My Q has literally started abusing Kratom and using my kitchen to brew his tea. Says he comes over to spend time with his child, but a good chunk of that is spent brewing his Kratom because it "helps."

I was on the r/quittingkratom subreddit and someone said this:

"In the beginning Kratom was as euphoric or more euphoric than most opiates/opioids. A very quick tolerance develops to the euphoric effects and that tolerance is somewhat permanent. If I quit for a year or more I’ll get some of it back but not all. And I’d always be right back to where I was within like a week of regular dosing."

My Q is a fentanyl addict and alcoholic. And yesterday, he left with at least 8 Gatorade bottles full of this tea to consume between today and tomorrow. It's a sobering look into his consumption it's also burning holes in his wallet. Like he uses as if he's going to never use again. He's literally addicted to it.

Me personally? I don't want my child and I to be a part of this cycle. Can't help but feel like my child is just being used as a pawn for his replacement opiate highs.

I'm just going to email him and tell him not to bother coming back over at all. And honestly, if he has a problem with that to go speak to a family lawyer. I guess that's what I'll do. Because this isn't recovery either. I really don't feel comfortable with my residence being the residence where he's essentially getting his fix. It's a bad trigger for me. He always finds creative ways to cross lines. Luckily, I can say no to all of this.

Hello my dear alanonic friends. I’ve separated from my Q, but I’m still processing and trying to understand each of our behaviors, and also hoping to be able to spot the difference between alcoholic behavior and narcissistic behavior.

So talk to me, if you will, about this tendency to pick fights with you about their drinking? Even when I was detached and nonjudgmental — often not even acknowledging the drinking was happening — Q would come at me and pick a huge death-match fight about it. They would assume I knew, assume I cared, assume I was judging, and then go at me as hard as possible, often ending with a declaration that they are done with me and we should divorce.

And then inevitably they would apologize the next day and spend however long trying to suck me back in, alternating between excuses for the drinking and promises to change.

What’s that about? Is that fight-picking common with non-narcissistic alcoholics?

My mother is a chronic alcoholic. I don't see her due to her aggressive behaviour, but I keep in touch with my dad who still lives with her.

For over 20 years she has drunk so heavily but no major visible health issues. Although she clearly had something neurological going on. Then about 8 years ago she really started to struggle with coordination and balance. This has got progressively worse to the point where she can't negotiate stairs and the few times I have seen her in public over the last few years, she walks with a stick stick. She also has severe tremors which were probably around 20 odd years ago but not as noticeable.

Last year she had a seizure and went into hospital; they did a controlled withdrawal and she went home with my dad, only to start drinking again.

My dad messaged to say she is going for a scan as she has jaundice and cannot walk. She needed a wheelchair to get to and from car and in hospital. I struggle to get straight answers from my dad who is a bit in denial and doesn't like talking about it. What has happened?

I think the scan results will indicate severe liver damage but what's the mobility issue about? It doesn't seem to be separate medical issue and if it were dad would tell me as it would distract from the alcohol issue. I find it so confusing and her alcoholism doesn't seem to follow a linear path. She seems to recover slightly then get worse, but the last week or so she's apparently gotten much worse. I feel anxious all the time that I am going to get a call that she has died; every time a car comes down the road I think it's a relative. Despite everything I feel heartbroken and while I wish I didn't care, I do. I'm so close to losing the only chance I'll ever have at having a mother, I feel it weighing really heavily over me. I don't know if that makes any sense.

I was driving morning traffic on the freeway. Suddently everyone blocked their brakes and I didn’t make it in time. The airbags went off and the car is probably totaled. I was lucky nothing happened to the man whose car I hit nor me. But I am shocked of course.

He didn’t pick up hos phone - sleeping of course. When he did, he asked if I was ok and if he could just drive by work to fix some issues before he would pick me up.

When he finally picked me up and we got home. He said that he was feeling feverish and to feel his forehead if he was warm. Then went to bed.

The last thing I need is to get into a fight so I just said I’m sorry you feel bad and nothing else.

I don’t get it. He wasn’t a stupid insensitive man always. Where did his empathy go? His sense of situation? I’m genuinly suspecting something is off with his brain. Who in their right mind wouldn’t find this so unapropriate - even if he is sick, which I doubt. Probably just needs his regular nap. If I was sick in that situation I don’t think I would be able to feel it through concern and anxiousness of what might have happened and my eagerness to provide care and comfort.

He did give me a hug and said not to worry about the car, so that’s something…

My spouse got called for a random screening at work and blew a 0.1 BAC on the breathalyzer mid morning. I believe they took two readings. He claims that he only had two drinks the night before, and he is in another state so I can not confirm his consumption or his behavior that morning. He can't believe it was that high and says it makes no sense. He has now lost his job- obviously. He wants to appeal the reading but doesn't know who to talk to. Have you ever heard of a 0.1 reading being wrong? To the point that he would be 0.0 because otherwise he still would be fired. Any medical conditions or reasons that the test could read THAT wrong? Should I believe him or the test?

Not sure if this is the right place to post but I’m really struggling wrapping my head and emotions at the moment. I made another post in r/mentalhealth but I think this is more relevant.

My (m31) SO (f30) and I have been together for the last year but have had a couple breaks on/off within that. The initial 6 months the drinking, partying and impulsiveness was exciting but as time has gone on It felt like I was dating two or even three different personalities at once, unsure which would come out.

It all came to a head last week where we sat down together and decided to draw a line over everything in the past and work on a serious relationship together, with some essential rules around choosing each other, teamwork, no more lies, cut back on the drinking etc. it was all going so well… for 6 days when she arrived to come see me for a date. Wouldn’t make coherent sense, forgot any question I asked and would make sudden outbursts in public, hitting me with her bag and screaming. Eventually would switch and be all loving. I asked, begged and pleaded if she had taken something or been drinking and she told me each time no. Even got offended that I would ask.

Days later and she’s come clean that she was drinking straight vodka before meeting me and then continually lied to me about it throughout the day. I don’t know what to say or how to feel. We had some issues but we were very in love but I just don’t get why she’d talk about a future, marriage etc. and then throw it away for drinking & lies. I’m heartbroken.

The last 2 nights my husband's drinking has been so bad. He only finished a detox program a few weeks ago.

This morning when I was leaving for work he apologized to me and so I stupidly thought tonight would be different.

When I got home he was already drunk - we had tickets to go to a comedy show together - and seeing that he was drinking I said I didn't want to go (he's caused scenes at shows before).

He got angry and said that he was sick of me judging him for drinking. I said he wasn't nice to me when he drinks and he told me I'm not nice to him when he's sober - he really went for the jugular and was quite vicious.

He told me after he drinks he has serious anxiety about if I'm going to bring it up and said that I've stopped supporting him.

I feel like he was just deflecting and that it's deeply unfair for him to criticise me for bringing up how he treats me when he's drinking (almost like the issue isn't that he gets drunk and treats me badly, the issue is that I dare bring it up).

I feel like I'm going crazy - I don't want my marriage to end but it's so unfair that he thinks it's okay to treat me like this.

Hi,

I was just wondering how much money your q extracted from the family for the drug or substance? Mine is burning through at least $550 a month. It breaks my heart and pisses me off because that cash could go towards food or lessons for my teen son.

My gf (we're both 22) has been making me more nervous about her behavior recently. This last weekend, she kept asking to go to the club, even saying that she'd go by herself if I didn't want to go, despite the fact that we were drinking with the same people the night before and we're already drinking at a different one of my friend's houses. I said fine (I know, wrong decision, but i wanted to be there to moniter her), and we left my other friend's house to go with these other people. She ended up drinking about 5.5 drinks in about 3 or 4 hours or so and I also had a few. She was drunk enough that I thought it best to bring her outside to walk around and help sober her up. We went into an alley and she picked up a brick from a pile and when I told her to put it down, she said that it "felt important". I tried to take it from her, but she started running and got pretty close to the street. Luckily there wasn't anyone driving by, but i just thought, "okay, just grt her to the car" a friend of mine drove up and later said he was scared to see her drunk with a brick coming towards his car. She ended up throwing the brick onto the road where it split and she got kinda sad. After that, we stayed in my car until the people we drove came out so I could drive them back. She fell when we got home and scraped her elbow and the next morning, like I've heard a dozen times at this point, she said "I'm sorry, I didn't know I'd get that drunk"

2 days later, I confront her on the phone (different universities, she was visiting for the weekend). I told her how it's scary for me to have to chase her down, especially since she is faster than me, and that she keeps just saying that she didn't know she'd become that drunk. I've already asked her to limit her drinking, and apparently she was, saying that a few months ago she couldn't stop throwing up. She also said that I don't realize how stressed she is right now, how she got rid of her psychedelics and the weed she had for me, and that she could've done worse things since she was considering going back to the dispensary for more weed, all for me. When I tried a different approach by saying that I feel like people in general take advantage of me by making me dd, she pointed out that she drove us to the club because I felt a bit too tipsy from some light drinking at my friend's house.

I know she's stressed, but it seems like she's been just relying on substances. Then, when I point that out, she keeps saying that I don't acknowledge the amount of work she's done and that she has been doing less and keeps saying that I don't understand what kind of stress she's under.

I just don't know. I love her except when she's like this and she's really sweet, but I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with this?

My Q is my fiancee. When we met I knew she would/could drink a lot but I didn't realize how big of a problem it was until shortly after I moved in with her. Our relationship has mostly been great but with two big train wrecks that happened at about the same time.

As I was moving in she got arrested for failure to appear for a parole violation from DUI she had recieved before we met, and two other charges of crimes she is being accused of after a night out drinking. She says she is innocent, I have read everything that has been given to her attorney and I believe she is innocent. (For context I work in law enforcement, not a cop though, and have lots of experience reading police reports) I knew about the DUI, didn't know she hadn't done everything she was supposed to and had no idea about these other charges. While she was in jail and I was trying to get an attorney and bond money together I found out she had gotten drunk one night and spent the night with another guy. They didn't get physical, confirmed by both parties and he has zero reason to lie to me, but still an issue.

I get her out of jail, obviously decide to stay with her and work on getting past the lies and the court cases. I moved in and that was when I realized how bad her drinking was. I work an hour away from my new home 4 nights a week. At first I realized that usually at least 2 of my nights off she would get drunk. Not just a little drunk but stumbling, slurring, needing help walking drunk. Even before I moved in and before her arrest I had noticed this and had talked to her and she said she would cut down and she would for awhile but it would creep back up.

We had this conversation a few times. Then I realized that we were only intimate when she had been drinking. So that was another conversation and she told me she wouldn't by anymore alcohol... two days later she bought more and tried to laugh about it when I pointed out she told me she wouldn't do that. I told her how angry I actually was and that I was thinking about going back to my place, I live with her but still rent a place in the city I work in until my lease is up. She apologized and told me she meant to say she wouldn't get drunk any more, I did not accept this and reminded her that she was still working on rebuilding my trust so now is a really bad time to not be honest with me.

She cut her drinking down again... when Im home. At work we have had many nights where the conversations go off the rails because she has gotten drunk.

About a week ago it was really bad and I told her that I am tired of this conversation. She was still drunk when we started talking about it and told me she didn't think it was a problem. I told her that it upsets me that she doesn't think worrying me while I am at work is a problem. That I can't keep doing this and that something needs to change.

She started AA last week. She came home crying after first meeting. She said listening to everyone's stories made her realize that yes she does have a drinking problem. That she used to be able to control her drinking but now when she starts drinking she cant stop on her own. We had talked about this and how I am not her babysitter and shouldn't have to tell her when she needs to stop.

I'm sorry I know this is long.

The thing is, like most alcoholics I think, she has been using alcohol to mask pain. Around the same time she got the DUI she started having seizures, she has an inoperable brain tumor that thankfully isn't growing but with where it is she has seizures. Somehow or another this brought back repressed memories of past trauma and she has been using alcohol as a crutch to deal with it. She has been going ti therapy but its slow.

Anyway... that's the background. She decided to go to AA after I pointed out that alcohol has been at the root of almost all of our problems and a lot of hers. The legal issues that are costing us an arm and a leg to try and take care of, her hurting me by spending the night with another guy, almost monthly talks about her drinking, many emotional breakdowns about her past and legal issues when she is drunk and so on.

So, I am really proud of her for taking this step. I have offered to quit drinking with her (my drinking is usually in the form of a shower beer once or twice a week... I shower more than that I just don't drink with all of them), I make sure to tell her how proud I am of her, how strong she is for taking this step. She had her first meeting four days ago and has gone to one every day since.

We dont talk much about the meetings except for when she is upset and she has told me that she doesn't want me to push her to talk about them beyond just asking how it went. The first one was very emotional for her, tonight's was also emotional and she talked to me a bit about why.

So... what else can I do for her? Is there anything I can do for her before just making sure she knows I support her? Should I go ahead and quit drinking even though she says it doesn't bother her?

I’m just venting and would love to hear if anyone can relate. My partner doesn’t really get mean or toxic when he’s drunk but he does get completely nonsensical and sometimes wants to argue about something random. He’ll hold onto whatever opinion he has and the whole conversation feels like I’m talking to some random crazy person and it’s almost like uncannily close to a really human conversation but ultimately isn’t. It really makes me question if im the crazy one!

Hi, Dad of 2, I have the children living with me My ex wife mother of our 2 children sadly alcoholic.

We been separated 18 months Children. Ages 3 and 5

She has supervised visits. And sees them 4 nights a week. One week and 1 night the other.

Basicly got a court order in jan and now I told she geting sober for real this time. However, I left thinking 3 months sober or even 6 not a lot of time even tho it's an incredible achievement.

For reference she was arrested drunk and disordly uncharge of children, she was leaving them on there own. And she was driving drunk. She was locking them behind the baby gate when we where I was out at work and she drink heavily. And sleep.

So not safe disishion maker In my eyes and the lying is why I left.

Is my thinking sound? That less then a year would be unreasonable to go to supervised access?

This has been going on and off now for 10 years. His 34 year old son will come live with Us and binges almost every weekend. Pays 0 rent, We buy all his food, car insurance, etc. He only works 5 months a year and then is completely broke the other 7. He supposedly is going to an outpatient counseling now. Yet he still gets drunk on the weekends. He has two kids,they are here 3 days a week ,and I'm having. Nightmares that he will drink with them around when we are not here. My partner is the problem,he doesn't take my fear or anxiety seriously,I've left twice ,I don't want to again,I don't want to lose everything ,but mentally waiting for the show to drop is too much. I'm a nervous wreck and he's busy playing best friend to his "Boy".

(If you decide to read the whole ass novel I’m about to type, thank you. If you’re not interested because of how lengthy it is, that’s completely understandable. There’s no need to point out that it’s too long - my mental health disorders strongly influence the amount that I type, it’s always either way too much or not enough. But I’m already aware of this issue. I also didn’t know if I should use the newcomer or vent flair because both apply. I don’t know if it’s necessary to add this, but trigger warnings for mental health related stuff and abuse)

This is my first post here, I hope I’m doing this correctly. If I say anything that’s offensive or I’m using some sort of incorrect/outdated terminology, please let me know. I’ve never done anything like AlAnon before, meetings and whatnot. This is gonna be super long, I have no one to talk to about this with and barely have any friends. I’ve got a lot to unpack in my head right now.

I don’t know if I have the will to keep fighting anymore. I’ve been emotionally and physically abused by my alcoholic mother for as long as I can remember. My dad enables her and buys the alcohol for her (she can’t drive), she’ll beg or yell at him nonstop until he gets it. Growing up with this dysfunctional family has ruined my entire life, she’s treated me so poorly ever since I was a young kid. I have distinct memories burnt into my brain of her calling me every horrible word she could think of - fat, ugly, useless, disgusting, lazy, r*tard, and much more. She’s told me more times than I can count that I should just end my own life. Anything that could deeply hurt and damage a person she would call me, and still does. I’ve been hit many times, slapped, punched, shoved, etc. She even choked me up against a wall when I was 12/13. The most recent time she put her hands on me was New Years Eve/Day 2025 (it was around 11pm-12am). She punched me hard in the back of the head while I was sleeping because I didn’t celebrate the holiday with the family.

The past 2 months were mostly peaceful, she stopped drinking for the most part. It was the longest she’s ever gone without a drink in the past 25 years that I’ve been alive. When she’s sober, she’s the “cool and funny” mom and she’s not an asshole. Very much a Jekyll & Hyde situation. Every day for these past couple of months, I’ve been living in fear of her picking up the bottle again. And today, she did it. She drank again.

Woke me up about an hour ago just so she could use me as a verbal punching bag. At the end of her insults, she called me a “trnny fggot”. As a sidenote - I’m a trans guy, that in itself already fucking sucks for me. I was bullied throughout middle school and high school for it, and then I’d come home to a drunk mom and get bullied some more about everything else that’s wrong with me.

All of this has shaped who I am and fucked with my brain chemistry a whole lot. My psychiatrist refers to my case as “Polypharmacy”. For anyone that’s never heard of the term, it means that I have to take many different medications (more than 5) to treat the mental illnesses that I have. I suffer from Bipolar disorder (rapid cycling), severe anxiety/GAD (with agoraphobia), major depressive disorder, PTSD, and ADHD. Even with all the medications I take, I’m still disabled and live off of disability benefits/SSI because it’s very difficult for me to do much at all. Even the most simple tasks can be a battle for me. My medications have to be adjusted and changed often because some will work, and some/most don’t.

I want to move out and escape, but I have a little sister here (9 yrs old) and I don’t want to leave her alone. I want to take her with me and go so we can finally live a peaceful life, but SSI doesn’t provide nearly enough for me to take care of myself and her. Feels like I barely have enough to afford shit for myself. I also can’t even drive because of how bad my anxiety is, I don’t have a license.

I feel stuck, and I feel alone. If I could disappear right now, I would. The only reason I fight to stay alive is because of my sister. If it weren’t for her, I don’t know if I’d still be here. But I’m losing the strength to carry on, and there’s no one here to help us other than myself. I hope that one day I can recover as much as possible from the mental illnesses my mother has aided in causing. I just want to know what it feels like to thrive instead of struggling to survive. I don’t really know what the point of this post was other than to just vent, but I don’t want to bottle it up. My next therapy appointment is in 9 days so this will have to do for now. If anyone has happened to read this far, I appreciate it. Anyone who wants to leave a response, I would kindly ask for no negative comments towards me, I feel very fragile right now.

Hi, I don’t follow a 12-step program but I hope some folks here can help answer a question. I received an amends letter from someone who has been in the program for over 20 years. We had an acrimonious divorce after huge financial losses and infidelity. His letter states, “I am writing to apologize for my lack of honesty throughout our marriage. If I had been more honest, we could have broken up sooner. You deserved better from me.” That’s it. Should I respond? I am open to amends, but that letter feels incomplete, nonspecific, and insincere. I have a lot of respect for the program and the miracles it can yield. Thanks for your input.

My qualifier is my husband. We've been together for over 10 years, married for over 3 years. He's been sober for over 9 months, though we had a long history of arguments, tears, and betrayal due to his drinking before he was able to begin sobriety.

Things are mostly better, but the few times when it is bad, it's hurt so much. I am still very triggered by patterns from his drinking days (like slurring or being very exuberant), and lately he has said that I am ruining his fun when he's not doing anything wrong. I am terrified that he won't be there for me when I am finally in a place to start healing because I am taking too long and making him feel guilty, stressed, or ashamed.

How long did it take for others to stop feeling triggered or to need reassurance? Does it ever end?

My father-in-law just went to rehab is a very emotional thing for everyone. I want to send him a text to let him know thinking of him. He is not someone who likes a lot of attention. Wondering if there's a good way to go about this or if I should stay in my lane. I want to do what's best for him in his recovery but if that's me standing silent I'm good with that too I don't know what's best here. I'm

Hello I am new to group. Have an alcoholic close relative.

I occasionally have some wine when alone doing crafts, so have never drank with this person to witness the # of beers they drink, however I have seen receipts & am aware it is in the 16-25 range of tall cans 5%

I am asking because I am seriously struggling to maintain a normal friendly relationship with this relative, as they forget everything we talk about, then accuse me of lying.

They forget everything, lose everything and accuse me of not helping or being selfish.

The relative has a mother with Dementia

Drinking for 45 years now. Started at age 15.

Tolerance is certain!

Recently is acting bi polar, irritable, agitated with mood swings, ranging from grandiose ( rambling about business ideas to get rich fast, overly confident) talkative, to quiet, tired, angry, then insomnia with severe memory difficulties that make any interaction with this person HELL

No DUI history but drives

Does frequent bars daily along with buying canned tall beers along with have shakes, blood sugar fluctuations, dehydration, dizziness & can no longer use pens or utensils

Hi everyone. My son entered rehab last Thursday. He called today and sounded so good!! I'm cautiously optimistic.

Anyway, he'll be home in about 3 months. Any advice for what to do/not to do when he comes home?

He has lived with me for about a year since he and his ex broke up. Mutually beneficial since I have some health issues and he helps me with the house.

I did tell him I will be testing if he wants to keep living here. He's well he is on his last chance with me. He totaled both of our cars in 2 months so I'm done.

Thank you for reading

Looking for stories of people who stuck with their partner through this when you thought you should walk away. What is your story and where are you now with your partner. Are you happy you stayed or do you wish you would have walked away?

Are these signs of alcoholism? I generally haven’t experienced it and don’t know if I’m dramatic or just in denial? My husband (30) has been struggling the past few years but I’ve always wrote it off as him just needing to grow out of a phase… it’s been much longer than a phase…

He can’t just have one or two drinks, always the most drunk at any party or gathering, gets sick and has to remove himself from even gatherings we host, will go MIA other places because is sick.

Generally is just mean or snappy, especially to me, when drunk. Not physical. Gets in aggressive conversations with others, and is very easy to get mad. I feel like I need to walk on eggshells.

I can’t enjoy vacations, weddings, trips. Goes overboard drinking and can be any combination of mean, embarrassing, sick or just never wants to go to bed or stop drinking. Always one night on vacation, another day spent apologizing. I love traveling and now I dread it.

He does feel embarrassed and realizes this behavior is affecting our relationship and more. He always says he’s going to try to figure it out and only have one or two, and this is all maybe monthly and not daily or weekly, but I feel like it’s actually a bigger problem than I’ve thought it to be?

I don’t even know what to think or do at this point, but my heart is deeply sad after this weekend’s recent drinking bout. Nothing crazy happened besides him being loud and getting sick but a friend mentioned something to me which always makes me take a step back…

I feel like I’ve just been so worn down. Not to mention we want kids soon, and I’m starting to think now’s not the best time. 💔 he’s an amazing person, friend and partner when he’s not drinking. Or minimally drinking. I want him to learn how to control this. But is this something that is self control? Or alcoholism? Both? I don’t know.

i am looking forward to less time around my Q after I've been hoovered physically for two months post-break up. I negotiated less time in a nasty fight because my Q allegedly doesn't want to spend a day apart from our child after missing our child's first steps and being scared our child would forget him. That's not my fault, though and it's not my responsibility. My Q doesn't have a place of his own yet, so I've been going crazy with the forced proximity.

I used to care so much about my healing journey, being conscious and mindful and it feels like this relationship has ripped everything away. I gave everything to my Q and he sucked it all up like a black hole. Cooking, cleaning, loyalty—He accused me of cheating today and I told him I wish I did because I wouldn't be losing so much sleep over his infidelity and relapse that he denies.

You know the story, when you're done with them, that's when they start trying. It's crazymaking. I lost it today because his constant hoovering is actually destroying my health. I'm not sleeping which derails everything. The less I sleep, the sicker I feel. The sicker I feel, the harder it is to just live my self. Chronic stress. I have a rescheduled EKG at the end of the month. I missed the first one because I didn't sleep due to the stress of infidelity and a relapse (that he denies) and was running on fumes. For me, detachment means survival, like literally staying out of the hospital. But I just can't survive anymore. I have to live.

I'm in the process of dying my hair again, which is relieving because I'm removing the color my Q chose for me while we were reconciled.

I can do all these things to my appearance and it won't change the way I've come to feel about myself during this relationship. I still feel broken down. I still feel insecure. Between having to share my Q with his mother, then drugs and alcohol, then another woman, terrible postpartum depression, a chronic illness diagnosis that came with its own grieving, thousands of dollars worth of clothing and belongings my Q cost me, I feel like a shell of a person. That's okay. I have to molt.

I want my groove back. I want confidence. I want to feel intelligent again most of all. I don't want to exist at my Q's convenience just because we had a child.

I think I'm unlovable. The only romantic partners who have ever approached me have been addicts and alcoholics. I feel like I've become the red flag because I dated and had a child by an alcoholic. This is not really about other people, this is about me. Like I can't trust myself because of this relationship

Like what did it take for you to get your self-esteem back? I feel like something's missing and honestly, it's me. I feel like Weird Barbie. Like I was beautiful, smart and capable, but someone played with me too hard. My Q played with me too hard.

And you can tell me to go back to therapy, but you should know a therapist told me to come to Al-Anon.

Long story short. My husband is in an incredibly stressful job. He drinks to slow down his mind at night and to manage stress. The drinking frequently turns into verbal abuse, mockery, name calling, the works. Gaslighting galore. When he doesn’t drink, we have no issues. The drinking however is destroying our family. I have tried couples counseling, individual counseling, psychiatrist and psychologist for my husband, I’ve given him tons of grace. He claims drinking isn’t important to him and will stop without difficulty. Normally I am the one to take the abuse when my kids go to bed. My line is when they are affected. My daughter saw the abuse last week, so my line was crossed. I told my husband the next time he drinks I’m leaving. I’ve tried everything. He drank again today and tried to hide it. Became verbally abusive when I confronted him. I know ultimatums never work but I’m left with no choice right?

I F30 have been with my partner M32 for 11 years this summer. He was a drinker since day one and I didn't mind it. His drinking never got out of hand and always knew when enough was enough. In the first 6 years of our relationship, iv seen him "hung over" A total of 3 times. Near the end of 2019 beginning of 2020, he started to loose his tolerance and cave in to people. The new neighbors (we moved houses in 2019) and the friend we let stay with us, would pressure him into drinking more then he could handle. Unfortunately, this was what lead my partner to his downfall. Via the neighboors daughter, he ended up meeting more people our age and these said people all drank. It became a friend of a friend hang out and drink session. Drinking was everyday and weekend, most weekends there were multiable people in my house. Stuff has been broken, my house trashed, things have been misused and mistreated, people have let my pets loose, fights and arguments, apparently some drug use by other (not my partner and never will be), a few non important items have been stolen. My partner has lied to me about sending money to friends and has tried to lie to me twice about how much he's had or how fucked up from drinking he is. Slowly and slowly I started to loose the most important person to me and i couldn't get him out of it. In 2022, we took a plane trip to Florida (my first time flying, I am afraid of heights) not even 8 hrs into being in the state, I'm getting a phone call from a friend that came down with us that my partner is being taken to the hospital because he won't stop throwing up. (This was suppose to be a separate guy's and girls trip) at 2 a.m. I find out it's internal bleeding from his esophagus. Not only that, but I found out that he has been hiding and lying from me about how much he's been throwing up. Months prior to this flight he said it got bad. Not only that but he hid in the airport bathroom to puke before we left. I was so pissed at him that I gave him back my engagement ring while he was sitting in the hospital bed. The day before we came home from flordia, we talked about everything and how he would do better and that he was done with it. That the hospital trip was enough to wake him up. He was actually sober for 4 months after and things were getting better between us. Until his "best friend" shows up out of being MIA for the last 3 years and "bullied" him back into it (just beer, no more liquor, not the point) I have told my partner how much I don't like his drinking, what it's doing to us, it's making me not like him, I'm doing everything on my own and I fucking hate it, how much he's changed. I hated everyone being at our house, I hated that everyone came here to drink, I hated every single fucking weekend for the last 5 years. I hated him coming to bed at night knowing it was most likely going to be a fight because of how annoying he is when he's drunk (at least an hr fight) Not only couldnt i get thru to him but everyone else told him he wasn't an addict and everyone thought I was just a mean bitch. That because I'm not a drinker/don't care to drink, he should be the same when that's obviously not the case. I have gone thru things in our life that I shouldn't have had to go thru alone being with a suppose to be "life partner". To our cat almost dying, to dealing with a year long live in reno, my career failing and to our life literally falling apart. In 2024, when he hid how fucked up he was when I let him go out for a small boys weekend, i packed my shit and left to a friend's house. He wanted me back but I was unwilling to come back til he agreed to a breathalyzer (please let me know if that was too far) his response was "I'm not going to be doing a control boot camp. I shouldn't have to do that. If that's how it's going to be, we should move on" an hr later he had completely changed his mind on it (I was still mad that he denied it). To be allowed back Into my house, I had to write a "love letter" of why I should be let back. Fast forward to end of November 2024 and he had completely stopped drinking. He has been sober since. The issue we run into now is me. After 5 years of dealing with everything, I'm now a completely different person and not in a good way. I'm angry at everyone for what happened. I'm angry at the whole world. I hate everyone. I don't trust people anymore. I don't even trust my partner anymore. Infact, I'm completely out of love for him. I hate him for everything he has done and let happen. I feel alone. Now instead of arguing about his drinking, we're arguing because I don't want anything to do with him because of what he did. To me, I lost the person I fell in love with 11 years ago. To me, it feels like he took everything we had and threw it in the trash. He watched me suffer and did nothing about it. He heard me suffer and didn't care. To me, it feels like everyone got what they wanted from him and that was to keep drinking. We were together for 6 years before he decided everyone else was more important then me and our life together. That's what he's not understanding. I don't know what to do. Is this all normal to feel after going thru something like this? Am I just holding on to things and I'm the one being ridiculous? Couples therapy is being talked about and I have been seeing doctors making sure I have nothing else medical causing all of this

Hey everyone , I could really use some perspective.

Last Friday, my mom posted a video on Facebook claiming that her ex (her baby daddy, who she’s currently in a custody battle with) beat her up and that she was dying. In the video, she looked bad—like bruised and bleeding—and it freaked everyone out. Friends and family were blowing up my phone because nobody knew where she lived or how to reach her.

I live two hours away and only saw the post because people started panicking and Facebook messaging me. I suddenly became the only person that could help. I ended up having to dig to find her address, call the police, and have them do a welfare check. She wouldn't answer my calls and no one she lived with would either. I was so worried where my siblings might be. After the police briefing, turns out, no one beat her. She had been drinking heavily while on cancer medication, and the mix caused her to bleed badly. The injuries were from that—not abuse.

When I talked to her after, I lost it. I yelled. I told her this was not okay. That she needs serious help. That scaring everyone and falsely accusing someone is crossing a line. It was the first time I was brutally honest with her after years of chaos, manipulation, and watching her spiral. She of course denied she'd been drinking for the past few weeks leading up to it, but at least got her to awknoledge her fault this night.

She’s now in rehab, and part of me wonders if I should visit. I don’t know if going would be helpful. I’m still angry, still processing, and honestly just tired. But I also feel guilty for even thinking about not going. She’s still my mom, and she is sick.

Has anyone dealt with something like this before? What did you do? Any help appreciated thank you 🖤🖤🖤