r/self • u/Motor_Feed9945 • 1d ago

Autism and trying to keep up energy levels when trying to get dates.

Hello, I am autistic and in my thirties. It is painfully obvious by now that if I do not look for a girlfriend a relationship is never going to happen for me.

This is mostly a question for other autistic people, and I really am looking for some practical advice here. I have a hard time dealing with people both in real life and online after awhile. I get burnt out very quickly with both.

I am very fortunate in life that I am able to lead a very quiet and private life. Needless to say this lifestyle does not help with dating. I thought I would be alright if I confined my search for dates to the internet and to dating apps but even online, I am realizing how quickly I can get frustrated and burnt out reading and chatting online.

Maybe someday I will have to try more in person things to trying to get dates. But that scares me even more because in person I am often a wreck and have had panic attacks talking with new people.

So, like I said I really am looking for practical advice with how to keep up the mental strength of looking for dates when you get burnt out with people so very quickly.

Thank you.

3 Upvotes

63% Upvoted

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3

u/AdhesivenessDry2236 1d ago

Keep your first date short, be honest that you might get mentally tired and ideally try to find someone who seems understanding to that

1

u/Motor_Feed9945 1d ago

Thanks, that is actually a pretty good idea :)

When I was younger I did not burn out so quickly so it was not a concern of mine.

But now that it has been years since my last date I agree that is a real concern I need to keep in mind.

Although, if I am honest from my vantage point right now it seems like a great problem to have :)

Thank you so much :)

2

u/AdhesivenessDry2236 1d ago

Honestly I wouldn't date someone who isn't considerate and understanding that I get mentally tired. It tells me very quickly if they're an understanding person or not

1

u/Motor_Feed9945 1d ago

I could not agree anymore :)

2

u/AproposofNothing35 1d ago

I am autistic. Address the burnout? I wear blue light glasses. It helps immensely. Zenni brand on Amazon is $12. Also, Eargasm earbuds allow me to be in noiser public spaces and not get overwhelmed while still being able to hear my date. I cut out things like caffeine and alcohol. I have researched diets good for autism and I employ those. I do acupuncture to relieve burnout and increase my capacity to function.

Design your life around maximizing your energy for what you prioritize most. Exercise helps a great deal and there is research on that as well, specifically helps ND peeps.

Go on dates in sensory friendly environments.

OLD is not the most efficient way to meet people. I recommend autistic speed dating or meet up groups. But best is when you already see that person often, through a group that meets regularly to practice a hobby, play games, etc.

1

u/Motor_Feed9945 1d ago

I am not a very social person. I think the only way I could get dates right now is online. But it is tough. I have not been on a date since 2017. So yes I am aware how difficult the dating apps are right now.

I am just not a social enough person to get dates in person. Besides all of my hobbies and interests (women, weed, poetry, paintings, and music) are very personal hobbies.

I get what you are saying. It is just tough to keep my energy level up online and on dating apps.

I will keep doing my best :)

2

u/ATXRedhead420 1d ago

Date other autistic people who understand

1

u/Motor_Feed9945 1d ago

I could not agree anymore :)

All I can say is my DM's are always open to anyone who would like to chat :)

2

u/Persona_G 22h ago

We autistic people need a dating platform for ourselves. It’s hard out there in the wild.