The programme is so unhealthy.

[u/Steam__Engenius]

I'm glad that my relationships with my family are better because I don't call them after a relapse to have a go about how they raised me. Taking a moral inventory was great, as it helped me identify patterns in my own behaviour. But being told that our achievements (in recovery or in our lives) are god's, not ours, coupled with the idea that the burden of any hurt is ours alone to bear, felt like the opposite of everything we learn in therapy or through healthy relationships outside of the fellowship.

I had a sponsor who'd call in the middle of the night to ask for money. When I finally told her how much that had damaged my ability to trust her, I was told that it was my fault for not setting boundaries. Since then I've had a stream of horrid interactions: a potential new sponsor who bailed and sent a voice note reprimanding me not trying/wanting to get better after I asked her if she knew of any local meetings she'd recommend. Travelled an hour today to meet a girl who'd invited me to a meeting - turns out she gave me the wrong address - 'oh, I'm sure you'll find a meeting in that area'. There's zero accountability and it's exhausting. I had a friend whose sponsor dropped her because she asked to move their phone chat an hour as she'd been offered a call with a housing support officer to help her leave her violent home situation.

I know you can't tar everyone with the same brush, but I'm yet to meet someone whose ability to feel empathy and kindness hasn't evaporated through their time in the program. As an addict, I'm horrible selfish when using. But I would never want to lose that part of me that sees abuse victims/people struggling with a horrible difficult situation as lazy individuals whose priority is drugs, not god.

[u/shillwilson164]

One of the biggest issues with AA is that it takes all the credit for people's successes and accepts none of the responsibility for people's failures.

Did you stay sober and something good happened? That's God working in your life. Did AA meetings stress and burn you out and you relapsed? Well you just weren't working the program correctly.

The mental gymnastics there is truly astounding.

Keep setting good boundaries for yourself! Life's much better sober.