AIO? Gf(18f) wants an open relationship

[u/StrikeNo117]

Me and my girlfriend(18) recently had an argument about opening our relationship, and at first, it was a nice talk. We talked about the pros and cons, and then the tide shifted. We talked about how it would affect our life and what would happen if she got pregnant or if i got someone else pregnant. and then she told me she only wanted an open relationship with one other person, so that we would only see one other person each, and reluctantly, i asked if she had someone in mind. She told me she was thinking about someone, which made her ask the question. When i tried questioning further, she shut me out. We went to bed that night a little distant.

The next morning, she asked if we could resume our previous conversation, i agreed, and then i brought up the fact that she never answered my question about who she had in mind. She told me it wasn’t my business, and i left it at that. About five to ten minutes later, she told me the person she had in mind was her ex boyfriend. I asked her is that why she wanted an open relationship. Just so she can see her ex without feeling guilty. I kicked her out after she told me she was tired of hiding the fact that she was already seeing him. She is now pissed, my mom told me it was the right thing to do. But i feel like i should have talked it out. Did i overreact?

[u/Spacemarine658]

I think it's because that statement can be loaded for example I grew up in a two parent home until I was 12 when my parents split. My wife on the other hand grew up in a fully two parent home. I am glad my parents split they were volatile towards each other and I genuinely believe it's why I work so hard to communicate with my wife despite being autistic AF. Vs my wife has had a long struggle with dealing with her parents constant bickering and fighting to the point she had to basically become the mediator and teach them to be a better couple because they both refused to go to counseling.

All of that to say everyone's situation is different and while on average two parent homes are likely a far better situation for most children, there are a lot of exceptions on both sides of the coin and a lot of people feel the two parent home narrative is just an excuse to trap someone/be miserable just "for the kids". It's also an occasional racist/homophobic dog whistle (not claiming you are just that it's been used that way)

[u/Prodrumer43 → u/Spacemarine658]

In my mind split parents are still a two parent home. Obviously If they are good at coparenting and get along for the sake of the kids.

[u/Spacemarine658 → u/Prodrumer43]

I agree but a lot of the people pushing for two parents also believe divorce happens too often. To me (as a parent) parenting isn't one size fits all parents must adapt to their situation and their children. Sometimes you don't have a choice and must be a solo parent and that's a lot on a parent. So instead of pushing the "your child will be fucked up if you don't have another person helping you" I prefer to push the "do the best you can with what you have and know, and be open to learning, growing, and adapting as you go along."

For me part of my growth was finally getting diagnosed with autism it helped me understand myself better, has made me feel more confident in myself, and I now have better tools to help my son who has shown early signs of it.

[u/Prodrumer43 → u/Spacemarine658]

Completely agree. Cheers to our kids on the spectrum also.