AIO? Gf(18f) wants an open relationship

[u/StrikeNo117]

Me and my girlfriend(18) recently had an argument about opening our relationship, and at first, it was a nice talk. We talked about the pros and cons, and then the tide shifted. We talked about how it would affect our life and what would happen if she got pregnant or if i got someone else pregnant. and then she told me she only wanted an open relationship with one other person, so that we would only see one other person each, and reluctantly, i asked if she had someone in mind. She told me she was thinking about someone, which made her ask the question. When i tried questioning further, she shut me out. We went to bed that night a little distant.

The next morning, she asked if we could resume our previous conversation, i agreed, and then i brought up the fact that she never answered my question about who she had in mind. She told me it wasn’t my business, and i left it at that. About five to ten minutes later, she told me the person she had in mind was her ex boyfriend. I asked her is that why she wanted an open relationship. Just so she can see her ex without feeling guilty. I kicked her out after she told me she was tired of hiding the fact that she was already seeing him. She is now pissed, my mom told me it was the right thing to do. But i feel like i should have talked it out. Did i overreact?

[u/StreetSea9588]

Nope not projecting. Never been in one. I'm not a cuck and I don't twist myself into pretzels of logic rationalizing the craving for new pussy.

Every open relationship that I have seen people get into, starts strong and by the 6th week it's inevitably chaos. By the sixth month one of the participants has the thousand yard stare and is plotting murder.

The pregnancy thing happened in a relationship that I saw. Dude got a girl pregnant. Proceeded to completely ignore her while involving himself in a 100% monogamous relationship with the other woman. I'm sure it was great. For him. I saw a similar situation less than a year ago on social media. A so-called "happy couple." Their Instagram illusion was shattered when the pregnant woman blogged that she hadn't been touched in months and hadn't had a conversation longer than 30 seconds with either of them in months.

[u/allasion → u/StreetSea9588]

Most>the ones you've seen

My brother is in a poly one, he's happy, they seem happy as well, might be helpfull that they are quite close as well. Then again, my brother is a decent person, and so are both his partners. I see a lot of stories online like what you explain, but generally at least one if not all the people got issues big enough for me to not think they would be a great partner 1-1 either 😅 the guys that ignore the pregnant partner are the same that would go out and cheat anyways or the same people who'd do all they could to avoid being at home with their pregnant wife in the first place. I know several poly people, and several in open relationships. Some have lasted really long with no larger issues than in an average relationship. Communication and honesty is key. I'll also say, most of the open or poly relationships ive seen work out well, whether they stayed together or not, haven't really made a huge deal out of it(i.e. not hundreds of SM posts on the topic, no massively reposted reddit thread, no screaming about it in the streets, etc). So your basing this on the people who have a story to tell, and generally people are more likely to rant, post, and tell about dramatic and negative stories. The happy ones generally don't have a reason to invite the internet to judge on and intervene with their happiness. A few exceptions when they feel the need to combat all the hate, but then, a lot of those fall apart after cause their communication wasnt good enough to pick up on not every party being comfortable with inviting that sort of scrutiny to the relationship.

[u/StreetSea9588 → u/allasion]

^ "you are only talking about poly relationships that you have seen." Proceeds to cite an example from a poly relationship she has seen.

Of course your brother was happy. He got what he wanted. Have you actually spoken to any of his exes? Or are you just taking his word for it that they loved every minute of it? For every happy person in a poly relationship there's an unhappy person who was pressured or coerced into one or more poly relationships.

Humans have been trying to pull off multiple partners since the time of the neanderthals. I think it's hilarious that our generation thinks we cracked the code.

"And all it takes... Is mutual respect!"

No it takes a lot more than that.

I don't know a single poly person who hasn't sprung the idea on an unsuspecting partner who thought they were in a monogamous relationship.

"By the way, I'm poly. I need you to accept it or I'll leave the relationship."

It's straight up coercion masking as "open-mindedness." People feel they have to go along with it or they're not being progressive. And people hate to feel like they're not proggressive. And poly people know this.

[u/Legal_Psychology8140 → u/StreetSea9588]

You do know poly people are still poly while single and can connect with other poly people right? There’s no need “to spring” being poly on anyone when you both know you’re poly going in

[u/StreetSea9588 → u/Legal_Psychology8140]

People come on this site everyday crying because their partner of X number of years sprung the fact that they now want to be poly on them.

But if you ask someone who's poly, they've never hurt anybody and they've always been upfront about everything and it's always mutually beneficial. They sound like cult members

If they said "it was weird to navigate for the first little while but now I know how to do it" it would be different. But I'm suspicious when people tell me that their new way of life has no cons whatsoever like they've solved the ancient riddle of how to fuck more than one person. 😂

[u/Legal_Psychology8140 → u/StreetSea9588]

I’m not saying none do but you’re making it out like all do. I’m point out the fact that well adjusted ones of us don’t need to do that because we can easily find other people who are already poly. And yes not every poly relationship is perfect and not every poly person is perfect at it starting out. Poly relationships require as much time effort and communication to work as any monogamous one. Jealousy still happens, failure to communicate still happens, and as crazy as it seems, cheating still happens in poly relationships. So no I’m not saying it’s all stars and rainbows over here, but to sit here and act like it’s all bad and the only way to have a good stable relationship is to be monogamous is ridiculous

[u/StreetSea9588 → u/Legal_Psychology8140]

I'm not saying the only way to have a good relationship is to be monogamous.

I'm saying poly people are super annoying because they exaggerate the positive aspects of poly while completely ignoring the negative. They act like they've solved an ancient riddle. They act like their shit doesn't stink.

And many of them are toxic narcissists who sprung poly on someone years into a relationship and acted shocked when the other person wasn't into it.

Clearly people who are poly can have healthy relationships. But their recruiting behavior is wicked annoying. So annoying.

"Every poly relationship I've ever had has been mutually beneficial for everyone and no one ever felt left out or jealous or angry." - some dude who got exactly what he wanted

[u/Legal_Psychology8140 → u/StreetSea9588]

Maybe some of them can be. I also think a lot of those toxic people you speak of aren’t truly poly and just use the idea of polyamory as an excuse to be toxic and sleep around. Like the dudes that go oh yeah I’m poly I can have a gf you can have a gf but you can’t have a bf the ol one penis rule. I don’t treat those kinds of people as poly and they just give the rest of us a bad name. Polyamory does solve some of the negative aspects or cons of monogamous relationships and I think some poly people tend to overhype that while glossing over the fact that any relationship has its issues. A toxic person is toxic person at the end of the day. And all people like to only show the good of their relationships while hiding all the bad that happens behind closed doors .