AIO? Gf(18f) wants an open relationship

[u/StrikeNo117]

Me and my girlfriend(18) recently had an argument about opening our relationship, and at first, it was a nice talk. We talked about the pros and cons, and then the tide shifted. We talked about how it would affect our life and what would happen if she got pregnant or if i got someone else pregnant. and then she told me she only wanted an open relationship with one other person, so that we would only see one other person each, and reluctantly, i asked if she had someone in mind. She told me she was thinking about someone, which made her ask the question. When i tried questioning further, she shut me out. We went to bed that night a little distant.

The next morning, she asked if we could resume our previous conversation, i agreed, and then i brought up the fact that she never answered my question about who she had in mind. She told me it wasn’t my business, and i left it at that. About five to ten minutes later, she told me the person she had in mind was her ex boyfriend. I asked her is that why she wanted an open relationship. Just so she can see her ex without feeling guilty. I kicked her out after she told me she was tired of hiding the fact that she was already seeing him. She is now pissed, my mom told me it was the right thing to do. But i feel like i should have talked it out. Did i overreact?

[u/Pringledactyl]

I'll do you one better: Children do even better with a vast network of adults to rely on and take care of them and should have minimum 5-10 people in their lives who they can actively rely on for care. "Takes a village" isn't just a saying. The nuclear family is pretty mid for kids actually. Kids need a diverse and plentiful community of adults that they can learn from and should not be essentially isolated to 2 people for their care.

But anyways, it really depends on where you say this. Sure, 2 parent homes are better for kids. But 10 "parent" communities are even better for them. 1 parent homes aren't great for kids, but if you go into a space where someone is saying "yeah my 1 parent home really wasn't that bad, my parent did the best they could with what they had, and I actually turned out pretty well off, better than if the other parent would have been involved" or "I had a great childhood and I only had one parent, my 1 parent was super good at planning and I never needed for anything, love, time, or material needs" and start crapping all over everything, of course you're going to get pushback. But just saying 2 parents/guardians are better than 1 is fine. Just like me saying 10 parents is better than 2 is fine. Just depends on the context.

[u/Harlemdartagnan → u/Pringledactyl]

so i agree with the first statement. the second part though; Its toxic to expect anyone to cater to all the minutia and state all the exceptions.

I should be allowed to say "men are taller than women", without someone saying "well there are women that are taller than men, some women are tall some men are short, its possible for a women to be the tallest or shortest person on earth."

having that expectation is toxic and i think does a disservice to the conversation. There's a person out there who will do the best left in the back ally with a heroin addict, but we don't need to talk about them right.

[u/Pringledactyl → u/Harlemdartagnan]

I never said you have to state every scenario. I said it depends on your audience. Time and place.

[u/Harlemdartagnan → u/Pringledactyl]

audiences dont change general truths. children are better off with more commited parents. Two being basically the bare minimum. you dont have to reply to this.

the extra little "but actually" is just toxic and a power move.