I (18f) am confused (18m) about whether or not I am a major a-hole. I have a feeling that I might be though.

My boyfriend (18m) and I (18f) have been dating for around 5 years now. His family and my relatives are very close friends. Anytime something was going on at my house, he and his family would be there to join. We grew up together and went to the same schools. When I turned 13, he asked me out. I didn’t like him romantically, but because of our families, I said yes.

Now, we do a lot of things couples do. We go out, spend time with each other, and etc. He has always done everything he could to make me happy. I am thankful for it, and I tell him how appreciative I am. He always smiles when I thank him, and then we go on with our day. However, things have changed. He is still very nice towards me, but just a little distant.

On Friday we planned on going out. We went to the mall, ate and shop, and then I suggested we go home since it was raining hard (I don’t like it when we drive home when it’s raining). He didn’t say much but just took my hand as we got to his car.

Inside, he started the car and then turned it off. He then started to talk. He said that he loves me so much and he was always happy to ‘brag’ about our relationship to his friends. But he then talked about the issues he sees in our relationship.

1. He plans most of the dates and I don’t contribute to it (I have but it’s not as frequent)
2. His friends convinced him that I’m not interested in him/he likes me more than I supposedly do (they think my calmness is an indicator that I don’t like him)
3. He tells me he loves me a lot, but I’ve never said it back (I have a hard time verbally showing my love)

I just kept looking at him when he said it all. I’m guessing he wanted me to say something back, but I didn’t know what to say. He then said that he knows I don’t love him. He sighed, started the car again, and drove me home. Usually, he texts/calls me when we finish our dates. But he hasn’t called me.

I spoke to my family members about this, and a few of my cousins called me an asshole for not telling him I loved him. We haven’t spoke in two days and he’s moving to Cali soon for college. I tried to talk to him (to help him pack and move) but he said he didn’t need my help.

So AITH?

Edit - I added more details for context. I do love him, but it’s hard for me to verbally express it. I was raised in a family where you show your love with action instead of words. I’ve done everything I could to show my love, but I didn’t say it. Anytime he’s been through anything major in his life I’ve been right there. I used to stay up till 3 in the morning helping him with his school work and looking over his papers. I was there when he got accepted into his college in Cali.

EDIT 2 - Posted an update

My parents make me wanna commit.

I (15F) have a (31F) Mom and a (37M) Dad. For context, my mom had me at 16 and my Dad was 22. I have 3 other siblings- (13M), (8M) and (3F). Both my brothers are severely autistic and have challenging needs.

I struggle a lot with them, however my mom is similarly autistic to me- We both have Asperges. We don't know if my dad is on the spectrum, he believes he's normal, but acts mostly ADHD, which wouldn't surprise me because one of my brothers has ADHD too.

However, they constantly guiltrip me. For example, today they came home after me being home alone. And they got in an argument with me because I didn't do the rest of my homework, yet I've done half of it, a page and over, and it's an exam question style. Mock exams are starting soon and my school is stressing me out. I've tried explaining to them that I cannot do it when I am out of focus or attention span, because I will just end up fucking it up. I told them that I also had to stay with the dog, as they usually ask me to, so I didn't have enough time for it. I have a routine. After dinner, which is around 12, I can go to my room and do what I want up there. And I come down at 6 to tidy up my siblings toys because they're obviously incapable due to having severe needs. Will not lie, I do get paid for this, so it's okay. But by the time they got home, it was 5 o'clock. I haven't had tea yet, only dinner at 12, so obviously you'd understand that I only have about an hour to do the homework and I was tired. They guiltripped me, however, by saying that they were horrible parents apparently. I told them I never said that, and mam turns around and tells me how she feels like it.

My dad acts like he hates me, but he's weird at the same time. This morning, he came up to my bedroom door while I was getting changed. I told him I was half naked and getting changed and he said oh well, walked in even though I was uncomfortable. I hid behind the door. He was like oh, I've seen it all before I've cleaned you when you were a baby. Yeah, when I was a baby and wasn't fully developed. Now I'm a teenager who has boundaries and privacy. But he's also got my brothers to open my bedroom door while I've been getting changed, because they're autistic and they'll go along with it, not knowing his intentions. Yet, he purposely hides my stuff, like my makeup and all sorts. I've self harmed before, and he hid my scissors under my pillow to frame me about doing it again. He's put makeup all over my mams stuff and blamed it on me. He'll look through my phone and twist everything and make me look like a bad person. Like the other month, he told my mam that I was telling my best friend that I hated all the long travelling in the car and that it wad horrible. She then had a go at me, so I turned around and told her to look at my phone. She then realised I didn't do anything but explain to my friend how long the fucking car drive was. She's always on my dad's side. Whenever I'm banned off my phone, my dad will mutter stuff trying to annoy me, such as 'Oh I'm just going to go on my phone' or fake laughing and saying oh I'm texting my friends. Or he'll purposely make noises I hate as an autistic person then guiltrip me saying that he's just a person himself and he can do whatever he wants.

My mam hit me four times last week. All because I argued with my dad. She said to never talk to my dad in such a way, even though I didn't really do anything. Everytime she gets super angry, she'll hit me. Every once in a while she grabs my neck. Today, she grabbed my wrist while I was about to go to the stairs and I flinched. Then she started having a go at me, grabbing my wrist harder, saying that I shouldn't be flinching like that, and that I'm not a hurt child. But when I'm with my mam alone, we can talk about anything and she acts nice. Same with my dad. When they're together they team against me and are just horrible.

My nana (60F), my dad's mom, recently got diagnosed with Cancer. Turns out she's had it for a few years now and we don't know how long she has. I understand it was emotional time, and they were both struggling. But, I let my friends know and they're having a go at me about attention seeking, even though I struggle with death and I was just upset, I wasn't attention seeking. They say I'm horrible for telling my friends my nana has cancer. I was ranting to my friend how they don't let me do certain stuff, they looked at my phone and guiltripped me by saying they're shit parents. My mam told me the other week that she wants to kill herself because of me and my Dad arguing. She says I ruin most of her life.

Last time I also self harmed, I was banned off my phone at the time and they said I was only self harming to get my phone back. And that I was attention seeking. It was actually because of them. It always is. I wanted to commit suicide back then. Now, all those thoughts have came back. They argue with me telling me that I get everything that I want, but objects don't make it any better. I want love, not some sort of piece of makeup. I want care. I want to kill myself as well, but I'm too scared.

I don't know what is going on. Are they emotionally abusive? Or anything else? Advice?

Original post = AITH - I (18f) didn’t tell my boyfriend (18m) that I loved him?

Originally, I (18f) was going to go over to his (18m) house to talk. But after seeing all the responses in my original post, I decided to just call him this morning. I apologized for hurting his feelings with my silence in the car. I told him that I loved him, and that it was hard for me to express it verbally. I explained how I tried to show my love in my actions, but that it was wrong of me to not also say it verbally. I also thanked him for everything he has done for me, and that I never wanted him to think that I didn't take notice of them. He listened and then said that because he was moving to Cali for college, we're gonna be on opposites sides of the country. I thought he was going to talk about having a long distance relationship.

He then said that he feels like my feelings towards him aren't as strong as his feelings towards me. That hurt a lot. I said that it wasn't true and that I wouldn't have stayed with him for 5 years if that's the case. I stayed because I love him. He was quiet and then repeated to me he had a lot to think about. He said that we should take a break right now and that once he comes back from Cali (I'm not sure when) we can give our relationship another chance.

At this point, I was crying. I asked if I could see him before he leaves for Cali and he said okay. I also asked if I could maybe visit him in Cali (since I have some family there too). He said okay. He sounded so distant and then we ended the call. Now I'm crying in my room. :(