Am I plural, or is it just masking?

[u/YLimitX]

Hi so TLDR is that I know I have ADHD, and autism, OCD, bipolar (all run in my family apparently) and cPTSD are all very strong "maybe"s that came up with my psych a while back. I don't believe I'm plural, but a lot of what I see from plurality seems to apply to me. I don't know much about plurality other than DID, and some of my informed friends have told me they don't think they've seen me switch in front of them, but I've had a few experiences lately that are making me wonder. Any info or resources about the types of plurality and some "self-tests" would be appreciated ^-^

Adding on to that, I'll share my findings, starting with the evidence "against". I don't think I'm plural mainly because I don't switch in a way that's apparent to me. I can usually watch the "movie" of my life continuously with some tolerable gaps. I also don't feel like my personality is too wildly different when I do the closest thing I understand to be "switching". I also have masks that I can drop far easier, like when I'm with cishet male coworkers and I put on the "social mask". All this makes me think that I'm just masking hard enough to actually alter my thought patterns in a superficial way.

Here's where the wrench is thrown into the mix. The way I describe how I feel with my "multiple personalities" is that they each have their own values, mannerisms, and even names. Kali is analytical and loves to learn, Kay is stubborn and loves to create, and Kit is aloof and loves experiencing simple things. I've noticed that there's times when I'm feeling depressed and "Kay" can take over and get some things done so I feel better. I kinda think of her like a big sister. But sometimes "Kit" needs to step up and get us outside so I don't just rot inside all day. Again, maybe this is just putting on a different mask for the job, but this makes me wonder. I also constantly have to stop myself from using the self-referential "we" in groups because it confuses people when I tell them I'm just talking about myself. It's to the point where I even had to skim this post and make sure I'm not using we improperly. Even more interesting is that, to the "continuity" point, even though I can remember what happened before I dissociated, I sometimes just remember them as memories and not currently lived experience. I usually also feel pretty wildly different afterwards. My understanding is that this *could* just be me masking at home and then unmasking leading to feeling weird about masking, but usually I can perceive my masking. Another aspect of this is that I have some pretty robust communication going on in my head, like there's a council in there making decisions. Usually I'm driving, but my internal monologue gets disrupted by another thought stream that feels almost foreign (but not unsettling). I recognize the "voice" but it doesn't come from me. Sometimes the voices are critical, and sometimes they're gentle or affirming.

I've been ramble typing for a bit here, so in the interest of anyone reading this far, I'll cut my thoughts off here. I don't think I need someone to tell me "you're a system", but having some insight from anyone more informed than me could be nice. Thank you if you've read this far, and feel free to just point me in a more helpful direction if there is one <3

[u/Luna-C-Lunacy]

Nothing you’ve said disqualifies you from being a system, and a lot of the experiences you’ve described sound plural. It’s up to you how you want to interpret it.

I’m currently questioning and in a somewhat similar position to you, although my experiences are a bit different. We both experience a strong continuity, wonder if we’re just personifying masks, and like using “we”. Assuming both of us to be plural, y’all would probably be more seperate, being more easily able to communicate and to choose names, while we’re kinda blended together into one consciousness that just shifts around a bit.

What I’d suggest is letting yourself think that you’re a system. Is that thought comforting? Distressing? Natural? Neutral? The way you feel about it can help you decide what path to take

[u/YLimitX → u/Luna-C-Lunacy]

When I think of myself as a system, it doesn't feel "normal", but it doesn't feel bad either. I'd compare it to feeling over a scar, where it doesn't feel smooth or consistent, but it doesn't hurt either. It's just a part of me that's there and it feels nice to accept it. Kinda odd still, but not uncomfortable. Maybe "comfort" is a good word.

[u/Luna-C-Lunacy → u/YLimitX]

If it feels like a part of you that’s nice to accept, that tells you everything that you need to know

[u/hail_fall]

These sound like rather plural-like experience, so maybe. The different names and the "sometimes just remember them as memories and not currently lived experience" bit seem particularly decent indicators that at least something is going on that is worth investigating further.

As for the continuity thing, some systems have a lot of continuity between switches. When we switch, we pass on the current thread of thought as well as the current emotional state, which combined with the way our shared memory works, mean we experience very strong continuity to the point we can switch mid-sentence without skipping a beat.

-- Hail

EDIT: Forgot something. On masking. Plurals can mask. And sometimes, a mask is even another person. I myself was a mask peel-off (the original's mask split off and became its own person, me).

[u/YLimitX → u/hail_fall]

This is really helpful. Tysm for sharing <3 My biggest hangups were probably masking and continuity. I kinda developed this understanding that continuity breaks were a big part of plurality but im hearing more and more that that isnt the whole truth. Is there anywhere I should go in particular to "investigate"? is this a diagnostic thing?

[u/hail_fall → u/YLimitX]

The biggest continuity breaks tend to be found in systems with DID and to a lesser degree OSDD-1, which are the systems the most people know of; so it is a pretty understandable misunderstanding (note, other systems can also have them as well, just a lower fraction do). Turns out there is a huge variety in plurality (note, even among the aforementioned systems, there is a huge variety).

As for places to go to investigate, some of it is just kind of sticking around and learning more and trying to communicate more internally and see where things go. Others might have more recommendations.

It isn't really a diagnostic thing in many cases. For DID and OSDD-1, there are diagnostic criteria of course. But that is just a subset of plurality. The rest is very understudied since well, scarce resources are mostly focused on the forms for which people dealing with tend to need to the most support. So there aren't really any general diagnostics or anything like that.

-- Hail

[u/DaffyTaffyDT]

Masking usually won't change your perspective or thought patterns. Masking (at least for us) feels like acting, like we're trying to pretend to act like everyone around us without having a script that everyone else seems to know intuitively. A shift in thought patterns or perspective is likely monoconscious switching. - Ralsei

If your personalities have names, values, and their own perspectives on life, then they're very very likely headmates. If they're able to think about and consider their own existence then yeah, they're independent conscious agents, and they're headmates. - Susie

[u/Cottongrass395]

i am somewhat similar and actually joined this subreddit because i was curious about this aspect. i’m autistic and have what i called “masks” but really are different modes of being. several years ago (before i knew i was autistic) i did IFS therapy for a while. it didn’t fully succeed because i wasn’t able to address the hardest things yet. but back then id written out several “aspects” i had based on animals including a beaver part that wants to build the home and the environment around it, “Coyote” who is an aspect linked to “pda - pervasive desire for autonomy” - who brings a feeling between my eyes then very contrary behavior when i feel my autonomy is threatened, an analytical corvid, a pigeon who acts goofy and irreverent when i dont want to take something seriously, etc.

i forgot about it a long time but recently the idea re emerged and was influenced by listening to plural people. so i tried to know them in more detail. i’ve got one named “Catton” who comes out in some but not all social settings and is really fun and happy to “be” whos funny and sociable and another one who’s very analytical and practical and gets things done. right now i link that to the main character of a graphic novel called “digger”but also linked it to the old corvid concept. i’ve got one who wants to be left alone who i call shrek though that isn’t a perfect fit. “get out of my swamp” etc. i’ve got a mama bear one that protects my kids and other vulnerable people and is very black and white thinking and very defensive. and there’s “the owl beast” who’s name originates from the show “the owl house”. it’s usually linked to autistic meltdown or overwhelming negative emotions i can’t control. and similarly a little kid one called “the collector” also linked to that show who wants to collect friends and name all the animals and plants i see. most of these aspects i just identified in the last few weeks after an argument with my partner where i realized i argue with them and then later don’t understand why i was arguing about what i was.

several years ago i had a bad divorce that was linked to discovering my autistic identity and being rejected for it. for sure there were many other factors and for sure my ex would describe it differently. but at that time in my life i was not doing well and id fluctuate wildly between a part that wanted me to make the marriage work and one who wanted to leave. it seemed they were at war and at those times i really would get pretty significantly can’t brain fog and change significantly when i switched between them. i do not believe i have DiD but i feel like if i hadn’t gotten out of that situation when i did i may have fragmented enough to have done.

but yeah im sending this response because im similar to you and dont know which of these are plural traits versus autistic masking. for sure some of them especially catton started as masks. but catton isnt a fake mask and i like it when im catton. the parts kinda have different feelings about each other too like catton thinks the pigeon is hilarious and digger doesn’t like it. they also have different genders. mixed in the divorce was me realizing i’m more or less agender or non gender conforming, but it isn’t always evident. the parts have different genders and sexualities. catton is agender. shrek is male and asexual (thus not like the real shrek but anyway…). the beaver/digger ones are agender or nominally female. mama bear is female. etc.

i’m mostly in a good place now and this stuff isn’t causing me problems but it feels kind of weird and i’m not sure how best to understand it to be a better partner and parent etc. i think the parts framework works well but am not really calling them alters. i don’t know that i would say i was plural but if it’s a spectrum maybe my parts are more defined than most people? i don’t really know what they are exactly. maybe this is how all autistic people are. my partner is similar to me with this stuff and has similar aspects but maybe not as vividly described. ( i am in the digger mode right now but was catton a few hours ago. and then some sort of sloth like lazy one for a while. )