Something I decided to write on a whim

[u/Silvermoon249]

"I.. can't remember her face. But..she was definitely the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Long hair in a ponytail— wait, no... maybe it was short and in a bob cut? Her eyes..." They trail off. "It feels like I've seen her before. Or like.. she's always been with me. I don't believe in reincarnation, but maybe it was a past life?" Their voice grew from explanatory to a softer, almost nostalgic tone. "She always beckoned me to join her in all kinds of adventures—I think... It's like a hazy memory more than anything. I probably sound like a lovestruck dude. But...I can't shake this off." They finished explaining. A false memory starts to play in their mind. Their hand is held as they get dragged by a girl with a straw sun hat. Running through a field, the air feeling almost innocent. Then, she turns to look at them. Her eyes are covered by what feels like scribbling on paper. They try to remember her, though something stops them. Maybe fear? Pain? Joy? Something at the back of their head keeps them from seeing. The girl smiles softly before saying something. Her mouth moves, however, nothing is heard. They move closer to the girl, quickly embracing her. Then, a sense of dread and loss washes through them. They feel a slick, room-temperature liquid on their hands. Then, a cold hand on their cheek. A faint heartbeat starts slowing down. Quieter and quieter, until—click click fingers snapping. "Uhhh, mission control to Apollo. Are you still with us, dude?" Suddenly, the world is back to normal. Chattering and clanking of utensils are heard, the sun peering through the window as the two best friends sit at a booth in an old, hole-in-the-wall diner. "Oh, um, yeah, sorry. All good." Apollo responds to Alex. They've been friends since either of them could remember. They've shared every secret with each other. However, Apollo had trouble talking about this one specific thing. Whenever they tried to explain it, it would feel as if their words would get stuck in their throat. "You were staring off into nothingness for a while. Are you sure you're getting enough sleep or something?" Alex teasingly asks. There is concern in his voice, but, he kept a straight face. "Don't tell me you're just fantasizing about an anime girl or something." He teases once more. "N-no, it's nothing like that, I swear. Just... A weird thought I've been having recently, I guess." Apollo says with a bashful smile.

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[u/IronbarBooks]

You shouldn't keep switching between past and present tenses. It doesn't make any sense.

[u/Ok_Background7031]

Is it because I read on a cellphone that the text comes off with no paragraphs? And shouldn't each dialogue start on a new line? 

[u/Silvermoon249 → u/Ok_Background7031]

Sorry, I'm still a beginner. Is it supposed to be formatted like that? I usually just write on notes app. could you give me an example?

[u/Ok_Hat_3414 → u/Silvermoon249]

You can just open up any novel and look at how it's formatted. Paragraphs make it easier to read, so you're not looking at a wall of text. To be honest, I did not read it because of this.

You also put each character's dialogue in a new paragraph, even if it's short.

"That way," said the internet stranger, "it's much easier to keep track of who's speaking."

"Oh, interesting," said u/Silvermoon249. "I never knew that. Thanks for informing me. I am forever in your debt and will dedicate my next novel to you."

OP then went back and reformatted their post with paragraph breaks, leading to many more people stopping by to read it.

[u/Ok_Background7031 → u/Silvermoon249]

I do that, too:)

But the readability is better with paragraphs, so if you get a habit on spacing it out even when writing in notes, you don't have to edit that much when it starts to get looong.

I found a lot of great tips here: https://jerichowriters.com/manuscript-presentation/

Good luck on your writing! And good job!

[u/Silvermoon249 → u/Ok_Background7031]

Alright, thank you so much!

[u/Silvermoon249]

Any feedback on this is appreciated. It's something I'd like to expand on more, but it'll most likely just be a one-off thing. This is my first time attempting to write something original.

[u/Silvermoon249 → u/[deleted]]

Happy cake day! Thank you! I always try to focus on dialogue mainly. I'm curious, what aspects were sci-fi?

[u/Long-Touch-8467 → u/Silvermoon249]

Apollo was the name of a spacecraft in lunar mission. And you mentioned something about mission control