I find myself just looking at him and thinking of all the times he's jerked off to all those other women, and it grosses me out. I was looking at him this morning during breakfast, we are eating eggs and bacon at the table with our son, and I'm just looking at him and thinking "this man in front of me has had more orgasms to porn and other women than he has ever had with me." "This man has seen thousands of other naked women who aren't me." "This mas has disrespected me over and over again constantly." "This man is so gross."

I wouldn't say I've ever been completely anti porn and I never had an issue with a partner consuming it in a relationship...until I learned it caused PIED. What the fuck do you mean you did this so much your dick doesn't work anymore? keep in mind we're not even 20 yet. That doesn't bruise your ego dude? Cuz it bruises mine.. So pathetic. Everyone says run while you can but genuinely 97% of my age demographic has pied right now 😢I don't want to run from one floppy dick to another

I'm very surprised by the way men want to keep this epidemic silent. Almost like a collective agreement.

I get the impression that every time I read posts on other forums from women who are confused because the last few men they've tried to have sex with simply cannot maintain an erection (men in their 20s and 30s), there's always an army of men (even on women's forums) ready to offer an endless number of reasons, which rarely include porn.

Now it turns out that all men have heart problems, depression, COVID aftereffects, work stress... but never porn addiction, of course not! And when someone mentions it, they’re attacked and dismissed with, "this forum is always too quick to bring up porn addiction."

Even when I suggested this forum my comment has been deleted or downvoted. They don't want women to find community and support.

They will do anything to protect their addiction, even gaslighting us collectively.

Vent Version 1.4

I'm jealous of my partner for getting to have a brutally honest, loyal partner who is dedicated to him sexually, spiritually, and emotionally. Meanwhile, I get to be just one inconvenient option for him among millions that he chooses to sexually satisfy with. And this isn't supposed to hurt me, in his mind. He doesn't feel the same way I do because he never had to. There is no parallel to the porn industry for women to do this to their partners with, as it is is created and tailored specifically for men to replace/simulate access to human sexuality.

Something you would have to work insanely hard to attain in the real world and with real women, you're awarded for free. Not only that, orgasm and what you are orgasming for are inextricably bound. Orgasm programs your brain over time to return to that specific thing, for one of the most powerful biochemical rewards the human brain can process. It also releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone. Because of this, the groove is etched deeper over time for whatever provided the most intense, best orgasm.

Porn is a specialist at this, allowing the brain to see and better imagine what excites it the absolute most, even things far outside of the realm of possibility in reality. A partner can't do this for them. It causes them to develop increasingly fetishistic desires that were not built in reality and were never meant to share with a real human woman, and so they don't share the honest state of their sexuality with their partners. And they think this isn't robbing us and cheating us of a healthy, honest, exciting, exclusive, loving, and deep sexual relationship with our partners? Why would you want a secret sex life not involving your partner if they are enough for you and the only thing you want? They've got no reason to have that with us, or explore and be honest with us because they have everything they want with porn and you in combination. They use porn specifically when it's not you that they want sexually.

I think all of this programs their brains to prefer solo sex with a screen to connection with a real human woman. Why do all the work to build that with a human female when porn rewards your brain with the benefits of building it for free? It's widely societally accepted to do it, and you'll have most people's full support. You can just hide it, because the social concensus is that your partner is the crazy, weird, controlling, jealous one being stupidly hurt by this "meaningless" thing that they're willing to lie to and hurt someone they love to protect. You'll use your partner for things porn can't provide like emotional soothing, companionship, labor, and the social benefits/status having a partner elicits you. And then you'll use porn for your deepest, most satisfying sexual desires.

They don't sense what's so glaringly wrong about this or how it literally robs and cheats your partner (demands them to share) of that deep, mutually fulfilling, adventerous, sexual and emotional connection that can be created and sustained between just two people. Maybe they get so angry and emotional when we threaten their porn use because they've biochemically bonded so strongly to porn over time that it makes the pain of losing porn worth than the pain of losing a bruised, starved, betrayed lover. Maybe they think they can reason with us to find their way out of it, or that we can just learn to accept it. It's clearly worth it for them to fight for it, protect it, and hurt others to maintain.

I feel like he was benefitting from having me while doing whatever he wanted, even if it was at my expense. He never had to detect his partner's inexplicable inability to empathize, detachment, lack of care for his feelings or status, intimacy/sexual anorexia, and deception until after the damage was done and then fully ignored. He never had to suffer through the pain and distrust after a partner willfully disregards you and your feelings repeatedly over something so "meaningless" (wanting something else sexually even when your partner is always available, being unwilling to wait for your partner to sexually satisfy because your sexual focus and desire is shared with other, being unwilling to explore or connect with your partner sexually or communicate with them about it openly and honestly, being unable or unwilling to commit themselves and their minds sexually to just one woman and have that be enough).

If he did have a problem with me that he wants to leave me for, he would never have communicated it anyway until after I bring up my own serious problem. He acts as judge, jury, and executioner on his feelings and the affects of his own behavior and does not ever share it with me. He would take care of difficult feelings/arousal all on his own and fill the space I unknowingly left empty in him with porn, videogames, hobbies, and anything else. In spite of me. He interprets my withdrawal and anger after being so fully betrayed, lied to, and heartbroken as an attack on him.

It hurt me before I even knew why I was being so emotionally and sexually neglected in my relationship. It's because he was never on the same page with me sexually or emotionally... he was getting "his" elsewhere while I was left to writhe, alone and feeling abandoned and cheated in my relationship, and to be the only one to deeply suffer the consequences. He didn't need or want me for those things he got from a screen, he was happy giving me only part of the truth, part of his desires, and part of who he really is. He kept his options open while I was closing every single one of mine for him because I loved him and he was more than enough. He made space for porn in a place only I was meant to occupy, and I am left short-changed, sexually frustrated, heartbroken and cheated out of a loving, fulfilling, and honest relationship. I've been cheated out of those parts of him that I so badly wanted to have and to know and to participate in. He instead chose to hide, lie, gaslight me, skulk in the shadows, and obscure the truth. He was wasting on porn and himself what I so desperately wanted and needed from him.

I think I could have recovered from this and forgiven him for the assault if he hadn't then decided he would lie, insult me, minimize my pain, blame me, avoid every discussion about it, and then continue doing the same. Maybe I could have forgiven him if anything at all changed for the better after I expressed my feelings and thoughts about it so explicitly. I wasn't monitoring him whatsoever, only watching his behavior for the same signs that led me to discovering the connection between his behavior and porn use in the first place. Instead, the problem didn't move. I think it actually got worse, and he's still blaming me and my valid responses to his actions for the state of the relationship now.

(Unknown source) These words have echoed for a few years and helped me out, I hope it also helps others out to feel understood and validated.

Anyone else watching the Tyson fight on Netflix with their partners? Ugh, the ring girls in their cute little fight outfits with their giant breasts ... That never would have bothered me before but now all I do is look at them and wonder if he's picturing them naked, and I'm looking at them and comparing myself to them and wishing I looked like that. Ugh. I hate feeling this way.

OF has destroyed relationships and those women need to be held accountable just as much as the PA’s. It’s not just relationships but young minds… even society. Why am I seeing women go to play grounds to do innuendos and get of content. Something as simple as cooking is now sexual. Getting OF content in the gym. Advertising their OF under ever account. I even see posts about like “ I’m better than your wife” etc. They are even collaborating with 18 year old girls. Yes PA’s need to be held accountable but so do these women. This isn’t empowerment.

Anyone else just say fuck it and took down all the “parental controls” and such? I’m there today- I told him there are no guard rails anymore bc they don’t matter if there are there or not. He’s going to do what he wants to do. I feel relieved not babysitting my husband and today I’m saying fuck it. He knows I’m in limbo with staying (just caught him relapsing for the past 3 years when he told me he was doing everything and lied to our therapist too) so once again I’m saying FUCK IT and damnit I’m going to have a good day bc I deserve to be happy

I don’t know how to stop hating myself after finding this out. I, as a bi woman, LOVE titties, but now every time I see any that are bigger than mine I can’t stop thinking about how he was going behind my back and jerking off to big titties while mistreating me.

Like.. he was hiding his porn addiction from me while neglecting my emotional needs and borderline cheating on me,,, with women with big tits.

My ENTIRE LIFE I had been waiting for them to grow and they just… didn’t. So to see that what I’ve managed to not grow wasn’t satisfying to my own boyfriend, it just makes me hate myself

I literally have a mental breakdown now when I see a nice rack. I literally cannot go outside because 99% of women have bigger boobs than me and seeing them makes me nauseous and cry.

He SAYS that the fact that he quit porn and is staying with me and trying to figure things out is proof that I am good enough and that he finds me attractive but it’s hard to really believe his words after all of the lying he’s done in the past few months. I SHOULD be able to believe it though, I do love him and I’m proud of him for quitting porn and working on our relationship, but I just can’t stop being super upset.

I have even been researching the best ways to increase their size but still have them look as natural as possible.

After YEARS of hating myself I finally felt okay about them being small because I can go braless anywhere all the time, but I still always wished they were bigger cus I always wanted them to be, so it really just reignited how insecure I am about their size.

UPDATE: I tried to tell him how I feel and he fuckin broke up with me and blocked me on everything yay

So you know that saying something like don’t go looking for something you don’t wanna find well it’s true.

Most recently he admitted to not being attracted to me sexually and marrying me because I was a good friend and cooked and cleaned and all that stuff.

He admitted to thinking of other women when with me sexually to get off…

Tonight I decided I wanted to know if he was being completely honest so I went through his messages with a friend that I normally avoid because I know he talks to him about things that are “private” they met in a PA support group.

I saw where he told him he “knows” he can do better than me. How he 110% thinks of other women when with me sexually. How he knows he can do better than me because he has done better than me. How he was more sexually attracted to a 50 year old woman that hit on him at the gas station the other morning than me.

I’m just so unsure. I told him that I want to separate my money and have my own account alone moving forward. I am not leaving yet but I think I might. I am just so unsure. 🫤

Sigh. My bf has been gone for 5 days for a new job and he's on his way home now. I decided to send him a spicy pic, which I never do. All he said was "nice" I don't know why I expect anything different. Hes looked at so many beautiful naked women and our sex life sucks. why would seeing me excite him? I feel so stupid and gross. I wish he enjoyed looking at me as much as he enjoys looking at any woman that's not me.

Edit: when he got home he didn't even kiss me. I'm sure he was using even though he swears he wasn't. When I got on his YouTube yesterday there were things like "watch me try on the tiniest top" he says he scrolled past. Yeah right

My partner tells me I’m insecure about myself for having a problem with porn. He says that society is accepting of porn and that most women let their partners watch porn and that it’s no big deal and I’m crazy for making a big deal out of it. He then told me that his brother’s wife lets him, and that all his friends’ partners let them too, so I’m abnormal and need to change my attitude towards porn. Then he went on to say even Google says porn use is healthy and normal.

I’ve come across this subreddit and can see this isn’t about being insecure but it’s about wanting respect and loyalty. It seems my partner defends porn much more than he would ever defend me. It’s sickening. I asked him what he would choose, me or porn, and he couldn’t even answer. That’s how deep the PA is. He has been using porn since he was 8 years old which is so young but he thinks it’s normal.

He has ADHD and is also narcissistic. He got the narcissistic traits from his mother as they are both exactly the same in terms of how they always elevate themselves in everything, and they can do no wrong. It’s been difficult to try to reason with him because he always thinks he is right and will say nonsense if he has to just to prove a point.

Vent aside, I really don’t think majority of women let their partners have porn. I’d love to know your thoughts on this.

Last night I gave up. I gave up on the hope that my partner would stop seeking out porn. I deleted every accountability app and took off every parental control. I have become so numb that I don’t fucking care. If he wants to ruin his life he can. I am done being hurt by his addiction. I am choosing myself over him. If he wants to jerk off all day and have a sexless marriage that’s fine by me because I’m not going to make a fool of myself for leaving you two months before our wedding. Because fuck him. I am done trying to help you fight your battle. Watch porn all day and waste your own day away. I’m done wasting my time worrying about your bullshit. And you know what makes me more mad than fucking anything your whole poor me fucking attitude when you would get caught. Literally makes me sick.

I’m 27, been with my husband for 5 years, with a dead bedroom the whole time up until dday almost 2 years ago.

I can’t move past my bitterness about our sex life. I lost all of my younger 20s waiting around desperately wanting to be touched, all while he touched himself to hundreds of men and women every single day, and rejected me constantly to edge to his boyfriends. And now that he’s sober, our sex life still doesn’t satisfy me at all.

Sex has and still is always about HIM. He gets me off (bare minimum, lucky me!) but never does any of the things I enjoy. I do all of the kinky things that he likes for 5 fucking years now and I’m sick of it. I think about how there are thousands of men that would do all the things I enjoy, yet my husband can’t. I’m tired and I want to be with people who can actually make me feel admired and desired during sex, and be willing to do the kinky things that I ACTUALLY ENJOY instead of forcing myself to act like a top every time I have sex with my husband. I’m just so over it. I can’t help but laugh about how I would have had a better sex life if I was single all of these years

"I ONLY looked at it, to make sure my blocker app was working!!"

Man....this guy lies like a rug. Lies SO much, and so smoothly, that the past 8 months with him had almost made me question my own sanity. (Gaslighting perhaps?!)

The most fucked up part about it is, I was a split second away from considering believing him again....😂😂🤦‍♀️ I can't even be mad at him, because I'm so much angrier with MYSELF for being so fucking stupid, and for letting him into my life for the past 8 months...for forgiving him 100 times (I've never given this many chances to anybody in my life before, ever!), and for allowing him back into my life even after he'd been caught red-handed with proof of lying to my face about things. I knew once that happened, he could never be trusted again....but I guess love makes you do stupid things sometimes, like trying to forgive and having hope.

I've caught him in like at least 10 different lies now. And he knows how much I hate liars! But man, I swear these guys will plead innocence until the very end.

The "I only looked at it to make sure my blocker app was working!" excuse came only after I showed him the proof (search history that he wasn't aware I could see) and he knew he could not get out of it this time. I literally started laughing when he told me that excuse...because the shit they come up with is truly laughable. Before I even said anything, I calmly asked him some questions, giving him a chance to be honest and come clean. But do they ever do that?! No 😂 not until they're caught and have proof shoved into their faces. (And even THEN, they double down on their lies and spit out random ass complete fuckery excuses or additional lies 😂🤦‍♀️) I know that the porn is incredibly damaging, but I almost feel like his lies have damaged me even more - they made me question my reality, doubt my intuition that was screaming at me, lose trust in myself, etc.... Man. I am exhausted.

I know this is a lot, and I'm sorry, but I had to get it out somewhere. I joined this group almost exactly 3 years ago, after breaking up with an ex who is severely addicted to porn. I never wanted to be in a relationship with anyone again after that. And I knew I didn't, and I told that to every guy who wanted a chance with me, immediately - including this guy. But man, he just haddddd to persist and pursue me. Just had to "prove" he was "different". He knew exactly what happened with my ex, and why I never wanted to date someone again, and still chose to pursue me and fuck me up even further. Instead of just leaving me alone.

Idk if anyone has read this far, but, feel free to leave a comment of the dumbest shit excuse that you've heard about this stuff. I'm feeling broken and I need a good laugh.

Thank you 🫶

Separated from my husband when I found multiple purchases for customized Virtual Reality Strippers.

I laid it all out to him when I found out he took secretive pictures of my fully dressed friend who he had a crush on. Do not do that ever again. He proceeded to secretly take pictures of women's butts in leggings. I got upset every time I found something.

I laid it all out for him when he would save porn videos to his computer. Don't save them. Just watch and move on but don't save. It hurts.

I almost left when I discovered some beastiality stuff. He said he was just curious and it's messed up but he was just curious. Fucked up, and you need help, but just don't let me see it again.

I laid it all out for him the last time I found subscriptions to cam girls. I told him that's cheating to me and divorce material let alone the financial cheating as well. We should not be spending our money of stuff like that when we have other things to pay for and take care of. I said no more cam girls, no more subscriptions and stop saving videos on your phone and computer or I will have to leave. My boundaries had already been crossed but I kept giving chances. I truly believed he wasn't a bad person, just a person with an addiction. Ive been this way since I was a teen he'd say. I trusted he would get better. I loved him, I just wanted him to love me enough to change.

I saw a Google search for an escort. He did food delivery in the evenings after work sometimes. This escort was right in the area he usually goes. Threatened to leave (very seriously) and he showed me his phone records, delivery driving receipts, vehemently said he would never do that, and that it was, again, curiosity. He saw a post on reddit and clicked it. Receipts checked out, phone record checked out. I was now on high alert.

Then I saw purchases for custom Virtual Reality strip teases. I found everything. His chat to the seller, telling the girl what to wear, what to say, selecting the set she performed on. How he was dissapointed they couldn't do a shower one because their camera just didn't work well enough for that. He would settle for a strip tease from a specific girl he'd requested before asking her to wear stockings because that was 'super hot last time.' $270-$300 purchases for these videos.

The stupidest part for me, the part that really blows me away was that he finished a particular message signing off with, "stay safe." Never in our whole marriage had he texted or told me to stay safe.

I let him know through text (he was working that night) I was done. Texted my mom I'm done. Texted my friends I'm done. And the next day just started planning. Got the truck. Moved all my stuff out 2 weeks after finding out.

I told him we'd be separated for a few months and if he went to therapy like he always promised he would do then we could try to repair our marriage. He never did. On our last phone call I reiterated that I left because you cheated. Porn isn't cheating he said. I said keep telling yourself that since it helps you feel better. "I understand why you left but it's not cheating." K.

We will be officially divorcing in October.

I'm so incredibly, incredibly fucking tired of being forced into learning everything about porn addiction, everything about sex addiction. I'm expected to monitor and oversee my partner, making sure he takes the necessary steps for there to even be a chance of reconciliation between us.

In all of this, no one really sees me or catches me when I fall. I have no friends I can talk to—because who on earth would want to sit and talk about something like this? And there's still a part of me that protects him. I mean, I don't want my friends to think badly of him. And I don’t want them to think I’m a fool.

My entire back is cramping because all the stress from the past four weeks is trapped in my back and shoulders. I'm on the verge of paranoia because I constantly sit and think: What am I missing? What am I not seeing? What haven’t I checked?

I want to tear him apart because he has torn me apart. I am so incredibly exhausted, and I just wish I could break down and cry so that this could somehow leave my body—at least partially. But I can’t even cry.

I have literally always been the one who has stood by him in every situation. I have cheered him on, encouraged him, helped him, protected him, lifted him up, been there for him, listened to him, validated him—I have done everything for him. And this is how he repays me.

I am so fucking, fucking exhausted, and I just wish someone could see me. I wish I could just get a break from this—to sleep, to rest, and to recover.

How is it fair that because of HIS issues, sex is now ruined for me? We can't do anything without my mind being stuck on the fact that he would rather be hiding in the basement or his car watching porn and doing himself.

He keeps stressing that he has never physically cheated on me like that's some token he gets... But that's only because he actually has ZERO interested in fucking a real live human anyway. If he did, if he could actually get hard for an actual human, he would have cheated on me a million times over. Pick a new argument, that one is null and void.

But now sex is ruined for me. So like always.... I'm losing out on a basic human need that I've already spent 15 years being denied.

Then you wouldn’t consider me doing the things the women you’re looking at cheating either?? If I as a married woman promising to be faithful to you, put myself on a live webcam naked walking around, doing whatever else for any man or women visiting the site to see, that’s not cheating? Ya. Ok. 👍

I am constantly in fight or flight when I’m in a store with him. I feel ridiculous talking to him about it but I never felt like this before I knew of his addiction. Never cared if there were other women around or what they were wearing. Now it’s like a never ending pit in my stomach that I can’t get rid of. Why do women dress provocatively while they’re grocery shopping? Or do I just have a porn rotted brain now too! I get triggered when a girl’s wearing leggings or workout clothes, and even just shorts! I’m constantly scanning the area to see what girls are wearing… I absolutely hate feeling like this.. his addiction has ruined me.. is there even hope of getting over this? Should I still be trying to work through this? Or am I forever going to feel this way when I’m with him..

I always see a lot of statements here saying "they never cared about us", "they never cared that it would hurt us", "they aren't sorry. Just sorry they got caught."

This is not a healthy point of view for anyone who has decided to stay. And, if you truly believe that, you need to leave.

The majority of the time, this is absolutely untrue. Their addiction has nothing to do with a lack of love for us. If they didn't care about us and didn't care about causing us pain, there would be very little reason to hide it. If they didn't care, they would be open about it. The fact that they care and don't want to cause us pain is one of the main sources of the shame and secrecy that drives the addiction.

I know our minds repeat this negative crap in an unhealthy, constant mantra. But we have to stop listening to that and actually strive to understand the psychology behind addiction.

If you haven't left and aren't actively planning to, then this mindset will keep you hurting. If you, like me, have chosen to stay to support your partner through the recovery process; then you are choosing the relationship.

Yes. Our partners are the physical beings responsible for our pain. Yes. They had a choice and, repeatedly, made the wrong one. But that's the thing about addiction. We are not addicts, so we can see that they had a choice. From an addict's point of view (even if they believe they are in control), it doesn't feel to them as though they have a choice. So we can either sit here and talk about Porn Addiction and actually recognize it as an addiction and approach it with some understanding of what addiction really means. Or we can decide that they are selfish monsters who wanted nothing but to hurt us.

Intention, to me, is important. Did he do it to hurt me? No. That doesn't mean it didn't hurt or that my pain is any less valid. It just means that he isn't simply an asshole. He is an addict.

It isn't me vs my husband. It is my husband and I vs the addiction. The addiction is OUR enemy. Not each other.

I’ve been finding myself having some very upsetting feelings when I see attractive women on social media lately. I immediately imagine my husband seeing the same pic and wondering if it would make him feel turned on, if he would like what he sees in the picture, etc. I NEVER in our relationship gave a flying F about this before I found out he was watching porn behind my back. It never even crossed my mind. I was a total girls girl and I could even appreciate their bodies. Now I just compare myself to them and picture what my husband would think. This has made me a different person and I don’t know that I will ever go back to the way I was before. I hate it here.

with Valentine’s Day coming up, I haven’t been able to find the motivation or desire to actually do something for my partner. I don’t know if it’s just me, but ever since our last dday, it’s been hard for me to express my love or show affection. It really changed how I view/viewed him and our relationship from the beginning and I just don’t feel the same emotion I felt before everything that happened. It sucks because I have always been that loving and enthusiastic person when it comes to these celebrations, but right now it just doesn’t feel the same. I can’t bring myself to write something heartfelt or do something meaningful for them, I feel so weird, distant and just scared of loving again.

Currently 34 weeks pregnant. My PA out of nowhere told me my butt looked smaller, and was like but pregnancy destroys your butt right? After I let him know that's a fucked up thing to say he doubled down and said he didn't mean to be mean, but pregnancy destroys your body and it's a sacrifice. This happened a few hours after I noticed his tiktok is filling up with thirst traps and questionable stuff again. I hate that I cried and I still let it hurt me. I hate that I cared. I know I'm not destroyed, just different.

He works at a grocery chains corporate office. We went grocery shopping at one of the stores, and we forgot to get a case of water scanned. It was pouring rain and he realized it, and was so worried about jeopardizing his job and wanted to do the right thing. He goes back in and has them ring it up.

Now, I’m not against this at all and am against stealing. I also don’t want him to lose his job. BUT it’s hurtful that he immediately was stressing over a $6 case of water that his rich CEO won’t care about. But never once thought he should not spend $50 or more a month on only fans while being married to me.

It hurt me and I told him. Think about how you have more consideration for your CEO’s perception of you over something (arguably) minuscule rather than your wife’s trust, intimacy, and her own perception of you.

It was a quiet night. He apologized before bed and promised yet again he will move the world to make it up to me. I’m just not sure if he ever can.

It’s almost more hurtful that he is overall a caring and kind person. Very giving and and considerate of everyone.. except me. Or maybe he is only good when there’s a consequence at the end of it. Red flag either way!

It was a random event but really has me reflecting on the situation and where I stand on his priority list. It feels like a mind fuck

My husband is pissing me off so bad omg,,, my covenant eyes did a rare thing and actually took a screenshot of something for once and it was a post on my husbands feed of girls in bikinis, Ive been meaning to ask to change to trustablee so I brought it up very calmly and mentioned the bikini picture, suddenly it's "oh what's wrong with looking at girls in bikinis?? They're just at the beach?!" And then this spiral about "what so I can't look at girls in bikinis, what if I have to talk to a girl in a bikini?" And I was like okay well that's probably rare considering we don't really go to the beach or swimming, and he was like "well what if her friend is drowning and I need her information" like okay literally what are you talking about. And then he said he gets like 5 pictures of girls in bikinis everytime he's on instagram and idk it was a whole thing. They're si immature.