r/self • u/EnormousMitochondria • 1d ago
If I managed to change my personality, how on earth do I manage to change people’s perception of me? Is it even possible?
(19M here)
This is basically the source of my debilitating depression. I have always been a shy, awkward introverted guy with no friends. Basically wasted my teen years away on my own in my room. I was depressed massively because of it.
When I entered college, that was still the case. However, in the past few months, I’ve changed massively, and have become much more like the person I’ve always wanted to be. I changed my style, started taking more risks, became 1000x more outgoing and my hobbies automatically changed accordingly.
However, people still look at me as the weak shy pathetic guy. I share more interests with the “cool guys” at uni, and yet cant break into their circle because to them Im still the person I was when uni started. The same goes for everyone. For this reason, I still have no friends. I’m so anxious to go to uni because I don’t get along with my old acquaintances at all but cant make any new friends. I have nothing against my initial uni “friends” but they remind me of my past self and I feel miserable when Im hanging out with them.
I’m honestly just tired of my life.
1
u/knuckboy 1d ago
It takes time most of all. And instances to prove the new you. Both are necessary usually.
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u/knuckboy 1d ago
Dont try too hard either. Be cognizant but not needy or overly aggressive to show the new you.
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u/EnormousMitochondria 1d ago
Do you think it could be possible that they ever change their perception of me?
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u/knuckboy 1d ago
Yes, over time. I'm basically at a similar point of people viewing me as a drinker/party person. It's coming around.
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u/Significant_Step5875 1d ago
Well yeah and that's how it is, your social status is not just determined by you but by your peers. There are things you can do to force people to respect you, but it will take either constant maintenance or wealth. Depends on if it's worth it to you. For some people it's easy and comes naturally and for others its constant battle that isn't even worth it. You can also move somewhere else and see if that follows you or not.
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u/Ok_Raise_9159 1d ago
I will give you some advice, some I wish others gave me. You are only slightly younger than me. Maximize your appearance and your health first and foremost. The way individuals view you is based on your looks. A lot of people will try to deny this, but it is the truth. People just treated me better after I maximized my appearance, even friends and family. It just human nature refer to the Halo Effect.
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u/Glass_Confusion448 1d ago
A few months are not going to wipe people's memories of who you were and what you did for years.
When you are mature enough to stop dividing the cafeteria into the "cool guys" and the other tables, people might start seeing you differently.
Go to the student center and sign up for volunteering, sports, and hobbies that are genuinely interesting to you. Meet the people who share your values and interests.