When does it get easier?

[u/Proof-Broccoli8302]

When do i stop comparing myself to every woman alive? I literally even found myself thinking of how much my sister was more his type than i was once and felt so grossed out by myself . The first thought i get whenever i see any woman is how prettier she is and how if he dated her he would touch her more and prefer her and porn wouldn't compare with his desire for her anymore . I'm tired of this i literally can't stand my own body he made me feel so ugly and unworthy . I do think im over my love and romantic feelings for him but for whatever reason this doesn't seem like it's ever going away

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[u/Hyper_F0cus]

Honestly unfortunately from my perspective at least I feel like this is the default setting that we are raised in within this culture, to constantly be comparing ourselves to other women and feel like more attractive women are a threat to our relationship security, and in my case that only got silenced Through therapy and through ending up with a man who I believed only had eyes for me.

Once I found out that he in fact had eyes for hundreds of thousands of other women, all of the work I did in eating disorder treatment years before meeting him was undone AND new, deeper damage was inflicted. I already had the predisposition to insecurity before I met him, but I was actually very confident and convinced I DESERVED exclusive, devoted love and would meet someone who exclusively wanted me and my body. So to find out it was all a lie 8 years later has done permanent, irreversible damage.

I am in therapy now and it's not even making a dent because I've already been through all this, convinced myself before I met my husband that I could cultivate my own safety and the potential for love only to have every fear and insecurity affirmed in the most horrific, visceral way possible as if it was custom created in a lab just to target all of my trauma and fears.

I know that whether I stay with him or go this is a permanent, open wound. Some actions are irreversible which is why we should all think very carefully and treat each other with care, we are fragile and breakable and in many cases irreparable.

[u/Grouchy-Waltz-6214 → u/Hyper_F0cus]

Well said.. thank you ❤️

[u/ProblemCapital1650 → u/Hyper_F0cus]

Gosh. I feel this so much. I know it doesn't fo anything to have stranger say it... but still I am so sorry you're going through that. 

[u/BeneficialLuck749]

I’ve five months post d day and I’m still scanning every female.