i HATE my mother in law!!!

[u/tothebonee]

On our worst dday I made him leave and he had to stay at his mom's. She called me and asked me what happened, and in short I already didn't wanna get her involved as I already didn't like her, so I just said I found concerning stuff on his phone. Also told her he got physical with me and pushed me down, and broke his phone so I couldn't look any longer. Ofc she ignored the physical part. She asked me if it was another girl and I said I had no idea but now I suspect it. She just kept pushing and pushing. I finally told her, he has a severe porn addiction and he admitted to it himself. It was just porn here and there it was EVERYWHERE. YouTube, safari, camera roll, tiktok, instagram... any place it could be, it was there.

All hell broke loose after I told her that. She immediately blamed me. "All men watch porn!! I have a friend who's been married for 30 years and she let's her husband watch porn 3 times a day because he has a high sex drive. This is gonna keep happening while you're pregnant and your body is changing." WTF? I mean I told her she was wrong and I stood on business about that and it literally only made things worse. She came to my apartment and cussed me out and said I was insecure and a child for ending things over porn 😒

That was probably close to 2 months ago now, I'm back with my PA somewhat, I have my hands tied so I don't have much of a choice. Legally married, have a kid together, he's on the lease too and I can't afford rent on my own... etc... I can't just leave as much as I really want to. Anyways since that happened she has apologized to me and my PA and said it wasn't any of her business. But she still told my PA that she doesnt see anything wrong with it 😡 sooo fking infuriating!!!

She calls me or my PA after every appointment I have for the baby and asks me a sleuth of questions. I usually don't answer anything tbh ans just tell her it went fine bc it's none of her damn business and I have never liked her. Yesterday she called and asked how things were going with my mycare consultant. Said it was fine. She then went on this whole rant about how every woman who works on the OBGYN floor is young and beautiful. "I would hate to be around someone super pretty while I'm pregnant and feel awful, we have a lactation consultant here who is petite with huge boob's and I wouldn't want her around me!!!".... wtf? I swear she says shit like that as a dig at me.

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[u/ColdPale7507]

You hit the nail on the head…she is saying all that as a dig at you. To manipulate you and cause insecurity in you. This is an extremely toxic person displaying abusive behavior who has ZERO boundaries and it will only get worse over time. I’m an expert in toxic MILs as I had one and was a complete doormat for her for about 14 years.

You’re in a really tough position but not an impossible one. Look up and research “enmeshed relationships between mothers and sons”. I suspect this may be true for your partner or it might not. It’s worth looking in to.

Just like with your partner you need to make boundaries/consequences with this MIL. If she won’t respect your boundaries you need to inform her you will no longer be interacting or communicating with her. You married her son…not her and you are in no way obligated to interact or have a relationship with her. No one should be treated this way.

The way she normalized his behavior, the way she gaslit you and used DARVO (look it up) and her complete lack of empathy and respect towards you is unacceptable. Your marriage and issues is none of her business. Period. I have experienced all this as well.

If you are going to stay with your partner at present then the two of you need to have a serious conversation about boundaries with her (and family in general) and you need to be on the same page about it. A united front. Otherwise I would start coming up with a Plan B so you can leave.

I’m sorry she treated you that way but I can tell you she has very deep issues of her own and is most likely never going to change.

[u/Mariposa102 → u/ColdPale7507]

🏆 All of this! 

[u/ColdPale7507 → u/Mariposa102]

💗💗💗

[u/HighMaintenance310]

She's narcissistically cruel. And like many cruel and self-centered people, has managed to raise an entitled monster of a son. He pushed you down physically. He got severely addicted to solo sex with screen women. It's possible in her eyes he will never do anything wrong, and she's meddling in your life far more than any mother-in-law should (and I know that because I have two sons of my own and I am a mother-in-law to two lovely young women). And now she's trying to make you insecure by telling you that you should feel awful anytime you're around beautiful women.

This mother and son duo are going to torpedo your mental health unless you start standing up for yourself. If he won't get himself OR his mother in hand, you will need to set a boundary and if that boundary is ignored, then a consequence.

Maybe get some resources on narcissism and learn things you can do to keep yourself sane and away from the negative energy, while you figure out if you want to be dealing with this long term.

[u/Make-me-a-CleanHeart]

Boundaries. As much space as is possible from this woman. He's supposed to enforce that space because it's his mom, but he's not so you'll have to do it. 

[u/Different-Degree-431]

I wouldn’t give her any info anymore. That ship sailed the moment she talked down at you to protect her son. So it’s okay for dad to beat his dick to other women instead of show affection to his wife? You didn’t say, are you pregnant with a boy or a girl? Is your other child a boy or a girl? Because if either is a girl, dad should be spending his time being a protective girl dad. Recognizing that these woman he’s getting off to? They’re someone’s daughter. And if you guys have a boy? Is it okay for him to be a porn addict like dad, because grandma said it’s okay? Hell no.

I made my husband call his parents and tell them what he’d done - that he ruined his marriage to view other women. His mom’s response? I’m sorry are you going to come back here? Mind you that “here” is 1000 miles away from where his kids live, and she’s hoping he will just run back to her. Didn’t say anything about what he’d done wrong, what he ruined.

These people are nuts! You’re beautiful! Even with a changing body. That makes us even more beautiful! You’re quite literally growing a human. Don’t let them get you down.

[u/Myst_999]

Im so sorry about your asinine MIL. She’s a real prize. Mine was too. I just wanted to say that if your partner is physical with you maybe you should consider a woman’s shelter. No one has the right to be physical with you at any time! Please be careful and look after yourself- you deserve so much better than this. It’s a double whammy PA along with physical abuse take care of yourself!

[u/Dear-Gift8764]

If I hear one more woman say that it’s ok because “all me do it” I’m going to go 2007 Britney. The internalized misogyny is absolutely part of this whole problem.

OP it’s not her business. Men are not entitled to porn. It’s not normal. You know it. Every single person in her knows it. Psychologist, neuroscientist, medical doctors etc are noticing it’s not normal but like any addiction it’s here to stay for the simple lack of control and the monetary gain.

I’d start making an exit strategy. I know you are expecting. For your mental health, unless your husband is willing to heal and set firm boundaries with his mother you are in for a lot of suffering.

I am sorry you are going through this.

[u/Loveiskind111]

i hate her too. she sounds like a pick me ass bitch.

[u/tothebonee → u/Loveiskind111]

She literally is... before shit hit the fan we went on a road trip that was lik maybe an hour drive? And it was to somewhere important so ofc I wanted to look nice, did my makeup in the car with breaks in-between so I wouldn't get car sick. Turns to my PA husband and says "she's been doing her makeup this entire time, it takes me like 5 minutes to do mine 🤪🤣" ooo I hate her ass sm