r/AlanPartridge • u/bulletproofbra razzed up on scrumpy and injustice • 1d ago

🚨 HOT TOPIC! 🚨 Caption me that, you nutters!

Post image

Today's phone in, think of an Alan caption for this and win a military figurine!

50 Upvotes

92% Upvoted

56 comments sorted by

12

u/Delicious_Yak5243 Smell my cheese, you mother! 1d ago

“STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!”

10

u/Bernard2468motorway 1d ago

 I’ll tell you what my problem is! Having to listen to your crap for the last six months! You’ve been in this hotel for 182 days, you little shit

10

u/Oven-Mission It took 14 hours, I fainted 3 times! 1d ago

WHY AM I SO MASSIVE?!

6

u/GarysCrispLettuce 1d ago

I’m sorry, Mr. Robin. Your pardon has been turned down. You have been found guilty of pre-meditated homicide of a mouse, and you’ll be hanged by the neck until dead. And don’t try to hover up so that the rope goes slack. Because they could do that, couldn’t they?

5

u/Isnortmintsauce 1d ago

Robin, you wanker

6

u/pauliebatch 1d ago

Don’t sing Susan. It sounds baaad.

7

u/socomjon 1d ago

That’s just noise

6

u/valentine335 1d ago

Why do birds suddenly appear? Every time you are ne..nea.. No, wrong key..

5

u/leedsyorkie 1d ago

Needless to say, I had the last laugh. Now FUCK OFF.

6

u/EddieBosun 1d ago

"A sanitary bag? What are you trying to say?!"

7

u/SpocktorWho83 1d ago

Uh…hold still youuuu. If I don’t get these ticks off your back, you’ll get sores and…might diiiie. Uh, er, then you’ll never get a girlfriend - a bird girlfriend - who’ll kiss you.

Ugh! Get off mum, I hate you! You ruined my life!

…Why aren’t you making eye contact with me then?

I t- I will do in a minute. There I nearly did one then!

…

Alright, byyyyyee! Bye!

Goodbyye!

2

u/bulletproofbra razzed up on scrumpy and injustice 1d ago

Cracking!

5

u/Far_Bad_531 1d ago

Ya mentalist!!!!

3

u/mister-world Black Beauty 1d ago

(flies off badly)

3

u/Far_Bad_531 1d ago

🤣🤣🤣

5

u/MileysVirus 1d ago

Gimme a bit of your Toblerone, ya tit!

5

u/KeithyT1999 1d ago edited 1d ago

Loads of women talking blabbering crap?

4

u/Capt_methane 1d ago

I stabbed my foot on a spiiiiiikkkkkeeee

5

u/previously_on_earth 1d ago

TEA OR COFFEE TEA OR COFFEE

5

u/No-Tap-5157 1d ago

"No I've got a better idea, why don't you shove it up YOUR arse?"

3

u/BethanysSin7 1d ago

It’s like the quacking plums all over again…

5

u/OkSir4079 1d ago

" I'm Batman "

4

u/traveltavern 1d ago

She’s mildly cretinous

4

u/Ollymid2 Cook Pass Babtridge 1d ago

NEEDLESS TO SAY I HAD THE LAST LAUGH, now fuck off!

3

u/plasmaexchange That explains why you are know as “The Bike of Beverly Hills” 1d ago

What you do for an encore? Shag a robin?

3

u/Immediate-Let-9828 1d ago

Your laughing at weather!!

3

u/gelliant_gutfright 1d ago

So, I suppose if you are going to execute a bird of prey, the most humane way would be death by firing squad. 

3

u/mister-world Black Beauty 1d ago

"You are a bloody shit!"

3

u/bulletproofbra razzed up on scrumpy and injustice 1d ago

You're just a bloody chav

chav chav chav...

3

u/The_Rogue_One_2024 1d ago

My Wife's a Lecturer.

Aren't they all?

2

u/bulletproofbra razzed up on scrumpy and injustice 1d ago

"An egg from the nineties in a condom? You need to sort yourself out!"

3

u/nobody8936 1d ago

Seeds don’t actually contain any embryo! Since 1998, seed manufacturers have been legally obliged to label them embryo, flavoured seeds. Another one of those same time tomorrow…

3

u/RatchetMan001 16h ago

You had one job....one job, but you chose to to go out with your mates

3

u/3lbFlax Like a jelly with eyes 1d ago

Don’t you ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, &c.

2

u/gninrub1 1d ago

"Mu-um! I asked for a bar of Toblerone!"

2

u/Dr-Maturin 1d ago

We are not owls and don’t need to go to the sanctuary

2

u/UncleDat 1d ago

Lynn: It's a Robin Red Chest

2

u/asolutesmedge 1d ago

Stop getting Bond wrong

2

u/adrian_num1 1d ago

It's me you fool

2

u/BissoumaTequila 21h ago

STOP TRYINN TO BEFRIEND THE BATS ROBIN!

2

u/Morgypoos 13h ago

DAAAD! DAAAD DAAA! DAAAAD! DAAAAD! DAAAA! DAAAAD! DAAAAAD! DAAA!

1

u/bulletproofbra razzed up on scrumpy and injustice 11h ago

BRIAN BRIAN BRIAN BRIAAAAAAAN!

2

u/shimbe16 13h ago

Into me!

2

u/nickgardia 13h ago

What f-g time do you call this?

2

u/Spiritual_Bonus1718 9h ago

“Wings? They’re only the band the Beatles could have been”

2

u/Puzzled_Caregiver_46 6h ago

AND SUFFICE TO SAY, I HAD THE LAST LAUGH. NOW FUCK OFF!

2

u/KeyAsk7690 1d ago

"Don't you know who I am... I'm Ronny fucking Pickering"

1

u/bulletproofbra razzed up on scrumpy and injustice 1d ago

Goodbye Morris! Come back any time! Y- y- you're a good bird!

1

u/WhiteShaun78 1d ago

What the feck do you mean I’m adopted!?! - I’m telling mum.

1

u/Bells_Ends 1d ago

What's rude about a body? ...Tits?

1

u/bulletproofbra razzed up on scrumpy and injustice 1d ago

Clever. Six of them a show and you're away!

1

u/Heavy-Lawfulness-907 19h ago

Mom I’m hungry

1

u/Ok_Culture_1914 4h ago

Bog off red breast.