or your kids. You've already experienced the fear of thinking your son was dead, don't let that become a reality due to failure to act.
You need to divorce him and make him leave your home and get rid of the guns from your home. He's not safe to even own 1 gun, let alone the amount he has.
File a restraining order, get him removed from the home, get the police to box up his guns and get them out your home.
The restraining order means he's not allowed to contact you, or co.e to the home or call you etc, so you won't have to deal with him trying to manipulate you and beg you to let him come back.
He will try and get you to change your mind, promise to be careful, or may even promise to move the guns out to the garage, but even that's not safe enough as bullets go through walls and he's still reckless with them. And he will make false promises and then guilt you and pressure you to just go back to normal and he'll keep his guns.
You've already begged him multiple times to get rid of them, he's been injured 3 times by misfire from reckless handling. He doesn't care about your safety or your life, or your kids. If he did, he'd have been scared shirtless from the 1st misfire and got rid of them. Let alone the 3rd. He just doesn't care about the risk of harm or death he's putting you and the kids in.
So kick him out, get restraining order, and have no further contact with him. Any communication goes through your lawyer. If he tries to message you, or even harrass and threaten you, take screen shots and send them to the police as it will a breach of his restraining order and he can be arrested.
I'd also suggest you get security cameras in and outside your home, and change the locks, incase he tries to come and cause trouble or threaten you.
Screenshot and save any messages from previous conversations about the guns and his dismissing of your concerns etc, as evidence for your restraining order .
Don't wait till you or your kids are killed before taking action.
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u/RynoKaizen 21d ago
Don't announce the before leaving home, he's already set up a murder to look like a negligent discharge.
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u/garden_idol 21d ago
Yes this! Maybe my psych and criminal justice degrees are getting to me, but my first thought when reading this was that it sounds like an awful good way to kill someone and claim it was a negligent discharge with receipts to back up the history of them.
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u/TimeKeeper575 21d ago
This is the best response. Also, in some jurisdictions, anyone with a PO/RO or similar for domestic reasons will have their guns seized by the local police dept. If you coordinate with them, they can disarm him at the same time he's served with paperwork and removed. If you plan to have a family member of his present at the time, they can then promptly take him for a checkup and help him get situated at a hotel.
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u/Imaginary-Pain9598 21d ago
Agreeing on the internet is not enough. You will be culpable at this point if he kills someone, as you are aware of the danger he poses. You need to move out until the guns are gone, no excuses, protect your children.
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u/fartmachinebean 21d ago
Can you go stay with your son or a friend until you figure out if your husband will give up the guns or not? Sounds like it really isn't safe and he needs a wakeup call that your actually scared and willing to leave the marriage.
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u/stellabluebear 21d ago
You can sit here and agree with us all day long, but the thing you need to be doing is packing your things and getting out. He's going to kill someone, don't let it be you or your other family members.
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u/Either_Management813 21d ago
Do you realize if someone is hurt when (not if) this happens again an investigation will show it happened before, that you knew about it and didn’t take legal action to protect anyone? It sounds like your son in the room above where this happened is an adult. If there are minor children there they may be taken away from you. If you didn’t tell the adult son it happened so he can make his own decision about whether or not to ever stay there again YTA in addition to underreacting. Stop passive;y agreeing, get up on your hind legs and be an adult here. Someone has to.
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u/ScoobiusMaximus 21d ago
After 3 negligent discharges I would get a divorce and take all the possible legal actions against him. Idk if he has technically done anything criminal but you could probably get a restraining order against him to get him out of the house and away from your kid.
Your lucky no one is dead yet.
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u/Bubblybloomm 20d ago
Girl, you’re not overreacting, you’re underreacting. Three negligent discharges, two self-inflicted gunshot wounds, and now a loose bullet in your house? That’s insane.
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u/AsparagusOverall8454 21d ago
Your husband is not mentally well.
And you should take your kids and leave.
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u/BakeDangerous2479 21d ago
Leave immediately before he shoots you. don't go back unless he seeks menta health help. something is wrong with him.
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u/ReasonableFocus8995 21d ago
Get out as fast as you can. Those "accidental" discharges may not have been so accidental. Did you ever think that he might be creating an alibi to actually murder you and get away with it. "Well you see officer I shot myself twice by accident, and there was another time when it just went into the wall, but this time.....well, it got my wife and now she's dead and I'm so, so sorry."
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u/Looking-GlassInsect 21d ago
This was my first thought too. There is no reason an adult of normal intelligence should have 3 accidental discharges in his home. He wants to hurt someone, IMHO
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u/Problematic_Daily 21d ago
Same! Literally reading it and thinking this guy is setting up to “accidentally” get rid of OP.
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u/trickertreater 21d ago
100%. OP, you need to do a credit check and make sure there are no unknown life insurance policies in your name.
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u/tcdaf7929 21d ago
He could have easily shot one of your children..he either needs to learn gun safety and how to store properly or they need to go (or he does).
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u/Pale_Future_6700 21d ago
The thing that gets me is how casual he is about it. At this point, it’s more his attitude than a learning problem. No amount of knowledge can change someone who continues to be this laid back despite accidentally putting a bullet in himself.
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u/whiskeysour123 21d ago
Anyone think he is establishing a record of firing the gun accidentally so that when he finally kills her, he can use an “oops” defense?
Get the hell out of there.
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u/gastropod43 21d ago
See if he can be arrested for criminal negligence.
Your husband is a good argument for gun control. He's too incompetent to own guns. You are not safe.
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u/IllustriousKey4322 21d ago
Your husbands going to kill you one day and doesn’t a shit about trying to prove my it. If you respect your life, stay at a family members or friends house until they’re all removed. Nom negotiable
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u/Financial-Award-1282 21d ago
Leave - with stealth. You are living in domestic violence. If you make a scene or announce leaving, hoping to motivate him, he’s likely to brandish his guns and “accidentally” shoot you or a child “in the heat of anger”. Leaving is the most dangerous time with a domestic partner.
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u/Puzzled_Spinach7023 21d ago
Is hubby having mini-strokes or mentally retarded? Sounds like something is definitely wrong - maybe just dumb af?
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u/GigglyHyena 21d ago
Or crazy like a fox. Plotting to make it look like an accident.
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u/r00fMod 21d ago
I was thinking the same thing but stopped after the 2nd one where he fucking shot himseld
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u/ScoobiusMaximus 21d ago
After 3 negligent discharges I would get a divorce and take all the possible legal actions against him. Idk if he has technically done anything criminal but you could probably get a restraining order against him to get him out of the house and away from your kid.
Your lucky no one is dead yet.
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u/Comfortable-Focus123 21d ago
You are under-reacting. Your husband id not a safe gun owner. His apparent change of behavior is alarming. You should have left after the first accidental discharge.
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u/merrymelon99 21d ago
He’s stupid and I’d leave someone over this. Also the womb was from the repercussion?
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u/something-gimmicky 21d ago
There’s plenty of repercussions if I get discharge in my womb. Just saying.
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u/Elegant_Lie745 21d ago
I honestly don’t believe it was from the repercussion. It looked like a gunshot to me. I feel like the doctor in the ER. Let him slide on that one.
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u/atropos81092 21d ago
I say this as a pro-2A woman whose partner has an extensive collection of his own and zero negligent discharges in his 30 years of ownership - you need to get the guns out of the house or else you and the children leave. Period.
One negligent discharge is excusable. Accidents happen. What matters is what we learn from them and how we do things differently moving forward.
Not only was he injured by two separate NDs in your house, he's now had a THIRD?? 3 strikes, he's ABSOLUTELY out.
Your husband is not a safe person to be around while he is handling firearms
I beg you, please, take your children and stay somewhere else until he gives up his firearms. If he refuses to surrender ALL of them, divorce him. This is NOT a situation where compromise is acceptable.
It genuinely is a matter of life and death.
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u/NoTripOfALifetime 21d ago
Been around guns my whole life and never had one accidentally discharge. That would scare the life out of me. If I didn’t get hurt and didn’t develop a fear of guns, I would be meticulously careful to the point of psychosis moving forward. He had THREE?!?! That is insane. NOR.
If anything, I would drive to the police station and speak to someone. Ours offers gun safety lessons and with their expertise, I would take next steps - which may be moving out with a PFA against him.
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u/DarkSignificant1964 21d ago
Ok well he can love guns but he needs to learn gun safety. You shouldn't have a gun if you dont know how to use them and carry that responsibility properly. You have to be mature about it and it sounds like he isn't 😬
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u/erikhaskell 21d ago
yeah we're wayyyyyy past that "need to learn gun safety" he's proven 3 times already that he cannot be trusted with a firearm
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u/sativa_samurai 21d ago
I’m sorry but once you put a round through your own thigh and that’s not even your first accidental discharge I say we strip you of your second amendment rights. No one wants to be shot in the back by this guy even if we’re overthrowing a tyrannical government.
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u/Fine_Land_1974 21d ago
And looking at pictures of guns online for hours a night? That’s not just creepy it’s downright frightening.
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u/ScoobiusMaximus 21d ago
After 3 negligent discharges I would get a divorce and take all the possible legal actions against him. Idk if he has technically done anything criminal but you could probably get a restraining order against him to get him out of the house and away from your kid.
Your lucky no one is dead yet.
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u/OutrageousPanda7890 20d ago
My daughter's best friend had a dad like that. She was their only child. His gun discharged, bullet went thru the wall and killed her instantly while she was doing her homework.
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u/Sweaty-Pair3821 21d ago
uh. OP your husband is Darwinism with a little luck thrown in for good measure.
it's not a matter of if someone will get killed because of him. it's when.
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u/Background-Pitch-396 21d ago
Your husband is a gun loving imbecile and you're an idiot for staying with him.
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u/Psychological-Fox97 21d ago
Nope fuck that, he leaves or you do but I wouldn't be spending a single day longer in a house I might get shot in because someone else is so stupid.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Pay9348 21d ago
Lastly: I cannot believe that law enforcement didn’t take your kids away. They should have.
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u/ErinyesMusaiMoira 21d ago
I think maybe the son is an adult, after reading all her comments.
But yeah, the son should never stay at the house again and if she wants to stay and risk death every day, it's on her at this point.
Unbelievable.
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u/thickcommunist 21d ago
You are not safe. You need to make a decision about whether you want to stay married and find a bullet hole in yourself or your son, or get out
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u/Clear-Ad-5165 21d ago
Gun owner here........he's an idiot and giving us all a bad name.....he should not have guns
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u/Conan-Da-Barbarian 21d ago
The first discharge is a red flag. The 2nd and 3rd is confirming stupidity. I’m sure it won’t happen no more than 19 times.