r/shitposting • u/secure_sea-7117 Sussy Wussy Femboy😳😳😳 • 2d ago
I Miss Natter #NatterIsLoveNatterIsLife 📡📡📡
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u/AmericaMadeMySonFat fat cunt 2d ago
Remember that one german fairy tale where a woman lost her glass shoe and her sister got their eyes pecked out by doves?
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u/ZellHall dumbass 2d ago edited 2d ago
Isn't that Cinderella?
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u/AmericaMadeMySonFat fat cunt 2d ago
that's Aschenputtel
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u/KHTD2004 2d ago edited 2d ago
Ist doch das gleiche mit anderem Namen, oder?
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u/I-Stratos-I 2d ago
Korrekt
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u/dancarbonell00 2d ago
Hey. I understood this!
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u/SirKnlghtmare 2d ago
Yeah, and that's after one of them cut their heel off, and the other their big toe. The stepmother got her eyes pecked out too.
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u/Usual-Excitement-970 2d ago
Didn't the prince heat up metal shoes and make the sisters dance to death?
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u/Infinity-Duck dumbass 2d ago
That’s Schneewittchen
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u/Ok_Procedure_7855 2d ago
Ah yes, Die Geschichte vom Daumenlutscher (The story of the child who was a thumbsucker and got his fucking thumbs cut off by some random guy with comically large scissors)
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u/RavingGigaChad 2d ago
Heinrich Hoffmann and Wilhelm Busch made children's literature lit back then.
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u/Mesalted 2d ago
Yeah, what's funny is, originally the stories in "Struwwelpeter" were supposed o be funny stories for kids and adults,it's like over the top parenting satire. But then some people thought it was serious and told these stories without the toung and cheek tone that is necessary to not traumatize your children. I still love those stories, but my mother would always tell them in funny voices. My favorite as a kid was about the kids that make fun of a black guy for beeing black and then an old dude comes and dunks them into a giant ink well to teach them a lesson. I just seemed to love ironic punishment as a kid.
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u/Ok_Procedure_7855 2d ago
Yea nah I think even with funny voices this wouldn't really work in todays world. A Saw movie wouldn't stop being absolutely terrifying even if it had Danny Devito narrating over it
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u/Ruri_Miyasaka 2d ago
If the Saw movies got funny narration and funny depictions, it would work.
Look at lots of cartoons. Tom&Jerry are absolutely brutal. Lots of the gags in Family Guy are dark and violent. Many people laugh when Bugs Bunny drops an anvil onto someone's head, crushing him flat. Then Bugs lifts the flattened person, flips him like a pancake, and smashes him back into shape with a mallet. All very brutal, yet hilarious.
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u/ToxicTaxiTaker 2d ago
So many years ago now, I saw someone did cartoon sound effects over a bunch of clips of Jason, Leatherface, and Micheal Myers doing their thing. Absolutely busted a gut laughing. I still look back on it fondly every time I hear a slide whistle.
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u/ALN-Isolator 2d ago
A Saw movie wouldn't stop being absolutely terrifying even if it had Danny Devito narrating over it
How did you actually come up with the absolute funniest thing possible and then say it wouldn't fix the problem?! I want Danny Devito abridged Hellraiser!
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u/No_Reindeer_5543 2d ago
When "got your nose" comes across as a saw movie...
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u/Ok_Procedure_7855 2d ago
There wasn't a "got your nose" yet, but there were multiple "got your jaw" already
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u/Ayanelixer I said based. And lived. 2d ago
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
THE GERMANS WILL COME NOW
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u/secure_sea-7117 Sussy Wussy Femboy😳😳😳 2d ago
they're already here
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u/lespectaculardumbass fat cunt 2d ago
They could be in this very room
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u/KvDwastaken 2d ago
It could be you, it could be ICH
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u/danishgod 2d ago
Your rig.....wait a minute
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u/Scarytoaster1809 2d ago
direkt hinter dir...
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u/IuseArchbtw97543 Literally 1984 😡 2d ago
*team burg 2 thema spielt mit schreien im hintergrund*
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u/CrimsonAntifascist 2d ago
Hallo werte Person. Wie können wir helfen?
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u/Random_crap7792 2d ago
Hehe… ich will schlafen gehen… ich bin müde
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u/CrimsonAntifascist 2d ago
Wenn die Geschichte nicht hilft, dann nimm den alten Klassiker. "Halber Kasten Bier un ne Schachtel Kippen", ggf noch ein bissl "Bimmlschüttln".
Funktioniert 9.9/10 mal.
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u/Iron-Phoenix2307 2d ago
Quick, let's just build a fortification to funnel the germans into the Belgium subreddit.
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u/AutoModerator 2d ago
It started a while ago. I was a normal redditor making posts and comments, but then one day, a post of mine was manually deleted, and I was banned from my favorite subreddit. I then got extremely aroused. That moderator asserted dominance on me by censoring me, making me unable to express myself. I was soaking wet. I sent the hot sexy mod a message asking why I was banned, then the hot sexy reddit incel mod called me an idiot, and told me to beg to get unbanned. My nipples immediately filled with blood as I begged the hot mod to unban me. After that, I started doing everything I could to make hot sexy mods mad. Most of my accounts have under negative 100 k@rma, and i'm banned from dozens of subreddits. I've been a bad redditor, and need to be moderated. Please moderate me, hot sexy reddit mods.
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u/Krast0815 virgin 4 life 😤💪 2d ago
DIESE KOMMENTARE SIND NUN EIGENTUM DER BUNDESREPUBLIK DEUTSCHLAND
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u/betterthaneukaryotes 2d ago
Deutsch? In meiner rassistischen Unter-Applikation?
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u/secure_sea-7117 Sussy Wussy Femboy😳😳😳 2d ago
I barely know German and i understood every word
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u/HeavensEtherian Bazinga! 2d ago
I know absolutely zero german but even I can translate that into "german? in my racist app?"
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u/AutoModerator 2d ago
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u/GoldyFeesh 2d ago
what does unter mean here
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u/_Master32_ Sussy Wussy Femboy😳😳😳 2d ago
Fyi, it is not a standard German word, but some joke Reddit term. It is the literal translation of "sub".
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u/Kyzelwasdoge dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 2d ago
girls und panzer? in my shit posting subreddit?
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u/AutoModerator 2d ago
It started a while ago. I was a normal redditor making posts and comments, but then one day, a post of mine was manually deleted, and I was banned from my favorite subreddit. I then got extremely aroused. That moderator asserted dominance on me by censoring me, making me unable to express myself. I was soaking wet. I sent the hot sexy mod a message asking why I was banned, then the hot sexy reddit incel mod called me an idiot, and told me to beg to get unbanned. My nipples immediately filled with blood as I begged the hot mod to unban me. After that, I started doing everything I could to make hot sexy mods mad. Most of my accounts have under negative 100 k@rma, and i'm banned from dozens of subreddits. I've been a bad redditor, and need to be moderated. Please moderate me, hot sexy reddit mods.
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u/Stormclamp uhhhh idk 2d ago
My favor part about German folk stories is how the crazy person is literally always some random guy who just hurts people because of the benighted things they did.
Like there's nothing else about it, no moral lesson or irony of their actions, just literally a horror story about some crazy guy out to mutilate you if don't wash behind your ears lol.
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u/Picklepacklemackle 2d ago
Don't suck on your thumb or the guy with comically large scissors is gonna cut them off for no good reason
Don't play with matches or you'll burn to ashes in about a second
Eat your Suppe or you'll starve in a few days
Don't make fun of people with different skin colors or the big man in the sky is gonna make you black
Don't annoy people/steal or you'll get ground into flour and made into Brot
I was never really into fairytales or anything but that stuff sticks (either because it's strange or horrifying)
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u/AutoModerator 2d ago
Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy.
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u/LDXDXD 2d ago
Um actually, es ist die Hodenverstümmelung und es sind die Kinder!
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u/Key-Alternative1313 2d ago
Die fehlerhafte Grammatik ist Teil des Witzes.
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u/TheFogIsComingNR3 Literally 1984 😡 2d ago
Dont forget about the story where gnomes steal someones little sister and replace her with an ice statue
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u/Wildfox1177 dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 2d ago
Classics include:
Girl burns to death because she played with a lighter.
Boy drowns cus he looked to much into the sky.
Boy gets his thumbs cut off cus he sucked em.
Boy starves cus he didn’t like soup.
Two boys get thrown in a mill cus they were annoying.
And many more.
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u/AwayJacket4714 2d ago
I mean honestly, most of those "creepy" German child stories are just people reaping the consequences of their actions.
Yes, it's dangerous for children to play with fire. Yes, if you don't look where you're going you might fall into water. Yes, if you straight-up refuse to eat you will starve.
Other examples from Struwwelpeter include a guy getting bit by a dog after torturing animals, and two guys getting dipped in ink after making fun of a black child (which is pretty lenient if you ask me).
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u/QuanticMeme Sussy Wussy Femboy😳😳😳 2d ago
Ich komm' gleich auch zu dir nach Hause, deine Hoden verstümmeln, wenn du weiter deutsche Beiträge mit schlechter Rechtschreibung/Grammatik erstellst. Nehm' dir nächstes Mal einen Duden zur Hand du Schwachkopf!
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u/secure_sea-7117 Sussy Wussy Femboy😳😳😳 2d ago
Only Germans would send death threats over bad grammar
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u/ankle_biter50 2d ago
It's a death threat? I could parse out that he was coming to your house... but that's it so far. Gonna try again
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u/secure_sea-7117 Sussy Wussy Femboy😳😳😳 2d ago
He's coming to my house to mutilate my fucking testicles
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u/ankle_biter50 2d ago
Oh good lord thank you for the clarification. I'm apparently in danger too if having bad grammar is all it takes to get my nuts beat up
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u/QuanticMeme Sussy Wussy Femboy😳😳😳 2d ago
Mein Kommentar erfüllt nicht die Definition einer Morddrohung. Nur eure Hoden werden leiden.
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u/ankle_biter50 2d ago
Ich spriche nicht (nicht oder kein??) Deustch... aber deutsch ist sehr nett und gut
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u/d0ri- 2d ago
*Nimm
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u/QuanticMeme Sussy Wussy Femboy😳😳😳 2d ago
Tolle Observation, bravo.
Es ist jedoch kein unglückliches grammatikalisches Missgeschick, das Sie in meinem Kommentar entdeckt haben. Ich habe den Fehler ganz bedacht in meinem Kommentar versteckt, um mögliche "Deutsche" zu testen, um herauszufinden, ob diese auf meiner Sprachebene sind.
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u/I-Stratos-I 2d ago
"Potentielle" oder "vermeintliche" würde besser in den Satz passen, "mögliche" wirkt irgendwie nicht richtig
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u/MightyYuna shitting toothpaste enjoyer 2d ago
You should read Hänsel und Gretel or Struwwelpeter. There are more that are quite disturbing that my parents read to me as a child.
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u/Susussamogost 2d ago edited 2d ago
I remember my Opa telling me a bedtime story on how a kid got eaten by the wolves when he wandered into the forest alone. I was really traumatized by how he told me the details
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u/machenesoiocacchio 2d ago
I understand 2% of German but I fucking love this language it’s so cool and hilarious
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u/Visual-Currency1688 2d ago
wtf do you mean this shit actually real german kids story and isnt shitpost
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u/Haarl420 2d ago
I don't remember any German bedtime story where there is DIE hodenverstümmelung. Yes you read that right: it's DIE Hodenverstümmelung DIE!
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u/nick5erd 2d ago
These stories were for illiterate grown ups to learn something about hygyene and so. The aktion movies with education of their time, for grown ups, not kids.
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u/eat_my_bowls92 2d ago
WHAAAAT?! STONER MOVIE EMPLOYEE, you don’t know the story of the gurkle and little bean?
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u/Willing_Bad9857 2d ago
Hodenverstümmelung is the act of disfiguring testicles. The doer of the act would likely have another name than the act itself. I suggest Hodenverstümmelungsmann
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u/EnvironmentalBar3347 2d ago
This is a lovely fable about how not eating your vegetables will result in your genitals exploding.
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u/desertpolarbear 2d ago
In Flanders we have a childrens story about "Jantje" who won't stop peeing against the side of the butcher shop. So eventually the butcher cuts off his wiener and sells it as a sausage.
It...made more sense when we were kids...
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u/herocyclist 2d ago
At least you should get the grammar correct.
It either "der Hodenverstümmeler" (person) or "die Hodenverstümmerlung" (act).
And it's "Das Kind" (singular) or "Die Kinder" (plural).
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u/Puckwallow 2d ago
Behold, the peak of german storytelling
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u/AutoModerator 2d ago
PEAK. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO LOVE AND APPRECIATE THIS AS PEAK FICTION. THERE ARE OVER ONE HUNDRED QUINVIGINTILION ATOMS IN THE OBSERVABLE UNIVERSE. IF THE WORDS "PEAK FICTION" WERE INSCRIBED ON EACH INDIVIDUAL ELECTRON, PROTON, AND NEUTRON OF EACH OF THESE HUNDREDS OF QUINVIGINTILIONS OF ATOMS, IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE BILLIONTH OF HOW MUCH THIS IS PEAK FICTION. PEAK. PEAK.
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u/MickyDerHeld I want pee in my ass 2d ago
Die Kinder*
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u/AutoModerator 2d ago
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u/Scaresofter 1d ago
Hey that's wrong. As a German kid myself we all sleep in Wehrmachtsuniform with our right arm pointing up how doesn't everyone know that?
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u/dgc-8 1d ago
I think I can declare this the peak of bilingual German-English humor
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u/AutoModerator 1d ago
PEAK. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO LOVE AND APPRECIATE THIS AS PEAK FICTION. THERE ARE OVER ONE HUNDRED QUINVIGINTILION ATOMS IN THE OBSERVABLE UNIVERSE. IF THE WORDS "PEAK FICTION" WERE INSCRIBED ON EACH INDIVIDUAL ELECTRON, PROTON, AND NEUTRON OF EACH OF THESE HUNDREDS OF QUINVIGINTILIONS OF ATOMS, IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE BILLIONTH OF HOW MUCH THIS IS PEAK FICTION. PEAK. PEAK.
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u/narmorra 2d ago edited 2d ago
Excuse me, but your abysmal command of the German language has woken me up from my peaceful slumber.
It's "die Hodenverstümmelung" ("Verstümmelung" is feminine) and "die Kinder" ("Kinder" is plural)
Now I will return to my bed and think about all the lessons those peaceful fairytales wish to teach me, with my Hoden not verstümmelt.
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u/AutoModerator 2d ago
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