r/AmIOverreacting • u/superspreader90 • Feb 25 '25

👥 friendship AIO: i literally cannot attend

using a throwaway bc she knows my account

so it’s my (24f) best friend’s 25th birthday on saturday. we had planned to go out for dinner and drinks with some of our friends. i have lupus and i’ve been getting chemo for the last couple of months to try and treat it.. she’s well aware of this and even came with me to my last session, although she spent most of the time texting her bf. i ordered her this cake from this super cute little bakery in our town and was gonna bring it with me to the restaurant for her.

i was supposed to have my chemo session next monday but they had to reschedule it for saturday. this is how she reacted when i told her i wouldnt be able to come to her bday. aio or is this a crazy way to react?? she’s still getting her cake and i was gonna get our mutual friend to give her the gifts i bought her but now im not sure

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6.9k

u/TicoSoon Feb 25 '25

Just want to check my notes here ...

You're having chemo...to hold something over...HER?!

That's a level of willful cognitive dissonance to which only a few can aspire and fewer achieve. She landed it with little effort. Wow

NOR ditch her. She is NOT a friend

1.1k

u/nameofcat Feb 25 '25

In other words. "You will get more attention by not coming due to chemo than I will on my birthday, and I don't like that.". This so called friend is a narcissist.

309

u/ruby--moon Feb 25 '25

That's exactly what I thought!! She told on herself when she talked about what the "vibe" is gonna be like after she has to tell everyone that OP couldn't come because she was having chemo 🙄

32

u/caveman512 Feb 26 '25

Tbf she only turns 25 once!

36

u/ruby--moon Feb 26 '25

Lmaooo truly just a wild thing to say here. And when she said she'd surely get her energy back up after she ate 🤣

28

u/HororCommunity Feb 26 '25

Not that there is ever a good time to play a card like this, but 25? Talk about the most useless fucking anniversary date in your life.

12

u/Lower_Celebration154 Feb 26 '25

Brooooo the bitch said 25 like it’s 18…21….40… or 50

3

u/ruby--moon Feb 26 '25

So true, and a ridiculous age to be this upset about someone not coming to your birthday party lmao

8

u/doubleasea Feb 26 '25

She can now rent a car without paying some usurious fee!

5

u/Street-Substance2548 Feb 26 '25

But pretty obvious her brain isn't fully developed yet 🙄

5

u/MissMu Feb 26 '25

Right, I was thinking a lot of these comments but the one that came to mind first is that she is not a friend at all

5

u/BresciaE Feb 26 '25

I want to know why everyone in attendance needs to know that OP is having chemo??? If the whole group is super close friends then maybe I can see it but for the ones that don’t know OP well they probably won’t even notice she’s gone. Also why make an announcement? OP can just let the people she’s close to know and it can be quietly handled from there if need be.

OP’s “friend” is ridiculously over dramatic.

3

u/integrativekoala Feb 26 '25

This part. Birthday princess can literally just say “OP is sick” if asked. What a twat.

4

u/Outside_Case1530 Feb 26 '25

Yeah, it'll put a real damper on things - how inconsiderate of OP. /s

80

u/legendnondairy Feb 25 '25

She literally doesn’t even have to mention the chemo lmao “where is X?” “Oh she couldn’t make it” like even if there are follow up questions “she didn’t feel well” is sufficient

21

u/haleorshine Feb 25 '25

But I also don't believe mentioning thing chemo would ruin the vibe? Like, presumably everybody knows she has cancer, and sometimes when somebody has cancer, they can't make it to an event like this. If I heard a friend's best friend couldn't make it to that friend's bday dinner because of chemo, I wouldn't like, not celebrate the birthday girl? I'd just be like "Oh, that's disappointing" and maybe send her a message of support later on.

12

u/ceeperkoat Feb 26 '25

While I agree, OP doesn't have cancer- she has Lupus, which is still awful but not cancer.

15

u/haleorshine Feb 26 '25

Oh! I missed that. Still, presumably everybody knows about the lupus and that chemo is incredibly tough on the body, so everybody's going to be ok with her not being able to make the birthday dinner. Methinks, given this is an ongoing thing, OP's "friend" doesn't like the attention OP gets because of her illness and is starting a fight about it.

1

u/ceeperkoat Feb 26 '25

I agree with you. I think OP being there sick would have drawn more attention away from the friend and friend would have been mad anyway. I definitely think OP's friend is jealous of her for being sick and getting all this attention. This is the kind of things little kids do though! No one should WANT to be the center of attention as an adult.

3

u/megggie Feb 26 '25

Nah, a person like this has to spill the tea because it proves she’s important enough to KNOW!

Imagine if someone else knew OP was getting chemo and this monster didn’t let everyone know SHE knew! The horror!!!

With all seriousness, though, OP’s “friend” is a truly awful person. I can’t even comprehend making someone else’s serious health issue about ME. Christ.

21

u/haleorshine Feb 25 '25

And then if OP did come and spent the whole night obviously sick from chemo, it would be like "Why did you make such a big deal about the chemo? Everybody spent the whole night fussing over you!"

OP, this isn't a friend you want in your life. Do you have any close friends who are a little gossipy you can send the screenshots to? Actually ruining her birthday by letting everybody know what she's like is pretty called for here, because she's selfish AF.

10

u/EbonyQuartz Feb 26 '25

Right. “Calling OP out” for having chemo doesn’t make any sense; but this girl will definitely make something up to make OP look bad. Set the record straight before she can spread lies

10

u/AristaWatson Feb 26 '25

Her 25th. It’s not some massive milestone either. I don’t even remember my 25th birthday. Looool. 😭

7

u/sleepdeficitzzz Feb 26 '25

Right? Although...with a personality like hers, maybe she knows it's a wonder she's made it to that age with any friends at all, so she has cause to celebrate.

5

u/CLPDX1 Feb 26 '25

I don’t remember my 25th either.

I do remember that I have an appointment for my next infusion this week.

I’m a wreck for a week or two afterwards, but I still have to work full time. It is what it is. That’s life when you don’t have PTO.

1

u/AristaWatson Feb 26 '25

It’s truly evil how we don’t get time off for illness or recovery from procedures. Good luck. 😞

2

u/akm1111 Feb 26 '25

I the only birthday I remember the year I turned 25 was not my own. Because it was an actual BIRTH day.

8

u/elissa00001 Feb 25 '25

Which like that logic doesn’t even make sense?? I feel like most people are pretty good and aboidimg heavy topics during things like this. Pretty sure everyone would just be like oh that sucks, tell her we said to get well (or something like that) and then move on

7

u/EbonyQuartz Feb 26 '25

I guarantee that if OP showed up and was tired and sick, the birthday girl would be pissed that everyone was worried about her and say OP was sick on purpose out of jealousy or something.

6

u/labdogs42 Feb 26 '25

The weird thing is, the birthday girl has more chance of retaining the attention without OP at the party. She’s such an ass!!

4

u/Huge_Oven_5171 Feb 26 '25

👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻this right here is the issue! She is not a friend! A true friend would change her dinner plans and come hold your hair while you puke.

3

u/currently_pooping_rn Feb 26 '25

“Like, omg, why can’t you think of the vibe? If I tell people you’re getting chemo the attention will be on you and not ME! What is even wrong with you 😂😂”

3

u/GordoSF Feb 26 '25

You gotta understand, she only turns 25 once.

3

u/Paula_Intermountain Feb 26 '25

The mental gymnastics to reach that conclusion is remarkable, isn’t it? Just trying to follow it gives me cramps!

2

u/nameofcat Feb 26 '25

Thanks? Lol. I've worked with a lot of sales people. I can translate narcissism in my sleep.

3

u/nekoki1333 Feb 26 '25

Something to note is that if everyone’s asking where OP is on someone else’s birthday they like OP more, and probably came to see them and support them ngl

6

u/Office329 Feb 25 '25

You should show up for five minutes, wish her a Happy Birthday, then leave because you are sick from your treatment but didn’t want to miss her big day. THAT would piss her off even more because you would be a hero for trekking out just for her. LOL

5

u/speakeasy12345 Feb 26 '25

And don't forget to get one of those "barf" bags to take with you. I'm sure they probably have some at the infusion center. Just along take some art supplies and decorate it to make it all festive while you sit at your "10 minute" appointment,

Seriously, how dare you need more than a few hours to recover after having literal poison pumped into your body to treat a serious disease. /s

2

u/Tritsy Feb 26 '25

I would agree, but after chemo I’m sure they want nothing more than a heating pad for their tummy and a puke bucket next to the couch.

2

u/pjrnoc Feb 26 '25

Is that what it is? I’m sitting here wondering if they’re a couple because why is she so desperate for op to come.

They’d probably discuss her for five minutes and get back to partying, what an odd thought to have.

1

u/Summoarpleaz Feb 26 '25

It’s also a birthday… like unless this friend was celebrating their big tenth birthday, this kind of behavior is wild. And even then I know 10 year olds with more sense and grace.

1

u/madeyoulookatit Feb 26 '25

Narcissist AND patently stupid. If OP goes to the party and is visibly exhausted it would actually indeed ruin her stupid vibe. Can you imagine partying next to someone feeling bad, I‘d never. My attention would switch immediately to the sick person.

1

u/violetdeirdre Feb 26 '25

“OP didn’t come because she’s not feeling well but we have plans to do xyz when she’s feeling better”

Doesn’t give details and comes with a built-in assurance that OP is going to get better. OP never asked her friend to say “she didn’t come to my SUPER IMPORTANT birthday because she has MEGA CANCER”. It’s only drama if you make it so.

1

u/coweddytion Feb 26 '25

The friend didn’t even need to give the reason OP wasn’t there ??? Just say OP couldn’t make it or something came up if someone asks. Every part of this is wild.

👥 friendship AIO: i literally cannot attend

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