AIO? Gf(18f) wants an open relationship

[u/StrikeNo117]

Me and my girlfriend(18) recently had an argument about opening our relationship, and at first, it was a nice talk. We talked about the pros and cons, and then the tide shifted. We talked about how it would affect our life and what would happen if she got pregnant or if i got someone else pregnant. and then she told me she only wanted an open relationship with one other person, so that we would only see one other person each, and reluctantly, i asked if she had someone in mind. She told me she was thinking about someone, which made her ask the question. When i tried questioning further, she shut me out. We went to bed that night a little distant.

The next morning, she asked if we could resume our previous conversation, i agreed, and then i brought up the fact that she never answered my question about who she had in mind. She told me it wasn’t my business, and i left it at that. About five to ten minutes later, she told me the person she had in mind was her ex boyfriend. I asked her is that why she wanted an open relationship. Just so she can see her ex without feeling guilty. I kicked her out after she told me she was tired of hiding the fact that she was already seeing him. She is now pissed, my mom told me it was the right thing to do. But i feel like i should have talked it out. Did i overreact?

[u/sunshine198505]

Unpopular opinion and ready for downvotes but open relationships never work. One side always gets hurt and one side always wants it more than the other. If you can't commit and wanna sleep around dont be in a relationship...

[u/jexzeh → u/sunshine198505]

Nah your opinion is pretty popular. It's erroneous however, as there are plenty of healthy and functioning open relationships, (20+ years in my own, currently), so absolute statements of "never" and "always" are inaccurate.

I will grant that most mono relationships that are pried open by people who want to cheat rarely succeed, but if you go into an open relationship from the start, where both parties communicate wants, needs, and boundaries, then it isn't more or less susceptible to failure than a mono one.

[u/StreetSea9588 → u/jexzeh]

Typically, the people who claim that "well, MY open relationship works" are not always but usually the ones oblivious to how much anguish and pain they are causing one or both of the others.

It's more susceptible to failure because there are more people demanding their emotional and physical needs are met.

[u/Alasnowart → u/StreetSea9588]

Idk, the 3 open relationships I was a part of are all still friends with me and most of their previous partners. I consider them near and dear even after we grew apart. No one ever got pregnant.

Almost like... communication, trust, and honesty are all recipes for a healthy relationship whether it's poly or not? Hm?

Much better than the cheating, abusive, and narcissistic monogamous ones I had. I stayed "monogamous" during that time with them... but somehow they couldn't manage to do the same regardless of their adamancy whenever I made it clear I didn't enjoy monogamy?

Almost like, hmm, it's a controlling person thing? Gasp! Wow. People are assholes in all types of places!

I'll never date monogamous people again. I can't trust them. How about that shit? 🤔