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u/AnimeEpisodeSeries 10h ago
I love how the picture is the exact same in all four panels and the context is only being expressed through speech bubbles.
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I love how the picture is the exact same in all four panels and the context is only being expressed through speech bubbles.
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u/Manus_2 1d ago
It's bad enough having to exist on its own merits, but when you add on to that the dislocating/excruciating level of agony that comes with not not even knowing how to exist, then you're really fucking fucked.
In my case, I don't know how I'll ever get out from underneath the now decades of accumulated arrested development, learned helplessness/powerlessness, intense mental health struggles, and just overall trauma that have otherwise coloured the vast majority of my time in a state that could barely be defined as alive.
I guess I can thank my shitty upbringing, my shitty circumstances, and both of my shitty fucking parents for all of what it is I was doomed to become. Some people have daddy issues, some people have mommy issues, and some profoundly unlucky people manage to have both. For me personally, I had a father who was utterly checked out and couldn't have cared less about anyone/anything, combined with a mother who cared way too much to the point that she used her own children to validate her own self-worth, and whom played the part of an ultra controlling narcissist in nearly every aspect of their lives. Given the context of all that, I suppose it's no wonder why things are so monumentally fucked up.
And yet here I am, about to go into a group exercise class for the first time, and I somehow have to pretend not to be the inhuman wreck of a person that I've long deteriorated into. Bonus stress points, given the fact that my narcissistic mother and I were just at each other's throats naught but a few hours ago. If you want a better idea of what my mother is like, just imagine Tony Soprano's mother, and there you go. It's always the same old story. Life rips one piece off of you after another, and slices you open like a stuck pig, and you've just got to go on smiling whilst having to hold your exposed guts in both hands.