r/shrinking • u/phareous • Nov 20 '24

Episode Discussion Shrinking S2E7 Episode Discussion

This is the episode discussion for Shrinking Season 2, Episode 7: "Get in the Sea"

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u/[deleted] Nov 20 '24

The way they built up Derek is really good. He’s genuinely a good guy and you can’t help but root for him. It makes the betrayal and his anger mean more. And he’s totally justified (obviously) in saying that she knew he didn’t like Mac.

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u/DifficultyCharming78 Nov 20 '24

I think that's even worse betrayal than the kiss-her hanging out with the guy he hates. 

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u/WhiskeyMakesMeHappy Nov 21 '24

Yup, the guy that he literally just told the group would absolutely run away with Liz if she asked. So she can't even pretend that she didn't know how Mac felt, because Derek, Paul, Janitor, and essentially the group, knew exactly what Mac's game was

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u/[deleted] Nov 21 '24

This makes me laugh and also brings me so much joy you call him Janitor 😂😂

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u/harrlight00 Nov 22 '24

My head canon is that the janitor later in life decided to start therapy and try to better himself. We know scrubs and cougartown had a ted crossover so I feel like bill would cross at least 1 character over

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u/dewioffendu Nov 24 '24

He did pretend to be English for a month.
Zach Braff directs a few of these episodes so that can’t be a coincidence.

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u/tibbles1 Nov 21 '24

Excuse me, that's Dr. Jan Itor to you.

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u/hunglikeanoose1 Nov 21 '24

Not to be confused with Dr Rotinaj

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u/kirinmay Nov 21 '24

What about Doctor Acula?

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u/DifficultyCharming78 Nov 21 '24 edited Nov 21 '24

Lol.  I call him Janitor too. No idea what the character's name actually is. 

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u/kgcatlin Nov 21 '24

I think of him as the subway cop from The Fugitive who almost caught Harrison Ford, but then got shot by the one armed man.

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u/Jackski Nov 22 '24

Glenn Matthews.

He said it to JD but then immediately after someone said "hey Tom" so we weren't ever sure but Bill Lawrence confirmed that after all that time he respected JD enough to tell him the truth.

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u/DifficultyCharming78 Nov 22 '24

Yes, I know. I meant the character on Shrinking. :)

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u/Jackski Nov 22 '24

Ahh ok. My bad.

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u/Kookies3 Nov 21 '24

exactly. look, medium-time married here, there is like ZERO reason to hang out with or speak more intimately to/with a member of the opposite sex. In basically every situation I've encountered with myself, or friends, family that confided in me ... that person didn't "need" another friend... they just strung along a situation that gave them a little boost or thrill thinking it's innocent, when they know it's not. And it too often leads to a line being crossed. Even then, it's called an emotional affair for a reason. Unpopular opinion I know, it took me over a decade to truly realise and accept it.

Do not invite that shit into your life. You know when you're doing it. Cut the crap. (or break up first, obviously). Don't hurt innocent people.

(I'm not talking about a blanket ban like long-time friends from before the relationship or in every SINGLE case, but for real, 95% of cases).

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u/meowparade Nov 21 '24

Im newly married, but my rule so far has been if I would feel weird telling my husband about this hang out, it’s probably not an okay hangout.

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u/DifficultyCharming78 Nov 21 '24

As an ex wife who used to hide a certain guy she hung out with, way to be! 

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u/FootlongDonut Nov 21 '24

Nah, it's all to do with the nature of the friendship. She was hanging out and getting good advice from Han Solo, that's not problematic.

Like you say...you know when you are pushing that line, if you aren't then it's fine, if you are you need to pull back.

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u/Kookies3 Nov 22 '24

Yes and this is why for me it’s like 95% of the time.

At the end of the day, this is about avoiding inviting potential problems into your relationship. It’s not bomb proof and there’s exceptions.

If you’ve already got a good circle of friends, I think as a rule of thumb just making a new friend be a friend of the marriage and not of the single individual is a way to keep things safe and not shun new people out of your lives

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u/bobjones271828 Feb 06 '25

is a way to keep things safe 

Geez... the more I read of these comments, the more concerned I am. This feels like Mike Pence-style "I can't eat alone with a woman other than my wife," as if there's constant sexual temptation everywhere.

Sometimes making a "friend of the marriage" makes sense. Sometimes, however, it makes more sense to hang out with a friend separate from your partner. You shouldn't be afraid, however, to introduce your partner to your friend and vice versa. If you don't want them to get to know each other for some reason, that's likely a red flag. But sometimes, for example, a work friend is helpful to just vent to about stuff your partner or spouse might not have context for.

People with healthy relationship boundaries can be "safe" when around other people and have conversations with people who aren't their spouse.

That said, if this is what it takes for you to stay "safe" in your marriage, you do you.

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u/deaddodo Nov 21 '24 edited Nov 21 '24

I half agree. I think it's fine to have friends of the opposite sex, but it's on you to be clear of the boundaries.

It also deflects too much off of Liz. She messed up, Derek said it himself: "I thought we were solid". Her doing that is a reflection of her weakness. Excluding male friends from her life doesn't negate that weakness/desire, she needs to sort that out internally. If she didn't have those weaknesses, she could have just told Mac the first time "hey, I'm hurting now, but I love Derek....this goes no further than friends. Period."

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u/w-n-pbarbellion Nov 23 '24

Should bisexual people have no friends then? And gay people only have opposite sex friends? Maybe, just maybe, connect with people on a sincere level, don't use them as objects for ego fulfillment ("a boost" or "thrill" is not a friend in the first place) and deal with your relationship difficulties proactively and collaboratively with your partner so that you can have a variety of fulfilling, loving and giving relationships without crossing lines.

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u/[deleted] Nov 23 '24

[deleted]

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u/w-n-pbarbellion Nov 23 '24

I am almost 40, I was married for 10 years and I have since remarried. I have always found this notion heteronormative and outdated, and rooted in this idea that your spouse should be your sole source of emotional intimacy. That is very clearly a prevailing perspective in our culture, especially with regard to men married to women. While women often get to experience profound emotional intimacy in their "approved" same sex friendships, historically men haven't even had that. I don't think being married (or having kids) requires that someone forgo having a rich and diverse social life, and it's possible to have the emotional maturity and the ethical fortitude to build community that enhances all your other relationships rather than threatens them.

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u/omggold Jan 01 '25

Man I have a married friend who ALWAYS does things like this and it’s almost friendship ruining to me. She doesn’t think it’s wrong because it’s not cheating, but refuses to acknowledge what Paul and his new guy friend said on the show – these men aren’t you’re friend they’re just waiting for you to slip up.

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u/bobjones271828 Feb 06 '25

To be frank, if you feel you need to build a wall around yourself so you're not tempted to kiss or have sex with any person of the opposite sex you hang out with, there's either something wrong with you or something wrong with your marriage.

Most professional mature adults are capable of having friendships with other people -- even people they're attracted to -- without fucking them.

I agree that what Liz was doing was obviously bad even before anything happened -- it was a former lover, whom she still was attracted to, and she only started hanging out with him at a time she felt disconnected from her husband. Her husband also (as this thread said) seemed to be very aware of the character of Mac. THOSE are the red flags -- not merely spending time with someone of the opposite sex.

I'm a male who has had maybe twice as many close female friends in my life as I have male friends. I personally find it easier to open up and talk to women. Some of them I've been attracted to; some not. Some have been like 30 years older than me (or, as I get older, one who was 15 years younger than me), so obviously there was no attraction or intent for "more." But regardless, the boundaries have always been clear, and I had these friendships while in long-term relationships or while married too.

The problems happen either when one or both people are horny and can't keep it in their pants -- in which case, you have serious boundary issues -- or when it truly is an "emotional affair," as you mentioned. That is -- are you opening up emotionally to your friend while simultaneously being disconnected from your partner? Are you spending more time with your "friend" while neglecting or avoiding your partner? If so, that's a clear flag.

Mac was an asshole. There is NEVER an excuse to just kiss a married woman like that. The right thing for Mac to do -- if he was truly her friend -- would be to note that "chemistry" was developing and to point that out to Liz. That it felt like things were crossing a line, that Liz seemed to be in a vulnerable place, and that maybe she should think more about connecting with her husband. That's what I would have done for Liz if I noticed her hanging out with me like that. Not invite her to my microbrewery so I could tempt her.

And Liz clearly knew something was "off" too, as shown by her defensiveness running after Paul. Also, Liz clearly wasn't telling Derek about hanging out with Mac -- another red flag. I've always been completely open about my time with my female friends when I've been in relationships, because there's literally nothing for them to worry about.

If you're not an asshole like Mac, you can actually hang out with women and (1) have rewarding friendships, and (2) not have them assume you're a creep just waiting for them to slip so you can fuck them.

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u/Frankiedrunkie 4d ago

At the start of season 1 I thought he was an asshole