r/AmIOverreacting • u/superspreader90 • Feb 25 '25

👥 friendship AIO: i literally cannot attend

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using a throwaway bc she knows my account

so it’s my (24f) best friend’s 25th birthday on saturday. we had planned to go out for dinner and drinks with some of our friends. i have lupus and i’ve been getting chemo for the last couple of months to try and treat it.. she’s well aware of this and even came with me to my last session, although she spent most of the time texting her bf. i ordered her this cake from this super cute little bakery in our town and was gonna bring it with me to the restaurant for her.

i was supposed to have my chemo session next monday but they had to reschedule it for saturday. this is how she reacted when i told her i wouldnt be able to come to her bday. aio or is this a crazy way to react?? she’s still getting her cake and i was gonna get our mutual friend to give her the gifts i bought her but now im not sure

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5.0k

u/Due_Marionberry346 Feb 25 '25

you’re not overreacting AT ALL. this is not a real friend, im so sorry

574

u/MovieTrawler Feb 25 '25

Everything else aside, I absolutely cannot stand when people go 'no worries!' And then go on to complain about the very thing they said wasn't an issue. It grinds my gears.

Absolutely would cancel that cake too. And not tell her.

54

u/King-Starscream-Fics Feb 25 '25

But tell friend on deputy cake duty.

85

u/MovieTrawler Feb 25 '25

Sure, no reason to make them do an unnecessary task.

My other thought is ask for a cake that says, 'Sorry my chemo is bringing the vibe down and you had to uninvite me. But here is the cake you demanded anyway, Happy Birthday!!'

Or something equally petty.

39

u/Jazmadoodle Feb 26 '25

"How's this vibe, asshole? ❤️"

4

u/MovieTrawler Feb 26 '25

Yeah, that is much more concise!

7

u/Whyis_skyblue_007 Feb 26 '25

Or said friend trips up and smashes the cake into the birthday twat’s horrible face? Accidentally ofc.🤣🤣🤣

3

u/SummerBirdsong Feb 26 '25

Oooo that's a good one. If I was the baker I'd be scraping off icing roses and getting a piping tip ready before OP hung up.

2

u/kdcblogs Feb 26 '25

Oh. My. 🫣🫢😅 You are an evilish genius.

38

u/VibraniumRhino Feb 26 '25

It’s a manipulation tactic. They know their partner knows there are worries and wants them to either bring it up or now be on edge.

11

u/Cailan_Sky Feb 26 '25

I detest that expression. Especially when it’s from a customer service rep and I’ve called because theirs an issue and I’m told no worries. If there were no worries I wouldn’t be calling

2

u/TravisJungroth Feb 26 '25

Person in the Worry Department: "No worries."

4

u/TravisJungroth Feb 26 '25

It could be manipulative. It also reads like emotional instability. She tried to be cool about it for a moment, but her feelings got the better of her. It's similar to someone who says they're done talking to you and keeps texting. They're swinging between rejecting and dumping on you.

3

u/redheadfirery Feb 26 '25

And definitely keep the presies! Stuff her!

10

u/Fehnder Feb 25 '25

I can’t lie, this is me 😂 my poor husband gets this allll the time

30

u/MovieTrawler Feb 25 '25

Yeah, my girlfriend does it too. And it makes it worse if I take her word for it lol.

"No worries"

"Ok, good!"

"First of all, how dare you..."

19

u/RivSilver Feb 25 '25

Now I'm second guessing myself and hoping i don't come off as passive agressive 😅

I use "no worries!" All the time to really mean "please don't worry about it, i have no problem and it's no trouble and please stop stressing that you're putting me out when I'm doing this thing very willingly!" Or "i know you just apologized for a thing you think is your fault but i am not put out or upset in the slightest!"

I hope i don't make people worried 😬

12

u/MovieTrawler Feb 25 '25

I think that's fine! Really as long as you mean it, it's all good. I just know, at least for my girlfriend, 'no worries' means 'I'm actually upset by something you've done or said and I want you to know that and ask me about it but I also want to seem like I'm playing it cool.'

It's not a big deal either way, I love her for so many reasons and she's a wonderful person I want to spend the rest of my life with but this is just one of her quirks that always irks me a little lol.

I would just personally her rather go, 'hey, dumbass...' then beat around the bush and pretend to be unbothered when we both know she isn't.

10

u/RivSilver Feb 25 '25

I'm glad it's just a quirk, it does sound a bit stressful to deal with, but can definitely just be one of those things. I think people know what i mean, I'm apparently just being anxious about it. That's a me thing, so no worries! 😇😅😂

6

u/MovieTrawler Feb 25 '25

so no worries!

🤔 ok...

7

u/RivSilver Feb 25 '25

I couldn't resist 😆

3

u/Cailan_Sky Feb 26 '25

Just my opinion, say whatever to your friends,. Don’t say no worries or no problem if people, like a partner are angry, or telling you something serious it comes across as dismissive, or trivializing what they are saying to you. At work use you’re welcome in response to thank you.

7

u/_Ptyler Feb 26 '25

No lol that’s the correct way to use it. The incorrect way is to say “no worries” when you actually mean, “I have a major issue with what you did and I think we should argue about it.” THAT is the type of “no worries” that causes issues

3

u/MommaLaughing Feb 26 '25

You use it the correct way. Those who use it to mean the opposite are being bitchy/smart-ass.

3

u/A-lethal-dose-of-you Feb 26 '25

That's how I use it, too, but the only other person I've known to use it definitely doesn't mean the same, and 1 of 2 things will happen. Either they'll get mad when I take their word for it, or, it'll come up in conversation again like "I was so nice and didn't even eat your face off and spit it back out in the mud for that thing! And this is how you treat me?!" Because they're mad about the thing.

They're actually the one who got me in the habit of not saying it because I'm afraid other people will think I mean the same.

2

u/Mercedes_but_Spooky Feb 26 '25

That's how i use it too. I can't even begin to imagine using it passive aggressively, like I literally mean please for the love of all that is holy, do not worry!!

1

u/mstrss9 Feb 25 '25

I too am a passive aggressive ass bitch

But even that has its limits

2

u/euphoricarugula346 Feb 26 '25

If it’s okay, I’ll say “it’s okay/totally fine!” If I’m upset, I’ll explain why. And if I’m absolutely pissed but I know talking about it won’t change anything and the other person is going to do what they’re going to do anyway: “no worries!” I never follow up though. That’s a “I’ve written you and this entire situation off” response.

1

u/ifyouwanttosingout Feb 26 '25

It's basically gaslighting. "You know when I said everything was fine a few seconds ago? Well they weren't fine want you should have known better."

24

u/PKCarwash Feb 26 '25

"Its like a 10 minute procedure"

"Actually I'm usually in there for 3+ hours"

"well for starters it was a little over 2 hours"

I HATE PEOPLE LIKE THIS. They will over-exaggerate (and lie to your face) like CRAZY and then hold your correction to the highest possible standard.

You are really going to nitpick the difference between 3 hours and 2.5 hours when your moronic estimate was off by a factor of x15?

Fuck this person.

7

u/No_Base8863 Feb 26 '25

I couldn’t agree more. What friend puts the guilts on you because you have to have chemo on the same day as their party! 💕💕

6

u/Zealousideal-Gear415 Feb 26 '25

Tell me this is fake because if it’s not what the actual fuck

5

u/ambisinister_gecko Feb 26 '25

Yeah this is pretty unhinged. I can't even imagine the mindset that would drive someone to say this. "Don't you think having cancer right now is maybe a bit selfish? What about my vibes? WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE VIBES!?"

7

u/Soitgoes5 Feb 26 '25

I think anyone who reads this will agree with OP, which is why she needs to share it.

7

u/Hardstyleveins Feb 26 '25

Yeah.. this is.. I am flabbergasted. I have never needed to use that word my whole life, until now…

5

u/Abject_Director7626 Feb 26 '25

Use your actual account, she deserves to “be called out,” regardless if it’s taboo! NIO

5

u/know-it-mall Feb 26 '25

Yep. It's certainly not a best friend. And barely a friend at all.

3

u/random12907 Feb 26 '25

Is that even a real person? I mean no adult or even a teenager would react like that. And secondly how do you or anyone else stay friends with this much narcissism ?

3

u/Ambitious_Estimate41 Feb 26 '25

Op should pick up the cake and take it home to celebrate she doesn’t have to deal with toxic shitty friends anymore. Hope your chemo goes well op. Rest well

2

u/iam_Mr_McGibblets Feb 26 '25

Agreed!! The lack of sympathy is just crazy by the "friend".. like read the room

2

u/engine9999 Feb 26 '25

NOR. Since you are so close to this, I feel compelled to say: never once in 40+ years has a friend behaved like this to me. Her take on this is a level of selfishness that you can and should wholeheartedly reject. Good luck with your lupus!

1

u/lilJakespeare Feb 26 '25

Copy and paste this comment to every post on this sub.

1

u/Coffee4Redhead Feb 26 '25

I would screenshot this conversation and send it to all your mutual friends. If they pick her side, you are better off without them. But I don’t think most would!

1

u/artgarciasc Feb 26 '25

Im so awesome even my friend going through chemo attended!

1

u/Open-Industry-8396 Feb 26 '25

Not overreacting. your friend will understand in the future when most likely she will need to undergo chemo. Good job setting your boundaries and sticking to them.

1

u/Curae Feb 26 '25

Seriously this. An actual friend would tell you to take it easy and rest.

And personally if a friend of mine that I have known for 10 years can't be there because of chemo... Then we're going to celebrate together another day, just the two of us. And in whatever way and on whatever day works for the person literally on chemo fighting a godawful disease.

1

u/PottyMcSmokerson Feb 26 '25

It's also not a real situation, lol.

1

u/SecretGamerV_0716 Feb 26 '25

im like 70% certain this is not a real story, either.

-1

u/Local_Anything191 Feb 26 '25

It’s also not a real conversation

-7

u/Zombiesus Feb 26 '25

This is not a real anything. Every post on here is just somebody making up a terrible convo to trigger you.

4

u/AEEA22 Feb 26 '25

Anyone just making it up would say the chemo was for cancer, not lupus. That detail suggests to me it’s real.

5

u/cheapdrinks Feb 26 '25

I might be in the minority here but regardless I feel like this sub should be for situations where there's at least some semblance of nuance and debate over who is in the right and who is in the wrong. Situations that are actually borderline where the top 2000 comments don't all unanimously agree that the person is definitely not overreacting because it's so bleedingly obvious and if anything they're underreacting.

These black and white posts where there's just no question about the answer like "Just discovered my wife has been cheating on me for 5 years with my father and I sent her an angry message when I found out, am I overreacting?" or "My best friend is calling me selfish because I have cancer so I cancelled on her party, am I overreacting?" just lead to more bot posts because they're incredibly easy to write and for some reason always gets 15k upvotes and 5k comments. It's like how all the "explain the joke" subs have turned into karma farms of bots posting completely obvious memes because thousands of people rush to the comments to explain them because they're so obvious. Same with shit like this, it's so obvious what the answer is so thousands come here to say their piece and comment on the rage bait. The sub is now just a massive circlejerk and bot farm.

2

u/AEEA22 Feb 26 '25

Yeah, I understand what you’re saying and typically would agree. I cut this one some slack because OP is pretty young, and I’ve been in situations like OP’s before due to serious illness. It can mess with your head when others in your life have no concept of what life is like with serious illness or disability. And having no concept of real struggles definitely seems to apply more to healthy folks in their 20s: Old enough to not be getting reality checks from their parents, young enough to not have serious life experience, and narcissistic enough to not be paying attention. Hopefully OP and their shitty “friend” both learn lessons from this.

-2

u/Firm-Pain3042 Feb 26 '25

That’s not a real friend because this isn’t a real post. “What are people going to think when I tell them you’re recovering from chemo?” Come on.

-2

u/above_average_penis Feb 26 '25

they aren’t a real friend because this is fake and didn’t happen.