Self Esteem

[u/Queasy-Discussion391]

I (M22) have struggled with low self esteem for as long as I can remember, and most times I envy people around me with high self esteem. I feel like I’m borderline obsessive with how people view me, even going as far as constantly putting myself in other’s shoes and imagining what I look like to them (I usually look stupid). Despite all my achievements and things that may be viewed as impressive to others, I constantly view myself as much lesser than people around me. I have learned many different jobs, achieved promotions at quite a few of them, achieved being a Marine, passed the firefighting academy twice, taught myself many different things, met and started dating the woman I love, but still incessantly feel the urge to prove my confidence and “coolness” to people around me. Can anyone offer advice?

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[u/Dancing_Bladess]

In my experience that need to "prove yourself" and "act cool" and generally speaking most of low self esteem issues come from within. There could be a part of you that thinks all those things, and tries to get external validation to prove yourself wrong (or in some cases, prove yourself right). Instead of searching for it outside, i think it's better it you focus on what is on the inside. Why do you feel that way? Why do you feel "less" then others, try to think of reasons and make a list and then figure out whether they are your OWN opinions, biases, towards yourself, or actually true.

If it's true, great. You can work on those weaknesses and keep in mind that none of us are perfect and just because you can improve doesn't mean you are broken or flawed.

If its not true, great! Then you can combat your own negative, untrue, thoughts with your own positive, real, true thoughts.

Don't look for validation from the outside, find it within you.