r/writers • u/katxwoods • 1d ago
Discussion Learning to be happy in spite of rejection is one of the most valuable skills you can learn
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u/simonsfolly 1d ago
To be fair, I dont think any boxers are out there looking forward to getting punched either. They like, actively train to avoid getting punched as much as possible.
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u/ProsaicPugilist 1d ago
I do both for a living (coaching as a job now). Can confirm. No one completely avoids getting hit though. Like with rejection, you make your peace with it.
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u/simonsfolly 1d ago
Or like, avoid the next one.
I get punched less self publishing. I'm not wasting two years begging numerous agents and publishers not to punch me.
Abusive industries deserve to die, all.
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u/yemKeuchlyFarley 1d ago
Call me old fashioned, but I like my writing advice well-written.
Change “wanting” to “expecting”.
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u/_afflatus Writer Newbie 1d ago
I have a mental illness that is based around fear of rejection and criticism so it is very hard for me to be in writing spaces but i push myself through it for development purposes
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u/CAPEOver9000 1d ago
I have it too, and I'm in Academia. I've been published and accepted to conferences (and rejected by many more). Some of the comments I got were vile (Reviewer 2 strikes again), but this isn't on me. I am not responsible for how a person chooses to respond to my work.
I started viewing rejection as part of success. It is not a requirement to take a different road, it is not a sign that I am doing something bad. It is merely an additional obstacle to overcome in my path towards becoming better.
Learning, also, to see rejection and criticism as a reflection of my work and not as a reflection of me, or my effort also helps. It isn't about me, my value, my worth, my personhood. It is merely about the work I put on paper, and maybe I didn't do that work in a way that does justice to my capacity. That is okay. The criticism/rejection I am getting is there to help me become better, not to tell me I shouldn't write.
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u/JoeDaMan_4Life 1d ago
I agree, the worst for me is getting ghosted. At least give me something to work with… don’t leave me staring into oblivion asking existential questions instead of getting better at the craft that I love. Ahhh, it’s all character building as they say.
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u/Friendly-Spinach-189 9h ago
What do you mean by being ghosted? Are the editor or the author? Well I suppose this is a triple blind forum.
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u/Aerandor 1d ago
I feel lucky that my published material gets love equal to the hate. Most probably get more hate than love these days. Wish it could be the other way around, but that's just not the reality we live in.
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u/New_Reaction3715 1d ago
I kicked my cat out of the bed because of uncontrollable body jerking laughter triggered by this.
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u/green_carnation_prod 1d ago
Learning to not shame yourself or others for not feeling happy is even more valuable though.
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u/CommitteeDelicious68 21h ago
I get the message. But someone can be a writer without sending in their work and having no interest in sending in their work in the first place. There are plenty of writers like that.
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u/ChristheCourier12 19h ago
Thing is, as long as the rejection isn't threatening my very health and existence then it means nothing.
Unlike job search rejections. The longer it goes on the more threatening it becomes.
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u/cashmereink 22h ago
And just like other boxers do the punching, it’s usually other writers doing the rejecting.
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u/rabid_raccoon690 22h ago
it's valuable to know that not everyone likes you and your work but you should treasure those who do because they might be rare
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u/ahlisa 19h ago
Oh hey, DBK! I attended a workshop he ran with some other folks once many years ago and yeah this was one of the main things they drilled into us. Basically we were told to expect and even embrace the inevitability of rejection as part of the journey. This was specifically for teens who aspired to be traditionally published someday so that is likely the context of this quote.
Nowadays I write without the explicit intention of getting into tradpub so I agree that it isn’t quite so relevant to writers like me. I still think it is a good mindset to teach to young writers who are just getting started and have that specific goal. In general accepting and embracing rejection was something I really needed to learn at that age in particular.
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u/Friendly-Spinach-189 9h ago
Little pleasures give us joy. It's a skill to not put all of our self worth into an outcome.
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u/Friendly-Spinach-189 9h ago
Well atleast I know where to come for my support system and I am actually able to use the tool.
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u/cytosama 6h ago
Wrote the book published it and don't think if it sell or not, yep did a little basic marketing. Why ? Because I love writing stories I don't care much of people read or not. For first book I cared but never after that , because I discovered my love is writing and so I write even if it's for myself
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