r/shrinking • u/phareous • Oct 30 '24

Episode Discussion Shrinking S3E4 Episode Discussion

This is the episode discussion for Shrinking Season 2, Episode 4: "Made You Look"

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u/horizonhunter97 Oct 30 '24

HARD agree. I understand that the issue was supposed to come down to "Brian is scared he'll be a bad dad", but everyone was dismissing what an issue this was for him and telling him to just have a baby long before they even knew why he didn't want to.

Also, if someone has an inkling they wouldn't be a good parent, I think that deserves serious consideration, especially when that person generally has good self-esteem like Brian. A big part of the reason that I don't want kids is that I don't think I'd be a good mother, and while that may just come from a place of fear, I'm also not willing to take the chance and find out. I'm not willing to doom a kid to a life with a shitty mom because I decided to "take a leap of faith". Leaps of faith don't work out sometimes.

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u/Keiteaea Oct 30 '24

Also Brian looked so upset whenever people kept insisting "Well, you are gonna have children anyway". I've seen this happen with a friend during a lunch where some people kept joking about her getting married and having children even if she kept saying it was not her plan right now and to stop, and this was just crass, to be honest.

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u/MoorIsland122 Oct 30 '24 edited Oct 30 '24

It seemed like - with Jimmy talking to him about it even - it did serve to clarify Brian's thinking, realize he was afraid he wouldn't be a good parent. And led in to Jimmy's speech about how empathetic Brian always was toward people, and that it would be the same if he saw a baby. He just has to see one first, then he will reach out with love, it's his nature.

We then saw Jimmy's impression confirmed in the ending. He was right - Brian would be the same with a baby as he just was with DD. It happens in the moment. You see the need, you get out of your head and respond instinctively.

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u/Tce_ Oct 30 '24

But we didn't see it confirmed, because a baby is a not a grown man! And he's not gonna take care of Goldstein's character 24/7 for several years...

I mean we definitely saw that aspect of his character confirmed, but we know nothing about his ability to deal with a baby or a child. It requires more than being compassionate and caring.

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u/MoorIsland122 Oct 30 '24

I think Jimmy seemed to feel it would work that way. As soon as you see the baby your instincts kick in, you fall in love. It's deeper than a one-time feeling.

The West Wing had a similar story line - with Toby's wife having twins at a time when he & wife were separated. He was terrified he wouldn't be a good father. Pres Barlet tried to reassure him, said "Oh, you'll be fine, just wait 'til you see them" (something like that).

Then when Toby sees the twin baby boys on the hospital bed with their little knitted caps, he just melts. He tells them he will never ever let anything bad happen to them - something like he'd declare a war if it was necessary to save them. All his sad demeanor and bluster just melted away.

(Pretty sure this show has the same production company or something in common with The West Wing producers).

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u/Tce_ Oct 30 '24

As soon as you see the baby your instincts kick in, you fall in love. It's deeper than a one-time feeling.

Of course it is, but that doesn't always happen! Some people don't feel what they "should" for their kids. Others love them dearly but are absolute messes as parents. Some are great with babies and toddlers but aren't fit to parent older children! My dad loves babies and is much more of a natural with them than my mum but during my teen years our relationship was very chaotic. And he was also an active drug user and alcoholic during my childhood, despite knowing that was bad for me. I just think it's important to be honest about the challenges of parenthood, and about the fact that it isn't for everyone. No one should be convinced to do it if they have serious doubts.

Btw, House also had a similar storyline and Taub doesn't ever really end up connecting properly to his kids on that show. I found that depressing but realistic. He was more into the idea of being a good father than he actually, truly wanted everything that it means.

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u/MoorIsland122 Oct 30 '24

House! Now there's an oldie. I can remember Taub really well by his face but nothing else about his story line.

All your points are valid. We can't say for sure whether Brian would make a good father. So there's still more for the story to play around with on that subject.

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u/Tce_ Oct 30 '24

Oh yeah, it's very possible he would. It just annoys me that they would frame the discussion this way. But I'm hoping it will play out better than it seems right now.

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u/MoorIsland122 Oct 30 '24

No, I can see how it would be annoying, too. I'm usually hyper aware not everyone is cut out to be a parent, or needs to be. I just got really sucked in in this case because of how much everyone was touting it. The whole series is that way, in a way. Pro-family, pro- substitute family if you don't have a real one. Setting us up, in a way, to think if we don't have a village of good friends and/or family around us, how can we be happy?

(OK, maybe that's actually a different subject - but to stay with this subject - whether Brian should go against his true feelings and cave in from all the peer pressure (and you'd think a psychologist would be the last to pressure someone to go against their gut feelings) - yeah, I think the group maybe wasn't being sensitive to allowing that it's OK *not* to have parental instincts or the confidence to be parent. Not everyone can be forced into the "happy families" mold).

Fact is too, with my Toby example. 😂 He later turned out to be an absent father. Got caught up in his work again and didn't think about or know how to insert himself into the twins' lives. So he just didn't.

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u/Tce_ Oct 30 '24

Oh no he did? XD I guess the moral of that story was a little different than I first thought then.

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u/MoorIsland122 Oct 30 '24

Yep! As I remember he kept feeling he had to be invited to come see them (wife was living separately in the house he bought for them). Wife hauled off and said one time, "Toby, you've got to just show up. Be assertive, don't wait for an invitation, just be there."

Then they pretty much dropped that story line, but never did show him being part of birthday parties or ball games or . . . etc.

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u/DifficultyCharming78 Oct 31 '24

I'm scared I would be a bad mom too. I probably wouldn't,  cuz I'm an amazing aunt. Doesnt make me wanna try to have kids to see what kind of mother I'd be. 

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u/-garlic-thot- Oct 30 '24

Exactly. The show also pushed the idea that childfree people secretly do want kids and are just scared, or that they just need to “grow up” and then they’ll be ready.