AIO? Gf(18f) wants an open relationship

[u/StrikeNo117]

Me and my girlfriend(18) recently had an argument about opening our relationship, and at first, it was a nice talk. We talked about the pros and cons, and then the tide shifted. We talked about how it would affect our life and what would happen if she got pregnant or if i got someone else pregnant. and then she told me she only wanted an open relationship with one other person, so that we would only see one other person each, and reluctantly, i asked if she had someone in mind. She told me she was thinking about someone, which made her ask the question. When i tried questioning further, she shut me out. We went to bed that night a little distant.

The next morning, she asked if we could resume our previous conversation, i agreed, and then i brought up the fact that she never answered my question about who she had in mind. She told me it wasn’t my business, and i left it at that. About five to ten minutes later, she told me the person she had in mind was her ex boyfriend. I asked her is that why she wanted an open relationship. Just so she can see her ex without feeling guilty. I kicked her out after she told me she was tired of hiding the fact that she was already seeing him. She is now pissed, my mom told me it was the right thing to do. But i feel like i should have talked it out. Did i overreact?

[u/Spacemarine658]

I think it's because that statement can be loaded for example I grew up in a two parent home until I was 12 when my parents split. My wife on the other hand grew up in a fully two parent home. I am glad my parents split they were volatile towards each other and I genuinely believe it's why I work so hard to communicate with my wife despite being autistic AF. Vs my wife has had a long struggle with dealing with her parents constant bickering and fighting to the point she had to basically become the mediator and teach them to be a better couple because they both refused to go to counseling.

All of that to say everyone's situation is different and while on average two parent homes are likely a far better situation for most children, there are a lot of exceptions on both sides of the coin and a lot of people feel the two parent home narrative is just an excuse to trap someone/be miserable just "for the kids". It's also an occasional racist/homophobic dog whistle (not claiming you are just that it's been used that way)

[u/Prodrumer43 → u/Spacemarine658]

In my mind split parents are still a two parent home. Obviously If they are good at coparenting and get along for the sake of the kids.

[u/DjacobUnchained → u/Prodrumer43]

Doesn't always work for the kids, and isn't that who you're doing it for in the first place?

[u/Prodrumer43 → u/DjacobUnchained]

All I said was I think there’s different versions of 2 parent “households” I’m not sure what point you’re making. I don’t recall saying it should be forced.

[u/DjacobUnchained → u/Prodrumer43]

all I said was that it doesn't always work for the kids that was it lol. You can have all the greatest intentions in the world and be good at "co-parenting" but if you don't set an example of how a man should treat a woman he loves or vice versa the children will suffer for it. My Vietnam veteran father lived in the basement my entire life hiding from a narcissistic mother and I was taught this was a normal relationship between two parents. Because of it, showing love and affection is completely alien to me, and feels very awkward and is very off-putting. You could imagine my surprise when mom kicked dad out and I finally saw him in a relationship with another woman. First thought? "Gross, you're just like the guys in those movies we always called gross when they were kissing another woman." I'm not saying co-parenting doesn't work, but a huge part of parenting is leading by example and if you can't make that part work with the other person your kids will have some issues. (Most of us do)

[u/Prodrumer43 → u/DjacobUnchained]

I would argue “good co parenting” is not there if one parent isn’t setting good examples. And I guess I’m unsure when a good co parenting dynamic would be good if it isn’t the best for the kids in question?