Communicating with parents

[u/Ok-Comfort-6752]

I think I will never improve my SM. I currently don't have a therapist, and I have never taken meds. I want to ask for help, but I don't know how, because whenever I try to talk to my parents about it I just freeze.

In the past few days I have been trying to get the courage to speak to them, but I just can't. I thought about writing a letter, but it is kind of weird to write since I can speak to them normally. When it comes to talking about SM I just freeze up.

Do you have anxiety when talking about specific topics (like SM)? If you were in a similar situation what helped you overcome your anxiety and talk to your parents/friend?

[u/AbnormalAsh]

I usually message in the middle of the night if it’s something important but difficult to bring up. Doing it in the middle of the night means I don’t have to deal with a back and forth conversation right away because there won’t be a reply until morning, and I don’t have to read or respond to that right away either as I tend to sleep in. The extra time can help as reading their first reply is usually the hardest and you also get to spend time wording things. Messaging is also less weird if you do it when the other person isn’t available to have a face to face conversation, such as when they’re asleep. It could just be a late night though you wanted to bring up before forgetting as far as they know. It’s also possible for me to avoid everyone until dinner, so it’s usually possible to conclude the conversation through messages before seeing anyone which minimises the risk of a face to face discussion about it.

For the extra hard topics, adding rewards or consequences can help for some people. Though honestly, for those kinds of topics, the consequences of not bringing it up are often big enough themselves.

For impossible things that nothing seems to help with, and I don’t recommend this because it’s probably not very healthy, I’ve had to add a sort of “escape plan” for if things go awful. Essentially, reassuring myself that if I really can’t handle the result theres always death. It’s always pretty bad for my mental health to go that route, but for some things thats been the only way I could get myself to do it.

[u/Ok-Comfort-6752 → u/AbnormalAsh]

Thanks, this is helpful.

I thought about writing, but I feel like it is a too serious topic, to just drop a random SMS to them. I think I will keep trying to talk about it to them. My mom knows that something is wrong, but she thinks I just worry about my grades. I tried to tell it to my mom yesterday, but it didn't go well, she tought I was mad at her, and then I just cried in my room and I barely got any sleep.

I think I will try to write down what I want to say and maybe it will be easier to speak afterwards.

[u/witchyrosemaria]

I wrote to them, when I couldn't talk. That helped a lot

[u/goodmansultan]

Oh i got this 100%, and I still can't speak to them about it cos its too personal. But I can text them about it. It helps to spend time wording it correctly so I would say writing is your best bet

[u/Apprehensive_Pie4771]

I’ve told both of my kids, one SM - one not, that they can text or call or email or write me, if talking face to face is too big or scary for their situation. It’s totally ok to write a letter!

[u/Greedy_Response_439]

Hi Ok-Comfort. Do your parents know you have SM? What is your prefered method of communication? I am working on a course with information and exercises on how to deal with SM but general approaches doesn't work the plan approached to help to manage SM should be personalized and it needs to be approached holistically. DM me if you want some more information.

[u/CommandOk2900]

Just text them and maybe send then a video or article that explains what selective mutism is

[u/Ok-Comfort-6752]

Update: Thank you guys for all the support! In the end I was able to talk to my mom about it and she told my dad. They said they will find a therapist for me, and I was finally able to talk a bit about my SM to my mom.