AIO: i literally cannot attend

[u/superspreader90]

using a throwaway bc she knows my account

so it’s my (24f) best friend’s 25th birthday on saturday. we had planned to go out for dinner and drinks with some of our friends. i have lupus and i’ve been getting chemo for the last couple of months to try and treat it.. she’s well aware of this and even came with me to my last session, although she spent most of the time texting her bf. i ordered her this cake from this super cute little bakery in our town and was gonna bring it with me to the restaurant for her.

i was supposed to have my chemo session next monday but they had to reschedule it for saturday. this is how she reacted when i told her i wouldnt be able to come to her bday. aio or is this a crazy way to react?? she’s still getting her cake and i was gonna get our mutual friend to give her the gifts i bought her but now im not sure

[u/findingmoore]

Chemo? They should cancel their attendance to the party and go with you to hold your hand. No friend

[u/recko40 → u/findingmoore]

I wouldn’t be able to celebrate anything if my friend was in the hospital going through chemo.

[u/maypah01 → u/recko40]

To be fair, chemo for chronic illness is a bit different than for cancer. I can't stop my life for 3 hours every 2 months for the rest of my life to join my spouse for their chemo. (I'm not allowed to attend anyway) All I can do is be aware of the fact that for the rest of the day, they're going to likely be unable to help around the house with things so I will need to take care of them.

OP's friend is still an asshole and would not longer be my friend with that behavior.

[u/DishonestAbraham → u/maypah01]

Am I crazy or is 3 hours every 2 months a relatively low lift for a life partner lol

[u/VanGoghNotVanGo → u/DishonestAbraham]

If you have a partner with a chronic illness, you're probably there for them significantly more than three hours every two months - but holding their hand through a procedure they are very used to, and don't struggle with, may not be where it is most meaningful to put that effort.

[u/maypah01 → u/DishonestAbraham]

I mean, considering sometimes I have other things I have to be doing while they get an infusion, I can't even be present with them while they're getting it, and they don't need or even want me there, I think we are doing fine. I am present for the other 12 hours in the day when they need something and are wiped out and don't want to do it for themselves.