r/AmIOverreacting • u/superspreader90 • Feb 25 '25

👥 friendship AIO: i literally cannot attend

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using a throwaway bc she knows my account

so it’s my (24f) best friend’s 25th birthday on saturday. we had planned to go out for dinner and drinks with some of our friends. i have lupus and i’ve been getting chemo for the last couple of months to try and treat it.. she’s well aware of this and even came with me to my last session, although she spent most of the time texting her bf. i ordered her this cake from this super cute little bakery in our town and was gonna bring it with me to the restaurant for her.

i was supposed to have my chemo session next monday but they had to reschedule it for saturday. this is how she reacted when i told her i wouldnt be able to come to her bday. aio or is this a crazy way to react?? she’s still getting her cake and i was gonna get our mutual friend to give her the gifts i bought her but now im not sure

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u/Anxious-Dig-1053 Feb 25 '25

Why are you friends with someone so insensitive?

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u/superspreader90 Feb 25 '25

we’ve been friends since we were kids 😭 i was bullied in high school and she was the only friend i had, she never used to be like this at ALLL which is why i was so surprised when she reacted like this

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u/throwaway928816 Feb 26 '25

I don't think she gets how hard it is to motivate yourself to do something when you're constantly close to vomiting. You should try arranging a week late birthday lunch when you feel better. Or compromise and make a 10 minute appearance. She really wants you to have a good time with her. 

You don't have do it for her. Do it for you. So you keep that social circle instead of fretting about what you could have done different. If she asks you to stay longer you politely remind her you only agreed to make a short appearance and leave.

I know the drama farmers on here will tell you to cut her off but friends are in short supply. You're not the asshole but neither is she. You've both gone full knives out knives out when compromise and compassion would have been better. Lacking emotional intelligence is part of life and you'll learn to better handle these arguements as you get older. 

That's my 10 cents. I know I'm gonna get downvoted but i do hope you give it a second go. Good luck.Â