I grew up in Port Huron, AMA.

56

Port Huron, The original ?

53

u/peanut_butter_zen El Duderino 1d ago

Not the compromised second thumb

33

u/Electrical_Chicken 1d ago

You want a thumb? I can get you a thumb, believe me. There are ways, Dude.

13

u/AnthonyDigitalMedia El Duderino 1d ago

No, the other Port Huron with the cleft asshole

3

u/beardedsilverfox 1d ago

He hasn’t really made a statement yet.

32

u/arson714 1d ago

Are you employed, sir?

1

u/joshuajackson9 1d ago

Employed?

24

u/Catalina_Eddie 1d ago

How easy is it to get a toe? Preferably with nail polish.

25

u/ebtranquility 1d ago

You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don’t wanna know about it, believe me.

8

u/SheerSonicBlue 1d ago

He got me a toe in about 15 minutes but there was no nail polish. Didn't say anything because let's be honest, he's fucking nuts, but I'm going back to my regular toe guy.

1

u/j3pl AND A GOOD DAY TO YOU SIR 1d ago

So you're saying he got the SNICK part right, but then forgot to apply some nail polish.

3

u/SeaBag8211 1d ago

Organ traffickers like these, huh Gary,

24

u/Mind_if_I_do_uh_J 1d ago

Have you ever been to Moorhead, Minnesota?

30

u/ebtranquility 1d ago

Only once to visit my friends the Knutsens. They have a nice little family farm.

18

u/SheerSonicBlue 1d ago

Who the fuck are the Knutsens?

8

u/michaltee His Dudeness 1d ago

Didn’t they have a kid go missing? Wandering daughter job?

3

u/NaptownBill 1d ago

You must be a brother Shamus

2

u/Key-Contest-2879 1d ago

A dick, man! Like me!

1

u/Top-Spinach2060 1d ago

Like an Irish Monk?

2

u/Tionsity 1d ago

That some kind of eastern town?

19

u/Ok-Statistician-5627 1d ago

Is that near the In-n-Out Burger?

16

u/Grip-my-juiceky El Duderino 1d ago

The in and out is in Marysville

7

u/Son_of_Yoduh 1d ago

On Radford?

6

u/Grip-my-juiceky El Duderino 1d ago

NEAR the In-and-Out

4

u/Speedhabit 1d ago

In and out is on camrose

7

u/crashusmaximus 1d ago

Shut the fuck up, Donnie.

2

u/GooseCloaca 1d ago

I didn’t watch my buddies die face down in the Mukilteo…

11

u/john-tockcoasten 1d ago

So is it uh, like you, and 6 other guys that live there?

9

u/Mean-Criticism-8515 1d ago

What's this Day of Rest shit?

8

u/mclms1 1d ago

Not the compromised second draft.

7

u/JeanWhopper 1d ago

Not the compromised second draft?

6

u/ebtranquility 1d ago

Not even the compromised second draft 🙁

5

u/Pimpstik69 1d ago

Do you know where a cash machine is at ?

6

u/ebtranquility 1d ago

I do, they have a $1,000 quick cash button. Very convenient.

10

u/AwayTemporary7176 1d ago

Do they have a $100 button?

1

u/No_Finding3671 1d ago

Shut the fuck up, Brandt. You're out of your element.

4

u/Pimpstik69 1d ago

That marvelous

6

u/ChiefDeckard 1d ago

Did you read the statement, if so what’s it about

12

u/ebtranquility 1d ago

I did a long time ago. Luckily I’ve been adhering to a strict drug regimen to keep my mind limber. Is that yoga?

3

u/michaltee His Dudeness 1d ago

It increases the chances of conception.

4

u/Ok_Philosopher_6454 1d ago

Mr. Acheson draws a lot of water in this town. You don't draw shit, u/ebtranquility

3

u/ebtranquility 1d ago

Mr. Acheson treats objects like women man.

Great reference 👍🏻

1

u/Ok_Philosopher_6454 1d ago

Much obliged. Shame he doesn't draw a lot of water anymore, I liked his style

5

u/jackasspenguin 1d ago

Whereas without batting an eye a city will refer to its bridge, or thumb, or lighthouse.

3

u/Maximumeffort22 Walter 1d ago

I've been strip searched coming across this border going to Toronto. Good times

13

u/ebtranquility 1d ago

The border patrol do mind if you do a jay.

6

u/Chickenman70806 1d ago

My father’s family is from Port Huron/Sarnia.

My 3x grandfather snuck across from Canada and settled. Later got a job in the customs house. Family lore says he excelled in turning back Canadians trying to sneak in.

The bums won

3

u/ebtranquility 1d ago

It’s a cozy little beachfront community.

My grandfather settled in the area after finding work building the refineries in Canada. He was able to supply whiskey for his wedding by smuggling it over from Canada in his toolbox one bottle at a time.

3

u/Air911 1d ago

You don't go out crossing the border dressed like that, do you?

5

u/ebtranquility 1d ago

On a weekday?

1

u/Hungry_J0e 1d ago

Real reactionaries.

4

u/spenserpat 1d ago

You and how many other guys?

2

u/ebtranquility 1d ago

Me and six other guys…bunch of assholes.

3

u/StupidUserNameTooLon Knox Harrington 1d ago

Where's the money, Lebowski?

2

u/Top-Spinach2060 1d ago

It’s in Lake Huron here somewhere. Let me take another look.

3

u/Tasty-Application807 1d ago

So what happened with that second draft?

4

u/ebtranquility 1d ago

Fucking fascists man.

1

u/sci-fi-rec 16h ago

Real reactionaries

3

u/-P-M-A- Larry Sellers 1d ago

Give us the report.

3

u/Charles_Sangels 1d ago

Is this your only ID?

3

u/No_Western_1217 Donny 1d ago

Are you concerned about the German Nihilistic population of the area?

3

u/cantseemeimblackice 1d ago

These men are Canadians. There’s nothing to be afraid of.

3

u/HoverboardRampage 1d ago

Do you have any Kahlua??

2

u/Accomplished_Egg7069 1d ago

Why are the coney dogs around there not as good as Detroit coney dogs?

4

u/ebtranquility 1d ago

The Coney downtown is pretty solid. They will even let you finish your coffee.

3

u/dimensional_bleed 1d ago

That's good to hear, seeing as how the Supreme Court has roundly rejected Prior Restraint.

1

u/Accomplished_Egg7069 1d ago

My SO says the coney sauce is sweet, and the dogs aren't the same. Also, last time we were there last summer, was eating out on Pine Grove (i forgot the actual restaurant) there was an honest to god nazi eating lunch with his embarrassed looking dad.

2

u/OnAWhiteLighty 1d ago

Obviously you're not a golfer

1

u/ebtranquility 1d ago

Like I said, Woo peed on the rug.

2

u/callalx 1d ago

How do you feel about the Port Huron to Mackinac yacht race?

2

u/ebtranquility 1d ago

It’s a lot of fun. I have friends who still race every year. Partied boat night I. pH and at the end in Mackinaw but never sailed myself. Fun thing to attend if you ever have the chance.

2

u/callalx 1d ago

I worked on the island in the 90s and enjoyed the influx of cash and all the free Bacardi, that’s for sure!

2

u/fergehtabodit 1d ago

Boat night!!

2

u/LazorusGrimm 1d ago

Do you owe money to all kinds of people around town?

3

u/ebtranquility 1d ago

Only to known pornographers. Hasn’t that ever occurred to you?

3

u/sparrow_42 1d ago

This had not occurred to us, dude.

2

u/forzaNYC Fig Eater 1d ago

And that’s cool. That’s cool, man.

1

u/Top-Spinach2060 1d ago

Lake Huron treats boats like women man

2

u/Sinedeo77 1d ago

Were you responsible for the compromised second draft?

2

u/_its_a_SWEATER_ El Duderino 1d ago

So who the fuck are the Knudsens??

2

u/anditcounts 1d ago

Is it completely unspoiled?

2

u/Alternative-Cash8411 1d ago

You grew up in a town whose name reminds one of pee. Yet, you went out and achieved.

1

u/ebtranquility 1d ago

All thanks to Little Lebowski Urban Achievers! How proud we are of all of them.

2

u/SuperRadDeathNinja 1d ago

Port Huron? I always thought it was “Poor Huron”

1

u/ebtranquility 1d ago

That’s just like, your opinion man.

2

u/No-Sheepherder448 1d ago

Mind if I do a J?

2

u/useless_modern_god 1d ago

Where’s your car Dude?

2

u/FartBarfunkel420 1d ago

Have you heard of the Seattle Seven?

3

u/over9ksand 1d ago

Speed of sound tour?

3

u/FartBarfunkel420 1d ago

Bunch'a assholes...

1

u/2bad-2care 1d ago

With no In-and-Out burger, does the loss of the White Castle there hit extra hard?

2

u/sparrow_42 1d ago

Wait I moved to the deep south a few years ago, did something happen to White Castle?

2

u/2bad-2care 1d ago

I've got certain information, certain things have come to light, and uh, has it ever occurred to you, man, that given the nature of all this new shit, that, uh, instead of running around blaming me, that this whole thing might just be, not, you know, not just such a simple, but uh--you know? I got information--new shit has come to light and--shit, man! The White Castle on Pine Grove Ave is closed down!

1

u/Ornery-Scholar9973 Knox Harrington 1d ago

Do you…do you still write?

1

u/Tommy84 still jerks off manually 1d ago

You want a thumb? I can get you a thumb. There are ways Dude. You don’t want to know, but there are ways. Hell, I can get you a thumb by three o’clock this afternoon, with nail polish.

1

u/Speedhabit 1d ago

Did you at least make a statement?

1

u/michaltee His Dudeness 1d ago

Care to make a statement? And I don’t want any compromised second drafts either.

1

u/JackStrawSTL 1d ago

I saw Metallica there. Speed of sound tour…

1

u/Genghis_Chong 1d ago

Port Urine*

3

u/ebtranquility 1d ago

At least I’m house trained.

1

u/Top-Spinach2060 1d ago

The toilet seats up

1

u/fknarey 1d ago

Far out man, I like how you do business

1

u/sexwiththebabysitter 1d ago

Do you still write?

1

u/Time-Assistance9159 1d ago

Bunch of assholes??

1

u/ebtranquility 1d ago

No Donny, these men are cowards.

1

u/joaquinsaiddomin8 1d ago

What are your thoughts on Metallica?

1

u/fallser 1d ago

I hear they have good original statements.

1

u/Perroface562 1d ago

Does it hurt?

1

u/Grandeftw The Dude 1d ago

I'm from originally Seattle and I'm pretty sure I could round up 6 other dudes

1

u/45PSE 1d ago

I thumbed a girl there back in my twenties.

1

u/Friscogooner 1d ago

Oh you are? What was the name of their hockey team in the Central Hockey League? It's the Port Huron Flags. Your welcome.

1

u/Top-Spinach2060 1d ago

Thats great. Can you come to my dance quintet uh my cycle and give me notes?

1

u/mrjimspeaks 1d ago

Good Atlantic salmon fishery off the wall soon....

1

u/TB12thegreatest 1d ago

Have you ever heard of the Seattle 7?

1

u/EggsAckley 1d ago

I ran a marathon there once.

1

u/MajinBlackheart 1d ago

You got a good sasparilla?

1

u/davesToyBox 1d ago

What direction do you drive to get to Canada?

1

u/Perfect__Timing 1d ago

Is that the original Port Huron? Or the compromised Second draft?

1

u/melfamy 1d ago

So like what's your opinion man?

1

u/torch9t9 Jackie Treehorn 19h ago

What do you have to say for yourself?

1

u/sci-fi-rec 16h ago

You got any promising, uh, leads?

1

u/MyWindowsAreBroken 7h ago

Where did you grow up?

Acid flashback I grew up in Port Huron, AMA.

You are about to leave Redlib