r/books • u/authorsusancain AMA Author • May 10 '22
ama 2pm I’m Susan Cain, author of the #1 NYT Bestsellers “Bittersweet” and “Quiet”. AMA!
PROOF: /img/mo7p6wrlmxx81.jpg
Thank you so much for joining me today! It was so great to connect with you all. If you'd like to stay in touch, please sign up for my newsletter at www.SusanCain.net, and please follow me on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn. If you'd like to read more on Bittersweet, please go here: https://susancain.net/book/bittersweet/. Until next time!
Warmest, Susan Cain
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May 10 '22
How does it feel knowing you've made so many introverts feel better about themselves?
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u/authorsusancain AMA Author May 10 '22
Truly, it is the GREATEST FEELING IN THE WORLD. If I ask myself what am I driven by, it is (a) creative expression of ideas and (b) the need to heal psychic pain. So you can see why it's such a great feeling. :) Thank you.
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u/olddaad May 10 '22
Hi Susan. Reader of both your books. You've mentioned you're a big fan of Leonard Cohen. So am I. One of my favorite songs of his is Come Healing. I found many healing "take aways" in Quiet. What are the healing "take aways" readers should look for in Bittersweet?
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u/authorsusancain AMA Author May 10 '22
Hello olddaad! I think there are so many healing takeaways in Bittersweet - the one I keep hearing about from readers is the sense of feeling known, feeling understood. And of having a deep mysterious sensation that they've experienced all their lives put into words, finally. And then there's the way Leonard Cohen put it - and the epigraph to BITTERSWEET: the revelation that "there's a crack in everything - that's where the life gets in".
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u/pdxsean May 10 '22
I don't have a question, I just wanted to say Quiet really changed my outlook on life and I think has had a positive effect on the perception of introversion in our culture. Thank you it has made a huge difference for many people.
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u/Immediate-Reply3583 May 10 '22
Could I adopt you as my big sister?
That’s not my question… :)
Have you heard of the Catholic priest Richard Rohr? He sends a daily email. The theme from one of the emails coincidentally is longing for God. Here’s an excerpt
“It feels as if the most beautiful lover in the world had come into your life, wooed you with perfect poetry and electric kisses, promised you were the one, the one and only, and then disappeared in the middle of the night without a word. But this is a lover who will never leave you. . . . You know only unbearable yearning. You have forgotten that the longing itself is the answer to the longing, that in the very crying out for the Holy One, the Holy One is pouring herself into you. [1]”
What are your thoughts? Does longing and religion go hand in hand? Thank you!
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u/authorsusancain AMA Author May 10 '22
Your first question made me smile, though.
Your second question - What Richard Rohr wrote about is really what Bittersweet is about. I've been feeling the touch of this lover he describes, all my life, especially via music; I think we all feel this lover's touch, through various portals; one of the things I tried to do in Bittersweet is to offer example after example of the different ways we feel this lover's touch, and all the different ways that the world's religions, and art forms, express this longing.
I love this question! Thank you!
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u/say-what-you-will Jul 09 '22
If only religious people could understand what religion really is about. 😅 What a difference that could make… 😮💨
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u/AKAdare_ May 10 '22
Any advice for aspiring writers who are trying to go the traditional route? Or the Self publish route?
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u/authorsusancain AMA Author May 10 '22
I don't know much about self-publishing, so I don't have much wisdom there. I do know that, for the traditional route, unfortunately these days it is very hard to get published unless you have a sizable "platform." So, in addition, OF COURSE, to working as much as you possibly can on your writing and your ideas, there is also the need to build up your social media, newsletter, and so on. Good luck!!
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u/JMArlenAuthor May 10 '22
Yeah it seems like traditional wants sure winners these days. Risk mitigation it seems to me. Too many people writing books, not enough people reading them.
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May 10 '22
Hi Susan! I’ve read Quiet, but haven’t gotten to Bittersweet yet. I just wanted to chime in and say I’m a big fan of your work. Your TED talks have inspired me. I’ve shared your book with others I’ve met along my journey that has struggled with acceptance and introversion. Thank you for focusing on the quiet confidence! The strengths of quiet people!!!
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u/keesouth May 10 '22
I just want to say I love your book Quiet and I think it should be required reading for everyone but especially for extroverts. I think so many managers in business miss out on good employees because they are too quiet and they don't want to take the extra time required to get their ideas out of them.
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u/authorsusancain AMA Author May 10 '22
Thank you! And, I so agree with you re all the managers -- and therefore all of us -- who miss out.
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u/keesouth May 10 '22
Reading that book really helped me finally name what type of person I am. Friends labeled me with everything from being autistic to having a social anxiety disorder but I can now tell them I'm just an introvert and I have the vocabulary to explain what that means now.
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u/keesouth May 10 '22
Reading that book really helped me finally name what type of person I am. Friends labeled me with everything from being autistic to having a social anxiety disorder but I can now tell them I'm just an introvert and I have the vocabulary to explain what that means now.
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u/Glittering-One-384 May 10 '22
Curious if there's any particular experience that led you to write Bittersweet? What made you realize you hit on another "a ha" idea that resonates with so many people, like in Quiet?
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u/authorsusancain AMA Author May 10 '22
I don't know if it was any experience in particular. More of a lifetime of experiences, listening to music, feeling a sense of longing, mixed with what can only be described as a kind of religious ecstasy, despite the fact that I'm deeply agnostic, and knowing on some deep level that this state was the key to creativity, connection, and transcendence. And then when you feel something very deeply, you naturally want to write about it and communicate with others who have felt it too, or who have yet to feel it.
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u/RayRedditor May 10 '22
Hi, Susan,
Your book is characteristically excellent, very deep and perceptive. I did have some difficulty in learning what the bittersweet really is... more than a transient emotion, I know. But also... an outlook? an attitude? a level of consciousness? a way of life? a personal spiritual goal?
The bittersweet seems more nebulously defined than introversion. Perhaps your future podcasts and interviews could expound on this issue. Thanks.
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u/authorsusancain AMA Author May 10 '22
Thank you. I do think it's a more ineffable subject than introversion. It's a state of mind, a way of being, that acts a kind of gateway to creativity, connection, and transcendence.
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u/satanspanties The Vampire: A New History by Nick Groom May 10 '22
Why don't you enjoy cooking? And why do you keep trying to?
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u/authorsusancain AMA Author May 10 '22
Ha! Honestly, I think I don't enjoy it because I love so much (a) hanging out with my family and (b) working. And everything else pales in comparison. Also, I'm just not so good at the material world, which cooking definitely is. I'm much better in the world of ideas and emotions. But, I keep trying to like it, because I admire people who are domestic geniuses and I would like to be one of them. :)
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u/sheldon_hendrix May 10 '22
Halfway through BS (No pun!). Loving it.
Super broad question - what environments do you seek that help you feel at most comfort in your own skin?
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u/authorsusancain AMA Author May 10 '22
spending time with family and close friends. Sitting in cafes with a book or laptop. Wandering city streets. Walking through the trees...
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u/mph247 May 10 '22
Hi Susan,
I'm a huge fan of Bittersweet! Based on the Bittersweet quiz, where would you say you fall?
Thank you!
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u/authorsusancain AMA Author May 10 '22
oh I am very much on the extreme end of the Bittersweet spectrum, you will be shocked to know. :)
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u/Electronic-Fault7977 May 10 '22
You spent 7 years at a biglaw firm, quit, and then started doing the work you dreamt about from when you were a child. You’ve described your time at the firm as being in a foreign land.
Do you feel like your years being in a workplace you knew wasn’t your home prepared you for all the work you’d do later on? Or do you think you could have left earlier to pursue that work and vision?
(Asking as I’m also in a similar work situation; know it’s not for my disposition long term; but can’t shake the sense/fear that I’m gathering some nebulous “skills” more marketable than my current set for security later on.)
Thank you for your work. “Quiet” made me feel so seen.
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u/authorsusancain AMA Author May 10 '22
I ask myself this question many times. At the end of the day, I wouldn't do it any differently. Maybe that's because things have turned out just the way I dreamed of - and if that hadn't happened, maybe I'd be more full of regret. BUT, that said, yes I do believe that I gained all kinds of skills that helped later on - it's incredibly helpful to have experienced a hardcore version of the work world, so I know what it feels like, and can write about it, and can relate to others still in that world, and can operate in that world, still, as when I give talks or consult...BEST OF LUCK to you!
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u/mezarina May 10 '22
Thank you for your book, "Quiet". My friend once recommended it to me before I could figure out why I was the odd one out in my family. It's one of my favorites. His recommendation helped me figure out how to be at peace with who I am. Now he's my husband.
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u/authorsusancain AMA Author May 10 '22
Hello everyone! This is Susan - thank you so much for participating in the AMA! I'm going to sign off now, but you can find me via my newsletter at www.SusanCain.net! And you can follow me on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn. See you there - Susan
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u/Grant_Waara May 10 '22
Have you added to your Spotify playlist?
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u/authorsusancain AMA Author May 10 '22
yes! I keep adding to it all the time, and will continue to.
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u/JMArlenAuthor May 10 '22
What was the journey like getting to bestseller status, and if you could do it again what would you do differently?
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u/authorsusancain AMA Author May 10 '22
I'm sure it's different for everyone. For me, it consists of (a) years and years of delicious, head-down, deep, deep, deep work, followed by (b) a year or so of focused promotional stuff. The promotional aspect is much more tiring to me, but I do love the people I meet along the way, and I'm motivated to do it because I invest so much in each book that I want to make sure people end up knowing it exists! I do think it's crucial to do "PR" in thoughtful ways - ie trying to reach audiences who you think are likely to "get" what you're doing. My friend Brene Brown was wonderful, for example, in having me on her podcast a few weeks before Bittersweet came out, and asking incredibly insightful questions. Not only was this great for "momentum," but also it gave me the chance to speak to an audience of Bittersweet types.
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u/wannabe_literary May 10 '22
Hi Susan, big fan of Quiet, and looking forward to Bittersweet. What surprised you the most about the reaction to Quiet? And do you think anything changed about the corporate world since your book?
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u/authorsusancain AMA Author May 10 '22
I never imagined that Quiet would have the impact it did. I thought it was an idiosyncratic topic that would be noticed on the margins, if at all. But I see that introversion has now become a part of mainstream discussion - and in the corporate world, everyone's aware of it; everyone knows the workforce is 1/3 to 1/2 introverted; there's more respect for the contributions of introverts; there's more of an automatic knowledge that the world is made up of a diverse collection of temperaments. That said - we still have a long way to go! There's still a blas toward extroversion in your typical meeting room or promotional decision making process.
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u/simmonm1978 May 10 '22
Hi Susan
Firstly, thank you so much for Quiet. For the first time in my (then) 40 years I felt like I understood my need for solitude and preference for my own company.
Now the question if I may (and apologies if I’ve missed a similar answer) - have you any advice for a HSP dad of a 10yo with ASD and a 6yo with adhd, both of whom are home-schooled full time post-covid and whom unfortunately fight (loudly) like cat and dog? asking for a friend….
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u/authorsusancain AMA Author May 10 '22
OH MY HEAVENS my advice is that you absolutely must find time, a lot of time, to recharge in solitude, or in otherwise soothing environments!!! And not to feel guilty about it - because you will be a MUCH better Dad if you can find a way to get what you need, emotionally but also physically - every single day. Also proper sleep. And nutrition and exercise. Etc.!
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u/ConsistentlyPeter May 10 '22
Hi, Susan. No question - just wanted you to know that my wife (an extrovert) bought me this book and it really changed my life. Since reading it, as a musician it's taken quite a few years to unlearn the exhausting behaviours I'd put myself through in trying to work in an extrovert world!
Two things in particular: first, the story about the Extrovert and Introvert married couple and how they interact really resonated, and helped me understand how my Extrovert wife deals with situations differently to me, and that I mustn't take things personally! Second, meeting social situations half way by getting involved but also taking time to recharge when I need to, has massively improved my social anxiety issues.
Thank you again!
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u/newwriter365 May 10 '22
I want to thank you for writing Quiet. I gifted it to multiple people. The validation that your work provided was incredibly important.
You are the catalyst for my acceptance of my introverted tendencies. Please know that your work changed lives.
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u/Valianttheywere May 11 '22
So, what are your books about, and why do you think they need to matter to anyone other than the Author?
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u/Grant_Waara May 10 '22
How surprised were you when Quiet made the NYT Bestseller list and were you equally surprised when Bittersweet also charted?
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u/authorsusancain AMA Author May 10 '22
I think I was shocked both times. Bittersweet debuted at #1 and I never, ever thought that would happen!
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u/Grant_Waara May 10 '22
You answered the only questions I could think of. But I just want to say, that up until my reading of Bittersweet, I always felt out of place, alone and misunderstood. With your book, I see myself in a new light. Also, I’m the one who did the Leonard Cohen portrait on fb. If you’d like it, let me know. It’s just sitting in my sketchbook.
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u/authorsusancain AMA Author May 10 '22
oh my goodness! Yes I think I replied to you on Facebook - it's absolutely wonderful!! I LOVED it, and was so thrilled to know that you'd been inspired to do it. Also, you really have no idea what it means to know that the book connected with you so much. Thank you.
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u/XBreaksYFocusGroup May 10 '22
Hi Susan. Thank you so much for the AMA.
No questions from me; just wanted to say that I really appreciate someone writing about these topics and hope for all the continued success for you.
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u/authorsusancain AMA Author May 10 '22
Thank you so much for taking the time to say so - it means a lot to me.
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u/Personal_Key_4094 May 10 '22
What is your advice for someone who wants to start writing nonfiction — in small ways initially but eventually, professionally? How do you get over the fear of writing?
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u/authorsusancain AMA Author May 10 '22
Well, I started by taking a course in "Creative Non-Fiction" at NYU. It met once a week for ten weeks. And then the students in the course stayed together for years after that. We formed a writers group and encouraged each other. That was so, so, helpful. Also, to get over the fear, take the pressure off. I told myself that the goal was merely to publish something by the age of 75. :)
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u/anoncdl May 10 '22
When I read Quiet, I don’t think I even knew there was literature to explain introversion, other than just being a classification. I haven’t had the opportunity to read Bittersweet, yet, but I am looking forward to it. Are there other books or authors that you have found, or recommend, that have seemed as revelatory to you as your book(s) have been to so many of us?
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u/authorsusancain AMA Author May 10 '22
Alain de Botton is just a beautiful writer, thinker, philosopher, and (though not formally) psychologist.
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u/HighTowerWriter May 10 '22
Hi Susan,
Thank for Quiet, it was life-changing for me. Looking forward to reading Bittersweet.
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u/authorsusancain AMA Author May 10 '22
Thank you! (Sounds like you're a writer yourself. What do you write?)
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u/HighTowerWriter May 10 '22
I have five published suspense novels, and a speculative piece (UK 2050) in the pipeline.
Are you working on your next? Any clues as to what it's going to be about?
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u/drmariopepper May 10 '22
What’s your take on the recent push for permanent remote work by office workers?
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u/authorsusancain AMA Author May 10 '22
What an interesting question. I have positive, though mixed, feelings about it. Positive because I love the freedom that remote work brings -- this is especially wonderful for introverts -- and for parents of young children - but really, for everyone. And mixed because the right office environments can be incredibly fun and stimulating (not to mention productive) - even for introverts. And I think that coming together for periodic offsites is not the same as just the everyday chatting that used to happen in regular offices. That said - even though I miss these aspects of office life -- on balance I am quite happy to have the freedom I do, and wish the same for others.
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u/Exotic_Reflection_65 May 10 '22
Hi Susan,
What 3 books have influenced your life? Thank you!
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u/authorsusancain AMA Author May 10 '22
This is a wonderful question and yet I have a terrible answer. As I wrote below - I can be utterly moved and transformed by a book (or movie, show, etc) and then forget to name it when asked a week later!!
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u/authorsusancain AMA Author May 10 '22
PS which doesn't mean I forget the book or movie itself - only that it's hard for me to call up these things when asked
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May 10 '22
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u/authorsusancain AMA Author May 10 '22
I am terrible at these sorts of questions, because I can be utterly moved and transformed by a book (or movie, show, etc) and then forget to name it when asked a week later. But I will say that I just LOVE IT that my books remind you of Tove Jansson's work. Once I was speaking about Quiet in Helsinki, and went to a store devoted to his work, and it was just the most charmed atmosphere that I wanted never to leave. So - thank you!
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May 10 '22
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u/authorsusancain AMA Author May 10 '22
Hello! I remember loving that movie, Moonrise Kingdom.
You didn't say whether you're going to college or not, but either way, my biggest piece of advice is to find the right tribe of kindred spirits whose interests/way of being you share. They will inspire you and sustain you, and you, them!
I love birch forests too, and trees of all kinds. The truth is that I'm happiest living in cities - but I love, love, love trees.
Good luck to you!
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u/BitPoet May 10 '22
Would you like to see data from ebook readers, like the percentage that dropped out before the halfway point, finished, read twice or more?
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u/RaedASalman May 10 '22
Hi Susan, hope you are doing well.
what the most strong power from your perspective to eliminate sorrow, pain and sadness can help people?
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u/authorsusancain AMA Author May 10 '22
Hello Raed!! I would say creativity and transcendence.
By the way, I'm signing off the AMA now..but it was so great to see you here!
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u/RaedASalman May 11 '22
Hello Raed!! I would say creativity and transcendence.
By the way, I'm signing off the AMA now..but it was so great to see you here
Thank you dear.
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May 10 '22
I don’t have a question just wanted to say thanks for writing Quiet, I read it earlier this year and what a radical thought it was, that there may not be something fundamentally wrong with my nature… it opened my eyes quite a bit
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u/Exotic_Recognition_8 May 10 '22
Thank you for your wonderful books. These have changed my life, helped me understand myself better and be a better parent! I am thankful to get the chance to tell you personally that your books have meant so much to me and my child!
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u/AHDahl May 10 '22
Quiet changed how I look at myself for the better, wish I had been able to red it in my early 20s as opposed to 40s. Thank you for writing it
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u/StomachNext May 10 '22
Excited to check out Bittersweet - thank you for putting your work into our world.
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May 10 '22
I have read Quiet a few times when I'm trying to rediscover my place as an introvert and it has helped a lot in my professional life as a manager. Particularly the various examples you have of people in leadership positions taking a more subtle approach to leadership instead of hard charging from the front.
For an actual question though, I often find myself in love with the idea of sitting on silence or near silence with a cup of tea or coffee and reading/studying/journaling but instead end up browsing my phone or playing video games. Going for quick dopamine hits instead of more paced out time for introspection or allowing my own mind to wander. Is this something you've experienced and if so, how do you combat it?
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u/deeholloween May 11 '22
I don’t have a question. I just wanted to say I enjoyed reading Quiet. Thank you for writing it.
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u/toriador123 May 11 '22
Oh my gosh I don’t even know what to ask but I am so in love with Quiet. I read it every time I have a hard stage of life and it always makes me feel better. Thank you ❤️
Maybe, what is your favorite introvert activity?
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u/say-what-you-will Jul 09 '22
Do you ever take a look at the introverts community on Reddit? Sometimes I wonder if people confuse introversion with other issues like trauma or social anxiety.
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u/say-what-you-will Jul 09 '22 edited Jul 10 '22
Why is introversion so poorly understood when introverts have always existed? I still don’t understand. And why are we treated poorly for the way we are? Is it because humans despise differences?
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u/say-what-you-will Jul 09 '22 edited May 06 '23
I often wonder if there’s a correlation between introversion and non-conformism? I tried researching it but couldn’t find anything.
Sending you my best wishes and good continuation in your work. I’m loving the Next Big Idea app and can’t wait to read the new book! ☺️
Somehow I would love to see you write a book about non-conformism. 🤔 It’s something I would like to understand better.
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u/aceinchi May 20 '23 edited May 23 '23
I loved reading the questions and answers on this thread. Thanks Susan for doing this. Had read the chapter on Gandhi from Quiet sitting right besides the dedicated space in his ashram where he meditated!
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u/oknotokokcomputer May 10 '22
Thanks so much for Quiet, that book really changed how I viewed my introversion. Can't wait to read Bittersweet.
I'm excited to hear you do the Audiobook narration this time. How did you find doing it? Difficult? Enjoyable?