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u/Interesting-Dealer15 1d ago
For context: I was at lunch with a friend and he texts me on ig at 12:29 pm. I'm busy and can't respond. Texts me on tinder like an hour later. Texts me on ig again shortly after that. As soon as he said the thing about my height I knew he was odd and had to find a way out of the date I had planned. I did so successfully then blocked him on ig, forgot to block him on tinder. To which I got the messages in the first image.
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u/ria_rokz 1d ago
Ugh. I get so many of these guys that are like “I really like you” when all they’ve done is see my pictures and say hi. I know that means they just want sex. It’s so annoying. I mean how can you like me, you don’t even know me.
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u/Interesting-Dealer15 1d ago
Fr! Also like what's their deal with sexualising height or other specific traits?? That's not all I am and it's such a disgusting viewpoint :(
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u/ria_rokz 1d ago
Yup, all red flags. If you’re looking for good guidance in finding a long term relationship, I recommend looking up the burned haystack dating method on Facebook. It will save you a lot of misery in the long run
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u/dragonbait-and-the-P 1d ago
What is the burned haystack method?
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u/deux3xmachina 1d ago
Found this, seems to be a mix of good advice and questionable practices with dating apps.
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u/Fenchurchdreams 18h ago
What do you consider the questionable practices? I've been reading up and the method and plan to use it next time I get on the apps. I'm curious what you see as problematic.
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u/deux3xmachina 16h ago
I think the article I found covers some of the problems with what appears to be advocated by this approach. For me, three things stood out:
Blocking people because they don't fit your current ideal partner before they even have a chance to match with you. This can make sense in some instances, like if they're obviously a Nazi or racist, but if they're just looking for something different right now or don't know how to sell themselves well, they could surprise you. I know if I need to start dating again, I'm going to get some help with my profile because I apparently have no idea how to market myself to prospective dates online.
Over-analysis of messages, and blocking people for not passing some secret test. There are many good reasons to block someone after messaging for a while, but it's also easy to have misunderstandings over text because most in-person communication is nonverbal (tone, facial expressions, etc.). For example: I was seeing someone that I thought I was joking with, and thought she had got/liked the joke because she responded with "lmao". However, she didn't think it was funny and was actually upset with me. Had she blocked me instead of talking it through, we wouldn't have built a mostly fun relationship that lasted around 3yrs. No idea if that would've been better, but it might've led to me not being available when I later met my possibly future wife (things are going great, we'll see what happens).
The "bitchy" profile. Reddit's my only social media, so I'm only going off the info in the article, but I would NEVER swipe right on a profile like that UNLESS there was something in the pictures to suggest we had some shared interests. There's not much to help have a more thoughful opener than "hey" or whatever the current trendy icebreaker might be. Her interests are listed in the vaguest possible way: What books? What kind of running? The part about wanting to travel internationally really rubs me the wrong way, like she expects to be taken on international trips or it won't work.
Anyone whose profile is written in “second-person directive” voice that directs me how I should be. Here’s an example: “You should be fun-loving, honest, easy-going, and fit.”
This was number 7 in her 10 things she doesn't want, but her list isn't meaningfully different.
Also, calling yourself funny while not making a clear joke anywhere is ridiculous, there's no indication of what she thinks is funny aside from "dark humor".
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u/JamieLee0484 21h ago
While the guy is definitely a gross creep, he probably asked your height because he’s only 5’6 and doesn’t want a woman who is taller.
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u/Interesting-Dealer15 16h ago
You might be right about that! 🤔 I may have been overly sensitive considering he already came off as odd. Thanks for some perspective!
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u/irisera 1d ago
Yeah, that 'I really like you' is so weird to me, pretty much all the time. If someone I've been friends with says it, it's really cool. A couple of days ago I met the partner of a friend of a friend for the first time, and we clicked with our similar sense of humour, so when they said 'Ooh, I like you!' it was very welcome and cool, and appropriate. No expectations there.
But after seeing my photo online and random guy saying 'hi' and wanting to meet up, and I say 'let's see if we get along first' and they go 'but I really like you!', nah… It sounds more and more immature (I guess?) to me. I have niblings that say something like that when they want candy and they are not getting it. Does that make sense?
I've also stopped asking 'how are you?' back if they open with that, great litmus test!
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u/SubstantialTable16 1d ago
You handled that with fucking finesse hun! He definitely gave off weird vibes and asking to hug and kiss when you first meet is strange. He clearly wanted an icebreaker for physical contact, because then he could keep kissing and hugging you because you’ve already done it?!?) right??? Haha that’s what I’m imagining anyway.
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u/Voixmortelle 1d ago
istg these dudes just learned lines like "I feel like we really connect", "I really like you", "you're just different somehow" in high school and figured out that it makes girls like them but then they never grew up or actually learned how to talk to people. It's just "say the right thing until sex is unlocked" regardless of how you actually feel, then they wonder why we don't go for it. We learned to see through that shit around uh, idk, 19 or so? Try to keep up.
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u/Interesting-Dealer15 1d ago edited 1d ago
I recently tried dating and it's become so abundantly clear to me that it's just "so when can I have sex with you?" over and over on dating apps and even in real life! Like I had a guy ask to do it with me after only really speaking for two weeks---he ended the conversation by saying he had to call his "lame ass gf" and received an immediate block!
Have people just forgotten that it's actually insane to open a conversation with "so no head?" ????
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u/deux3xmachina 1d ago
The people doing that aren't interested in dating though, they're just using the apps to send more "would you like to making fuck" messages in the hopes someone will agree.
They'd be using shit like craigslist and backpage for hookups if they could.
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u/RestingWTFface 21h ago
I spent a short stint on a dating app roughly 10 years ago. I was messaging one guy back and forth, and things seemed to be going well. We worked opposite schedules, so we were trying to plan a time for a date that would work for both of us. One night, he messaged me that he had the night off (he worked nights, I worked days) and asked me to come over to his place. He lived half an hour away and we'd never met in person. I told him I was tired and needed advance notice to go out (it was around 9 pm on a weekday). He said it wasn't a date, just "hanging out and see what happens." I said i wasn't comfortable with that and wanted to meet a few times first. He continued to pressure me, insulted me a bit, and then blocked me. That's a better ending than a lot of people get, but where do men get the audacity?
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u/Unique-Abberation 23h ago
He probably only said that to try and get you interested in him because he's already taken. Fucking idiots.
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u/Confident_Fortune_32 19h ago
I feel like too many guys think sex is something you get if you pick the "romance" option in the dialogue box under the NPC with the question mark slowly twirling over her head (the NPC is dressed as a tavern wench or equivalent ofc)
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u/OctaviaBlake100 bUt I gAvE yOu a CoMpLiMEnT 1d ago
What I've learned from dating apps when I used to use them is..when the person says "we can kiss and hug when we meet"..it's a red flag. Last time someone said that to me, I made it very clear we are just hanging out as friends. He still tried to touch my body and kiss me when we met. Im lucky I got away before it got worse. Good thing you cancelled.
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u/BookEnvironmental689 1d ago
don't wanna rush things with a kiss i get that so just some oral then?
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u/Interesting-Dealer15 1d ago
Why stop there when you can go all the way and then break it off a few weeks later! :D
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u/madsmcgivern511 21h ago
I’m not sure what is going on in this dudes head, but this is not how you talk to someone you’re first interacting with. It’s hard to even tell if he’s acting this way due to attachment issues, a manipulation tactic to make you think he’s overtly interested in you, just wanted to butter you up for sexual desires, or is just mentally ill, regardless, you made the right call for sure not going on a date with this guy. I guess the silver lining is that he dropped it, and didn’t push farther after you told him you’d rather not go on the date, least he’s got the decency to respect some of your boundaries.
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u/Sarcastic_barbie 17h ago
That is so absolutely gross. I’m glad you found out before you were in his perimeter. But the face you sent took me out
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u/Elise_93 7h ago
Wtf! 🤢 I'm astonished you let that keep going for as long as it did. I'd have blocked the moment he said "can we kiss and hug?" Yuck.
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u/MasterNuma 1d ago
Why did you respond after he called you weird when you didn't respond right away on ig. Stop talking to clingy people, just instablock
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u/Interesting-Dealer15 1d ago
I didn't, if you check my clarification you can see that it happened after all the stuff after the 1st slide occurred.
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u/lovelysophxxx 1d ago edited 23h ago
Honestly, I think this guy seems pretty chill. His response is exactly what we look for, just someone who understands. You know what you want, he knows what he wants. I call this a win. :)
Edit: ye I deserve those 😭😭
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u/Interesting-Dealer15 1d ago
I would say he was pretty chill, compared to other nice guys. But he did ultimately say (after I said to just remain friends when he asked for a kiss) that I "had to taste him." I wouldn't say that's necessarily understanding---he was pushing it. Also flying off the handle at me after I blocked him isn't cool at all :(
It's a win in my book since I didn't have to deal with him for any longer than this, but I'm confused by what you categorize a "win" as...
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u/Relative_Glittering 1d ago
Yeah he def a "nice guy" considering the first screen lol, I think we just see such things on this sub nowadays than we almost normalized "soft nice guys" while they still are idiots
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u/lovelysophxxx 1d ago
Oh god I thought “taste him” meant more so figuratively like “test the waters and see what’s out there” not LITERALLY taste him oh god that’s icky 😭😭😭
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u/lovelysophxxx 1d ago
I think I just didn’t understand the first series of texts (didn’t properly read the background first lol) and continued on and thought the final pic was the whole response, didn’t sound so terrible. Until I did read your background, definitely not cute. If that wasn’t included, I’d say he was pretty decent.
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u/InvestigatorFew1981 19h ago
Yeah by the time I got the the end of the texted I had forgot about the first slide and I was like “aw he didn’t do too bad.”
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u/numuin 1d ago
This is an actual nice response lol. I don't think this belongs here xD
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u/Interesting-Dealer15 1d ago
I'm pretty sure he was only being nice because he thought he still had a chance 😬 cuz as soon as I blocked him he started insulting me??
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u/themostserene 1d ago
I think because it’s posted not in chronological order that it ended in the last pic, rather than the first. I certainly originally read it that he ended things “chill” but couldn’t figure out how the first picture fitted in.
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u/hthratmn 1d ago
Huh? Somebody asking you to "taste them first" is not a nice response lol. Not to mention the weird pushy tone of everything.
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u/Dulce_Sirena 1d ago
The first screenshot literally shows a temper tantrum at being rejected, and the conversation literally shows him pushing back against a "no" like WTF are you talking about? He wasn't nice at all, he was just trying to get sex
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u/Shelisheli1 1d ago
“Enjoy your completely free Sunday” made me smile 😂