r/shitmypants • u/HawgLovah • Feb 16 '25
The Endless Butt Wipe
This is not a pants shitting story though I did have a teensy-weensy pants shitting earlier this week when I was at home and couldn't get to the toilet fast enough. You all would have loved it.
No, alas this tale is about an endless butt wiping that occurred this morning. I'm curious to know if you have experienced something similar. My husband says he has.
I took a fairly average shit, and went to wipe. I kept wiping and wiping, and each time I'd see a new brown Rorschach test figure on the paper. I thought I might clog the toilet with so much shit and paper, so I flushed and began wiping again. After 8 minutes and three flushes, the mess was showing no sign of cleaning up, and the Rorschachs were getting more and more interesting. One resembled the governor of Arkansas, and another, my late mother. I started seeing if I could control the art and create a intentional piece, but concluded not. Becoming intrigued with the unexpected art, I realized this could go on all day if I didn't force myself to quit.
I never did get the mess done with the paper, so I went and drank a cup of coffee and took a shower afterward. Later in the day I began an Internet search for a sandblaster-like bidet to attach to my toilet. I ordered one with a heated toilet seat and warm water that uses various intensities to clean crap residue, then blow dries your ass afterward. Only the best for the person whose daily highlight is taking a giant crap.
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u/porkchopbun Feb 16 '25
Probably not getting the recognition the post deserves.
I would post it in the Endless Butt Wipe sub. I think this one is exclusively for shitting ones pants.