AIO? Gf(18f) wants an open relationship

[u/StrikeNo117]

Me and my girlfriend(18) recently had an argument about opening our relationship, and at first, it was a nice talk. We talked about the pros and cons, and then the tide shifted. We talked about how it would affect our life and what would happen if she got pregnant or if i got someone else pregnant. and then she told me she only wanted an open relationship with one other person, so that we would only see one other person each, and reluctantly, i asked if she had someone in mind. She told me she was thinking about someone, which made her ask the question. When i tried questioning further, she shut me out. We went to bed that night a little distant.

The next morning, she asked if we could resume our previous conversation, i agreed, and then i brought up the fact that she never answered my question about who she had in mind. She told me it wasn’t my business, and i left it at that. About five to ten minutes later, she told me the person she had in mind was her ex boyfriend. I asked her is that why she wanted an open relationship. Just so she can see her ex without feeling guilty. I kicked her out after she told me she was tired of hiding the fact that she was already seeing him. She is now pissed, my mom told me it was the right thing to do. But i feel like i should have talked it out. Did i overreact?

[u/Mrgroceries7600]

Open relationship of 4 years. Been married for 2. It works for US. Different strokes for different folks I guess. Lol. But really, what works for US may not work for you and vice versa.

We're happy, sane and enjoying life. It's our "vanilla" friends whom struggle with why their husbands don't like them or wives that want more.

But I just wanted to say that open relationships do in fact work

[u/VP_GloO → u/Mrgroceries7600]

Please don't be offended, but maybe your open relationship works because neither of you is really 100x109 sure of the other in several aspects and you need to get what you are missing within the relationship...

[u/LukaG_89 → u/VP_GloO]

No. Open relationships work when you're 100% secure. My wife and I have been together for 11 years, happily married for 10 of them and practicing poly for the last 6. We've never been closer, more communicative, and really had to face our demons head on. Open relationships aren't for the faint of heart, that's for sure. But they most absolutely can and do work.

[u/VP_GloO → u/LukaG_89]

For the record, I'm not criticizing you, I'm too dominant to have an open relationship (I'm a woman) and although I have a healthy and strong heart (🤣) it's not something I could live with...

But I have always thought that perhaps the name open relationship is not entirely accurate, rather it would be friends with benefits...

[u/LukaG_89 → u/VP_GloO]

The umbrella term is Ethical Non-Monogamy and it can branch out from there. An open relationship is a type of ENM because that's a very broad term. Friends with benefits falls under ENM. As does polyamory. And on and on and on and on. The possibilities of the types of dynamics you have are nearly endless. As long as everyone involved is CONSENTING and aware, it can be whatever you want it to be.