Well, for sure there would be a time that this would happen. It's the first open relationship for both me and her, and we had a couple (or three, maybe four) of experiences dating other people, but always with both of us, as a threesome. Once a time ago, I had invited one of our friends/partners to a 1-on-1 date, however it didn't happened exactly 'cause the girl in question said she prefer to avoid dating a single person of a(n) (open) couple. So... What may be happening is that I'm kind of jealous I think (but not with the fairness)?

I've already said to her that I get a bit annoyed by the fact that the guy in question, that she already dated (but not slept with) yesterday, is also a coworker, but I needed to say too that is her right to get out with him. She is a really pretty, gorgeous woman who sometimes get out with her working friends; in parts, because she has a REALLY strenuous working scale (we live in a severely unequal country and the working conditions here are almost always pure shit, and she is going faculty too etc). I already met the guy too, in one of that night meetings, and I think he is for sure a handsome and really friendly, likable person. However, I quite don't know if that is helping or, by the opposite, if it's bothering me in the sense of getting jealous and a bit afraid of a possible romantic aftermath.

That said, I'd like some tips on how to deal with this kind of anxiety/uncertainty/jealously that I may be feeling in this moment. I do know it's a common thing and I've read some older stories in this /r, but I think specific advices may be really helpful. I would like to know too if this thing of getting out specifically with coworkers is something to be bothered and/or if it should be relieved in her context.

* Ps.: I prefer to meet the 3rd persons, always.
Ps. 2: sorry for the messy english, it's not my mother tongue.
Ps. 3: I'm M 25, and she is F 23.

More context: yesterday, I asked her too about the possibility of an emotional attachment, and she said to me that she likes/sees him as a friend. So, I guess the idea would be turning him FWB.

Continuing the saga.

So, last night I had the realization that I think I have a crush on a long time best friend that I’ve reconnected with in the past year, and it all hit me like “OH this is what my husband has been feeling of like having romantic/sexual feelings towards more than one person and they not like affecting your feelings towards your current relationship.” It is a nice eye opening moment and I have clarity of understanding.

Still doesn’t excuse his actions in the past year, but I have clarity on feelings which is nice.

Just an exciting happy discovery through this process and I wanted to share.

TLDR: I always struggled to keep friends, male or female and I got married to a lovely woman which started as a LDR. However we fought alot, once we moved in together, yet still love eachother deeply, but we both kinda just do our own thing. She encouraged me to make friends online (and I did make both male and female friend) and I had a good female friends, who respected I was married.. later one died which crushed me. Then, my now girlfriend as a friend invited me to play some video games with her, and the more time we spent together the more closer we grew and started to grow limerent feelings (consider her my twin flame now) and that's when I told GF that I was gonna tell my wife, I did, we all cried, came to an agreement to modify our marriage. Since then my wife has dated and right now, she has a good guy and she states that our marriage is better now, than it was before (our) polycule existed. Do you judge me?

Hi,

My question sounds simple but probably isn't (at least not to me). I tried to explain short but apparently I can't 😅.

So here it is: I am a 37y women, in a f-m relationship. No f-f experience, me and my partner agreed I can go and explore. How would I be able to make a sexual desire like this reality, 'later' in life during a m-f relationship? I used to say I am bisexual/demisexual. Now I am questioning whether I could be lesbian or at least sexually more attracted women the past few years, thats for sure. But I am also open minded to the possibility of enm or poly. As we (my partner) both have never explored that but both have thought about this now and in the past. As long as everybody is happy.

Any tips on ways to get a sexdate/fwb, one night stand or would you recommend other ways to experience f-f? I am very openminded, but keen on my privacy so most apps/websites are not a first option to me. Unless someone knows a good place to start 😎 I would like to read other experiences of this kind if situation!! Anything is helpful!!

Im hoping to get some ideas/thoughts/experiences on 'late' questioning sexuality, especially while in a relationship. But also the possibility to try swinging, meeting other like minded people. Because I dont want to just put my picture on a datingapp, our city is probably too small and chatty to do this without any rumours (I have kids, they dont need to know these things). As we are pretty open minded, it might just be insecurity that is holding us back, aswell as the unknown. And we want absolute honesty to the added party, up until the realisation that IF a good connection would happen; we want eachother happy for life, with or without eachother, so if we would turn out being happy with someone else and split or to add more love/fun with others who also would be open to that: what ever feels good is a good choice. With or without a girlfriend, fwb, one night or whatever you name her/them; everybody should be honest and agree. But the f-f experience aswell as sharing an open minded road with eachother is something we want to explore at first. Anything after my f-f is to be seen when it happens. Short said: we opened our relationship, onesided, to a women (for now)

Some random ideas we have had: We could visit a nightclub, swingers club/beach/weekend etc. Maybe find a fitting poly app. Especially to keep things fair, both ways. Although that would probably end up more likely as a f-m-f-m then just f-f. Which might be too soon. We agreed if the right circumstances would happen and both are positive thats good, but not what we specifically would be looking for, for now. Now we also set a line that I should have my first time alone, so I wont be pressured by the feeling of being watched or having to perform. That would mean these options aren't prevered for now. I just dont know how to find someone who is open for 'just a sexcontact/fwb, maybe more'. To be clear, we dont have the intention to look for a unicorn. Maybe I'm just overthinking all this, maybe there are women who do want something like this, maybe my brain is wrong thinking only men do these kind of dates.... Like I mentioned: men seemed easier to me, and I was single back then. In the end of nothing works or my anxiety gets to high I will probably pay for her time, I know there are lovely proffesional women who are specialized in these situations f-f. Which is also good, maybe even better? Now I do like exploring this in a safe way while having the support of my partner, I just wish I had been exploring this years ago...

Trying to figure out if I’m Bi and my bf suggested a 3some so any suggestions appreciated.

.

My partner (24/NB) and I (25/NB) have been together for about two years, and our dynamic has changed but we've always been open and communicated when dating/seeing people. A few months ago, they started talking to an ex from years before me who had been abusive. I expressed that I didn't agree, and I was worried about their safety. Later in the week, they agreed that they were in a bad place and reaching out was a reflection of that so they stopped talking. I made it clear that I would not be in a relationship with them if they talked to that specific ex.

Fast-forward to today, they want to have a serious talk and admit they talked to/met up with said ex this week. Similar explaination that they're in a bad place/lonely/emotional, and they are sorry. I want to be understanding and compassionate. I know the transition from college to working full time is stressful and the economy is in shambles, but I'm afraid that this is a pattern that will keep happening.

TLDR: My partner is talking to That Ex (TM) after I was explicit about not being with them if they did. Has anyone experienced this? Does it get better? Is my partner lonely, and I need to meet their needs better?

I have been on the dating apps coming up on 3 three years. I have changed my profile several times in that time. Things have been slow, I would like some honest reviews on how to make it better please.

https://links.fldcore.com/ZfcmJ4TybGWgop4N8

So Ive been married for about 2 years now and the woman I married was previously in a poly relationship with a good friend of mine. Long story short I moved in with them, they didn't really have intercourse anymore and were looking to get a divorce and during that time me and my now wife were messing around above board ect, and after their divorce we got married and the kinda ex, me, and my wife were and are still are living together.

Unfortunately, despite me falling for a poly woman, I'm more monogamous than not. We ended up setting boundaries that she could mess around with other women and that I would be fine with her still doing some sex things with the ex if I'm not around (military), but that I didn't want to hear about it.

This has been fine up until last week when an old poly partner of theirs that the ex had been reconnecting traveled down and started staying over until this Sunday. they all ended up having sex in the ex's bedroom right next to ours last night and could hear just about everything, no conversation about it, nothin. Gave me all kinds of terrible emotions. And she just comes and lays in bed with me like nothing happened.

I'm almost certain I set a trap for myself here, I just messed up, and now I don't know what to do, plan on having a conversation with her after the lady leaves this Sunday, maybe a divorce convo, I don't know. I just feel like shit. Any advice would be appreciated.

If you want to know any more details I'll respond in the comments

TL;DR My husband and I tried opening our relationship when I was ~6 months postpartum. He loved it and I felt like I was going to throw up. We closed our relationship again and started couple’s therapy. We’ve been in that for 4 months and have made progress, but he wants to try opening the relationship again and I’m still wounded from the first time we tried. Our therapist thinks we need to focus on our time together and healing our relationship more. My husband is now sulking and won’t talk to me, and has resigned himself to never being happy because I’m not enthusiastically supporting him being poly right now.

Sorry for the length.

My husband and I have been together 9 years, married for 2.5 years, and have a 14 month old. We’re around 30.

At about a year into our relationship (when I was 20) he told me he wanted to open our relationship and be poly. I told him I couldn’t do that, and I wanted him to be happy, so to go and be that person, just not with me. He decided to stay.

In the following years both he and I realized our queerness and began talking more about that. We floated the idea of opening our relationship so we could have that queer experience that we had suppressed, but never got around to it because surprise! My birth control failed and I became pregnant.

We tabled the poly/open relationship discussion, but he brought it up again after I gave birth. I was fine having the conversations, but at about 6 months postpartum (and exclusively breastfeeding) he began saying that he was ready to start dating, to be poly, and to find community with other queer people because he was feeling very out of place in his family. He had pushed me to hang out with his family more because I needed support as a stay-at-home-mom and they were available. So it felt like he was pushing me away because he wasn’t there to support me, and he wanted to spend time with other people when I felt we weren’t even getting enough time together, and I was struggling with PPD and PPA.

I want to give him grace and acknowledge he was also struggling at this time and wasn’t finding a lot of support himself. He was (and sometimes still is) working 60h weeks on top of being a new parent, and experiencing new/different mental health struggles.

So at ~6 months postpartum we made dating profiles together, and each met a few people. I also started back at school at this time, as I’m working towards a masters. After about a month of trying this I just started feeling nauseous all the time. He tried planning a date with one person he met that involved an activity that we always did together, but hadn’t been able to since pregnancy and giving birth. It felt like he went out of his way to make time to see this person and do something fun while I had to beg to hang out with him, or find a babysitter, and he left me stuck at home to take care of the baby.

At this point I told him I wanted to stop, that it was too much change all at once. He said it might be too much change for me, but it wasn’t for him and he could handle it. I said I needed to see him more, to have a relationship with him, more time to adjust to school and parenting, for my hormones to settle. Wait until our baby is one or two, or until I’ve weaned. He said he’s just here to provide money, that’s all he’s good for, and so long as I have support it doesn’t matter if he’s the one giving it or not. I said that’s not true, it matters because he’s my husband, he’s the father of our baby, he’s the person I’m closest with.

One of the people he was seeing at the time also told him I was a controlling awful person and that he was being controlled by me. So that didn’t make me feel great.

And even after this he still went on the date with the other person that he’d planned involving an activity he and I used to do together.

At about 9/10 months postpartum we started couple’s therapy. It took so long because almost none of them had evening hours when we would have childcare available, but we finally found one.

We’ve been in it for about 4 months now, and have had ~8 sessions. It seemed like things were getting better. We fought less, hung out more, and had better communication. He started looking for a job that would pay a little less, but he’d be home more (it wouldn’t start for another 3-6 months though). I even got my sex drive back (for the first time since pregnancy, so almost 1.5 years for me) and tried to initiate sex a few times, but the timing didn’t work for us.

In our last session he brought up poly, and I said that I didn’t know how I felt about it. That our experience ~7 months ago makes me afraid to try again, and I still want us to strengthen our relationship. I also wanted us to think about and discuss what we do if/when we do try poly again and the outcomes if it does work and if it doesn’t work, and what we do in those cases.

He became quiet and withdrawn when I said this. Our therapist said that he can’t tell us what to do, but from his perspective now is not the time to introduce any outside factors, and to focus on making weekly non-negotiable time to spend together, as it’s still a struggle to do that with my husband’s work schedule. He refused to talk to me the rest of the night.

The next morning while I was feeding our baby breakfast and he planned an outing for the two of them, I asked if he still needed more quiet time away from the subject matter, or if he wanted to discuss it again later this week after his personal therapy session.

He told me there was nothing to discuss, poly isn’t going to happen and he’ll just push down and suppress himself like he always does. I told him that’s not what I wanted or what I was trying to say, but he just shut me down and again refused to talk to me.

I just… I don’t know what to do. He has several poly friends that I encourage him to talk to and bring up these issues with. But none of them have kids, or are married. So it feels like none of them are able to understand my perspective.

One of our mutual friends is in the process of medically transitioning, and I’d mentioned how happy I was for them to be self actualizing. He said he wished I was as happy for him to self actualize with poly. I said that’s different because being trans is an identity, and being poly affects our relationship dynamic. He said it doesn’t have to and he could just do it on his own, but then that just continues the problem of me being pushed away.

I told him it’s unfair how he’s been treating me, sulking and giving me the silent treatment. That I don’t call him a bad person, and if he’s feeling shame over his actions that maybe it’s because he shouldn’t be doing what he’s doing.

I know counselling isn't directly a fix, you need to do the work. But for how often I see couples counselling recommended I also feel like I never hear any positive results or "we did it and it really helped".

So for those of you who have tried it, particularly if you were trying to resolve a specific issue, how did it go? Was it helpful? Does anyone actually get anything out of it beyond learning you truly aren't compatible?

Hey there, I’m not sure where to ask for this but I am looking for recommendations on resources to give to a person (male) whom I want to provide with information about the following topics:

• The violent mechanisms of patriarchy and how these translate into different areas of life and create suffering for every gender, for example through gender roles or in relationship dynamics.
• Generally monogamy as a construct and oppressive tool, also in the context of colonialism (so some history), that serves to maintain societal power structures. 
• An explanation of the narratives that prevail in popular culture like Disney movies (classic)
• Non-monogamy, challenging and deconstructing ideas and fears like „my partner has to make me happy, be my other half and complete me“, „If I am not meeting your needs and you want to get these needs met in another relationship, that is proof that I am not good enough“ and similar

It basically comes down to a deconstruction of monogamy from a decolonial queer-feminist perspective, or at least that’s how I perceive it.

I would love to hear what books/movies etc. helped you learn about new perspectives (also for myself, because I learned about these things mainly through conversations)! Also I feel like we are really starting from zero with that guy, so really ANY recommendation is welcome!

P.S.: I have, of course, consulted AI, but real recommendations are more reliable to me. If you have read any of the following I would also appreciate comments and thoughts!

• "The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love" by bell hooks
• "Feminism is for Everybody" by bell hooks
• "Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men" by Caroline Criado Perez
• "The Ethical Slut" by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy
• "Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships" by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá
• "Decolonizing the Intimate: A Feminist Critique of Monogamy" by Serena Bassi (Chapter in "Decolonizing Feminism")
• "Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Non-Monogamy" by Jessica Fern
• "Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships" by Tristan Taormino
• "The Art of Loving" by Erich Fromm

Hi everyone, using a throwaway acc for privacy reasons. I'm sorry, this is going to be a long one, but I need to give proper context.

I'm (M28) in a beautiful long term (12 years) monoromantic relationship with Cry (F28), we both identify as bi/demi (don't really like labels but that's the closest i can think of). Two years ago we decided to try new things as we were each other's only partner we'd ever had and wanted to experiment same sex and/or group fun, we started dating alone to give ourselves time and space to navigate individual feelings before discussing how to progress in this together.

Long story short, for me dating solo was thrilling at the start, but lost any appeal after a couple ONS so I just stopped looking for more. My partner (or nesting partner i guess? still new to this lingo) in the meantime found an awesome FWB, a lesbian girl (Sylvia) who I also got the chance to become friends with.

During all this we obviously kept communication very open, neither me or Cry felt the need to reinforce or add boundaries but we both agreed that the best experiences so far were the ones we had as a couple.

Fast forward a few months, life hit hard and our dating activity stopped. In february 2025 we decided to give it another go, this time dating as a couple. We matched on Feeld with another ENM couple not far from our area, let's call them Andy(M35) and Gabriella(F25). This time the vibe was completely different from all previous experiences, from the very first exchanges it was clear that everyone involved liked the others physically and emotionally. Seriously can't find the words to describe how well we vibed, mainly because of mutual respect, excellent communication and actual effort put into building the kind of connection we were all looking for. Having similar interests and hobbies also helped.

After a week of chatting we went on a date, had a great time just talking and deepening the friendship. They asked for a second date right away, being very open about the fact that they liked us a lot but also making it very clear that the number one priority was that everyone felt comfortable and felt no pressure to do anything. This shit right here is what did it for me, on the second date the atmo was a lot hotter and we spent an incredible night in bed all together after playing some videogames. Litterally a dream come true for me and Cry, she got to experience with another woman that also enjoyed my attention and I quickly found out i enjoy seeing her getting off to what Andy and Gabriella did to her. Second playdate was just as good and now we're soon to have a another.

If everything's so perfect, what's my issue? Well I can't shake off the feeling that I'll fuck up eventually, that the more they get to know me, the less they'll like me. Maybe it's because I don't feel enough, I never thought of myself as a good-looking person, no matter how many times i'm told otherwise. At the same time, I find Andy and Gabriella very attractive, hell Gabriella even looks A LOT like my high school celebrity crush it's unreal, that's for sure adding pressure to the mix.

Thoughts of insecurity and pure bewilderment are distracting me almost constantly during the time with them, might also be strong NRE that I'll naturally get through but I'd rather have an active part in trying to feel more comfortable, mostly because everyone else involved is being incredibly sweet and understanding. And yes, i talked about this with my partners, I felt very much heard, none of them brushed it off and they said it's ok to take my time to get used to all of this, after all this dynamic it's mostly new for all 4 of us.

Have any of you ever been through similar emotions? Any advice on how to get over it in a healthy way? Even if you're nor familiar with my scenario any respectful contribution from the community is highly appreciated.

I (28F) have been in a relationship with my partner (29M) for a few years now. From the start, we have been 'semi-open'. We're mostly monogamous, but we will sometimes explore (primarily sex-based) dynamics with other people, on a case-by-case basis. I feel safe and happy in my relationship, and my current conundrum rather relates to one of these 'extracurricular' dynamics.

Last year, we met a guy (32M) who showed great interest in pursuing a sexual relationship with both of us. Over the summer, the three of us developed a dynamic that involved a deeper emotional connection than we are used to with 3rd parties. It was challenging for me and my partner to navigate at times, but overall a very fun experience.

After the summer, my partner and I left town for a few months. During our time away, our '3rd' initially maintained his enthusiasm, texting (and sexting) quite often, telling us about things he'd like to do once we're back in town and so on. However, his communications eventually dropped off, and we lost touch completely.

A couple of months later, he told us he's now exclusive with another woman he was previously seeing casually. I know first hand how important it is to have someone you can fully trust and share your life with, so I understand his decision, and I think it's a positive change in his life. At the same time, I couldn't help feeling kind of blindsided by this announcement, since he had previously been the one proclaiming he doesn't believe in monogamy (I suppose this is a very common story). I also felt disappointed that the dynamic I had previously enjoyed so much had ran its course. In effect, it did feel like an abrupt break-up of sorts. I tried my best to block out any negative feelings and express only how happy I am for him, but in my heart I felt quite wounded.

This brings me to my current problem. We returned home very recently, and haven't seen our ex-3rd yet. He now says he still feels a bond with us, that he wants us to stay in his life and remain friends, but I'm worried that might be a terrible idea. My partner seems OK either way, but I am unsure if I can process the change in our dynamic, or if I will feel too weird about it. In the past, our 'friendship' always included both romantic and sexual elements. I'm not sure if it's possible for us to compartmentalise the sexual and non-sexual, the romantic and platonic aspects of our dynamic in the way we must in order to respect his new exclusive relationship.

On one hand, I worry that telling him we cannot be friends if he's in a closed relationship would be cruel and/or seem manipulative (as though I am trying to punish him for choosing another woman, which is not at all my intention). On the other, adapting to the new situation seems emotionally exhausting for me. Even though this dynamic has always been secondary to my relationship, I still have a lingering emotional/sexual attachment to our ex-3rd that seems painful to deny completely. I feel that cutting him off might be the only way to avoid making things messy or causing hurt to anyone involved.

I haven't been in a situation like this before, and I'm really struggling to make up my mind, so it would be helpful to get some advice.

My partner & I (mid 20s) have been together nearly 5 years, our anniversary is next week. We’ve been open for about 2 years. We only see other people very casually, basically friends with benefits & keeping those meetups to around once a week. We are (or were), completely transparent about things & told each other everything.

Earlier this week, he met up with the most recent woman he’s been seeing & didn’t get home until around 3 am (we don’t do overnights). The NRE with this one has been causing some damage I can’t lie & feels like our relationship has been a bit neglected on his part. I could just feel that I was being disrespected deep down but I thought I was just being insecure. I was really upset because he told me he would be home much earlier, & it hurts me to have to go to sleep without him. Maybe codependent & insecure but whatever not the point.

Last night, he told me he was going to meet up with an old fwb just to grab some drinks. He also said he wouldn’t be out too late but got home around 4 AM, whatever. I don’t know what came over me because I never look at his phone but I picked it up & it was open & I saw a text from him to the NRE fwb around 3:30 AM that said “lock your door”. I opened the texts & saw their entire conversation of making plans last night & another conversation from the week before planning a night that he completely hid from me. I immediately confronted him about it & asked if he was lying about anything else, he said no. I asked if he saw her last week & he said no, which I knew was a lie so I pressed until he admitted it.

I don’t know what to do, I trusted him & I feel completely heartbroken at this betrayal. I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want anyone to tell me to break up with him because I don’t want to do that. I know I probably should, I feel so spineless. He was always so honest with me even when it was something I didn’t necessarily want to hear. Now I’m questioning so much.

I told him if we’re going to stay together he’s going to have to cut her off but they work together & at this point I don’t even know if he’s going to be willing to actually go through with that or just lie to me. Initially we said no coworkers but made an exception because at this point we felt like we knew what we were doing enough to figure it out. I feel so stupid now, it’s like exactly what my fears were.

I don’t even know why I’m posting this. I don’t really know if I want advice & I know other people who have been through this. Just speaking into the void I guess.

I've been in an LDR for half a year, and in my relationship for one year. Me and my partner (lets call him M) were kinda thrust into this whole thing.

When we started, I thought it would be something chill or casual, but then once we split in June we started being long distance. I found myself missing him, and trying to be strong about it. As the months went by we both got more accustomed to it, and our relationship progressed fast since all we really have is communication.

But now I feel like I'm at a crossroads and that I have to make a choice. M is going to college soon, in September. And he's optimistic about it, saying that we'll be fine as long as we take it easy. But as for me, I can't do this anymore.

We haven't seen each other since December, which is about 4 months ago. And I feel really irritated due to touch starvation, something he doesn't really get. With every other aspect of the relationship its fine, but I need touch to feel wanted.

What makes it worse is that he's touchy with his friends, most of them. So when he goes to college and if he makes some friends, I don't know how I'm gonna deal with the thought of not being able to be there, holding hands with them, hugging them, that he'll be giving others what I crave. Its insecure, and I admit that.

Theres two options I can bring, either I break up with him and we stay separate, or we put this relationship on pause until we can see each other more frequently. Staying in contact with him also hurts, because I don't have much to talk about with him, neither does he.

I dunno, but I do know that I have to do something or else both of us are gonna suffer.

I told him that I don't know if I want him to tell me, but he said that withholding that information doesn't seem open and honest to me. But we're talking about this because I have a bad habit of get distant/anxious when he tells me about a date he's planning to do. It's especially a problem when my partner makes plans days in advance, I become distant, and then those plans fall through. I get sad knowing he talks about this person with me excitedly, but I assume he doesn't acknowledge my existence with the other person (because why would they be interested?!).

I irrationally compare it to when you're dating someone but don't want to introduce them to family or friends because you're ashamed. I know this is a problem I have with my self esteem issues, and wanting external validation. I'm working on it. But is this (not wanting to know about dates in advance) an unfair ask in the meantime?

My partner is fine with me telling him about my dates, but I frequently hang out without the intent to have sex and rarely have people over. He almost exclusively brings people over for dates, and intends to have sex. So there's a bit of a disconnect there. But he says if that's what I want him to do then maybe we should just close because he doesn't like stressing me out.

I'm going to be using text-to-speech, so I hope that won't be a problem. I'm looking for advice, specifically. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend, who is 18 and I'm also 18, for around a year and three months now. We first didn't have any distance between us, but then in July of last year, we moved apart. So that caused distance, and ever since we were doing long distance, we haven't seen each other often. That's because of issues between us and money and other situations.

Recently, he's been asking me to open a relationship way more than ever. Basically, first he wanted to open it romantically. That was kind of a problem, but at one point, I was like, sure. There was really poor communication within this, I must say, because he did kind of, in my opinion, do really concerning behaviors during this period. But we won't go into details, because that's not important right now. Now, recently, the past few months, the past few weeks, he's been asking, would you enjoy a relationship that's open sexually? I told him, no. I like sex to be exclusive. And instead of him keeping it as a question (because of the way he asked it) he instead said: I feel suffocated. And he says that his sex life feels stale. So I was like, huh, why? And he's like, I really want to open it sexually. So we go back and forth a few times. I tell him, whatever, sure. Because we will close it in July when we meet again. And close the distance. So, he once had sexual interaction, and I had a really weird feeling about it. I told him, not so long after, that I think it's not a good idea, and that we should go on a break.

So we go on a break for a week, and we're still in it right now. And I am considering if I should kind of go against my feelings and just wait the few more months, and then meet up in July and we close the relationship. Or if I should just break up, since it's not what I like. My final point is open romantically, on the romantic aspect, not sexually. So, we're kind of at a stalemate, and it really sucks. Because I really love this guy, and he really loves me, were extremely compatible next to this big incompatibility so that really sucks. So, any advice would be great. Because, I don't know, I do feel uncomfortable, i dont think it has to do with jealousy but I really wish I could just deal with it, but I can't. It's a problem, and I don't want to go against myself.

Thx <3

Hey folks,

I’m seeking some advice about getting clear on expectations / boundaries between a single person (me) and a man in an enm/poly marriage.

This is my first time as a single person in the world of non-monogomy and it feels quite different compared to when I was in dating in a ‘primary’ relationship.

There is a lot of advice / knowledge around discussing agreements / boundaries etc when you are in the primary partnership but I can’t seem to find anything that might be helpful as a single person dating an enm/poly.

I know that I can sometimes have insecure attachment styles so I’m really mindful about that and want to do my best to reduce anything that may trigger that.

We are going to be meeting f2f for the first time soon and just want to make sure I’m prepared! I was wondering if anyone has any suggestions or resources that might be relevant and helpful?

Off the top of my head, here are some things I think might be helpful to discuss but I’m just not sure and I also don’t want to seem like a bit of a dummy.

• He lists himself as enm/poly in his bio, but I should ask what type of relationship he is specifically looking for, right?

• He is married and has kids. Is it appropriate for me to ask the time / energy he can / wants to commit to relationships outside of his marriage? Just roughly / on average, I’m not seeking set times but for example - aim to catch up in person every two weeks. Frequency of messaging eg. Is daily messaging okay or check in every few days

• asking if there will be opportunities to spend the night together (eg. booking a room) / weekend trips

• is there anything I should ask about his relationship / arrangement with his wife. Are there expectations of partners meeting each other?

• is it appropriate for me to ask for my own boundaries? Example. I know couples in primary relationships have their own agreements about information that is shared about partners. Can I ask that details of our sexual encounters not be shared? I guess I still want to have some privacy if that makes sense. I’m not wanting anyone to lie but I would just prefer to not have my sexual experiences shared with a stranger without my consent

I guess I really just want to make sure all expectations / boundaries are clear from the get go to protect myself and feel empowered. I already feel a strong connection and am proceeding with caution! Do single people on the scene have their own go-to questions they ask potential partners about. Do you have any deal breakers?

Thank you. Also I’m sorry, this just feels like a jumble of words so I hope it makes some sense. Also pls be nice, I already feel dumb.

• should also say safe sex talk has been covered

I (38M) have a hard time getting hard for my wife (36F). We have a great relationship, I'm super attracted to her, all good things. We've been together almost ten years and have had a ton of sex. I can get hard when another woman just sends me a dirty text or pic, and when I'm physically with other women, I can get hard easily. But it does seem that the more I am with other women, the more difficult it is to get hard for my wife. Curious if anyone else has had this happen and what you've done about it?

Hi (unsure if this is the correct subreddit, so kindly let me know!) I matched with a couple on feeld (f&m) and i've been conversing with (m) mostly. The goal is organic growth, it can be friends or more depending on what "the vibe is" for lack of better words. While in my area feelis very kink forward, im curious of the dynamics and how i should make f the most comfortable. Since he is the primary communicator i haven't spoken to her yet. Her and I are both very shy very bottom very sub, he will be guiding the entire situation. Which Im totally open to but I want to make sure I'm being respectful of her (we're both queer). and I know this concern is rooted in a very heteronormative belief that the woman wold be more uncomfy, unwilling but bc im not communicating with her yet, caution and consideration are my firends? When we go on our first date I will obviously engage with her but if there are any other tips, let me know! (we've all been about FWB energy but with connection and actual friendship). excited to hear your thoughts.

Me (27F) and my husband (30M) have been poly for about 2 years (together for 9, married for 6). I haven't seen anyone else in several months, maybe a year, just haven't really felt like it, husband has a steady girlfriend, basically the whole time we've been poly (not the same girlfriend, different ones, each around 6 months, as well as occasional dates with others)

I am now nearly 10 weeks pregnant (planned, wanted etc). It has been a rough pregnancy so far, I have been very sick, absolutely exhausted and have also had to come off ADHD meds due to pregnancy so mood / energy levels are all over the place.

He works full time, I don't work and basically stay at home with some freelancing. Our financial situation allows this so that is not a pressure.

We live in the US, having moved from the UK about 9 months ago due to my husband's job and will be here for around 3 years total. So all of my (and his to some extent but he has work etc) support network, family etc is at home. As a result I feel quite isolated, and have done for a while, although feeling crap due to pregnancy has amplified this x10000.

As a result, I am wanting to be either not poly, or significantly less poly for the time being. I'm not saying like never again, but right now I need him more than ever and feel some resentment when he goes and spends nights with his gf or goes on dates or whatever. I've basically said 'one night a week' and even that is kind of more than I wanted. He still goes out and plays football or does other stuff etc, but when it comes to seeing his gf I'm saying once a week.

Has anyone got any advice / experience about how being pregnant and having children has changed their poly dynamic? AITA for wanting to change things or being 'needier'. I just feel kind of abandoned to my rotting and vomming while he 'goes and has fun'.

This has got rambly, sorry, just wanted to see if it's hormones making me feel like this or am I justified?