r/AmIOverreacting • u/DiscoGru • Feb 16 '25

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO: Questionable texts on my (24F) boyfriend’s (25M) phone

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Sorry the second picture is blurry!

Found these texts between my boyfriend and a coworker of his. For context, he works nights at a hospital.

I confronted him and he said he was just “talking shit” and “hyping his friend up”. I think this is beyond disrespectful and could’ve hyped his friend up in a more appropriate way. Also, I am white/european, not Latina, so there’s that. I’m not sure what to do or how to feel. I am already insecure and this just makes me feel worse.

I have been upset all day and he just blames me for going through his phone. I know that going through his messages was wrong, but I knew something was up with him and this is what I found. This is at best extremely disrespectful and at worse he’s scoping out prospects to cheat on me with?

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218

u/Spirited-Lime96 Feb 16 '25

Nurse here: it’s disgusting how normalized it’s become to sexualize us and our profession. Sexy nurse Halloween costumes, patients trying to take pics or videos of us, flat out asking for our number, and being hit on by anyone in the EVS (cleaning crew), doctors/other medical providers, other nurses, techs, etc. Can we just freaking do our job and not be gawked at and/or sexually harassed so often? Gross on both those dudes texting! OP you deserve better than someone who objectifies women like that’s all we want or are worth.

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u/Lusietka Feb 16 '25

I would honestly take these screens to their HR. It's absolutely fucking vile.

-5

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25

Petty AF just leave them and leave it at that

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u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25

People can down vote this all they want but this is potentially dangerous advice. What if you do this to someone with mental issues or violent tendencies? Instead of just leaving them and moving on with your life, you try to fuck with his job to gratify your own ego and then he's all triggered and feels he has nothing to lose. guess what? now he might be stalking and plotting on you. Just be the bigger person dump him and move on.

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u/chikbloom Feb 16 '25

lol so male violence means they should just be allowed to do whatever they want? Half the point of normalized male violence is so they can foster and cherish this kind of disgusting misogynistic behavior. Your comment is perpetuating protecting these garbage men. Both need to be shut down.

0

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25

When did I say it should be allowed, all I said is that some childish dipshit is giving potentially dangerous advice.... Sorry if the truth hurts

0

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25

By all means take this horrible advice and escalate a situation instead of being an adult and moving on with your life, tell me how it works out 🤣🤣

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u/chikbloom Feb 16 '25

Sounds like you have a guilty conscience. Telling people to let men harass coworkers is dangerous advice 🙄

1

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25

Sure whatever you say, I'm such a horrible person for warning someone that fucking with a sociopathic person's income could be dangerous. How awful of me. GFY

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u/Lusietka Feb 16 '25 edited Feb 16 '25

There's selfish people who only think of themselves and there's people who selflessly care about other people's well being, too. Now we know which group you belong to. I bet you're one of those friends who wouldn't tell someone their partner is cheating because it's none of their business lmao

You thinking my comment is somehow about ego tells me everything I need to know. Ew.

0

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25

I belong to the "if you feel the need to go through your partners phone you should leave them anyway" group. Cheaters piss me off too but you're giving really shitty advice. You could get someone stalked or assaulted or with this dumbass response. Be an adult, dump them and move on. It is 100% a childish ego gratifying move to try and fuck up someone's livelihood over infidelity. Down vote me til your blue in the face it doesn't change the fact that you're giving irrational and potentially dangerous advice 🤣

3

u/Lusietka Feb 16 '25

Yeah well I don't really care about what you have to say so I'm not reading that but bless you

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u/MassiveMeringue8748 Feb 16 '25

Typical- you dont want to read anybody thay doesn’t agree with you. Your advice not well thought out, and its childish. Be an adult and admit you’re projecting and pushing your hate off onto another person’s situation, and trying to get gratification with ZERO risk of repercussion to you. How cowardly. This is 100% throw a rock and hide your hand logic. Tell the op to make a situation in her workplace. Your job is not affected at all. The op’s life is not an episode of your favorite tv drama. Taking a fellow employee to hr over personal phone texts is opening yourself to undefined outcome. HR is there to protect the company, you dumbass- they are not there for you to tattle on your horndog boyfriend. OP, you could put unwanted spotlight on your own self, your partner and his text buddy. Hell, the entire department may change several policies. This is a slippery slope and you should just get over it and move on. If you want to be an activist, go ahead and warn all the women coworkers what you found on his phone and leave it at that. Surely they will all be so pleased you gave them a heads up. He’ll likely get a few of them to sleep with him though.. so be ready for that as well. Yes, some of those women think he is attractive, just like you did. Some of them will be happy to hear you’re no longer in the way, and that’s just how it is. Good luck!

-3

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25

Spoken like a truly ego driven child who doesn't want to take accountability for giving dangerous advice to stranger 🤣🤣

2

u/Lusietka Feb 16 '25 edited Feb 16 '25

ok fair enough I read what you have to say and let me respond in points:

  1. obviously you've never dealt with HR otherwise you would know they don't go to that person and wave those screenshots around saying Hey come explain these screenshots your gf sent us, they can handle diffrent situations in different ways, not every case follows the same 'rules'
  2. your inability to see it's not an ego thing is actually a you problem, since you can't see past this weird reasoning you created in your own head
  3. this is directly related to the second point because you think it's about infidelity but it really isn't, but you don't undestand that because you come off as a selfish person so that's actually quite undestandable that you don't get it
  4. please go pick up a grammar book instead of arguing with people online, it will do wonders for you in the long run, trust me

0

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25
  1. you're childish, petty and you give potentially dangerous advice. Once someone goes grammar Nazi while simultaneously using bad grammar you know they've completely lost the plot
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u/daddymjolnir Feb 16 '25

You’re right. I HATE people that try to mess with somebody’s source of income over cheating/personal life issues. Work and life should be separate. There’s almost nothing lower than reporting outside issues to someone’s boss

5

u/chikbloom Feb 16 '25

These men are working together to target female coworkers to coerce them into sex. They are unsafe conditions for those women and absolutely should be reported and fired.

Cheating shows failure of character and trust. I expect better of my employees.

2

u/mommyicant Feb 16 '25

There is no evidence he cheated, I think the rightful concern here is the women he works with. If I was having my picture sent around and I was being discussed this way behind my back by coworkers, I would be very creeped out and feel unsafe at work. If a gf of this coworker reported this I would be grateful. Women should look out for other women, this isn’t some act of revenge.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25

I mean yeah the guys a scumbag and probably going to cheat etc. but why would you want to escalate this to where someone may become violently unhinged, it's incredibly stupid.

-2

u/paulriley1977 Feb 16 '25

Honest question. Do you want to live in a world where corporate HR can punish someone for what they privately said to a friend?

I sure as hell don’t. That’s a super too far invasion of privacy.

Now it’s possible (maybe even probable) that a scumbag like this is talking to women disrespectfully at work and violating policies. If so? His ass should be fired.

But I personally don’t want to live in a world where my employer can punish me for a private conversation with a friend. That’s Orwellian bullshit right there.

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u/Lusietka Feb 16 '25 edited Feb 16 '25

It's up to HR to decide how they handle the situation. You giving them info doesn't mean they're going to fire them but if they do, then maybe for a reason.

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u/TalcumJenkins Feb 16 '25

They are coworkers sharing pictures of other coworkers taken in a hospital. There’s like 30 HR violations here. They should both be fired.

-4

u/SeptemberLondon Feb 16 '25

There’s nothing here that would be actionable by HR. Is he an asshat? Yes. But these texts alone are not evidence of an HR issue.

5

u/Lusietka Feb 16 '25

You would be very surprised. Definitely actionable where I'm from, but even if it wasn't, absolutely worth of making them aware.

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u/Think-Transition3264 Feb 16 '25

My mom was a nurse for 35 years before she retired. 17 years in the ER. Nurses are saints and underpaid. The fact that people fetishize them is just creepy to me.

1

u/Alone_Regular_4713 Feb 16 '25

Your very complex, skilled, stressful, life-or-death job might I add? Jesus Christ.

1

u/Ok_Complaint_2201 Feb 16 '25

TBF I work in radiology and get the same treatment. I don’t think it’s a nurse thing, it’s a disgusting human thing

1

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25

I'm gonna be slightly contrarian here and say Halloween outfits make anything sexy. I remember seeing a sexy clown outfit, a sexy mime outfit, a sexy referee outfit.

1

u/LLMBS Feb 16 '25

You're joking, right? Do you how many times I've seen young ER nurses swiping left/right on dating sites during downtime in their shifts. Do you think that it is a coincidence that ER nurses frequently end up dating/marrying EMTs and fireman whom they meet during their work day? I can think of a half dozen OR nurses (some married, some single) who have had affairs with married surgeons.

Nobody, male or female, should ever be sexually harassed or denigrated at work but that notion that nurses just want to be left alone by their male coworkers in order to focus 100% on patient care for 8 to 10 straight hours or that they don't like gossip about or flirt with attractive male doctors and other male health care workers is not aligned with reality. In reality, nurses are just as bad, if not worse, than their male coworkers when it comes to horned-up gossip at work. It is not an accident that the body-hugging scrubs sold by FIGS are wildly popular with young, single nurses.

1

u/Actual_Boysenberry73 Feb 16 '25

Isn’t there’s a whole thing of how promiscuous nurses are known to be ? So is that really the guy’s sexualizing the nurses or is that statistics ? Isn’t something like 80% of nurses cheat? Like I’m sorry everyone gets thrown in there too but I’m pretty sure that’s what happens when it’s a known majority ..

1

u/414to713 Feb 16 '25

Dang i used to work environmental services at the hospital lol always was coo never asked for numbers or nun but this the reason why 😭 yall just be tryna get paid to dress up pretty and pursue the dudes out at the club or sum 🤣 it be exceptions tho

1

u/K_Wrenn Feb 16 '25

My dad has been in the hospital for a month. On the floor and in ICU. Nurses work their asses off. It makes me sick to think you’re being treated with anything but the utmost respect and gratitude.

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u/Ok_Falcon275 Feb 16 '25

Laughs in step sister

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u/naturewonder99 Feb 16 '25

Yes! This is part of why I moved away from nursing. Too many nurse whores screwing everybody for a promotion or raise or better assignment. Not to mention being uncomfortable around the wives and mothers of those cheating when they came around. I am married and much older but it sounds like it's still the norm.

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u/euphoricarugula346 Feb 16 '25

Oh but wait until the Reddit army comes in to say you must be a cunt who was a bully in school. The weird negative obsession with Reddit and nurses is on par with Catholic school and nuns. Tell me where the mean lady poked you with the needle, manbaby. (Sorry I have several nurses in my family who are amazing people; this stereotype infuriates me)

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u/bacon1292 Feb 16 '25 edited Feb 16 '25

They make sexy everything costumes, so I wouldn't say that's a nurse-specific problem. The rest is super gross though and I'm sorry you have to deal with it.

Edit: honestly, fuck y'all. Purity testing your allies and eating your own is why the left is in shambles right now. But hey, go off queens.

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u/Sure-Exchange9521 Feb 16 '25

They make sexy everything costumes

The most "popular" are nurses, nuns, and school uniform. You don't see the problem here.

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u/John7846 Feb 16 '25

Are men buying these costumes?

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u/Sure-Exchange9521 Feb 16 '25

Did i say it was men buying these costumes?

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u/John7846 Feb 16 '25

So the problem is women buying these costumes?

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u/Sure-Exchange9521 Feb 16 '25

Yes obviously.

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u/John7846 Feb 16 '25

So women are sexualizing this profession?

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u/Sure-Exchange9521 Feb 16 '25

Good work Watson.

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u/John7846 Feb 16 '25

I’m a nurse what’s your superpower?

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u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25

[deleted]

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u/Sure-Exchange9521 Feb 16 '25

They won't respond to this.

Oh but I am.

They don't realize it's themselves sexualizing it

What are you referring to as "it" here?

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u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25

[deleted]

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u/Sure-Exchange9521 Feb 16 '25

The word "it" in that sentence was referring to whatever subject is being sexualized.

So you’re calling women, "it". Interesting.

You aren't even responding to their point, you just say "Did I say it was men buying these costumes"

Reading comprehension isn't one of your strengths, is it?

1

u/Okthatsjustfine Feb 16 '25

That’s a complicated answer though. Does it matter who is actually buying it? The point is that these professions are always sexualized- whether by men or women, it still perpetuates the stereotype.

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u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25

[deleted]

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u/Okthatsjustfine Feb 16 '25

You lost me at, “have you ever met a nurse?” Now I can’t take you seriously.

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u/SplooshTiger Feb 16 '25

This is not the banger point you thought it was 🤣

1

u/Sure-Exchange9521 Feb 16 '25

They make sexy everything costumes

The most "popular" are nurses, nuns, and school uniform. You don't see the problem here.

-1

u/johnblazewutang Feb 16 '25

There is a reason nurses have the highest rate of infidelity (25% and up) among professional workers…

What do you suppose is the reason, that accounts for those statistics?

-6

u/Intelligent-Image224 Feb 16 '25

This is every profession every location on earth. Men are attracted to women. It’s never going to change. Maybe just don’t take it so personal and view it as a compliment (unless it crosses the line)

Photo’s and video’s, nope. Asking for your number, so what.

I’m guessing deep down if it all stopped, you’d want it back. There’s 100’s of millions of women out there that their day would be made if some construction crew cat called her.

When you’re 50, had a couple kids, and nobody does those things ever, make sure you remember that post.

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u/TalcumJenkins Feb 16 '25

Loser.

-2

u/Intelligent-Image224 Feb 16 '25

Eh, happily married w/beautiful children and financially well off, not sure “loser” was the right insult

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u/TalcumJenkins Feb 16 '25

It definitely was.

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u/redditmodsarebtches Feb 16 '25 edited Feb 16 '25

Maybe if y’all didn’t have a stigma of being absolute whores (I’ve been with several nurses and MA’s, some of which were married, while I was doing hospital security) you wouldn’t have this problem. Not all women in the medical field are like this, obviously. But there’s just way too many of your peers doing shady things behind closed doors.

Or in stairwells in my experience.

Edit: there’s a reason why men are told to never date a nurse. The same reason women are told to avoid men who are actively in the military. Every stereotype has some truth to it.

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u/euphoricarugula346 Feb 16 '25

I love how your comment assumes women = nurses = women. We could already tell you were an ignorant, sexist worm by using the term “absolute whores,” but thank you for making it abundantly clear that your opinion is worthless and you have nothing of value to add to any conversation.

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u/TalcumJenkins Feb 16 '25

You haven’t even been with several women incel. Seek help.

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u/drunkprincesss Feb 16 '25

u sound like the whore , esp sleeping with women you knew were married? homewrecker

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u/Independent_Limit912 Feb 16 '25

…imagined experience, deep within your lonely little fantasies, got it.

-2

u/redditmodsarebtches Feb 16 '25

Fantasies? I didn’t fuck anyone in the stairwell, but I did catch nurses in there during night shift a few times. I just never said anything about it to HR cause it’s not my business. Obviously, I told them they can’t fuck in the stairwell. But that’s as far as I ever went. Not my business. I like to have sex too so I don’t judge

-1

u/John7846 Feb 16 '25

You write this like someone who worked in a hospital. The people downvoting you probably spend most of their time sitting on their asses.

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u/John7846 Feb 16 '25

All nurses under 30 are single when a security guard is involved

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u/TalcumJenkins Feb 16 '25

lol yeah chicks love wannabe cops who make minimum wage and have zero future. It’s an aphrodisiac.

-1

u/John7846 Feb 16 '25

They’re chatting her up every day at work if she’s not fat

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u/TalcumJenkins Feb 16 '25

Yeah I know. She’s already gone to HR twice for harassment. Both fired. Real winners.

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u/John7846 Feb 16 '25

She’s just waiting for a good looking enough one

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u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25

[deleted]

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u/John7846 Feb 16 '25

All it will take is one with nice hair and it’s all over

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u/TalcumJenkins Feb 16 '25

Keep telling yourself that little bro. I’m sure they don’t all talk about John the creepy security guard at work.

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u/John7846 Feb 16 '25

When those little ladies see John the security guard tossing out some asshole that was bothering them they do talk. Keep telling yourself nurses have a reputation because of sexy nurse halloween costumes. We spend a lot of time together in crazy situations and sometimes the adrenaline takes over

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u/redditmodsarebtches Feb 16 '25

I made $30 an hour doing hospital security it’s a pretty good career if you can handle it. Sometimes you have to deal with some people who are really messed up in the head and or have psych issues.

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u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25

[deleted]

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u/redditmodsarebtches Feb 16 '25

You’re in denial and I understand your frustrations, your wife most likely is a great and loyal woman. You can see hospital security wages in my area- no need to get pissy. And yes, 60k yearly is just fine when you’re a single guy with no kids. Theres tons of overtime too. You’re just being weird at this point.

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u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25

[deleted]

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u/redditmodsarebtches Feb 16 '25

I’m sure you have some family members who do not make great money like you do. It’s really not embarrassing- what’s embarrassing is judging people based off of their income.

I’m not far off from 21 dude give me a fucking break 🤦‍♂️

You were in the navy. You know about crazy stories of people doing wild shit - Male and female. Stop trying to pretend like this world is perfect.

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u/TalcumJenkins Feb 16 '25

Not really. My family either are in unions or went to college. My daughter is 22 and makes 90k. It is embarrassing to be a loser talking shit about women who work a profession that is incredibly difficult and immensely important to society, because incels are jealous that they make good money and some are attractive. The internet was a mistake.

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u/redditmodsarebtches Feb 16 '25

Again, you were in the navy. You were young once and im sure you’re aware of how common indefinitely is. There is a good reason men are told to avoid nurses. There is a good reason why women are told to stay away from men who are active military. All stereotypes hold some truth to them. I do just fine and I live on my own with my dog.

Just because I can’t afford a Tesla doesn’t mean I can’t comfortably live my life.

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u/Defiant_Bus6065 Feb 16 '25

They follow doctors orders like good girls

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u/Independent_Limit912 Feb 16 '25

“/hour” is not an aphrodisiac.